Chapter 18
Bryce
Bryce realized, after getting dressed and brushing his teeth beside Holden at his small bathroom sink, he’d never actually been in love before.
He watched Holden’s reflection in the mirror, the way his hair fell into his eyes when he leaned over to spit out the toothpaste, the way he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
There wasn’t a single thing Holden did that Bryce didn’t want to worship, and that scared him a little.
Was love supposed to be scary?
He wasn’t sure.
Even with his nerves and worry over the confession of their feelings—even unspoken—there was a safety in it, which only proved to Bryce he was right in the first place.
He didn’t know if love was supposed to be scary, but it definitely was supposed to feel safe, and Bryce had never felt more protected than he did when he was with Holden.
“I can drive,” he offered after they put their shoes on.
“Ah, yes.” Holden stood up and shook himself into shape. “The new car. Let’s see it.”
Holden took Bryce’s hand after he locked the apartment, and there was something so freeing about it.
He’d never wasted a day with anyone before, but he was ready for Holden to be his first. In many things, apparently.
Down on the street, Bryce unlocked the car and Holden gave the BMW a quick appraisal before pulling open the passenger door and sinking into the black leather seat.
“What do you think?” Bryce asked.
“It’s nice.”
“I thought so.” He turned the car on and unrolled the windows to let some fresh air in. The car smelled a little bit like weed even though Bryce didn’t smoke. “Where is our first stop?”
Holden plugged an address into the nav and then reached over the console to take Bryce’s hand. Even without using his words, Holden said so much sometimes Bryce found it overwhelming…in the best way. In the he wanted more of it way.
Whatever place Holden had decided on for lunch was just over half an hour away, and the directions called for him to go west, so that’s where Bryce headed.
He turned on the radio, enjoying the feel of Holden’s hand in his while he drove.
Holden didn’t say much, but when Bryce asked him questions, he answered.
By the time they reached Santa Monica, Bryce knew how long Holden had been tattooing for, what his favorite movie was, what he liked to do in his spare time when he wasn’t barebacking Bryce, and a slew of other inconsequential facts.
He’d offered all of his own answers to Holden in return, who nodded quietly with a smile on his face.
“Noted,” Holden murmured, tapping his temple after Bryce pulled into a metered spot a few blocks from the beach.
“Where are we going?”
The two of them got out of the car and Holden took his hand again, squeezing his fingers before leading him a couple blocks away from the beach toward a little taco shop that wasn’t much more than a hole in the wall with a sliding window and a menu on a folding easel board.
“What is it with you and places like this?” Bryce teased, thinking back to the cafe around the corner from Ink and Ember Merrick had sent them to his first day in LA.
That hadn’t been too long ago, but it felt like a lifetime.
How had Bryce met—and fallen in love with—someone in such a short amount of time?
“I know what I like.”
Bryce hummed. “You certainly do.”
They stood quietly together in line, and Bryce leaned his head against the outside of Holden’s shoulder. It was nice, he thought, finding the quiet outside of the bedroom. To Bryce, it was more proof he’d chosen right, that Holden’s love was as safe as he thought it was.
When it was their turn in line, Holden ordered for him and Bryce continued to relax.
His shoulders sagged, his fingers softened in Holden’s grip.
He wasn’t trying to pull away, but he trusted Holden’s feelings for him and also didn’t feel like he needed to hold on so hard.
So much of his life with Merrick had been a fight for attention, for love, for resources.
With Holden, everything he offered was freely given with no moderation in sight.
Holden gave and gave and gave to him, and Bryce had never been able to take so freely.
He knew his relationship with Holden couldn’t stay a secret forever, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t want this to himself for just a little longer.
Ten minutes later, Holden grabbed a brown paper bag with a dozen street tacos inside of it, took Bryce’s hand again, and led them back toward PCH. Bryce didn’t say how happy it made him to let Holden take the lead. He didn’t think he had to.
They made their way to the short concrete wall of the boardwalk and both of them sat down, the food between them. Bryce watched quietly as Holden meticulously pulled out all the tacos and arranged them on top of the bag.
“Are you going to feed me too?” he joked, grabbing one of the foil-wrapped tacos and tearing into it.
The scent of marinated pork and pineapple wafted up to his nose and Bryce made an indecent sound when he breathed it in. Holden shot him a scathing look, his own taco in hand.
“Save it for later,” Holden muttered.
Bryce laughed and took another bite of his taco.
It really was delicious and well worth the drive to Venice.
Behind them, people skated and jogged down the boardwalk, and before them, the waves crashed onto the shore.
There was so much noise, so much happening around them, but it was just him and Holden.
The two of them in a little bubble that apparently could extend past the bedroom.
They ate all twelve tacos, and then Bryce took care of the trash before Holden could get up. When he came back to the wall, Holden pulled him close, one arm around his waist and the outsides of their legs touching.
“I could get used to this,” Bryce said softly, closing his eyes and enjoying the warmth as the sun beat down on the top of his head.
“The beach?”
“You.”
Holden’s fingers flexed against his side. “I didn’t tell you earlier, but—”
Holden was interrupted before he could get the words out. What Bryce imagined would have been Holden’s first time using the L-word with him instead turned into the sound of Merrick saying Holden’s name.
