Chapter Fourteen
The soft click of the door woke me up. I rubbed at my face, noting how the TV was off and the spot next to me was empty. Then I dimly remembered that George had come and gotten Cal while I was dozing off, reminding the others to go back to their rooms once they finished watching the movie.
I rubbed my eyes and tried to see into the darkness. The window curtains were still open and gave just enough light for me to see that the bed next to me had two of the boys sleeping. I wasn’t sure who it was, hard to tell. Maybe Toby? Justin?
I remembered Seth and Bryan had gone back to their own rooms shortly after Cal left. Other than that, I wasn’t sure what had happened since Toby was determined to watch another movie.
Sitting up, I blinked past the sleepiness as my brain slowly woke.
Who was it that left?
I got up and shoved my feet into my shoes, wincing at not having any socks. I hated being barefoot when I wore my shoes. It just didn’t feel right.
After looking back at the other bed, I stepped out into the bright hallway, blinking furiously as I was blinded. That woke me up even more. I headed back down to the lobby, remembering that they had a lounge area there. Maybe I could relax a little, grab something to drink before trying to go back to sleep.
Lately, if I woke up, that was it for me. Maybe there was something down there to distract me for a little bit. I didn’t want to stay in the room and wake up anyone.
The sound of a scraping chair got my attention. In the lounge area, Paxon was at a table, head down on the table, eyes closed.
“Paxon?” I asked. “Is everything okay?”
He slowly blinked open his eyes and stared back at me, gaze dull with sleepiness. Then he was sitting up straight and clearing his throat. His gaze dipped down my body briefly before snapping back to my face.
I glanced down and blushed hard. I should have put on a sweater or something before coming down here. The hotel was a bit colder than my room was and my tank top was a little thinner. I crossed my arms over my chest and sat down, trying to hide my nipples poking through.
Paxon cleared his throat, trying to hide his own awkwardness. “Did we wake you when we left? I’m sorry. We tried to be quiet.”
“We?”
“Justin and me.”
I looked around but didn’t find Justin.
Paxon sensed my question. “He had to take a short walk, get some fresh air.”
“This late at night?”
Paxon rubbed at his eyes. “He’s just outside, maybe walking a lap around the building. He’ll be fine. No one would dare try to pick a fight with him.”
True. Justin could look pretty darn intimidating when he wanted to be.
“What are you doing up?” I asked.
“Nothing. How about you?”
I shrugged. We ended up just staring at each other for a while before he finally caved. I won.
“Still on a victory high,” he said. “Had trouble getting comfortable enough to fall asleep. Thought maybe I’d distract myself for a little bit before heading to my room.”
“Will you be okay for tomorrow?” Concerned welled up. I may not know anything about sports, but I did know how important sleep was for anyone.
“I’ve played on less. I guess there’s just a lot to think about with soccer, my teammates, college…” He hesitated. “You.”
“Me?” I swallowed hard, not expecting this shift in the conversation.
He and Toby did a bold thing at the party, but I hadn’t really pushed it. I leaned forward, deciding it was time to cut to the chase and get answers. To be upfront with everyone, just as Seth’s aunt had suggested. Peyton had experience. She knew what needed to be done.
And I guess it made sense.
Even as my stomach twisted with my spiking anxiety. Voicing these things was scary. What if he wasn’t interested? What if there was some kind of misunderstanding and I made a fool out of myself?
Better now than later, though. Better to be open about it all and understand where everyone stood.
Feeling even worse than when I needed to walk on stage, I met Paxon’s eyes. He sensed the change in my mood and stiffened, never looking away from me.
“Paxon,” I said and licked my lips as I gathered every drop of my nerves together. It would have been better to risk my voice trying to reach Mariah Carey’s high notes singing. “How about I help one of those thoughts that are filling your mind tonight.”
“How so?” he asked.
I glanced toward the unlit fireplace. It was pristine with wood already sitting inside, waiting to be lit. “I had the pleasure of meeting Seth’s aunt this past week.”
“Oh.” Paxon seemed surprised by that.
“I’m assuming you’ve met her before.”
