Layla – Present
The phone rings next to my head. I feel around on the bedside table for it, then pull it to my ear.
An automated voice jars me awake. I lean over to check the time on the digital clock sitting on the nightstand.
Nine. I flick on the light and groan at the sudden brightness.
I’m supposed to be in Amie’s room by half past.
Rubbing my hands over my face, I fling my legs out from the sheets and yawn. Jacob looks like he’s still fast asleep over on the couch. I try my best to keep the noise down as I gather my things from my suitcase and click the bathroom door closed.
A quick shower later and I’m dressed in the pale pink silk bridesmaid embroidered nightie Amie bought for each of us. I grab the matching dressing gown and head back into the suite.
In all the noise of the shower and hairdryer, Jacob hasn’t moved.
I lift my phone from the nightstand and hesitate. Should I wake him to tell him I’m leaving? The thin sheet he’s using has fallen down to his waist, exposing his toned abdomen. I didn’t know you had that many muscles in your stomach, but Jacob has made sure each one of them is carved like stone.
I take a few tentative steps toward him, then place my hand on his shoulder and gently nudge him.
“Jacob,” I whisper.
He moves, the sheet dropping lower, and I do all I can to not look. His eyes start to open, and he blinks.
“Layla?” He jolts up. It’s unfair he can look like that having just woken up.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” The worry laced through each of his words, makes my heart squeeze.
“Nothing’s wrong,” I say. “I’m just about to leave to get ready with Amie, that’s all. I wasn’t sure if I should wake you but then I thought maybe I should but now I’m thinking I shoul—”
“I’m glad you woke me.” He smiles, and it’s a lazy smile covered in sleep. His eyes dance over me, lingering on the short silk nightdress. Heat floods my veins.
“I should probably go.”
He rubs at his eye. “What time is it?”
“Half nine.”
He nods, and I start to stand.
“Wait,” he says, and I pause.
His hand reaches out, his fingers hooking underneath the thin spaghetti strap of my nightie as he sets it back on my shoulder.
He’s so close. If I lean slightly, his lips would touch mine. My heart beats wildly in my chest. I swallow, glancing to his lips.
My ringtone goes off and I straighten.
“I’ll see you on the beach?” I ask, backing away.
“I’ll be there,” he smiles.
I click “answer” on my cell.
“Where are you?” Amie rushes.
I give Jacob a slightly awkward wave, then throw my dressing gown on. The hotel room door slams behind me.
“I’m on my way.”
“You’re late.” Her tone is more playful than annoyed.
I run for the elevator, then smile at the older man waiting in it. He’s already hit the sixth floor.
“I know, I’m sorry. It took longer than planned.”
Amie laughs at something, then her voice moves closer to the phone. “I hope you’re talking about sex with Jacob.”
I glance to the man beside me. My phone volume isn’t exactly discreet. I flip my phone to my other ear. “Can you stop with that,” I whisper.
She laughs.
The lift opens on the sixth floor.
I knock on Amie’s door.
“I’m here,” I tell her down the phone.
The door swings open. Amie’s mom is in a matching nightie. “You’re late,” she chides.
“Sorry,” I say as she pulls me inside.
Nicole is over by the large arched windows leading to the balcony, having her hair curled and pinned up, while the other bridesmaid, Maria, is sitting on a chair by the bed with the makeup artist.
Amie props her leg up on the desk, running a self tanning mitt over it.
“I want the details, Layla.” She pauses, then grabs a champagne glass.
“There are no details.” I grab a strawberry off the fruit patter on the coffee table.
“I honestly had no idea you two were together.” Nicole glances over her shoulder at me.
“We aren’t.”
She gives me a look. “It’s casual, I get it.” She drinks from her champagne flute. “So, you’re cool if he sees other people, right?”
The bitter tang of jealousy hits me the moment the words pass her lips.
“It’s definitely not casual.” Amie sits down next to me and whispers, “Stake your claim.”
“But I don’t have a claim,” I whisper back.
“Mm hmm.” She passes me a box with a blush pink ribbon tied around it. “So, you’re completely fine with the idea of Jacob and Nicole having s—”
“Stop.” I blurt, and Amie gives me her I told you so look.
“Oh.” Nicole says more to Amie than to me. “That’s a shame.”
I ignore the disappointment in Nicole’s voice and begin untying the ribbon from the small blue velvet box Amie gave me. When I push the top up, a delicate rose gold bracelet greets me, the letters L and A engraved.
