Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
B ex was glad that she and Hayden had ridden back to Ribbon Ridge in different cars. It had been hard enough to stop herself from gravitating toward him during the hike back down the mountain. She wanted to hold his hand, laugh with him, claim him as hers.
But she couldn’t. Not yet. Now that he was staying in Ribbon Ridge, maybe she’d have a chance. She was certainly going to try.
Both vehicles drove to the Archer house to unload. Rob and Emily greeted them and provided assistance then everyone went their separate ways, leaving Bex and Hayden alone with his parents.
They went into the kitchen, where Emily poured them iced tea, complete with colorful straws. “How was it?” she asked.
“A lot of fun,” Hayden said. “And I shared some news that might be of interest to you.”
Emily handed him his glass, her eyes widening. She flicked a glance at Bex, and Bex had a horrible feeling she was expecting an announcement to do with her. “What is it?”
Rob joined them at the island, his gray gaze expressing rabid curiosity. “Do tell.”
“I’m starting a winery with the Westcott brothers. We’re buying Quail Crest. I’m making the wine, Luke’s managing the vineyard, Jamie’s doing the numbers, and I guess that means Cam’s managing the rest of it.”
Rob and Emily exchanged the briefest of glances, but Bex caught it. Rob grinned and slapped his son on the back. “This is fantastic news. The best. Come here.” He hugged Hayden tight. “It’ll be good to have you home.”
Hayden gave his dad’s back a thump. “Thanks.”
“My turn!” Emily squeezed between them and gave Hayden a warm hug. “You’ve made my day. No, my year.” She stepped back and cupped his face, smiling up at him. “I’m so happy.”
Hayden smiled back, his love for her evident. “I’m glad.”
Rob leaned against the island. “I’m sure Antoine will be disappointed, but I think this is the right decision for you.”
“I hope so,” Hayden said.
Bex expected him to toss her a look, as if she might be a reason that this could be a bad decision, but that was her hang-up. Since learning of his decision last night, she’d been consumed with thoughts of “now what?” They had this sexy fling going, but could it be more? She wanted more, but wasn’t sure he shared that sentiment. She hoped he did—he was certainly physically engaged.
“So where do you plan to live?” Emily asked. “Maybe you should change your mind about selling your house to Kyle.”
Hayden let out a chuckle. “Yeah, that’d be real nice of me. No, that ship has sailed.”
Bex could interpret that two ways—he was just talking about the house or he was talking about her. When he’d bought that house, they’d lived in it together for six months. Then he’d gone on to live in it for several years, during which time he’d been hung up on her. She had to think the house reminded him of her. It would absolutely remind her of him. In fact, she’d sort of wanted to visit Kyle and Maggie so she could see it after all this time.
“Well, you can stay here as long as you want, of course,” Emily said.
“Thanks, Mom. I’m looking at places.” He took a long drink. “Mmm, you always make the best tea. I’m going to take a shower.” He took his glass and left.
Bex picked up her drink. “I should bathe, too. Thanks for the tea.”
“Wait just a minute?” Emily asked. She looked over at Rob, who gave her an infinitesimal nod.
Bex immediately sensed something was up. “Sure. Is this about the garage apartment?”
“No, we’re still waiting on the flooring. Sorry.” Her forehead creased but then she smiled as she came around the island and sat on a stool. Rob stayed on the opposite side of the counter.
Bex felt as though she ought to sit, too. This seemed like a serious conversation all of a sudden.
“We’re so happy Hayden’s moving home. Aren’t you?”
She tensed, wondering where they were going with this and feeling uncomfortable with the invasion. Probably because she had something to hide—her feelings for Hayden. “I’ve only ever wanted him to be happy.”
Even when she’d left him in broken pieces, she’d wanted him to find happiness. She’d just thought that she wasn’t the right person to give it to him. Did she think she was now? Had she changed or matured or whatevered enough to be The One? She wanted to be, but she didn’t know. That was life, however—taking risks when you had absolutely no clue how it would work out.
“Us, too,” Rob said. “He’s happy with you.”
Shit, what did they know? “I’m not sure what you mean. We aren’t together anymore.” Unless you counted a week of hooking up.
Emily gave her a knowing smile. “It’s okay, dear. We’re not stupid. We live here, too.”
Hell’s bells. They knew. Great. What the hell was she supposed to say to that? And why were they bringing it up? They weren’t high schoolers or even college students. “We aren’t together-together. At least not right now.”