Holden’s fingers twitched against him again, and he moved to pull his arm back. Bryce didn’t stop him, and neither of them dared to breathe. So much for his little bubble of peace with Holden, so much for their secret.
“Bryce?” His own name fell out of his brother’s mouth with much more surprise than he’d offered Holden’s. “What are you two doing here?”
“Merrick.” Bryce climbed off the wall and brushed sand off the backs of his thighs. Holden stayed seated, expression watchful.
“What’s going on? You two looked—”
“Close,” Bryce offered.
“Close.”
Merrick’s eyes narrowed, and he looked from Bryce to Holden and back again. Merrick was on a longboard, a paper bag that looked a lot like the one Bryce had just thrown away in his hand.
“Holden?” Merrick asked, and Holden glanced up, shoulders heaving with a deep inhale.
“Merrick.”
“What are you two doing here?”
Bryce’s brother had apparently turned his attention to Holden after not getting the answer he wanted out of Bryce himself.
“Having lunch,” Holden answered.
“And a snuggle?”
“Hardly.”
“It looked close.”
“I told you it was,” Bryce interjected.
Merrick’s gaze drifted back to his brother. “You’ve been staying with him, haven’t you?”
Holden swung his leg over the wall and stood beside Bryce, shoulder to shoulder. He stared down Bryce’s brother like he would fight the man if he had to, but Bryce knew it wouldn’t come to that.
“He has,” Holden answered, brushing his fingers against Bryce’s. A shiver of already familiar electricity coursed up his arm, raising the hair up to his elbow.
Something that looked a lot like hurt flashed across Merrick’s face and his stare drifted back to Bryce.
“You didn’t say anything,” Merrick said.
And in that moment, Bryce felt bad about not telling his brother about his relationship with Holden, but he wasn’t going to apologize for wanting something for himself.
“I know,” Bryce said. He tangled his fingers with Holden’s and held on for dear life. “And I don’t want to talk about it now. Can we do this later?”
For the first time in his entire life, Bryce saw his brother at a loss for words.
“Later.” Merrick rubbed the bridge of his nose, dragging his finger over to rub his eye.
“We can talk at work,” Holden said. “If you want.”
“Oh, I’ll want.” Merrick seemed to remember himself, squaring his shoulders and squinting at Holden. Bryce didn’t see any malice in the look, though, just weariness.
“It wasn’t about you,” Holden added. “For what it’s worth.”
Merrick swallowed hard and nodded. “Heard.”
“We’ll talk soon, I promise,” Bryce said. “I love you.”
Holden squeezed his hand and Merrick jerked his chin in agreement with the sentiment.
Bryce and Merrick looked at each other for another beat, then Merrick turned forward again on his longboard and skated toward the pier.
Once his back disappeared into the crowd, Bryce let out a breath and smashed his face against Holden’s chest.
Holden was quick to embrace him, wrapping both arms around Bryce’s shoulders and pulling him in for a much-needed hug.
Bryce breathed in the calming smell of Holden’s laundry detergent and his body wash, counting his breaths until he felt like he could speak without his heart jumping out of his throat.
“I’m proud of you, if that’s not weird to say,” Holden whispered into his hair.
“Why?”
“You said what you needed to say, and you didn’t run out of breath while doing it.”
Bryce wiggled out of Holden’s arms enough to see his face, relief trickling down his spine when he saw the soft smile on Holden’s mouth.
Holden took Bryce’s face into his hands and pressed a gentle kiss against his mouth, a little rougher than would be considered polite, but nowhere near aggressive enough to be considered inappropriate.
“I love you,” Holden said, kissing the corner of Bryce’s mouth, his chin, the cut of his jaw. Bryce tilted his head back to give Holden his neck, which earned him a toothy grin against his skin but no more kisses.
“I love you,” he shivered, laughing to himself. “I never would have thought.”
“That you’d love me?”
“That it would feel like this.” Bryce tucked his chin against his chest and shrugged awkwardly. “This may not be doable because Merrick has always been able to kill the mood, but did you have anything else planned for the day?”
Holden arched a brow, the insinuation clear. He thought Bryce was chasing after when they were going to go back home and fuck, which wasn’t entirely wrong but was also honestly not the root of his question. Holden had asked him to waste a day, and Bryce was committed to doing exactly that.
“I was going to see where the mood took us,” Holden said. “I didn’t have anything concrete until tonight.”
Bryce made an awkwardly horny sound. Holden laughed and joined their hands again and pulled Bryce back toward where they’d parked. “You’re insatiable,” he teased.
“Can you blame me?”
“Honestly, no.” Holden’s mouth quirked up into a little smile. “But you’re going to have to wait for what you want. And you’re probably going to have to wait longer than you want.”
“It’s already been longer than I want.” Bryce covered their joined hands with his other hand, enjoying the contact. “Do you think if I talk long enough you’ll give in because it’ll be an opportunity to shut me up?”
“As much as I love when I can make you quiet, there’s not much I love more than the sound of your voice, Bryce.”
The admission slammed into him like a semi-truck. He rubbed his chest, trying to ease the ache and the pressure that love seemed to leave behind.
“Oh, well.” He unlocked the car. “In that case, have I got a story for you.”