Chapter 40
Damien
‘Reborn’ – s?d ven
If there wasn’t snow on the ground, I’m sure my tires would be squealing as I drift into the hospital parking lot.
The young man working the valet station pales as I pull up and jump out, not giving a single fuck if I actually parked the damn car.
My heart is racing and threatening to explode, even as I shove my way through the doors and rush up the stairs—taking two or three at a time.
I wasn't about to wait for the elevator, and I can get to the fourth floor quicker this way, anyway.
I’m so angry with myself. I knew I should’ve stayed home and brought her here earlier.
I should’ve listened to my instincts and said ‘to hell’ with her stubbornness.
Everything else should’ve been pushed to the side…
Zeke’s taking over, starting now. We were in the middle of that conversation when Carter chimed in through the ear com, telling me Serena had called.
He’s going to search all night for Satori, and he called Derek to put the hospital security on high alert, just in case.
She’s early… An entire month early. Carter was spewing facts and statistics the whole drive over, and I know she’s going to be okay.
She’s too perfect not to be…right? Surely, this life can’t hate us this much.
Carter spoke about possible complications and NICU stays, how small she could potentially be—especially with Ashia’s disorder—and I thought I was going to throw up on the way over here.
There’s so much fear running through my body that my knees feel weak once I finally burst through the fourth-floor door.
I’m greeted by an empty waiting room and one nurse behind the desk. She flinches just a little when I make my way through, but then she smiles softly, like she’s used to this kind of thing.
She doesn’t know who she’s dealing with yet.
Without another thought, I storm past the desk and take advantage of the person walking out of the double doors instead of waiting to gain access from the nurse.
There’s so much anxiety building beneath my skin that if I don’t lay eyes on my wife within the next ten seconds, I might fucking explode.
“Sir! Wait! You can’t just—”
“The fuck I can’t,” I mumble and continue through the halls. The other nurses standing by the nearby station freeze, clearly intimidated by me. As long as they tell me exactly what I need to know, they have no reason to be worried. “What room is—”
“Damien?”
I jerk my head in the opposite direction, catching Serena just as she steps out into the hallway, and I book it, pushing off with my feet and running down to meet her.
She holds her hands out like she’s trying to stop me, as if she doesn’t understand that I will throw her out of the way like a sack of flour.
“She’s in here?” I point to the room and go to enter, but she plants her hands to my chest, forcing me to halt.
“Damien, you need to calm down first.” She sticks her index finger out and points it in my face.
“Carter texted me. I know you’re scared, and I know you’re nervous, but she is fucking terrified.
” Her finger moves to gesture behind her, towards the room.
My stomach flips, and all of the heat in my body vanishes, turning icy in a matter of seconds.
“She needs you right now, so you need to focus on her.”
My hair pulls as I frantically run my fingers through it.
She's scared…actually scared. I knew she would be, because who wouldn't be while pushing another human out of their body, but Serena’s face tells me all that I need to know.
Ashia is genuinely terrified…and the thought of that alone makes my body hum with unease.
I know how she thinks. She's probably in there wondering if she did something to cause this. I'm sure she’s going over every little movement she’s made the past couple of weeks, questioning if she did something wrong. If there are any complications, she'll blame herself…
She needs me, and I’m standing out here…
I try to push through Serena, but she keeps me back.
Why the fuck is she keeping me out here?
! Ashia needs to know that this isn't her fault, and that no matter what happens, our little girl is perfect—that they’re both perfect.
I want her to hear me say that our baby is going to be okay, because she will be.
I need her to believe me when I say it, because I would do anything to make that true.
“Get out of my way, Serena.” I go to step around her again, but she lays her hands on me again, a little softer this time.
“I’m trying to prepare you before you step in there, so I don’t scare her any worse. Is that okay with you, or would you rather me freak her out?”
I snarl, because while I don’t want to lash out and yell at her, I might. Her face softens, and I hate it when she pats my chest, because it actually touches something inside of me. Is she trying to comfort me? She speaks again, calmer than before.