But she wanted that. They’d had such a great time on the hike yesterday. She wanted more days like that. She wanted forever.
“It’ll get there. We just wanted you to know that you have our full support. We’re just so glad it’s working out, that he’s home now.”
There was something in the way she kept glancing at Rob, in her tone—like this was some sort of plan. Bex thought back . . . Rob had been the one to convince her to take the job here. The garage apartment was never ready . . . holy shit . They’d orchestrated this entire thing.
Bex turned her head to look at Rob. “Why did you want me to come back here?”
To his credit, he didn’t look at his wife. “You’re one of the best brewers I’ve ever encountered. I always regretted not having a job for you here.” Now he sent Emily a look. It was almost apologetic. Wait, had Emily been angry with him for not giving Bex a job? Maybe she thought that’s why Bex had left. Ergo, if there’d been a job, she would’ve stayed, and she and Hayden never would’ve broken up. “This job at The Alex was meant for you,” he said.
Bex’s hand shook so she didn’t pick up her glass. Instead, she leaned down and took a long pull of the icy liquid while she tried to organize her tumultuous thoughts. When she looked at both of them, she worked to keep her face and voice as pleasant and even as possible. “I want to be clear about something. There were a lot of reasons that Hayden and I broke up—none of which are really anyone’s business but ours. Whether I had a job here or not, there were . . . other things.” Like this right here. Meddling was something she had no experience with, and was quite frankly happy to live without. The Archer family was huge and complicated and just way out of her comfort zone. “Please don’t think that just because we’re . . . falling into old habits that we’re together . We’re not.”
“We understand,” Emily said.
Bex wasn’t sure she did. What mess had she gotten herself into? The reasons she’d left Ribbon Ridge rose in her mind—she’d been overwhelmed by this family, its closeness and interdependency. This time around, she’d thought she’d begun to feel more comfortable, like she might just open up and let them deeper into her life. But it wasn’t the same. She wasn’t with their son like she’d been five years ago, no matter how much they wanted her to be. She asked herself if she could let them in if she was with him, and didn’t have a clear answer.
She did know, however, that they were a package deal. If she wanted Hayden—and she did—she’d have to find a way to be comfortable in this family. Five years ago she’d been young, immature, and probably unreasonable. She’d loved Hayden so much and had wanted him to herself, away from his family. But he’d chosen his family over her. She realized now that things were rarely that simple.
Sometimes, she wondered what would’ve happened if they hadn’t lost the baby. She probably would’ve married Hayden, and they would’ve lived here in Ribbon Ridge. He wouldn’t have pursued his dream of making wine, or maybe he would have. There was just no way of knowing. She only knew that at the time she’d wanted out. She inwardly winced and suddenly wanted to be alone. Needed to be alone.
Bex stood. “I’m going to keep this conversation between us. I’m not sure what the future holds, but you can’t assume Hayden and I will be together.”
Emily’s face fell. “You aren’t going to leave again, are you?”
“Emily, let her go.” Rob looked at Bex. “Maybe we made a mistake here. We thought . . . we thought there might be a chance for you two. If not, we’re sorry. We’ll get the apartment fixed up as soon as possible.”
Bex was still going to amp up her rental search. “Thanks.”
She turned and left the kitchen, going up the back stairs. She walked past Hayden’s room and heard his shower running. A vision of him nude, water streaming over his body, flashed in her mind. Longing swept through her, but she kept walking.
She never should’ve jumped back into bed with him. Especially when she was falling back in love—if she’d ever really fallen out of it.
Letting herself into Tori’s bedroom, she closed the door and sank onto the bed. She focused on unlacing her boots and kicking them aside. Then she pulled her socks off and let herself fall back onto the mattress.
The same question rang in her mind: Now what?
She hoped Hayden never found out what his parents had done. If he knew his family had tried to manipulate him, he’d be crushed. She remembered what he’d said about Alex after reading his letter. He’d felt manipulated by his brother, so this would be especially harsh.
Did any of his siblings know about Rob and Emily’s plan? Had they been in on it, too? Bex didn’t really want to know. As it was, she now wondered if she really was that great of a brewer in Rob’s eyes or if he’d just been trying to get her to come back.
What she didn’t understand was why they’d thought there was any chance of her and Hayden getting back together. Was it because he’d apparently been hung up on her for so long? She sat up, thinking of what Rob had said, he’s home now . That’s what they’d wanted most—not Bex. If she could be the one to bring him home . . .
