Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
Noah had only been out for a walk because his nerves needed somewhere to go besides pacing laps around his workshop. He’d already ruined one piece of wood, and he needed to clear his thoughts before he went anywhere near another.
My brain is trying to trip me up, that’s what it is.
Why can’t I just accept this is working out fine, and leave it at that?
Except he knew it wasn’t going to be that simple. The emotional baggage he carried still weighed heavy on him, and some things were not easily forgotten.
Not people, but the damage they’d wrought.
The marks they left behind.
Snow drifted quietly along Mapleford’s sidewalks. Lights glowed in windows. And suddenly he was standing in front of Mark and Liam’s house.
Yeah, that figured. Noah’s autopilot was in full operation.
Mark opened the door before he could knock. He called back over his shoulder, “Liam, our son is here.”
“I’m not your son. Can I point out that you’re a year younger than I am?”
“You are when you show up with that face,” Mark said, waving him in. “Do you want cocoa or do you want the emotional support blanket? Because we can do both.”
Liam peeked around the kitchen doorway, wiping his hands on a towel.
“Cocoa’s coming. Blanket’s on standby.” He retreated into the kitchen.
Noah groaned. “Why do you always assume something’s wrong?”
“Because you only arrive unannounced when something’s wrong,” Mark said, leading Noah to the couch.
“And because we know you,” Liam called out.
Noah sank into the cushions, and Mark draped the blanket over him with dramatic precision. Liam handed him a mug, then sat beside him.
Noah accepted it, warmth spreading through his hands. Mark and Liam’s living room was warm, cluttered, and homier than Noah’s place had ever been.
“Okay.” Mark sat facing him. “Who broke you? Was it the dog that chases you? Did Elsie yell at you again? Did you electrocute yourself?”
“No, none of those,” Noah muttered.
“Then it’s Eli,” Liam said matter-of-factly.
Noah choked on his cocoa. “What—why would you say that?”
“Because we’re not idiots,” Mark said. “And because every time you say the name ‘Eli,’ your voice gets soft like a marshmallow.”
“My voice does not—”
“Marshmallow,” Liam repeated.
Noah groaned into his hands. “Okay, fine. It’s about Eli.”
Mark leaned forward, and Liam placed his hand on Noah’s shoulder.
“We—” Noah stammered. “We slept together.”
Mark blinked. “Are we really talking a sleepover, or are you too much of a prude to come out and say you had sex?”
“Fine. We had sex. More than once, if you must know.”
They both broke into proud smiles.
“Well, well, well,” Mark said. “Mr. Carter is going to have a spicy Christmas.”
“It wasn’t spicy,” Noah protested. “It was—God, it was everything. It was good. It was really good.”
“Then why do you look like someone told you Christmas was canceled?” Liam asked, his voice gentle.
“I’m a little overwhelmed, that’s all.”
Mark lifted his brows. “By the sex? I guess it really was spicy.”
“Mark,” Liam said with a sigh.
“No, it’s fine,” Noah muttered. “And yes. Well—no, not exactly. It wasn’t just sex. It felt…” He hesitated. “As if it meant something.”
“And that terrifies you,” Liam finished. It wasn’t a question.
Noah thanked God for providing good friends who knew him, balls to bones.
He nodded. “I don’t want to mess this up.” His voice cracked, and he set his mug down, his hands trembling. “What if I ruin it?”
Mark’s smile immediately softened. “Oh, honey.”
Liam shifted closer. “Talk to us.”
Noah swallowed hard, staring at his fingers.
“We both said we should take things slow. And I want that. But we weren’t slow last night. Or the night before. Then he told me he’s falling for me which should have me dancing like a fool, because I’m in the same boat.”
Mark’s face split into a grin. “Finally.”
Liam stared at him. “Stop celebrating, you vulture.” He smiled too, however.
“But I keep thinking…” Noah leaned forward. “What if he wakes up one day and realizes I’m too much? Or not enough? What if he changes his mind? What if I’ve read him wrong?”
Liam squeezed Noah’s knee. “Noah. Tyler didn’t leave because of you. He left because he wanted something else. Something bigger. Something not-small-town. That wasn’t about you. Stop punishing yourself for something that wasn’t your failure.”
“But what if Eli wants that too?” Noah’s voice cracked once more. “He lives in Boston. He has a whole life there. I’m—” He laughed weakly. “I’m just Mapleford.”
“Excuse me.” Mark’s tone sharpened. “You’re not just anything.”
“You’re Noah Carter,” Liam said. “The guy everyone in this town trusts with their kids and their festivals and their hearts. The guy who stayed because this place needs people like you.”
Noah blinked. Blinked again.
“You’ve grown,” Mark told him. “You’re not that heartbroken kid trying to patch a relationship alone anymore.”
“And Eli?” Liam continued. “I hear he walked through a whiteout storm to get to you.”
Mark leaned back, crossing his arms. “You don’t do that for someone you’re unsure about.”
Noah stared at them. “I’m not gonna ask how you know that, because I don’t think I want to know the answer. But yeah, he did.”
Mark and Liam exchanged a look that was half exasperation, half affection.