“It’s beautiful, Amie, thank you.
“You’re not allowed to leave again, okay?” The crack in her voice breaks my own resolve and I throw my arms around her.
“Never.”
***
Amie and Parker’s ceremony went off without a hitch, though the same can’t be said for the drinks reception that followed.
The aunt who had been causing trouble in the months before the wedding decided to start another row with Amie’s cousin, which resulted in a glass being thrown and broken, and security ushering the Aunt out.
Since then, however, the night has been smooth sailing.
Parker’s brother delivered a perfectly timed comedic speech, Amie’s dad didn’t leave a dry eye in the house, and Parker himself spoke beautifully about the life him and Amie have shared together.
There’s an abundance of love in the air, it’s almost palatable.
The soft, romantic hues from the candelabras, surrounded by overflowing flowers in soft pinks, creams, and peaches, only add to the warmth of the evening.
Everything has been so carefully considered. I clap my hands together as the first dance comes to an end and snap a few photographs of them, using the disposable cameras placed out on the tables for the guests to use.
The band start playing an upbeat pop song, and I turn back around in my chair. Jacob went to the bar to get us drinks before the first dance started. I can see him from where I’m sitting, he’s talking to Parker’s dad while our drinks sit up on the bar. The dance floor is filled with guests.
“Having fun?” Amie sits down beside me. She looks over to where Jacob is.
“Parker’s dad will have him talking for hours.
” She laughs. “You should probably rescue him.” She grabs the glass of champagne in front of me and takes a few large gulps, then points toward me.
“You know I love you right?” she starts.
“And it’s because I love you that I’m going to be blunt.
” She sets the glass down, then smooths out the tablecloth with her hand.
“You like him, Layla, and I know for a fact he likes you.”
“He likes me as a friend, Amie, because that’s what we are, friends.”
She rolls her eyes. “Friends don’t look at each other the way you two do.” She glances behind me, a slow smile spreading across her face.
Jacob sets my drink down in front of me.
“Layla was just telling me how much she wants to dance.”
The band is transitioning into a slow love song, couples from around the room making their way to the dance floor. Jacob smiles at me, then holds out his hand.
I shake my head at Amie, but take his hand anyway.
“You know I’m right!” she shouts after me.
I look around at the other couples, their bodies close together, swaying with the hauntingly beautiful lyrics.
Jacob puts his hands around my waist. I place mine on his shoulders. His jaw ticks, his eyes piercing into mine. I let one of my hands move to his neck, my other falling to his chest. I rest my head against his shoulder. I can feel his thumb moving in slow circles along my back.
I don’t know what this is between us.
I don’t know if Amie, and Mabel, and even Dad are right.
I close my eyes, feel his heart beating in his chest.
Where would Jacob and I be if I had never left? If I hadn’t stayed with him that night? I squeeze my eyes shut, because I already know the answer.
He dips his head down, his cheek brushing mine.
I can’t ignore it anymore. My heart beats differently when he’s around. He calms me, and soothes me, and wakes me up, all at the same time.
I let out a shaky breath. The reminders of what love can leave in its wake force me to think about the reality of feeling that deeply again.
My heart broke. Shattered. And I’d be lying if I said I’m not afraid of ever feeling that again, because I still feel it.
There hasn’t been a day since losing Ben that I haven’t felt the pain of his loss.
It’s a gaping wound that can’t be fixed.
I can’t be fixed. It wasn’t just my heart that broke, it was all of me.
Jacob’s green eyes lock onto mine, and they make it easy to forget why I’m afraid.
Sometimes I think he might be the only person in the world who truly understands me.
He doesn’t seem to mind when I can’t piece it all together.
He makes me feel like I don’t have to have it all figured out, that I can be broken and still fall in love.
I need air.
I let go of him and push through the other guests on the dance floor until I’m outside on the balcony, breathing in the humid air.
“Layla?” The door closes behind Jacob, shutting out the music and laughter. “Are you okay?”
No. Yes. I don’t know. I bite my bottom lip. “I just need a minute.”
He steps toward me.
That’s not what I meant.
“Layla.”
He’s too close now. He smells too good, looks too good, sounds too good. His suit is tailored perfectly to his body, it’s not fair, and it’s not helping. I can’t think straight when he looks like that.
I can hear my heart in my ears. I can feel it, thump, thump, thumping against my chest.