Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
B ex set her fork down on Hayden’s table. “I can’t eat another bite. I had no idea you were such a good cook. I mean, I knew from experience that you could , but you’ve gotten really good.” She resisted the urge to add that he’d gotten really good at a lot of things—including his ability to make her feel like a girl with her first crush.
He sat at the head of the table while she perched on the bench to his right. “Thanks. It wasn’t much. Just fish and greens. And they paled in comparison to Anne-Marie’s bread.”
Bex eyed what was left of the loaf. Not much. Anne-Marie had also insisted on sending her with a small chocolate gateau with whipped cream. Bex was going to have to wait a bit before she could attack it, but she had every plan to.
“I guess we’re waiting on the cake?” Hayden asked.
Bex nodded. “I think I have to.”
Hayden finished his wine and picked up the bottle. “A little more?”
Her glass wasn’t quite empty, but the wine was phenomenal. He’d said that he’d picked it up that afternoon from the winery where he’d interned. “Yes, please. This is almost as good as our pinot back home.”
Hayden laughed. “Almost. I won’t tell Antoine you said that. He’d be mightily offended.” He poured for her then emptied the rest of the bottle into his glass.
Bex picked up her wine and took a sniff, savoring the aroma. “Are you sure this isn’t poisoned? I can’t imagine he was too happy that you aren’t coming back. Or maybe Gabrielle decided to spike it with something.”
He laughed again. “What, like she roofied me?” He shook his head. “I think I finally got through to her.”
Bex sipped her wine then set the glass back on the table, keeping her finger around the base of the stem. “You spoke to her this afternoon?”
“I had to. I went in to get the rest of my stuff, and she was there. She understands that a relationship just wouldn’t work out.”
“There’s no chance she could have talked you into staying?” Given the way he’d left Ribbon Ridge the other day, Bex would’ve thought it was possible.
“None. I’m too excited about Quail Crest. Besides, I don’t love her. I never did.”
Bex tamped down the ridiculous wave of giddiness that crested through her. “What about your family? You said you wanted them to leave you alone when you go back.”
He frowned into his glass. “Yeah, I did say that, didn’t I? I was angry. Hurt. I won’t ignore them. At least not permanently.”
“Good. I don’t think that strategy would work for you as well as it works for me and my parents.”
The edge of his mouth slanted up. “Is that what you do? I know they ignore you, but you’ve always tried to watch out for them, particularly your dad.”
“I have, but I’ve pretty much given up on my mother. And my dad’s got Joss. I don’t have to like her. If she makes my dad happy, that’s great.”
He pinned her with an earnest stare. “I always felt bad for you, you know. I wanted you to experience how good a family could be. Too bad they scared you off.”
She laughed softly. “No, it wasn’t that. I was . . . overwhelmed.” She thought back to the first Christmas she’d spent with them and how they’d given her gifts and included her in their traditions—she’d even had her own stocking. Then they’d talked about the next year and that’s when she’d maybe felt a little fear. It was a lot to take in for a girl who hadn’t had a visit from Santa since she was eight. The last “real” Christmas she remembered had been with her paternal grandparents when she was ten, before they’d both moved to assisted living facilities.
“And you’re not now?”
She thought about her answer. “I won’t lie. I wasn’t very happy with your parents when I figured out what they were trying to do. I had no idea they were using me as bait to get you to stay in Ribbon Ridge.” She flinched. “That sounds terrible.”
“It was terrible.” He looked at her intently. “You had no idea?”
She shook her head. “No, I didn’t. I put it together the day we got back from the hike. Maybe I should’ve told you, but I didn’t want you to be hurt.”
His gaze warmed. “I appreciate that. I’m sorry I thought you were in on it.”
“It’s okay. I get it. Their hearts were in the right place.” She thought of her parents and could only imagine her mother cooking up a scheme to keep her away, not get her to stay. “It’s good to be wanted, isn’t it?”
He studied her, seeming like he was trying to understand what she meant—that he should be glad for their love and concern, even if it could be smothering at times. “Yes and since I’m the only kid they pulled something like this with, I guess I should be flattered.” He said this with a bit of humor, and she couldn’t help but smile. This was the Hayden she loved. The man who always—eventually—found the bright side.
She put her hand on his forearm. “ That is an excellent perspective. Very adult.”
He looked at where they touched, and the air seemed to shift. Electricity crackled around them. She half expected him to pull away from her and was thrilled when he didn’t.
“They just . . . I know they love me, that they just want me to be happy, but I can’t help feeling . . .” He withdrew his arm from beneath her hand and picked up his wineglass. “Never mind.”
