32. Chapter Thirty-two
Chapter Thirty-two
Deacon
The last time I’d been up close to my sister, she’d been a slip of a thing. Ten years old but tiny for her age. Her face had been blasted with freckles—summer or winter, it didn’t matter—and her hair had been cut just below her ears.
At fifteen, the freckles were still there but less intense. She’d let her hair grow to mid-back, and it had some wave to it now. She still wasn’t very tall, but she was a hell of a lot bigger than she’d been five years ago.
All those changes and I’d still recognize her laugh with my eyes closed. I didn’t know what I’d done right to be listening to it again, but here she was, sitting at my girlfriend’s table, giggling with Phoebe about a customer who’d gone into Sugar Rush last week.
“He wanted twelve shots of espresso.” She pressed her hands to her face in horror. “Twelve!”
Phoebe snorted. “And what did Camille say?”
Hailey’s shoulders shook as she snickered. “She said, ‘Sir, if you’re determined to explode your heart, you’ll have to do it elsewhere. I don’t have time to clean that sort of mess up.’”
If I’d had time to dwell on my sister coming over for dinner, I would’ve driven myself crazy. But Hailey had asked to meet, her foster mom had agreed, and twenty-four hours after bolting from Sugar Rush, we were sharing a pizza.
I barely ate, spending most of the meal cataloging every change in my sister instead. Her expressions were the same as I remembered, but there was a lightness to her that was new. I liked seeing that. I liked it a lot.
The rest of the time, I studied Linda Spellman. My instincts told me she cared for Hailey. Hell, she wouldn’t have brought her here if she didn’t have good intentions. I’d rather Hailey be living with me, but with my record, that wasn’t an option. I was coming to the conclusion the Spellmans were the next best thing.
When their laughter died down, I said, “You grew your hair out.”
Hailey dragged her hand along the locks draped over her shoulder. “Yeah, I did. I…uh, learned to care for it myself. And Linda taught me how to do ponytails and braids when it got longer.”
“I like it. I’m sorry I didn’t have those skills when you were living with me.”
I’d done my best, but the underside of her hair had gotten so matted we’d had to cut it. After that, we kept it short because it was easier for us both. It wasn’t like I was any kind of expert braider. I could’ve watched tutorials, though. I should’ve done more.
“It’s okay.” She picked up her paper napkin, wringing it in her hand. “It looked pretty cool short. I was just ready for a change.”
Linda lifted the end of Hailey’s hair, rubbing it between her fingers. “I loved your hair when you came to live with us. But you can pull off any cut with your pretty face.”
Phoebe nodded. “Isn’t that the truth? Not to mention all that gorgeous hair. You and Deacon share that trait.”
Hailey smiled at me, her cheeks a soft, rosy pink. “Only Deke and I have this hair color. We don’t match the rest of the family.”
I cleared my throat. “Have you talked to any of ’em since I’ve been away?”
“Not for a long time,” she replied. “Richie visited me a couple times in the beginning, but I think he forgot about me. Mom and Dad aren’t getting a check for me anymore, so they don’t have any use for me.” She scoffed, rolling her eyes, being big and brave. “It isn’t like I have any use for them either.”
“Our parents…” I shook my head, trying to formulate how to explain their neglect of her had nothing to do with her and everything to do with them. “Don’t know why they had kids. I guess it was just a thing to do. By some strange luck, they produced you and gave you every scrap of good they had in them. The one decent thing they ever did was let you come live with me. I’m not saying I was some prize, but—”
“You were,” she rushed out. “Remember, you gave me the bedroom in our apartment, and you slept on an air mattress in the living room? Back then, I didn’t realize what a big deal that was, but now I know. You were giving me what you didn’t have.”
I shrugged. “Anyone would have done it, buddy.”
“Deke,” she whispered. “I slept on a couch at our parents’ house. I’d never had a bedroom until I lived with you. You did that for me.”