“When we walk back in there, you’re going to hear me say some things and ask a lot of questions. There are some issues going on in the hospital right now, but I need you to make sure it doesn’t overwhelm her, okay?”
My blood runs cold.
“What kind of issues?”
“There's no anesthesiologist available to give Ashia an epidural, and she's refusing the other drugs—determined to do it naturally, now. Which is fine, I don't blame her for rejecting the opioids, but I'm trying to force the staff to call an anesthesiologist in from another hospital in case she changes her mind. We’re short staffed in that department, and unfortunately, this has been going on for a while. The on-call isn’t answering their phone, and everyone else is needed in surgery. So, she only said she didn’t want one anymore because she feels like an inconvenience, and I fucking hate it. But I’m working on it.”
I take a deep breath and try to speak, but my mouth turns dry. That really pisses me off. Ashia can take pain, and she takes it with grace. The one time she actually asks for something to help take it away, she’s denied? I don’t fucking think so. When I force the words out, they burn.
“I don’t care about staffing issues. How’s Ashia?” I cross my arms and hold them together tightly, fighting every instinct I have and force myself to stay put.
“She's six centimeters dilated, and her contractions are about five minutes apart. They have been since we left the house, but she’s only about fifty percent effaced, so she’s in for a long night.
They keep wanting to check her, but I haven’t let them.
I know you guys have a plan to let this go as naturally as it can, but I’m afraid they’ll start pushing other things on her because she’s early and they’re worried about infections. ”
“What do you mean? Like pushing in a bad way?”
“I think they’re wanting to try and speed the process up, which would be okay if she was having trouble progressing, but she’s not.
Her contractions have definitely gotten stronger since her water broke, and if she was a centimeter dilated last week, and she’s six now?
Then there’s not really a need to check her again.
She’ll let us know when she’s close, trust me.
” Her eyes widen for a moment, like she’s seen enough to know exactly what she’s talking about.
“Her labor might be stalling, but I really think it’ll pick back up naturally.
If they say something about using Pitocin, I wouldn’t recommend it.
She’ll be in a lot more pain, and it could cause not only her blood pressure to drop, but the baby’s heart rate could decelerate.
If that happens, then they might push for a C-section, and that’s a horrible idea because—”
“Because of the anesthesiologist situation,” I finish for her, and she nods.
“I get it, they might want to schedule one just in case she has to have one, but that doesn’t mean we should point her in that direction. I know she really wants to do this naturally. So, if she can, they should let her.”
“Okay…” I take a deep breath. “No meds… She doesn’t want any meds…” All of the information she just spilled from her usually loud mouth is running around in my brain, trying to stick. My sight locks onto the door handle and I lean on my toes, willing to wager with God to just be let in.
“She asked me to stay, if you’re okay with it.
” I focus on her again, my chest finally feeling some type of heat again.
I never thought I would be happy to hear those words from Serena, of all people, but I am.
“She just wants me to advocate for her, so you just tell me what you guys need, and I’ll make sure it’s done. ”
“Please…” I whisper before I can even think it through. Ashia will need her, and that’s my only concern. “Please stay.”
She nods confidently back at me.
“Are you ready?”
I take another deep breath, willing to literally go to war with half the hospital in order to keep my wife and daughter safe, but also burying those feelings so deep down that I might choke on them later.
She needs my protection without the hostility, my devotion without the violence, and most importantly, she needs my love to shine through the chaos.
So, I swallow it all as far down as I can manage.
“Ready.”
Serena turns around, lifting her shoulders with a deep breath of her own before she mumbles.
“Bad bitch energy.” She steps forward and opens the door, leading me into an entirely different plane of existence.
There’s a static in the air, like a storm of emotions and pain are in a raging war in the background.
I hear Ashia before I see her. She’s quietly humming to herself, but then it turns into a groan before going back to a melody.
I lash out and reach over Serena to rip the curtain back, immediately locking my eyes on her.