She could practically watch him bury the emotion bubbling just beneath the surface. “You’ve gotten really good at that,” she said, putting her hand in her lap. “Hiding your emotions. And don’t tell me you weren’t because I’m the queen. You were a lot more open when we were together—I think that’s one of the things that drew me to you. Maybe subconsciously I wanted to be like that. Now, I know I want to be like that. Even so, it seemed you worked hard to . . . I don’t know, put on a front maybe? For your family.”
“I’ve changed a lot since then. So have you.”
Yes, he had. He wasn’t the same person, and maybe that’s why she’d fallen in love with him so hard and fast again. Harder and faster than the first time. Not because he was burying his emotions, but because he was confident and independent in a way he hadn’t been before. Plus, he spoke crazy-sexy French.
She took a drink of wine for courage. “I have a theory.” He arched a brow at her and she held up her hand briefly. “Bear with me. Please. I’ve been wondering how you’ve been since Alex died, how you’ve coped.” She thought of her conversation with Liam. It had helped plant this idea in her mind, and then their conversation that afternoon under the tree had crystallized it. “I imagine it was extremely difficult.”
His gaze hardened a bit, and she worried she was walking down a road and might not like the destination. “What’s your theory?”
“I look at us now—where we are, what we’re doing, who we are—and I can’t help but think things were meant to happen as they did. Losing the baby was awful, but it set things into motion that led us here. Alex’s death did the same thing. You applied for that internship when he died, didn’t you?”
He turned his head toward the living room and was quiet for a long time. She watched the muscles of his throat work, his Adam’s apple move as he swallowed.
When he looked at her again, his sky blue eyes were cool, his expression tense. She longed to stroke his cheek, kiss his mouth, draw the pain from him like a balm.
“Yes.” He cleared the cobwebs from his throat. “Yes. I’d given up my future plans to stay in Ribbon Ridge—for dad and for Alex. When I talked about making wine, Alex told me I should start a label on the side. He never once encouraged me to leave Archer or follow my dreams. In fact, when I told him I was considering leaving Ribbon Ridge with you, he asked me not to.”
Bex hadn’t expected this. Her insides coiled with apprehension. She didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing.
“How could I leave him after that?” Hayden shook his head, his lip curling. He took a drink of wine and set his glass down hard enough that the ruby liquid sloshed and nearly spilled. “He was a selfish prick. And he knew it. In his letter to me, he apologized. He said he should’ve told me what he was planning. But hell, Bex, what would I have done with that ?”
His eyes were so full of pain she almost couldn’t bear it. But she didn’t know if he wanted her comfort. “I don’t know,” she said softly. God, she sucked at families. What was she supposed to say? “You would’ve figured it out.”
He laughed, but the sound was hollow. “Right, because I’m the “good” son. He told me that too in the letter. Or a version of it anyway. No pressure.”
“Hey, I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant that you’re . . . I don’t know, you have your head on straight. It was one of the things I liked most about you when we dated. Life could be crazy, but Hayden would always be there to keep me safe.”
“Until I ran us off the road.”
Oh no, he was in a really dark place. She couldn’t stand it anymore. She scooted to the edge of the bench and touched his arm. “Don’t do that. It was an accident. And I have to believe it was meant to be. I should’ve stayed. We should’ve worked through the miscarriage together.”
He smiled sadly. “But then your theory would be blown. Your leaving was meant to be, too.”
He was right. “Yeah, I guess so. Anyway, I’m okay now. But are you? Please don’t hide your feelings away. I can see that you’re hurting. Maybe it would help to talk to me.”
“Isn’t that what I’ve been doing?” He took a drink of wine. “I’m not trying to be obtuse. I understand what you’re saying. I was so mad at Alex. I’m still mad. I should probably work through that.”
This was progress. Hope and joy unfurled inside her. “Probably. But there’s no rush. There’s no time frame on healing.” She wanted to say one more thing and then she’d shut up. “I think you could rely on your family to help you through this. You aren’t alone.”
“I know that here .” He pointed at his head. “But here”—he laid his hand over his heart—“I seem to have forgotten how to listen to this.”
Bex knew instinctively that was her fault. Or at least in large part. “You’ll find it again. Your family will help you. Whoever you fall in love with will help you.” How she wished that could be her.
She stood abruptly. “I should go. I didn’t mean to take us down this dark path.” She laughed uneasily.
He got up. “Why are you leaving?”
Because she didn’t want to rush anything. She wanted to give him time and space, show him that he could trust her to be here for him. Always. “I’m just going back to the B and B. I’ll stay around as long as you want me to.” Please let me stay forever.
He walked her to the door. “Thanks for being so . . . patient. And supportive. I really appreciate it.”
She stood on her toes and kissed his cheek, her lips caressing his warmth for a precious few seconds. “Good night.”