She felt sick. She could only imagine how Hayden would feel, and her heart broke for him if he ever found out.
It might be best for everyone if she left. They’d find another brewer. If she and Hayden didn’t get back together, she didn’t think Ribbon Ridge would be big enough for both of them.
Hayden worked all day Monday at The Alex, helping Maggie with the garden, interviewing sommelier candidates, and troubleshooting phone issues in the hotel. Everyone was working like crazy, and they were almost ready. He was pleasantly exhausted when he walked into the kitchen at his parents’ house, intent on grabbing a beer before heading up to his room to veg out for a bit before bed.
He’d seen Bex’s truck outside the brewhouse when he’d left. She was working as late as anyone. He knew she’d kegged her new beer today. Kyle had tasted it and said it was amazing. Hayden had wanted to go over and try it, congratulate her, but then Antoine had returned his call, and Hayden had delivered that bad news.
Mom came into the kitchen just as Hayden was filling his pint glass. She paused upon seeing him. “Oh, I didn’t hear you come in, dear. Did you just get home?” She glanced at the clock on the microwave.
“Yep. Long days in this final stretch.”
She grabbed a water bottle from the cupboard and filled it from the purifier on the fridge. “You’re all working so hard. I’m so proud of all of you. Is Bex back yet?”
Hayden shook his head. “She was still working when I left.”
Mom put the top on her water bottle. “It’s nice having her back, don’t you think?”
Hayden’s natural defenses kicked up, suspicious of where she was going with this and not at all sure he wanted to tag along for the ride. “Sure.”
She walked to the edge of the island and leaned her hip against it as she sipped her water. “You seem to be getting along really well.” There wasn’t a question, but her tone was definitely questioning. Like she was digging for information.
Hayden sipped his beer. “Mom, Bex and I broke up a long time ago. We’re friends now. Nothing more.” Unless you counted the hot sex.
Mom exhaled wistfully. “A mother can hope, can’t she? You two were so wonderful, and seeing you together again makes me wonder what might have been. Is it terrible that I hoped you’d be married?”
And that was about all of this conversation Hayden could stand. He walked past his mom on the way to the pantry for a snack. “It’s not terrible, but it’s also not happening.” He kissed her cheek to soften the blow, but didn’t look back as he rounded the corner to the pantry.
He perused his choices, listening for Mom’s footsteps along the hallway toward her room. Satisfied that she was gone, he finally let out a breath and allowed the tension in his shoulders to fall away. He knew his mother had always liked Bex, but was this something more? Had she figured out they were having sex? Yikes, that would be awkward.
He heard the exterior door and popped his head out to see Bex stepping inside. Seeing her in the flesh after dwelling on her the past several minutes made his heart rate speed up. “Hey.”
She looked at him, surprise glinting in her pale green eyes. “Hey.”
“Long day,” he said, leaning against the doorframe with the beer in his hand.
“Yes, I’m wiped.” She nodded toward the pantry. “Foraging for dinner?”
“A snack. You hungry?”
“Not really.”
He glanced down at his glass. “Beer?”
“Thanks, but I’m good. I just had a pint before I left.”
“Your new stuff?” he asked. “Kyle said it was awesome.”
She tried to suppress a smile and failed. Her adorable dimples flashed for a brief moment, and Hayden wished he saw them more. Like the other day on their hike, when they’d been practically ever-present. “That was nice of him. I guess it is pretty good.”
“I’ll make a point to stop in and taste it.”
“How was your day?” she asked. “Seems like they keep you pretty busy up there. I thought I saw you digging holes, and then Kyle said you were conducting interviews.”
“Yeah, whatever they need.”
“You’ve always been that guy—the one who fixes everything.”
He had. Kind of dumb that he’d come to resent that because the truth was that he enjoyed being that guy. He liked feeling needed.
“Very dependable,” she added.
He snorted. “Tell that to my boss— former boss—in France. I told him I wasn’t taking the job. He wasn’t happy. A little pissed, truth be told, but he understood and eventually wished me the best of luck.”
The same couldn’t be said about Gabrielle. She’d called precisely five minutes after he’d hung up with her father. That had gone considerably worse. She’d been very pissed. It seemed she thought they had more of a relationship than he did. He’d been so confused. She’d specifically told him on several occasions that they were not a “thing.” Still, he’d apologized profusely and hoped she’d be okay.
