Chapter thirteen Cole #2
The room was small and set up like a reading area or something.
There were shelves framing in the window and a small couch facing two chairs with a little table between them.
Along the far wall was a coffee bar with a small fridge.
Brian had been sitting in a chair. He stood and dropped his tablet on the seat, then stuck his hand out to shake. “So nice to finally meet you.”
I shook his hand, happy it wasn’t clammy or anything. “Right.”
“I’ll just leave you two at it then.” Gavin nodded his way out of the room, effectively leaving me with the coach.
“So, how’s this work?”
“Well, first we sit down and get comfortable. Like something to drink?” He gestured to the coffee bar.
Even though I didn’t want anything, my orneriness compelled me to take something, if only to be able to say I did. The fridge had bottled water, and that was my go-to. I grabbed one and plopped down in the middle of the couch. “So?”
Brian smiled, and it wasn’t unattractive, but it also wasn’t Nix.
And this guy was here for an entirely different reason.
I didn’t know what the team expected, but I didn’t trust him, so opening up would be hard.
He grabbed his tablet and sat back in the same chair.
He crossed his feet at the ankles, stretching his legs out until they were under the table between us.
He tapped on the tablet, then looked up.
“I’m going to record the session but only for my own review.
Everything discussed here stays between us.
However, I am expected to report to BikeMax with evaluations and status updates, but those consist of generic information like he’s doing well, he needs more time, he would benefit from whatever, and that sort of thing. Understand?”
“I guess.”
“I know. Trust is earned and we only just met. I’m hoping we can build on that and get the work done that we need. Are you open to that?”
“To what? Doing work or trusting you?” I tilted my head to the side, trying to figure him out.
“All of it.” He stared at me. It was a standoff. His eyes were a flat gray but intense and spaced evenly over his thin nose. Such a normal face.
“How’d you get into this line of business?” I blurted out the first thing on the top of my head. That was a tendency I needed to curb, but he didn’t seem to mind much.
“I have a master’s in psychology but to do any real work in the field you need the doctorate, and I was sick to death of school. So, I searched for a niche, and I love sports.” He held up his hands. “Here I am. How about you?”
“My dad put me on a dirt bike when I was six, and I never looked back. I was winning championships by the time I was twelve.”
“And how old are you now?”
“Twenty-seven. Old for this field, but I’m not done.”
“Hmm…” He nodded over the tablet. “I’ve seen this before. It’s a good attitude, Cole. As long as you’re not delusional about your skills and abilities to continue to compete.”
“Delusional? What?” What the fuck was he talking about?
“Calm down. I don’t mean now. I mean in the next few years.” He looked contrite, so I tried to let it go.
“You’re supposed to be helping my confidence, right? Not killing it. You’re not doing so well.”
Brian chuckled. “I see that, sorry, but your response makes me want to ask you another question.”
“What’s that?”
“Why are you so sensitive? You’ve got the skill, the talent, and it appears you have the right mindset. In Supercross, attitude is vital. But when you’re questioned, you lose that temper Gavin warned me about.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. This was becoming the interrogation I feared. Part of me wanted to tell him to fuck right off. I couldn’t though, so I clenched my jaw and stared at him.
“You don’t have to answer that for me, Cole, but I’m going to encourage you to think about it and answer it for yourself.” He tapped on that tablet again.
I lost it. “What exactly are you saying about me on that thing? Are you planning on telling Gavin what a shit I am? What the fuck? Come in here and give me the third degree, tell me I’m delusional? You don’t know me or anything about me.”
He held his hands out, placating me. “Relax, Cole. I’m only making a note to follow up on your sensitivity. Apparently, it’s something we need to work on. I’m only trying to figure out how to best help you—”
“Yeah, well, it’d help if I didn’t have to do this.”
“Cole…” Brian sighed then rubbed his forehead.
“You need to think about this. Your anger isn’t helping you.
To be a champion on the Supercross field, you have to keep your cool.
And if your career means as much to you as I think it does, you need to think about this.