“You’re allowed to be scared,” Mark said softly. “It means it matters.”
“And you’re allowed to hope,” Liam added. “That means you’re healing.”
Noah pressed the heel of his hand to his eyes. “I like him so much it hurts.”
“Good,” Mark said brightly. “That means you’re alive.”
“Mark,” Liam muttered.
“What? It’s true.”
“It may be, but unless you want Noah to suffer death by platitudes, learn when to call it a day.”
Despite his churning stomach, Noah laughed.
Liam nudged him. “Go home. Text your guy. Tell him you’re thinking about him. That’s all you need to do.”
“Yeah. I… yeah.”
Mark pointed at him. “And don’t sabotage this.”
“I won’t.”
“You’d better not,” Mark fired back. “We’ve got bets riding on you two.”
“Mark.”
“What? I’m supporting local romance.”
Noah groaned, but the ache in his chest had transformed into something warmer, steadier.
He stayed a while longer, drinking his cocoa and listening as Mark and Liam spoke of their plans to adopt, how far they’d gotten through the process, how long it would take until they could finally bring a child home, and how they didn’t plan on stopping at one.
Noah was happy for them. They were going to be wonderful fathers.
When he stepped back out into the snow, he felt lighter, more certain…
And ready to try.
Eli found himself wandering the frozen river path, hands shoved deep into his coat pockets, his breath curling like smoke in the cold.
He needed air, time…
Whatever else he needed, he wasn’t sure. He only knew his heart felt too big for his ribs.
When the cold grew too much to bear, he headed back into town, past the elementary school where parents were picking up their kids. Elsie Moran waved at him from the gate.
“Eli Winters! Get over here.”
He approached with trepidation. “Hi, Elsie.”
She squinted at him. “Trouble in paradise?”
Eli blinked. “There’s no paradise.”
Elsie smirked. “Lies. You and Noah were making heart-eyes all over the festival prep the other day.”
He choked. “We were not.”
She snorted. “Sweetheart, I teach kindergarten. I know heart-eyes when I see them.” She cocked her head. “Is everything okay with you and Noah?”
It was useless to deny anything.
Eli ran gloved fingers through his hair. “I’m just… scared.”
Elsie’s expression grew warm. “Ah. The good kind of scared.”
“Is there a good kind?”
“Yes,” she said firmly. “The kind that shows up right before something real happens.”
Eli stared at the snow. “He’s a friend of yours, isn’t he?”
“One of my best friends, actually. And whatever you’re doing, keep doing it. Noah Carter hasn’t looked this happy since he was twelve and someone let him be in charge of the glitter table at the winter pageant.”
Despite everything, Eli laughed.
“But listen to me for a second.” Elsie lowered her voice. “You’re both tender in places where life hit too hard. That’s okay. That’s how real relationships are built—slowly, and with care and honesty.”
Eli’s throat tightened. “I’m terrified of losing him.”
“Then tell him,” she said. “Before the fear makes decisions for you. Why don’t you go visit his workshop? Because that’s where he’ll probably be.” She smiled. “And I know he’ll be happy to see you.”
He wouldn’t be the only one.
Eli sighed. “Thanks, Elsie. Will I see you at the lantern walk?”
She grinned. “As if I’d miss it. I’ll look out for you and Noah.” She turned and headed back into the school.
Eli removed his glove and pulled his phone from his pocket. He slid his thumb over the screen.
You at the workshop?
A moment later, his phone pinged.
Noah: Yup. Come on over.
Eli pocketed his phone, his heartbeat racing, and started walking.
The workshop was filled with the faint scent of pine and paint and sawdust. Noah stood near the workbench, trying to appear calm and casual. That wasn’t easy. The sight of Eli set his heart beating fast.
“Have you gotten much done today?” Eli pointed to the photo props for the market.
“Not as much as I should’ve,” he said in a rueful tone. “I took a walk instead.”
“Me too. I ran into Elsie.”
Noah bit his lip. “Is this where I say I’m sorry?”
Eli laughed. “Hey, I survived, didn’t I? And she did give me some good advice.”
“Seems to be the day for people giving advice. I was on the receiving end too.” Noah leaned on the workbench. “Eli… we’re not moving too fast, are we?”
Eli stepped closer. Then closer, until at last he was right into Noah’s space.
“I’m scared too,” he said. “I’m scared because I don’t want this to be temporary. I’m scared because it feels like something that could change everything. I’m scared because it matters.”
Noah’s breath caught in his throat.
Then Eli took Noah’s hands. “But I would rather be scared with you than safe without you.”
Oh my God.
“Is this—are we—something real?” His voice cracked.
Eli swallowed. “I want it to be.”
Noah’s eyes burned. “Me too.”
They leaned into each other, their foreheads touching, sharing breaths.
Noah couldn’t resist the pull of that mouth a second longer.
Eli sighed into the kiss, his hands on Noah’s head, holding him close as he parted Noah’s lips with his tongue. Noah let out a soft moan, his arms around Eli, pressing their bodies together.
When they broke apart, Noah glanced at the props. “We could work on those.”
“We could,” Eli agreed. “Or…”
Noah smiled. “I vote we go with or.”