Bex walked out into the sunset and hoped she was doing the right thing.
Hayden finished his wine then cleared the dishes from the table. He set everything in the sink to soak and stared out at the backyard with its tangle of rosebushes and planter boxes of herbs. A giant oak tree stood in the corner. He’d wanted to put a swing on it, but hadn’t gotten around to doing so. Now he never would.
There were a lot of things he’d never do—climb Mount Everest, go back to working for the family company, hug his brother Alex again. But there were things he would do, things he should do.
Such as try to find a way to forgive Alex.
That was the heart of the matter, he realized. Why he’d felt unsettled. Why he’d locked his emotions away. It wasn’t Bex. It had never been Bex. But Alex’s death had helped him finally banish his feelings for her, too.
Until she’d come back and reawakened them. He didn’t know if he’d fallen in love with her all over again or if he’d just never stopped. And he didn’t care.
He hadn’t taken risks before. He’d played it safe—staying in Ribbon Ridge, acting the part of the consummate people-pleaser. And he’d seen how that had worked out for him.
He’d decided a few weeks ago that he was going to please himself. That he was finally the priority—his dreams, his life, his happiness. He realized all those things were Bex. She was here, asking him to love her, and he just had to say yes.
He turned from the sink and strode to the front door. He rushed outside and jogged to the gate. He looked down the road, but it was empty. Throwing open the gate, he ran through and took off toward the village. When he finally saw her—she was almost to the tree they’d stopped under that afternoon—he broke into a sprint.
He was nearly upon her when she turned, her lips parted, her eyes widening in surprise. He clasped her waist and lifted her against him as he kissed her. His mouth found hers with an eager precision. Desperation ripped through him. He held her fast, lifting her feet from the ground, never wanting to let her go.
She kissed him back, her arms wrapped around his neck, her body pressing into his.
He tore his mouth from hers. “I love you. I know there are no guarantees, and I’m willing to risk it. Just, well, please don’t leave me again.”
He felt wetness on his cheeks and realized she was crying. “Bex, don’t cry, sweetheart.” He set her down and swiped his thumb over her cheek.
She smiled up at him, her dimples working overtime. “I love you too, and I will never leave you again. Ever. Not unless you tell me to. And even then I’ll refuse.”
He kissed her again, more softly this time, his lips and tongue flirting with hers. When they came up for air again, they were both breathing heavily. He rested his forehead against hers. “I propose a new pact. No regrets. I like your theory.”
She nodded. “No regrets.”
He swept her into his arms and she giggled. “You’re carrying me back to the house?”
“Too caveman?”
“You didn’t throw me over your shoulder.” She giggled again. “I’m worried you’ll wear yourself out.”
He looked down at her as he walked. The setting sun cast a golden glow, making her even more beautiful than she already was. “I’m a big, strong guy. I thought you liked all my new muscles.”
“I love your new muscles.” She ran her hand over his shoulder and bicep with lingering appreciation. “But I’d rather you reserve your energy for other activities.”
He gave her a seductive stare. “I promise you that I’ll have plenty of energy to last all through the night.” He felt her shiver.
“Show me.” She kissed his neck, her tongue sliding over his flesh.
He was glad he’d reached the gate.
He bore her up to the house and carried her over the threshold. The door was barely closed behind them before she slid from his arms and tugged him toward the stairs. “Where’s the bedroom?” she asked huskily.
“Who needs a bedroom?”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “I don’t need anything. Except you. However, I’d like a nice, soft mattress and access to wherever you keep your condoms.”
He walked slowly, teasing her with his hesitance.
She let go of his hand and pulled her dress over her head, leaving her in nothing but white lacy undergarments. His mouth went dry.
He walked faster, stalking her to the stairs. She started up and turned, going backward.
“Careful,” he growled.
She put her hands behind her back and unhooked her bra then tossed it at him. “You, too.”
The undergarment dropped to the hardwood stairs as they reached the top.
She broke eye contact to find her bearings, and he made his move. He wrapped his arms around her thighs and boosted her up over his shoulder caveman-style.
“This what you wanted?” he asked, carrying her to his bedroom on the other side of the upper floor.
She ran her hands down his back and pulled his shirt up to expose his flesh. “Mmm. Hurry.”
He quickened his pace and went straight for the bed, an ancient four-poster that squeaked horribly. He dropped her on the mattress with a loud creak and whisked her panties off, leaving her completely and gorgeously nude.
He dropped to his knees on the floor and clasped her ankles, pulling her hips to the edge of the bed. He quickly divested her of the strappy sandals and cast them aside. Then he ran his hands up her legs, skimming her heated flesh, pausing at her thighs, to push them apart.