“Haven’t met her, but I know about her. Seth talks about her a lot. She doesn’t come around often since she lives a few hours away, but the two are close.”
I nodded. That made sense.
“She told me I should just be upfront and ask.” I pulled on all the courage I had inside me as I sat straighter. “Seth mentioned it before but I wasn’t ready to face it. But then you did that at the Halloween party and I don’t think I can keep ignoring it. Do you want to date me? And do you want to date me understanding that I might date someone else? I’ve already kissed Seth and Justin.”
Paxon’s eyes looked like they were ready to bug out of his head. He didn’t think I’d just toss it all out there like that. I didn’t think I would either, but that seemed to be what was needed. We’d all been singing different tunes for too long and it was time we came together and at least were on the same chorus.
Why not start with Paxon? Toby and he had already voiced their thoughts publicly at the Halloween party—granted a little vague—but now it was time to stop doing that. I didn’t want to drag this confusion around anymore. This feeling of guilt and shame.
Peyton’s confidence flashed through my mind. How she had no qualms about mentioning that she had two husbands despite not knowing how I’d react, how she walked with so much confidence that it felt like some of it seeped into me. How upfront she was about it all.
And talking about others out there in poly relationships. That I shouldn’t let those around me decide for me that I couldn’t date more than one person, that I had to limit myself because that was what was appropriate.
The day I became emancipated, I was done with appropriate. Appropriate would have been to go into the foster system until I turned eighteen. It would have been to punish my mother by letting her stay in jail. It would have been never helping Janice escape her abuser because it wasn’t my business. It would have been to stay away from the boys, to never move from my house, to never live alone.
Fuck it all.
I wanted answers now. I wanted to keep fighting to move forward. I didn’t want to be stuck anymore, and it all was going to start by putting Paxon on the spot. I almost pitied him.
“Yes,” Paxon finally said, instantly loosening the stress that shivered through my limbs. “Yes. I’m in. We’re already aware of such relationships because of Seth. And frankly, I like the idea that you have people in your court. You’re worthy of the whole world loving you. Of the people around you taking care of you, protecting you. I learned with my brother that fighting solo doesn’t work. My dad fought solo and lost to my mother. My little brother had to suffer for it. Justin fought alone and he nearly died. His mother did die.” Paxon swallowed. “You too. You fought alone for so long that it was almost too late. That’s unacceptable to me. No one gets to be alone. Not anymore.”
His words hit me way too hard, and I blinked furiously, swallowing the emotions clogging my throat.
He was in. He wanted to date me, even if I dated the others.
“I’m in too,” I rasped out. “I’m scared. I don’t understand relationships, but I’m in. I want to try it. With you. With the others. I don’t know, it feels…” I shook my head, trying to find the right words. “Not trying with all of you seems wrong. Doesn’t feel right.”
Paxon reached out and held my hands. “I get it. I do. And it’s done.” He smiled. I couldn’t help it, my smile turned shy. “I’m yours, just like you’re mine.”
“I missed something important,” Justin said.
I jumped at his unexpected presence. He grabbed the chair next to Paxon, looking between the two of us with an eyebrow slightly raised. My cheeks heated, and I ducked my head down so my hair fell forward and hid my embarrassment.
Paxon chuckled. “Cadence officially asked me out and I said yes.”
“Paxon!”
Paxon grinned, giving me a slight shrug. “It’s true though. I’m your boyfriend. It’s official. I’m not going to shy away from it. Seth warned us that if we shied away from what our relationship is, bad things can happen.”
“About time.” Justin took the seat next to Paxon. He tilted his head to the side and smiled. “I’m in too, if you’ll have me.”
My mouth popped open, getting a chuckle from him.
“I already said it before, but if we’re looking at making things all official and shit, then same for me. I want to be your boyfriend. Do you feel the same?”
I swallowed hard. “I do. And okay.”
“Okay.”
“Okay,” Paxon said.
All three of us looked at each other and then broke out laughing at the absurdity of what was said. Only after we calmed down did Paxon grab one of the board games and we used that to distract us until we were tired enough to go back to sleep.