Chapter 20 #2
She shakes her head. “How could I? We never even talked about my birth mother when I was growing up because no one knew her. It wasn’t like my dad was dating her when she got pregnant with me.
And I don’t fault them. They probably thought talking about her might make me feel less than my siblings.
I don’t think they knew it was something I wondered about.
It was a case of don’t bring it up, and it didn’t happen.
But for me, there was always this big thing, this big part of me, that was never spoken of, almost like she never existed. ”
“Your parents sound like they’re really great people. Maybe if you talked to them about this, you’d feel better.”
“Well, I’m going to have to now, anyway.”
My forehead wrinkles. “How come?”
She blows out a breath. “Shortly after I arrived in Echo Lake, my doctor called. Something came up in my bloodwork, and one of the questions she asked was about the medical history on my maternal side. It’s not the first time it’s ever happened in my life, but something about it hit me hard this time.
Maybe because I’m here, in a small town so similar to my hometown. ”
A flash of fear surges through me like a lightning bolt. I finally feel like I want to see what this is between us, and now there might be something wrong? “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know for sure, but the doctor wasn’t overly concerned.”
I nod, not feeling entirely settled by her answer, but I trust that she would know.
“I…I decided to see if I can track down anyone from my mom’s side of the family to see if what the blood test showed is something genetic.”
“And did you?”
“Sort of. A woman who went to high school with her responded to my message and said that she’d try to get hold of my biological mom’s cousin for me.
Tonight, when I was on my computer…” She swallows hard and looks away.
“She responded to let me know she’d contacted her and asked her to reach out to me.
But that’s not what got me emotional. She sent me some pictures of my mom from high school that she was able to dig up.
I didn’t want to tell her I was her daughter, so I ended up just saying I was a distant relative.
Those pictures…” Her eyes swim with tears.
“That’s the first time I’ve ever seen a picture of my birth mother. ”
There are equal parts devastation and awe in her voice. I lean forward and pull her into my arms again.
“That must’ve been really emotional.”
I didn’t have my mom in my life growing up, but I know what she looked like.
I heard stories from my father and people around town about what she was like, what she found funny, how much she loved my siblings and me.
If I ever want to see pictures of her, there are plenty to dig out of old photo albums. At least I have those things to cling to.
The idea of knowing nothing about my mom—not even what she looks like—is unfathomable.
Emelia nods into my shoulder. “I didn’t expect it to hit me so hard. I didn’t realize how much I needed to know what she looked like until I opened those messages and saw the pictures.”
I rub her back until she pulls away, looking at me with wide, glossy eyes.
“What’s the next step?” I ask.
“That’s just it. Now I have to talk to my parents. I already feel guilty enough that I can’t pursue this further without speaking to them about it. There’s a good chance this long-lost cousin, or whoever, is going to reach out to me any day now.”
I cup her face. I’ve assumed so much about this woman just because of why she came to town in the first place.
I’m not too proud to admit that I’ve been wrong.
“Obviously, I don’t know your parents, but from everything you’ve said, they’re loving and supportive and want the best for you.
Even if this comes as a surprise to them, I imagine they’ll support you finding out more about your birth mom. ”
She nods. “I know. I know that. I just don’t understand why they can’t be enough. I have no right to feel the way I do when they were so good to me.”
“You do have a right. Of course you do.”
She comes up on her knees and wraps her arms around my neck. “Thank you for listening to me.”
One of my hands splays across her back, and the other is entwined in her hair.
Having her in my arms, sharing such an intimate conversation with her—both make me realize how much I’ve missed sharing moments like this with someone.
“Anytime, really. I’m here if you want to talk about it.”
She pulls back and meets my gaze. That same tension rises from when we were at the camp, and my body automatically leans toward her. My breathing shallows, and the urge to kiss her is almost impossible to deny.
But I do deny it. Because now is not the time for me to put the moves on Emelia, even if she looks as though she wants me to.
In her state, I’d be taking advantage of her emotional vulnerability.
When I kiss Emelia, I want it to be because she’s fully present, not because she’s using it as a distraction.
So I break our eye contact and move back over to the other lounger. “The guy replacing the beam that was damaged in the bunkie called today and said he’ll be by later this week to take care of it.”
It’s a terrible segue, but she seems to understand my intent and doesn’t act offended that I pulled away. A sign we’re on the same page.
“That’s good.”
Our conversation moves to more mundane topics, and when Emelia excuses herself, saying she’s going to get ready for bed, I pretend I’m not as disappointed as I am.