He stroked his thumb over her flesh, knowing she’d jerk, and he wasn’t disappointed. “You’re so predictable.”
She sat up, bracing herself on her elbows, and looked at him, her eyes slitted with desire. “You want unpredictable?”
“I want anything and everything you have to offer.” He stared at her, holding her captive with his gaze as he pushed a finger inside her. Her eyes closed briefly, and her lips parted to release a breathy sigh.
He thumbed her clit and thrust his finger in long, slow strokes. She was hot and wet, and he didn’t think he could do this for very long. Not if he wanted to make love to her. And he wanted that more than he’d wanted anything.
But first he wanted to push her over the edge. He knew her orgasm would be that much better when he made love to her. And he loved that he knew that about her.
He used his thumbs to part her flesh. She rotated her hips, seeking him. “I want to remember everything about you.” He licked her, and she cried out. “I want to learn everything that’s new and different.” He suckled her clit, and she wound her fingers in his hair. “I want to go to bed every night with you by my side and wake up every day exactly the same way.” He plunged his tongue into her and she thrust against his mouth.
With fingers and tongue, he coaxed her higher. With each jerk of her hips and pull on his hair, he felt her move closer to her orgasm. He found her G-spot and pressed. Her muscles contracted and moisture flooded his mouth.
He didn’t wait for her to recover, but stood and tore his clothes off. He went to the nightstand and found a condom. After he’d donned the sheath, he joined her on the bed. She’d managed to situate herself against the pillows, her head cast back and her eyes nearly closed.
“I think you got better at that,” she said, her voice low and dark. “And I don’t want to know how.”
“I wasn’t a monk. Sorry. And I can’t imagine you were a nun.” It was strange, but he was simultaneously jealous and turned on by that. Jealous of the men she’d been with but excited for the new things they’d both bring to the bedroom.
She looked up at him and pulled his head down. “Okay, lover boy, show me what you’ve got.” She kissed him, tasting of wine and need and everything his life had been missing.
He guided his cock to her entrance, and she wrapped her legs around him, welcoming him into her. He slid in deep, his body thrumming with need. When he was fully seated, he just stopped for a moment. Pleasure and joy crested through him. He was right where he wanted to be. He was home.
He braced himself above her and brushed her dark hair back from her forehead. She opened her eyes, her green eyes finding his and filling with emotion.
He stroked her temple. “I love you so much.”
She skimmed her hands along his back. “I love you, too.”
He kissed her again and began to move. The friction was immediate and intense. He couldn’t hold back. He drove into her with hard, fast strokes. She met him, her hips snapping against his. “Yes, Hayden. Please. ”
He buried his face in her neck and lost himself in her.
She clutched at his back and brought her knees up. He caressed the back of her thigh and wrapped his hand around her knee as he slammed into her. She cried out over and over again, and the bed creaked and squeaked, maybe alerting the neighbors who were a good hundred yards away.
She dug her nails into his back. “Come with me, Hayden. Please. I can’t wait.” She gasped, tensing as her orgasm hit.
He was nearly there. One more thrust. His balls tightened and he came, shouting her name over and over.
It took several minutes for him to return to reality. With great effort, he got up and went to the bathroom. When he came back, she was under the covers and had pulled them back invitingly.
She nodded toward the window where the curtains were blowing in the breeze. “I didn’t realize the window was open. Oops.”
“I think between us and the noisy bed, the state of the window is moot. But I frankly don’t care if all of Burgundy heard us.”
She smiled as he climbed into bed beside her. He drew her close and kissed her. “Were you really on your way to Germany?”
She snuggled against his chest, wrapping her arms around him. “Only if you told me to leave. I figured I’d go as long as I’d come all this way. Plus, I’d planned to drown my sorrows in beer.”
“Then let’s go. I have to finish packing and arrange to ship some stuff home. After that, I’m all yours.” He shook his head. “Not true. I’m actually yours starting right now. Or an hour ago.” He grinned, happier than he’d been in a very long time. “Whatever. I’m yours.”
“Are you going to call your family?”
He looked at her. “Do they know you’re here?”
She grimaced. “I’m afraid so. They’re kind of a meddlesome bunch.”
He liked that she said that with humor. “They are.” He sighed. “But they’re all I’ve got. And I’m guessing they’re waiting with bated breath to see what happens.”
“I’m sure.”
“Maybe we’ll keep them wondering. We’ll just show up for the grand opening of The Alex in a couple of weeks.”
She laughed and lightly tapped his arm. “You’re mean. The old Hayden never would’ve done that.”
He arched a brow at her. “There is no old Hayden. I’m still me. I’m still the frat boy you fell in love with.”
She looked at him with love and joy. “You’re still the one—and you always will be.”