1. My Vibrator Would Never Do This To Me
Chapter one
My Vibrator Would Never Do This To Me
“N ellie, I mean this in the nicest possible way: Fuck you.”
“I thought you were straight.”
Sydney sighed, shaking her head. “I’m offended at the audacity you have to look so good in that. And a little pissed I can’t pull it off myself.”
I blew her a kiss and winked as I checked my ass out in the mirror. “You can pull it off anytime you want, baby cakes, but maybe not in public.”
“I look like a goddamn granny here,” she grumbled, shaking her head as she stood in the mirror beside me.
“How many grannies do you know that wear strappy one-pieces with ribcage cutouts?” I asked. “And more importantly, where do I meet them? Because it sounds like we’d be friends.”
She rolled her eyes. “In comparison to that ? Yes, I look like a grandma.”
“Well, I guess I’ve learned I think grandmas are sexy,” I said.
“Grandma or not, there isn’t enough sunscreen in the world to keep me from burning in this.”
“You have SPF 50.”
“Yeah, and I get a sunburn by looking at vacation photos too long.” She pursed her lips as she studied me. “Though I guess we’ll have to get some for you. I wasn’t expecting your ass cheeks to look like they haven’t seen daylight in years.”
“Well, fine,” I said, sighing. “But you need to rub it on for me.”
She cackled. “Why are you so horny today?”
“Hell if I don’t ask myself the same damn question pretty much every day,” I said, adjusting the bikini top again. “So are you getting the swimsuit?”
She shook her head. “When I said I wanted my ass turned red, I didn’t mean with a sunburn.”
“It might be your only option. I don’t think Olivier will ever spank your ass that hard.”
She rolled her eyes. “His ass, on the other hand…”
“The other hand is probably a good idea. If you keep using your right one, his ass will end up the colour of this bikini.”
She snorted. “I doubt it. He’d probably come hands-free if I managed to spank him this hard.”
“Really? He’s that into it?”
“He’d be blasting in every direction. Just”—she flapped her wrist in sporadic, jerking motions that were clearly meant to represent a cock flailing with wild twitches as it came—“fucking everywhere.”
“So… you ladies are finding everything okay?” the saleslady asked.
“Oh, yes,” I said. “We’re fine. Thanks.”
She nodded quickly, then turned on her heel and scurried away. I glanced at Sydney from the corner of my eye and she looked back at me, her lips pressed together to hold back the giggle sparkling in her eye. As soon as the saleslady rounded the corner, we each choked on a laugh.
The first thing I’d thought when I saw the bikini was that it was the most beautiful swimsuit I’d ever seen. Candy apple red with a triangle halter top highlighted the fullness of my breasts. And the bottoms weren’t so high-waisted as to hide my belly button ring, but were high enough that the leg holes curved high above my hips before dipping into a thong back, showing off an expanse of untanned skin on my ass cheeks since I’d never dared to wear a bikini like this at my dad’s before.
The second thought I had was that my dad would hate it for those exact reasons. So obviously, when I arrived in Montreal a few days later to attend yet another stupid social event so he’d look marginally human to the other stuck up high society types, the first thing I did was put on the bikini and make my way down to the pool in the backyard.
I mean, sure, I probably wouldn’t have done that if my dad had been home to see me in the skimpy thong bikini, but that was beside the point.
After grabbing a floatie out of the pool house and putting on my sun hat, I grabbed my phone and nearly spilled the tumbler of juice I’d poured for myself in the kitchen. After murmuring my usual silent prayer that I wouldn’t drop the aforementioned phone in the water while I was floating, I climbed into my floatie and tucked the juice into the cup holder.
And then I nearly dropped my phone as it vibrated with a message.
Bastard
Welcome back, babe
I glared towards the Marchands’ house. It accomplished nothing since my eyes were hidden by my sunglasses and also the only part of the house I could see from the pool was the deck, which was empty.
Me
I thought you didn’t sit at the window watching for me. When did you turn into such a pathetic loser?
Bastard
Allegedly on a snowy day in February approximately twenty-six years ago. Unless you believe life begins at conception, in which case, you’ll have to ask my parents for exact dates
But even if I hadn’t just got home and noticed your car parked in the driveway, I didn’t have much of a choice. AM would be better at keeping water in a mesh bag than she would a secret
I sighed heavily as Anne-Marie unintentionally proved, yet again, why she couldn’t know about this .
Because even though she was my childhood best friend, even though she not only approved of but was attempting to manifest a relationship between me and her brother, even though I told her almost everything about me, she couldn’t know.
You know. Because of the whole aforementioned “trying to manifest a relationship between me and JP” thing.
Me
You sure know how to flatter a girl
Bastard
Oh, sorry. Let me try again
Yes, I was staring out my window with the yearning of a sailor’s wife on her widow’s walk, watching for the illustrious curves of your noble Honda Civic to grace the cobbles of your father’s manicured driveway
Me
Yikes. Sounds like you’ve got a serious thing for my car
Bastard
I’m not saying I grabbed my cock the second I saw it, but I’m not NOT saying that
Me
Yeah but when DON’T you have your cock in your hand?
Bastard
When it’s in your mouth, for starters
I twisted said mouth to the side, trying not to laugh.
