Chapter Eleven
~Toby’s POV~
“Are we there yet?” I asked, forcing my eyes open after Bryan managed to hit a pothole.
“Now you wake up?” Bryan grumbled. “Did you stay up all night again?”
I glanced out the window at all the family homes we drove by. “Too excited about the game.”
Bryan blew out a breath as he took a turn. I glanced over at him. “Jealous you couldn’t sleep more?”
“Frustrated that you think I’m dumb enough to believe that answer. You enjoy Paxon’s games, but you’ve never lost sleep over it. So something else kept you up.”
My smile slipped away, and I turned to look out the window so he couldn’t see my expression. “Sometimes, you’re too smart,” I mumbled.
“I have to be to keep my parents off my ass. So spill.”
“I was talking to my mom last night,” I finally admitted. I sat up straighter in my seat. “Things aren’t going good.”
“Austin?”
I shook my head. “He’s…suffering. And my parents are feeling it too. Mom cried to me last night. She’s scared for Austin. Scared he might do something to hurt himself.”
“Shit.”
I sighed. “Yeah.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
“You’ll see him for Thanksgiving, right?”
“Yeah.” Though I wasn’t particularly looking forward to it. I always felt like I had to perform for them. I had to be good. On my best behavior. I had to be careful and mindful. It was exhausting. I loved Austin. He’s my baby brother.
But my parents were so cautious that it was stifling. And now Austin was working through a bad depression and I wasn’t sure how to get him out of it.
This wasn’t the kind of life he was supposed to live. The guilt came again as I thought about it. I wasn’t even with him when he got hurt and yet every time I thought about it, I felt guilty. Dr. Arason had tried to fight to get me to understand that the guilt was unfounded, but still.
I was his big brother. If he was suffering, I’d always feel guilty because I couldn’t take away that pain. Being around my family reminded me of how much of a failure I was as a big brother.
“Are we there yet?”
“Just down the road. We’re a little early. I think we beat the others. Want to get some food?”
I grinned. “Yes. Always. Is there any other answer?”
Bryan chuckled and pulled into the parking lot of a local cafe. I hummed, already looking forward to their breakfast options. Hopefully I could get an egg sandwich on a croissant. Those were my favorite.
Inside was fairly busy, so we hopped into line. I tried to patiently stay still, but once my stomach knew food was possible, it began to rumble.
“This weekend should be fun,” I said, unable to stay quiet for so long. I wanted to text Cadence, but I knew she was driving and Seth was always going on about texting each other when we knew someone was driving.
Bryan snorted. “What are you planning?”
“I’m not planning anything.”
“After what happened at Halloween, it’s hard to believe you.”
I held out my pink as if to pinky swear with him, but I knew he wouldn’t do that. “I promise I’m not planning anything. I’m just excited to spend the night at a hotel with everyone I love.” I smirked at him. “And Cadence.” I gave Bryan a big grin.
It was true though. I wanted to watch movies late into the night with her, eat meals with her, maybe talk her into going swimming if we had time. I had already checked, there was a pool where we were staying.
“We’ll be busy enough with Paxon’s schedule, and we’re here to support him,” Bryan reminded me.
“And we will. I’ll be one of the loudest in the stands, cheering him on.” I chuckled. “I still want to have fun though.”
And hopefully keep my mind off my parents and my little brother before I got sucked back into those dark memories.