Chapter Twenty-Seven
I was supposed to focus on Sunday. I wanted solid work to share with Laurens when I met with him and there were a few projects that had managed to pile up. So much for keeping on top of all my work.
On top of that, tonight, I had a date with Seth. A real date date. With wooing and romance and officialness. It wasn’t going to be like when we had those frienates, but more. Seth already warned me. Hell, he warned me when we did our frienate and he refused to treat it less than a date.
I was a little scared about what he was cooking up for tonight. But also excited. My stomach kept doing dance moves all morning and afternoon as I tried to work but instead started daydreaming about Seth.
By the time I finished getting ready, I was a bundle of jittery eagerness.
Seth barely had time to knock on my door before I was swinging it open to greet him.
“Hi.” He grinned, oozing charm that only added an extra layer to the bundle of nerves and excitement that already consumed me. His dark eyes were nearly black as he slowly looked me over. Seth dressed up a little in black jeans and a light grey sweater. Casual, but date-like all at the same time as he stood there confidently. The man knew he looked good.
“Hi.” My response was way too shy. It was like we were strangers meeting for the first time ever. It was like the kisses we shared hadn’t happened yet and we were at the very beginning.
It was amazing how I had already kissed him a couple of times, cuddled with him, and even slept in the same bed, and yet there we were, about to start our first official date, and I was reduced to a shy scared girl unable to form a complete sentence as my tongue tripped over itself. Things felt a little backward with us, but also as it should be.
Seth’s smile widened. “Well, since I won’t be able to spend Thanksgiving with you, I thought we could celebrate now. Share with each other what we’re grateful for.”
“How do you suggest we do that?” I asked.
He held out his hand for me to grab and instead of answering said, “Come on.”
Seth escorted me to his truck and opened my door. I climbed inside and let him close the door while I buckled in. He went around and got into the driver’s seat and then we were off.
“The only thing I don’t like about this time of year is how dark it is so early,” Seth said. “But for today, that makes it all the better.” He leaned over and opened the glove compartment and pulled out a pen and small slips of paper. They were just like the size of the ones you get from fortune cookies.
“What are these?” I asked.
“For you to fill out. Try to write about fifteen things you’re grateful for. Can be as simple as something like having fuzzy socks to as serious and complicated as having a job.” He shrugged. “Anything you want. Silly or small or super serious. All up to you.”
“What are we doing exactly?” I asked, eyeing the paper suspiciously.
Seth pulled out a small notebook and put it on my lap so I had something hard to write on. “Well, what is Thanksgiving without sharing a little holiday spirit? And what better way to share some holiday spirit than to buy a tree together.”
“In November?” And that didn’t explain why I was writing things I was grateful for.
“They like to open early since so many families like to put their trees up after they eat Thanksgiving dinner.”
“That’s a tradition?” I asked. “Isn’t there some kind of rule to respect the holidays? Now it’s time for Thanksgiving to shine.”
“I think it gives families something to bond over. Everyone is together and it gives them something to do together. I like it. When my parents lived here, we’d have dinner with my aunt and her husbands, with some of the guys who weren’t busy. We’d decorate our house while listening to music and stories. They’re warm memories.”
“You miss it?” I asked.
“I’ll still do it when I go see my parents. My aunt is already gone. She flew out early, turned it into a huge vacation to go see my mom and dad and explore a new state. Last text I got, she was dragging Uncle Jordan through a Christmas maze.”
I laughed. That actually sounded really fun. And I already proved to Toby that I was great with mazes when I led us to victory through the one we did for Halloween. I wouldn’t mind doing something like that again.
Seth told me more about the traditions they did for not just Thanksgiving but also for Christmas with the family. It all sounded so beautiful and fun. While he drove and talked, I wrote, trying to wrap my brain around what I was thankful for. It was actually pretty hard. I had a rough year. A rough few years, really.
I had nothing like the traditions Seth described so it was all fascinating to me to learn how others celebrated something I never really took part in for too long. Sure as a kid, I did the holidays as a family, but they weren’t elaborate like everything Seth described. And of course, all that ended when my dad left. Holidays became a time of year where I was overworked with jobs and performances. I kind of thought this year would be much of the same, but meeting the guys had changed everything for me.
Seth brought me further away from the towns. He was right in terms of people already prepping for Christmas. Some lights were up, sparkling in the darkness as we drove by. He pulled into a rocky parking lot.
“Oh wow.” The whole place was already lit up with Christmas lights. Massive fir trees bordered the property, all of them decked out perfectly in lights and twinkling ornaments. The open space by the entrance to the barn-like building had a massive wood sleigh with Santa, reindeers, and presents all around.
It was breathtaking.
“Neat, right?” Seth asked.
I nodded, still a bit speechless as I took in all the lights and decorations.
