Chapter 31
CHAPTER
THIRTY-ONE
Emelia
Another week, another Zoom call I’m nervous for.
As I click on the link to enter the Zoom room, I have no idea what to expect. Will Liz be happy to hear from me? Did she have any idea that I even existed prior to my reaching out? Is there more family that I don’t know about?
Whatever the answers to these questions are, I know it will be okay. I have my parents behind me, and nothing will change that.
When my screen changes and brings me into the meeting, Liz is already there.
The first thing I notice is that we have the same nose and eye color. Beyond that, we don’t look the same. While my hair is straight, hers has a natural curl and is a darker brown than mine. Her lips are thinner than mine, and her skin tone is a little more olive than mine.
Still, I think if a stranger saw us side by side, they’d assume there was some kind of blood relation between us.
“Hey,” she says. I can sense the apprehension in her voice.
“Hey, I’m Emelia.”
She gives me a small smile. “Liz.”
An awkward silence descends between us. I shift uncomfortably. “God, this is awkward.”
Acknowledging it seems to lighten the mood, because her shoulders relax and she chuckles. “I’m glad you said it.”
“What could be more awkward than a stranger popping up out of nowhere to tell you she’s your long-lost relative, right?” I reach for the glass of water beside my computer.
I’m in the kitchen since Elliott and Baylor are out running errands together, and I have the house to myself.
“I’m glad you reached out.”
Her words set me at ease, and I decide to get right into it. “It wasn’t something I’d planned to do, honestly.” Then I launch into telling her the basics of how I got to this point because of a question from my doctor. “Can I ask…did you know I existed at all? Did you know Tanya had a daughter?”
A small frown crosses her lips. “I gather you don’t know anything about our family history.”
I straighten slightly at her tone, shaking my head. “I know exactly zero about our history.”
“It’s not a fairy tale by any means, but I’m happy to fill you in if you want. At least based on what I was told by my mom.”
I’m nodding before she’s even finished speaking.
“Well, the way my mom would tell it, she and Tanya never really got along. My mom was three years older than Tanya.”
“When you say your mom was…”
Sadness slides over her face. “She died of an overdose five years ago.”
And here I am making her relive this. Good job, Emelia.
“I’m so sorry.” Now I feel bad for having made Liz unearth all of this.
“Thanks. To be honest, it wasn’t a shock to anyone who knew her. I tried to get her help many times, but it never took.”
“When I was given to my dad, he said that the lawyer told him that Tanya didn’t really have many other options, because of a bad family situation or something like that.”
Liz nods. “From what my mom said, their dad was an abusive man, and their mom drank a lot and cycled through men in an effort to replace their dad. But not all of her boyfriends were good guys, if you catch my drift.”
I frown. I didn’t know my bio mom, but the idea that she grew up in that kind of environment makes me sad, and thankful once again for the household I was raised in. “That had to be awful for them.”
“Yeah, I didn’t have the perfect childhood, but it wasn’t as bad as my mom’s, so that’s something.”
Liz speaks so matter-of-factly about her apparently traumatic upbringing. But I suppose she’s used to it. This isn’t new information to her. She grew up knowing all of this.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t have any pictures of your mom, and I would have sent them if I did.
The way my mom told it, she left home with just the clothes on her back the minute she graduated.
That’s what the falling out between them was about.
Tanya wanted my mom to take her with her, and she refused.
There was a big blowup, and they never spoke again. ”
“That’s really sad.”
I picture the teenager I saw in the pictures her classmate sent me, begging her big sister to take her out of a bad situation, and my chest squeezes. Though from what Liz has said her mom was like, maybe it’s better that Tanya was left behind. I guess I’ll never really know.
“Yeah. I think she regretted it, maybe. It was hard to tell because she didn’t like to talk about that time in her life.
But the odd time she did, I could see that she wished things were different.
I don’t know why she never tried to track Tanya down.
Then again, my mom never could get out of her own way. ” She shrugs.
“Do you have any siblings?”
Liz shakes her head. “No, just me. One surprise baby was enough for my mom. She got her tubes tied after I was born.”
I shift the conversation to the medical history of our maternal line. Liz doesn’t have much information, but she says that she knows her mom never had any issues with autoimmune diseases, so I guess that’s something.
“Can I ask, did you grow up in a happy household?” Liz asks as we’re getting ready to end the call.
I smile for the first time during this conversation. “I did. I was really lucky to land with my dad and mom.”
That seems to satisfy something in Liz, because she smiles. “I’m happy to know that.”
Another awkward silence descends. Now that we’ve covered all the basics, I’m not sure where to take the conversation.
Liz handles it for me. “Maybe we can keep up with each other a bit. We are cousins after all.”
“That sounds good.” I say the words with hope that we might have somewhat of a relationship, but I know better than anyone that what makes someone family isn’t blood.
It’s a lifetime spent together, it’s love and support, and it’s the passage of time with a shared connection. None of which Liz and I have.
I wish her the best, but I’ve already built my family.
“I really appreciate you filling me in on what you know about Tanya. Thanks, Liz.”
“Anytime. Don’t be a stranger.”
We say our goodbyes, and we both hang up.
I sit quietly for a beat, taking in everything Liz told me, more thankful than ever to have my mom, my dad, and my siblings in my life.
So I call my parents and fill them in on my conversation, then I text Trey to let him know it went well and that I’ll call him later this week to fill him in on all the details.
Even though I’ve never felt as though I really fit, I realize that maybe that was just the story I told myself. And so, I choose to believe otherwise.
Maybe I fit just fine.