In my periphery, Phoebe covered her gasp with her fingertips. I didn’t like talking about how it’d been growing up. Whatever most people assumed, it’d been ten times worse. Most of the time, there’d been no running water. Electricity had been iffy. We had feral dogs running wild on the property, so going outside wasn’t safe, but staying inside was often worse. Strangers were coming and going, every surface covered in drugs, dirt, and only God knew what else. It’d only grown worse as I’d gotten older. I knew if I hadn’t watched Hailey like a hawk, something irrevocable would have happened to her in that house.
“I did that for you,” I conceded. “Then I got locked up and left you alone. I let you down, kid, and I’ll never forgive myself for that.”
Hailey’s spine curled forward, her arms stretched like plants on the table in front of her. “I wish I could have lied for you. If I’d been stronger—”
Linda put her hand on Hailey’s shoulder. “You did the right thing, and there’s no shame in that. I’m sure Deke agrees.”
I nodded sharply. “You were a scared little girl. That lawyer never should have put that burden on you. I hate that you’ve been carrying guilt around all these years. Hate it. Where I ended up is all on me. I made the mistake of going along with Richie. If I hadn’t gotten thrown in prison when I did, I don’t know how much worse it would have gotten. Things happened the way they needed to.”
I glanced at Linda. She was rubbing Hailey’s back, nodding along with me. She didn’t have to allow any of this. By rights, I shouldn’t have had any visitation with my sister. Them being here said all I needed to know, and seeing Linda comfort Hailey only raised my esteem for her.
I continued. “All you have to do is look at the woman beside you, how she cares for you, and you’ll see that’s true. I wish I hadn’t lost all those years with you, but I’m in a lot better place to be your brother now, and I’m hoping, once we get past all this, we can start there.”
Sniffling, she finally raised her head, peering at me with glassy eyes. “You’re staying in Sugar Brush?”
“I am.” I slid my eyes to Phoebe, who was watching our exchange with intense focus. She offered me her hand, and I took it, folding it between mine. “My whole world is here, so this is where I’m gonna be.”
Hailey swiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “Good. I want you to stay.” She turned to Linda. “Is it okay if I sometimes maybe hang out with Deke? Maybe we could have him over to the house so I can show him my room?”
“Yes, that would be okay,” Linda agreed. “How about we start with dinner at our house next week and go from there?”
Hailey turned her bright gaze back to me. “Would you and Phoebe want to come to dinner at our house next week?”
When I went away, I thought I’d lost her for good. Thought she’d be angry at me or feel like I’d abandoned her and never want to see me again. I’d convinced myself it didn’t matter so long as she was living a good, safe life. But now, she was offering me more than I ever would have asked for, and I was going to grab it with both hands. Maybe I’d gotten better at accepting gifts. There was no damn doubt this was the biggest I’d ever been given.
“Yeah, buddy.” I swallowed down the thick lump in my throat. “I’d like that a hell of a lot.”
Hailey and Linda didn’t stay long after that. Linda had other kids to attend to, and Hailey had homework. Plus, we were all a little raw and needed some time. As I walked them to the door, Hailey stopped in her tracks and spun to face me.
She stared up at me for a long beat, her dark-amber eyes assessing. Then she took a deep breath and threw her arms around my middle so hard, they were like steel bars. Her head only came up to the center of my chest, but the last time I’d hugged her, it’d been much lower. I was tossed back and forth between past and present for a few thundering heartbeats before I steadied myself and wrapped my arms around my sister. I hadn’t had a lot of hugs in my life, but this one ranked right up there with the best.
“Love you, buddy,” I murmured.
She pulled back, grinning up at me. “Love you too, Deke. Like, a lot.”
With a choked laugh, I ruffled her hair. “See you soon.”
I stood at the door until they were safe in their car and driving away. In that time, Phoebe had joined me, curling her arms around me from behind and resting her cheek on my back.
When they were gone, I shut the door, letting my forehead drop against it. “ Fuck .”
Phoebe held onto me even tighter. “That went so well.”
“I know.” I put my hand over hers, slotting our fingers together. “How did that happen?”
“You two need each other.” She rounded me without breaking her embrace. “It’s only going to get better as you get to know each other again. I’m really happy for you.”
