Chapter 42
Ashia
‘All That You Want’ – s?d ven
Every breath I take is as deep as I can make it, desperate to inhale more of this intoxicating baby smell.
Each hit sends a calming wave through my body, as if nothing could ever be wrong again.
I can’t take my eyes off of her. As I study her cute little features, I’m constantly deciding who that one characteristic mimics.
I think she has my nose, but she definitely has Damien’s eyebrows, even being as blonde as they are.
She also clearly got her hair from him, despite how dark his is.
I was shocked to see the pale blonde fuzz, but at least all of that heartburn makes sense now.
It’ll most likely darken as she gets older, but a part of me hopes it doesn’t.
She’s so beautiful and sweet, completely untouched by the horrors of this world.
I’m determined to shield her from it forever.
A part of me thought I would taint her with my past, that all of my dark thoughts and memories would seek her out to find a new host, but I haven’t even thought of them.
I haven’t thought of anything else. It’s all so quiet, now.
All that matters is the love that we have for her.
My demons can’t touch her. I’ll never let them break free.
Even as her itty-bitty hand twitches against the scar on my chest, the bad feelings are gone.
It just reminds me of the journey we had to go through to have her, and my position on it hasn’t changed.
I wouldn’t change a single thing about our story.
Our connection was always meant to survive, no matter what was thrown at us, and it’s led us here…
to this perfect little girl. The love we share was always meant to bloom into something we couldn’t contain with just ourselves.
We had to share it with the perfect little combination of us both, and now my heart is just overflowing with it.
“Which outfit do you want for her once she gets a bath?” Serena whispers as she scrounges through our bags.
“Will any of them fit? She’s so small...”
“They’ll be a little big, but they’ll help keep her warm.” Serena shrugs and starts laying the outfits down on the countertop. She tries to be discreet, sneaking little glances at Emma every few seconds like she’ll reach out for her the moment she breaks her concentration.
“It’s killing you, isn’t it?”
“Yes!” she whines and pouts, turning toward us and dramatically flailing her hands. “She’s just so tiny and adorable—just like a little gummy bear…” I’m shocked when she actually tears up. “The moment someone else can hold her, I get first dibs, right?”
“You practically saved us from a horrible experience here. Of course, you get dibs.” I smile at her, both loving and hating that she has to wipe a tear from her cheek. “Are you really crying?”
“I can’t help it…” She smiles at me with a quivering bottom lip.
“You just look so happy…” I hold her gaze, feeling more grateful for her than I ever have before.
It could be because I’m raging with hormones, but I’m pretty sure it’s just because I’m thinking of the past several hours, and how hard she fought for us.
We may have our ups and downs, but just as I would do for her, she’s ready and willing to go to war when I need her.
My best friend actually loves me as much as I do her, and that only makes me feel even more gushy.
“I am really happy.”
My phone lights up beside me, and my heart flutters, instantly thinking it’s Damien, only to see my brother’s name instead.
Which isn’t disappointing, and I know Damien just went downstairs to the lobby, so there’s not really a reason why he’d call right now.
He’s just been a little longer than I thought he was going to be.
It worries me a little, knowing that he was going to call Alex, but if there’s anything wrong, surely Zeke would know, too.
So, I answer it and pull it up to my ear.
“Hey,” I say quietly, careful not to wake Emma, even though she’s starting to squirm a little.
“Hey, trouble. How are you feeling?” he asks genuinely, keeping the smile on my face.
“I feel good. Are you coming by?” I try to keep my tone neutral, despite my curiosity.
I never brought up the possibility of including Taylor in her name, and honestly, I don’t know how he’ll react.
I don’t want him to be sad every time he looks at my daughter, but I also wanted to honor her in some way.
She meant a lot to Zeke, and she deserves more than to be mixed in the hundreds of other names when they talk about those who died.
He was cast aside by Taylor’s mom after her death.
I just want him to remember that he meant something to her, too.
“Yeah, me and Carter, if you're up for it. I don’t want to intrude. If you’re tired or just want some privacy, I’ll respect it.” He almost sounds reluctant to say that, and his tone makes me giggle.
“No, it’s okay. You just missed Damien’s parents a little bit ago, and I’m sure the Andersons will be here before visiting hours are over.”
“Okay. Well, we just picked up some food for you, so we’ll be there soon.” My stomach suddenly rumbles loudly enough to make Emma stir just a little. I knew I felt empty after I gave birth, but the hunger just didn’t register until now.
“You’re amazing. I didn’t even realize how hungry I was until you said that.”
“Well, thank D. He called it into that diner you like. I'm just the delivery boy.” Warmth settles into my bones at the thought.
“That diner by Cut Me Down?” I don’t even know why I’m asking.
Of course Damien ordered from there. That’s where he took me after our first real date.
After that amazing concert and our time in the woods, he carried me around as I clung to his back, and then we pigged out.
It was the first time I truly felt comfortable with myself.
Not him. I always felt comfortable with him for whatever cosmic reason, but in that moment, I truly felt like myself because of him—and I know he saw it that night.
“Yep, that one.”
“Let me guess, he ordered bacon cheeseburgers?” A larger smile curls at my lips at the thought.
“And a lot of fries, apparently.”
I giggle again.
“Okay, good,” I reply as excitedly but quietly as I can manage. “Hey, so, are you going to yell at me if I ask you about work stuff?”
“You just had a baby. I can’t yell at you.”
“Okay, gr—”
“But I can strongly advise you not to ask stupid questions when you should be resting,” he interrupts me.
“It’s not stupid…” I hesitate. “Just strictly informative.” I glance over at Ser, meet her staple hands on her hips and full-of-attitude stance, and then look away again—because I’m not daring to look her in the eyes right now.