Because yeah, I’d had JP Marchand’s cock in my mouth a few times. Five, to be exact, not that anyone was counting. But if they were, that would include the initial cock-in-mouth situation three years earlier, plus the four times I’d blown him over the last month-and-a-half.
Not that we’d only hooked up four times. No, that was sitting at a somewhat alarming seven times since he finally cornered me after years of avoiding him.
More alarming was how impressive it was considering how much of a pain in the ass it was for us to fuck. My dad was making an annoying point of being around as much as possible. And when he wasn’t around, he made an even more annoying point of trying to get me and Kimberlee to spend time together.
And since JP was twenty-six and living with his parents—because “his condo wasn’t ready yet,” not because he was a spoiled rich kid who had no reason to move out—hooking up in his room was just asking for trouble. Sure, the Marchands’ house was easy to sneak in and out of—Anne-Marie and I had discovered that when we were about thirteen—but the house was almost never empty.
Plus, JP’s bedroom was beside Anne-Marie’s. And that was far too risky.
But even though I hated to admit we had anything in common, JP and I shared a mutual level of unreasonable horniness and dedication to getting laid.
The easiest option was his car, of course. Especially since there was a semi-private parking lot near a nature trail a couple of blocks away from our houses. And since my dad didn’t have any interest in learning anything about me that wouldn’t benefit him, he didn’t care enough to question why I’d suddenly started going for jogs while I was visiting. Which was great, since it gave me a good reason to get out of the house and explained why I was red-faced and sweaty when I returned.
And there was the pool house in my dad's backyard. After he and Kimberlee had gone to bed one night, I slipped out to meet JP there. When I let myself in, he was just disconnecting the air compressor from one of the air mattresses.
“I don’t think that’s gonna work,” I’d said.
“Why not?” he asked, letting the air mattress settle on the ground.
“Because if you think an air mattress can hold both our weights without popping, you’re clearly not fucking me hard enough,” I said. “And then why am I wasting my time here?”
“Because your travel vibrator isn’t as good as my dick,” JP said as he stepped around the mattress. He slipped a hand behind my back, cupping my ass and pulling my body forward so I was pressed against him when he dipped his head down to kiss me. “And besides, that’s not what it’s for. I figured you might appreciate the extra padding when you’re on your knees for me.”
“How very thoughtful,” I replied, trying not to smile as he kissed me again.
“Your comfort is my top concern.”
“And yet you want to cram your cock down my throat.”
“I said it was a concern. Not a requirement.”
I scoffed in disbelief. “You’re such a bastard!”
“You like it.”
“My vibrator would never do this to me.”
He kissed me again, fingertips digging into my ass cheek. “Let me show you a couple other things your vibrator can’t do for you.”
I never did find out how well the air mattress thing worked. JP was the one who ended up kneeling on it, my pyjama pants pooled around one ankle and my leg hooked over his shoulder as he ate me out. And after I came on his face, biting the base of my thumb to keep my moans at least semi-muffled, he’d stood up and kicked the air mattress out of the way.
“Turn around,” he said, his voice rough.
“Thought you wanted a blowjob,” I said, still trying to catch my breath.
“After all that work I did getting your pussy even wetter than it usually is?” He grabbed my arms, spinning me around and bending me over the back of a wicker armchair. “You’re insane if you think I’m going to deprive my cock of feeling that.”
He fucked me hard enough that I didn’t notice the stiff reeds of the chair digging into the softness of my belly. And I didn’t notice the scratch-like marks on my forearms as I braced myself against the chair while he brought me to another orgasm that would’ve definitely popped an air mattress, leaving me a shaky, melted mess of a person.
My phone went off in my hand and I nearly lost my grip on it again as I jolted out of the memories of my and JP’s various hookups.
Bastard
Speaking of my cock in your mouth, wyd?
Me
Sitting in the pool in a thong bikini
Bastard
Liar.
Me
You could literally go onto your deck to see
Bastard
Would love to, babe, but between seeing your incomparably sexy car and all this talk about me having my dick in your mouth, I'm up, but not for walking through the kitchen where my mother is having her weekly book club to prove you're lying.
If you get what I mean.
Oh, God.
I pressed my thighs together. The thought of JP being hard right now should not be doing it for me the way it was. I lifted my thumb to my mouth, sandwiching the nail between my teeth, then glanced over the edge of my phone towards the Marchands’ house. Then, as carefully as I could, I reached down into the pool with one hand and slowly paddled until I was facing the other direction.
A few minutes later, I sent JP another message.
Me
Hope you’re ready for an unsolicited deck pic
Bastard
A what now?
He’d responded before the picture finished sending, so I didn’t reply. The photo sent and the checkmarks confirming he’d seen it appeared instantly. A second ticked by, and then another, and then multiple more seconds because that’s how time worked, and just when I was about to double-text because Jesus Christ, JP, this was not the time to leave a girl on fucking read , his response came through.
Bastard
What deck?
I bit back a smirk.
There was definitely a deck in the picture. It was in focus, even, right near the top of the frame.
It was just that the rest of the photo showed me sitting in my floatie, a few errant drops of water on my chest catching the light, and the slightest hint of my nipples poking through the stretched red fabric across my breasts.
Me
You don’t see the deck in the picture? The one attached to the back of your house?
Bastard
Babe, fuck me if I’m wrong, but there was no deck in that picture
Me
You’re wrong.
Bastard
Thank God. When are we meeting up?