Standing here with Bex, he thought about taking her with him to France when he went back to collect his things. They could stop over in Germany—it wasn’t Oktoberfest, but she’d love it anyway.
Wait, what the hell was he doing? Planning a future with her? No, no, no. That wasn’t happening. They’d fallen into some habit last week, but it couldn’t last.
She pivoted. “Well, I’m going to turn in.”
There was something off here. She seemed . . . removed. But maybe she was just tired. He touched her arm and instantly regretted it from a self-preservation perspective as heat threaded through him. “You okay?”
She turned her head, her green eyes wide and luminous as she looked up at him. He saw vulnerability in their depths and questioned his sanity. He wanted her, he didn’t want her. He didn’t want to want her. Yeah, that was it.
“I’m fine. I’m just . . . Hayden .” She exhaled softly.
He didn’t know what she meant or what she was thinking, but he set his glass on a shelf in the pantry and moved toward her. He cupped her face, tracing her jaw with his thumb. She closed her eyes briefly and tipped her head, nuzzling into his touch. Her fingertips found his abdomen and pulled gently at his shirt. He lowered his head and kissed her, their lips meeting softly.
He pulled back and looked down at her. She gazed up at him, and he wasn’t sure she’d ever looked at him like that—with such emotion. It completely swept him off his feet. He kissed her again, angling his head and pulling her against him. He curved his hand behind her nape and licked at her lips until she opened for him. She clutched at his sides and kissed him back fervently, their tongues tangling with urgent need. He suppressed a groan, loving the feel of her, wanting all of her.
He lifted his head. “We should move this upstairs.” Before his mother came back and squealed with joy upon finding them in an embrace.
She splayed her hands over his chest. “Wait.” Something about the way she said the word made him pause. The bliss pitching through him faded. “What are we doing?”
Uh-oh. Not this conversation.
He stepped back and picked up his beer. “I was getting a snack.”
She frowned at him. “That’s not what I meant.”
He clutched his beer like it was some sort of talisman against the intimacy of the conversation she seemed intent on having.
She moved closer. “I want . . . I want to be with you. More than ducking upstairs before someone sees us.”
Fuck.
What had happened to uncomplicated? “Why are you bringing this up now?” He glanced around, half expecting his parents to pop out of the woodwork. “Here?”
“Because I can’t keep doing this without saying something. Every time we’re together, I . . . I want more.” She touched his free hand. “Don’t you? The way you touch me, the things you say . . . It seems like maybe you do.”
So she didn’t want uncomplicated. She wanted something else entirely. Something he wasn’t sure he was ready to give her. And he honestly didn’t know if he ever would be.
He pulled his hand away. “Let’s get one thing straight. The man I am today isn’t who I was five years ago.”
She blinked at him, realization crystallizing in her eyes. “I guess you aren’t.”
“I don’t want a relationship right now. Not with anyone.” He didn’t want to hurt her, but he also had to be honest. “I like being on my own.”
She took a moment to seemingly process what he said before tentatively asking, “Is that because it took you so long to get over me?”
Damn, he wished she hadn’t known that. “Who told you that?”
“Does it matter? It’s true, isn’t it?”
Completely. But that was his pain. And he’d finally conquered it. He didn’t need her dredging it up again. “You know what doesn’t matter, Bex? Everything that happened after you left. You gave up any right to know what I did or what I felt.”
She winced. “I know. I’m so sorry. Tell me what I need to do to make it up to you.”
God, how many times would he have crumpled under those words? If she’d come back to him and said them anytime before Alex had died, he would’ve gladly given himself over to her. But not now. He didn’t want to revisit that ache any more than he had in the past five minutes. “There’s nothing you can do. I’ve moved on.”
“What about the past week? It hasn’t meant anything?”
It had meant more than he wanted to admit. He’d started to feel . . . something he didn’t want to. “It was great, but I think it’s done now. I don’t want to go back, Bex. Only forward.”
She moved closer to him, so that he could feel her heat. “We could be forward. Not the old us, but a new and improved us. I love you, Hayden. I don’t think I ever stopped.”
Her words sliced into him, flaying the old wound. A part of him would always love her. He couldn’t help that. He could, however, protect himself from further heartache.
He stepped back from her, intent on fleeing upstairs to his room. “That’s too bad, because I did.”