“You want to know about Satori.” He doesn’t ask. It’s not a question. He knows exactly what I want to hear, and I have a feeling he’s going to make me work for it.
“Don’t make me beg, please?”
“I don’t have an update, Ash. My phone’s blowing up, but I was on a cheeseburger mission, and then I called you. So, I haven’t looked.”
I wish he could see my face right now. My narrowed eyes and pursed lips normally get my way with him.
“Are you lying to me?”
He just laughs somewhat maniacally.
“No, I’m not lying. I’ll check it out on the way over, and I’ll tell you what I find out, okay?”
“You promise?”
“Promise.” He doesn’t even hesitate with his reply.
“Okay, deal.”
“Alright, see you in fifteen. Love you,” he replies so easily that I almost didn’t catch it.
My eyes sting with tears, because while he’s said many other things—whether it be playfully or hatefully—he’s never actually said that to me before.
Endearment crashes into my chest, and I tense up before I respond.
“Love you, too.” I hang up the call quickly before he realizes what happened. Ser’s serious face morphs to a faux pout with her bottom lip poked out.
“Aw! Did the ice around Zeke’s heart finally melt?”
“Shut up.” I shake my head at her and look back down to Emma, who’s starting to wake back up.
Her little strands of hair feel so smooth against my hand, and a part of me still can’t believe I'm actually holding her.
This teeny, little baby was causing all of that ruckus in my womb?
All of those jabs to my lungs, kidneys, and bladder were from these tiny feet?
“Mom and Dad are running out for dinner, and they want to know if you want them to grab you anything?”
“I'm okay. Zeke’s picking up the food Damien ordered for us.”
Ser rolls her eyes.
“Well, no wonder he’s taking so long.”
“Right? I'm starting to worry.” I adjust the blanket on Emma once she stretches her little arm out. We switched from the hospital blanket to the one Tay knitted her because it’s much softer.
The other one felt like a napkin comparatively, and Damien insisted that she needed something ‘cuddlier’—per his words.
As if I summoned him, the door opens quietly. Damien strides in with all of his God-like glory and my heart skips a beat. That is, until I notice the red, swollen knots on his jaw and forehead.
“Damien—”
“What the hell happened to you?” Serena butts in, clearly noticing it as well. He cuts his eyes at her before softening them and looking at me.
“You don't need to worry about it, baby. Everything is fine.”
“Will you stop doing that?” I try my best to keep my voice low, but I can't stand it when he dismisses me like that. I glance at Ser, probably a little more hatefully than I intend to. “Can you give us a minute, please?” She nods once and walks out of the room, but not before taunting him.
“You're in trouble,” she teases then scurries out of the room, thankfully remembering to be easy on the door. Damien shifts on his feet and tilts his head.
“Ashia—”
“Can't you see you that I'm not some weak, scared victim anymore?” I interrupt him. “Haven't I proved that I can handle this?”
He steps over to the bed and sits beside me, then lays his hand over mine, covering the baby’s entire back.
“It’s not that I don't think you can handle things, Ashia.
I know you can. You just shouldn't have to.” He glances down at Emma, then looks back at me.
“You just went through over thirteen hours of labor, you're exhausted and in pain, and you think I want to bother you with something that's already handled? You deserve this time with our baby—to feel safe and comfortable, and live in this happy bubble that we’ve finally built.”
“I'm not saying I'm going to get up and storm out of here, all ready to go to battle. I just don't want to be left in the dark anymore,” I plead, and Damien’s face softens. “I do feel safe and comfortable, and nothing is going to pry me away from our peace bubble, but I still want to know. I know you’ll keep us safe. It just doesn’t hurt to know what from.”
He takes a deep breath, clearly hating the thought of upsetting me right now, but when he sighs, it’s defeatedly.
“I walked my parents down to the lobby, and just when they were about to leave, I saw Ian,” he says plainly, but there’s reluctance behind it.
“I almost didn’t see him. It didn’t make sense to me.
The whole fucking world stopped. I was going to confront him, but it didn’t feel right, so Dad handled him while I took the stairs to get back to you two, but Satori was already climbing them when I entered the stairwell. ”
My eyes must bug out of my head, because his face twists in that sad way it does when he thinks I’m unhappy. I squeeze his hand, urging him to continue before I ask too many questions that he’ll probably answer anyway.
“He’s lying dead at the bottom of the stairs, now. Dad handled Ian, and apparently, Mom killed Michael out in the parking lot,” he continues. “Dad and Alex are handling it, and Zeke and Carter should be here any minute.”
I’m completely baffled. My mind tries to reenact the scene, but I can’t even imagine it.
The last three people that wanted us dead are gone.
They tried one last time to get the best of us, and they failed.
We were in immediate danger, and somehow, everything is okay.
The hospital isn’t sounding loud alarms, Damien isn’t crucially hurt, neither of us are missing, and most importantly, our peace bubble is still intact.
My man handled things like he always does.
Shockingly, this instance just feels like any other day of the week, and I fucking love it.
“Okay, see? Was that so hard?” I joke, and the relief on Damien’s face could be seen a mile away.
I gently move my hand from Emma’s head and cup his face, making him look me in the eyes.
“I trust that you'll take care of us. You know that, right?” He leans into my hand, and those hypnotic blues pulse with different colors as his pupils grow wide.
“Yeah, I do.” He kisses my palm and nudges into it lightly.
“Good. Now we can go back to fawning over our baby.” We smile and chuckle, sinking back into our happy place…until we hear a familiar voice from the hall.
“This is a cute place. Are you and Carter next, sunshine?”
“Oh, fuck you, Zeke,” Serena shrieks.
“Only if you ask nicely.”
Damien groans.
“Well, your brother’s here.”