“They officially opened on Saturday so people could start getting their trees. Come on. We need to find the best tree of them all.”
We got out and headed inside, hands locked together. He had to lead the way since I kept getting distracted by all the decorations. I truly felt like I was walking into a snowy wonderland. How had I never known about this place before? Was I so disconnected from holidays that I was blinded to the existence of places like this?
“So how does this work?” I asked.
“We go in, they have a bunch of already harvested trees and we pick the one we want and buy it. There are some farms that allow us to cut it down ourselves, but I figured this would be easiest for you.”
“Sounds good to me.”
Seth chuckled. “You’d think. Come on.” We went through the massive barn-like building. It was filled with what we’d need for the tree, like different water basins, and decorations we can buy right there.
Seth explained how watering a tree was important and too many people made the mistake of not properly taking care of them. He also went into details on decoration tricks, like how to tell what length of lights we’d need to take.
It was all very mathy apparently, again more things I didn’t know. Lindie would always just hire someone to bring a tree for the foyer and to decorate it for us. It was all for show for visitors and that was it. Even the presents underneath would all be fake—just empty boxes wrapped in pretty paper.
“All right, this can take a while, so now the Thanksgiving part of it.” Seth pulled a small black bag out of his jacket and gave it a little shake. “So I had already gone through and wrote up fifteen things I’m grateful for. Hand over what you wrote.”
I dug in my pocket and handed over the stack of small slips to him. He dumped them into the bag and began shaking.
“As we look at the trees, we’ll share.” His eyes were lit up with excitement. It seemed he was more interested in what I was thankful for rather than picking out a tree.
“It’s pretty simple. We take turns drawing, and then we talk about what’s written down. Ready?”
“You first.”
He chuckled. “I can do that.”
He shook the bag some more before sticking his hand in and drawing out a paper. He unfolded it slowly and then read it. “I am thankful for Bebe.”
Seth raised an eyebrow and looked at me. I smiled and shrugged, not really sure what to say.
“You have to give me more than that.”
“He’s a good dog and I don’t know, sometimes, it’s like he knows just what to give me exactly when I need it.”
“The emotional support, right? Because I know Bebe has never given me a bottle of water when I needed it.”
I laughed. “Yeah, the emotional support. I get so lost in my head and then he’s there and it’s like none of it matters anymore.”
Seth pulled me in for a side hug. “Bebe is really something special.” He kissed the top of my head. “Thank you for loving Bebe the way that you do.”
His thanks was one of the most genuine and heartwarming thanks I have ever received. My face grew hot, and I randomly pointed at a tree. “What about that one?” I asked.
“Too small,” Seth said without hesitation. “We’re aiming for about eight feet.”
“That’s big.”
Seth shrugged. “It’ll be worth it.”
“Will it fit in your living room?”
“I already measured. It will.”
“Okay.”
“Now your turn.” He held out the bag. When I grabbed it, he went over to a bigger tree to check it out.
I pulled out a slip of paper and squinted to read Seth’s messy handwriting in the dim lighting. “I’m thankful for the shitty experiences that have shaped who I am.”
I blinked at it and had to read it again.
“Holy shit, that’s intense,” I said.
Seth smiled shyly at me. It was a new look on him and it left me speechless. He took the piece of paper and tucked it into his pocket with the one he had pulled. “It sucked at the time, and was hard, but now that I’m so separate from it all, I can’t help but be thankful because it taught me to be a better person. And in a way prepared me to meet the amazing people in my life now.”
“Are you talking about the men your mom dated before your stepfather?”
Seth nodded. “Yeah. Some of them were not good people. I’m glad she finally met Paul when she did. He did us both good and I’m thankful he’s in my life and taught me what being a real man is all about. He taught me how to be a person in general and not just someone to be walked all over.”
“I’m thankful for him too, then,” I whispered.
“Thank you, Cadence.”
I held the bag out to him. We walked for a little bit without drawing anything, taking a moment to absorb what we told each other.
I was already beginning to feel vulnerable with Seth, but in a good way. It made me feel better about taking it more seriously when I wrote down my responses.
“Okay, another,” Seth said after turning down another tree I picked out. He drew another piece of paper. “I am thankful for my passion for music. That’s a good one.”
“I mean, I kind of have to be, right? I know it was something used against me so often, but it’s also my safe space too. If I didn’t have music, I’m not so sure where I’d be. It feels a bit twisted to say it, but I am thankful that Lindie pushed me to become better at it. Her methods weren’t the best, but in a way, she kept my love for music going. When my dad left, for a time, I couldn’t hear it anymore, the beauty in music. But Lindie forced me to keep going, and I was able to find it again.”
“Then I’m thankful that she was able to do something right. I can’t say I understand it, but I do know you love music. More than Toby does. And the fact that you already made a career out of it is a bit mind blowing. Not many people are able to do that, especially at our age.”