I pulled her against me, burying my face into her hair. Sugar . “I got her back.”
“I know,” she breathed, running her hand up and down my back. “You both did.”
“I got her back,” I murmured again. “Don’t know how, but I got my buddy back.”
“You did, Deacon. You did.”
The more I said it, the deeper it sank. Tonight had happened. My sister, who’d been lost to me for five years, was back. I’d held her a few minutes ago, and despite everything, it’d been like no time had passed. She was still my girl, silly freckle face and all.
“I must’ve done something right. Don’t know what it was, but I had to have done something right for her to turn out like that.”
“You gave her the bedroom,” Phoebe stated. “You made her feel like she was important enough to sacrifice for. You gave her safety and love. You screwed up, but before that, you gave her a solid foundation to stand on. I think you did a lot right. All you have to do is look at her to see that.”
“I don’t know how they made a girl like her.”
She sucked in a breath and slowly released it. “You said they poured every scrap of good into her, but I have to tell you, honey, they poured it into you too. You both got all the little bits of goodness they had in them and turned them into something even greater.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“I do,” she said firmly. “Would I ever lie to you?”
“No.” I didn’t have to think about that, not for a second.
She pulled back, a cute little crease between her brows. “Then believe me.”
The corner of my mouth hitched. I couldn’t help it. No matter what my mood was or how lost I was in my head, seeing my sweet Phoebe get stern made me smile.
“Guess I have no choice.”
Later that night, after we’d showered together for the first time and made love—slower, but I still didn’t last nearly as long as I would have liked—we were in her bed, trying this sleepover thing again.
Phoebe was on her side with me curled around her back, stroking the silk covering her soft stomach. She’d fallen asleep a while ago. I’d tried, but I was too restless to let go. As much as I didn’t want to, I’d have to go back to my place to get some rest. I couldn’t go to work without sleep, but shutting down wasn’t happening like this.
My sigh must’ve woken her. Or maybe it was me shifting against her plump ass. She turned her head, blinking at me. “Deacon?”
“Go back to sleep.” I kissed her shoulder. “I’m probably going to have to head upstairs soon.”
She latched onto my hand, and her brows dropped. “You can’t fall asleep?”
“No, not sure I can.” I blew out a heavy breath. “I want to stay here, baby, but I can’t get settled enough to drift off.”
She snuggled against me, her ass nestling closer. I was hard but not really turned on. My body was having a natural reaction to hers—something I had no control over. Not when it came to Phoebe.
“Can we try something?” she asked. “If it doesn’t work, I won’t be upset if you go back to your place.”
“Yeah.” I closed my eyes, pressing my face into her hair. “I’ll try anything.”
She lifted her top leg and arched her spine. “Put yourself inside me.”
“Phoebe, I—”
“Not sex, Deke. Just plant yourself inside me.” She twisted her neck to meet my sharp gaze. “I don’t know if it will help, but it might, so let’s try?”
After a beat, I nodded. “Okay.” I had a hard time believing this would work. Then again, being inside this woman was the most right thing in the world, so there was a chance she was onto something.
I gathered the back of her nightgown, lifting it to expose her round backside, then I freed my cock and pressed into her. Her warmth enveloped me as I slid between her folds and found her entrance. She stayed still as I pushed inside, slow and easy, until I made it all the way in.
She let out a sweet exhale and lowered her leg, relaxing into me. “There,” she whispered. “That’s better.”
Surprisingly, it was. As we lay in her soft bed, her warm body aligned with mine, joined in the most intimate way, something clicked within me. Like a light switch finally shutting off. My heart slowed, matching her steady, even breathing.
I curled my arm around her middle, and she laid hers on top, her fingers sliding between mine. I stared at the back of her head, waiting for the restlessness to return, but the longer I stared, the heavier my eyelids became.
I felt the moment she drifted back to sleep. Her entire body sank into the mattress, and she brought me with her. Little by little, muscle by muscle, I unfurled.
Before I knew it, my eyes were closing too. Drifting off to sleep, the safest I’d ever felt in my entire life, buried deep inside my woman.