All of this. Your reactions don’t help. Maybe I can help you anticipate things, teach you some tricks to slow down and—”
“I don’t need anything from you.” I stood, eyeing the door that led to my escape from this mental-gymnastics hell.
That’s when everything changed. Brian stood right along with me.
“If you interrupt me one more time with your ridiculous temper, I will report back to Gavin that I can’t help you.
Then, you won’t be riding for BikeMax or probably any other team.
Is that really what you want, Mr. Lindt?
” The anger flared in his eyes, and he tossed the tablet onto the table.
He took a step closer, challenging me. What the fuck kind of coach was he?
“No,” I huffed. “You know I don’t want that.”
“Then sit down and think about your words and actions before you say and do them.”
He was right, but I didn’t want to admit it. I was still angry, so I kicked the leg of the table. “This blows.”
“Not as bad as it will if you don’t get your shit together.” He spoke calmly, but firmly.
After a few long breaths, I sat back down on the couch. “I’m frustrated. With this conversation, but with a lot of other things, too.”
“Okay then. Let’s talk about that. Maybe I can help.” He sat back down.
“You don’t think I’m making excuses?”
“No. I think you’re finally expressing yourself in a positive manner.”
Positive manner, huh? I hadn’t considered there was any other way to get what I wanted.
Throwing a temper tantrum had become my go-to.
Now that I thought about it, I was fairly sure it started with my dad.
He tended to run right over me. I had two ways to deal with it.
Ignore him or throw a fit. There didn’t seem to be anything in between, and that was how I dealt with everything else in my life, too.
I wasn’t going to tell Brian all that, but it was certainly a revelation. “Okay, so how do I curb this temper?”
“Take a long deep breath. Then another. Why don’t you do it now? Come on, Cole, breathe in deeply.”
I sucked in a long breath.
“Exhale.”
I blew it out.
“Again.” Brian motioned in and out, and we did the exercise three more times. “Now, how do you feel?”
“Better. Calm. Fresh.”
“Great. So, the next step is to notice when you’re heading into the danger zone.
Are you becoming irrational? Have you stopped listening to what the other person is saying?
Getting emotional to a level that is more than the situation calls for?
When you notice this, you stop and do the deep breathing exercise until you’re calm again.
Step three is to think. Once you’re calm, take another look at what’s going on.
Think about what you want to do or say.”
“That’s super for everyday life, but that’s not going to help me on the track.”
“Yes, it will. Eventually. If you do this enough, you’ll start doing it faster.”
I shook my head. He didn’t get it.
“You’ll calm down in a split second, but it takes time and practice. You won’t need the deep breathing as much, so when you’re on the track and someone pisses you off, the exercise will be second nature, deescalating in a fraction of a second.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“You don’t have to. All you need to do is try it.” He swirled his hand as if encompassing the entire world in that one motion. “Try it with your family, your other coaches, your friends and lovers.”
Oh yeah, lovers. Nix. I missed him tremendously, and that was certainly starting to trigger my temper.
“What happened here, Cole? One second you were focused, then next you were gone, frowning and making your angry face.”
“My angry face?”
“Yep,” he chuckled, then made a face. “Like this.”
“I was not doing that.” His antics had distracted me and had me laughing.
“Well, you were, but I’m more concerned about why.”
I sighed. I might as well get it out of the way, since it was bound to come up. “My boyfriend, Nix. He has a job that has him traveling more than me, and I want him here.”
“Ah, competing priorities. That’s a tricky one to work through. I don’t think we have time for that today, but when you talk to him, remember the breathing exercise. If you get to a point where you’re going to lose your temper, take a step back and breathe.”
I nodded curtly. I hoped that meant we were finished for the day.
“Next time we meet, we’ll talk more about Nix. In the meantime, ask yourself about why you’re so sensitive, like we talked about earlier, and think about how that fits in with Nix as well as racing.”
“Okay. I will. Now, I’m leaving. It’s dinnertime.” That was enough of an excuse to get the hell out of there as fast as I could, but Brian’s words continued to float around in my head long after our conversation.