“I guess it’s the only thing Lindie did right even if she did it wrong. I guess it’s the same as yours. The bad experiences shaping us into who we are.”
“I just wish she did it in a way that didn’t have to make you suffer,” Seth said softly.
“It is what it is, and I’m slowly learning to accept that. I don’t want to think about who I’d be if things didn’t happen. It’s too tiring and there’s no way to really know. I can’t get stuck in the what ifs. I’ve already gone down that black hole and it nearly destroyed me. Now give me. I want another one of yours.”
I pulled out a paper. “I’m thankful for all the new friends I made. Hey, this one is mine. Where are yours?”
Seth chuckled and snagged the bag before I could dig through to find his. “Not how it works.”
I grunted and shoved the paper into his pocket with the others. Sighing, I expanded, “It’s funny. Senior year, now emancipated, and I only just met you guys. Not just you all, but also Hazel and Lillian. And Micah moved here. It’s unbelievable.”
“I agree. While it was scary as shit when Cal got lost, I’m glad he did and he found you.”
“And that we live next to each other.”
Seth chuckled. “For sure. Oh, this is a decent looking tree.” He crossed over the path to another tree and circled around it, feeling the branches and checking out the trunk and everything.
“Did we finally find it?” I asked.
Seth frowned. “Unfortunately not, it’s already drying out.” He rustled one of the branches and a bunch of the needles fell off.”
“That sucks.”
Seth shrugged. “Moving on. Let me draw something.”
“Make sure it’s yours. We can’t keep picking mine.”
Laughing, Seth said, “No guarantees.” He dug in the bag and pulled one out. His eyebrows rose as he read it. “I am thankful for Seth’s punny shirts.”
“Dammit.”
He laughed. “You really love them, don’t you?”
I shrugged and glanced away, my face becoming a little hot. “They’re a guaranteed laugh. Why do you have so many anyway?” I asked.
“It was what got Justin laughing for the first time after he was in the hospital.”
“What?” That surprised me.
“We were with Aunt Laura, buying him some clothes. He didn’t have much to begin with. We found a section full of shirts like that and must have spent half an hour just going through them. Then he saw one and for some reason, he just started laughing. He couldn’t stop for like five minutes. Just stood there laughing as he stared at the shirt.”
“What did it say?”
“It wasn’t even that funny, just ‘It’s ok. I’m on 500mgs of fukitol.’ I think it hit home for him because he was still on pain meds and what he was going through at that time. I bought the shirt and have been buying shirts like that ever since, once I realized it could make people laugh.” He grinned at me. “And it obviously still works.”
I laughed at the truth of it all.
We walked around more, reading off some of the grateful messages which led to learning more and gaining insight about each other we never had before.
Seth was grateful for his family, for his job, and schooling. I admitted to being grateful for being able to make my own money, for the life I was building, and even my dad. That last one was hard to admit, but once I did, I felt lighter. Better. Happier.
Seth finally found a tree that made him happy. We bought it, they made this huge deal about getting it strapped to Seth’s truck, and then we were off.
“Now what?” I asked.
“Now we make sure the tree doesn’t die,” he said. He pointed at the small bag in my lap. “Choose one. Your turn.”
I pulled out another sheet of paper and read it. Frowning, I held it out. “It just has my name.”
Seth chuckled. “I wondered if you were going to get that one.”
“Why me?” I asked.
“Why not?” He reached over and grabbed my hand, holding it comfortably as he kept driving down the dark highway. “This year, you are who I’m most grateful for.”
“I’m not that special. I think I’m rather boring.”
“I disagree. You’re far more special than you give yourself credit for. With all of us graduating, I wasn’t sure where we were heading. Sure, people manage to remain childhood friends, but I also know a lot of friends who knew each other since they were in diapers grow apart. And I was scared that was going to happen to us. That everyone would go off to different schools—Bryan to some Ivy league none of us could dream of ever going to. Paxon and Justin to whichever college was willing to give them a sports scholarship. Heck, I wondered if Toby would even go to college. Then we met you, and I began to see it, our future. Together. With you. Coming back to each other.”
I swallowed hard. “That’s a lot.”
Seth shrugged. “But it’s true. No pressure on you and I know nothing is set in stone, but for the first time, I was finally able to see it. Us being childhood friends and remaining friends as we found our places in the world. Us staying connected. And it’s because of you. I don’t know where our relationship is heading, but I’m confidently happy that we’re doing it. And I’ll fight hard to keep it going too.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. It was so much, so heavy. Almost suffocating. But it was also a bit sweet. Seth was seeing a future with all of us together. I wanted to see that too. I couldn’t, not at the moment, but I hoped I would soon.
It’d be nice.