Chapter 5
Violet
We get back to my parents’ house after the tree-lighting ceremony and Nash’s excitement almost erases how strange it feels to walk through the front door without them.
I’ve been living here since they passed, but the place doesn’t feel like mine yet, though it does feel less theirs with every passing day.
My neighbors have decorated like only Stillwater residents can. There are wreaths on doors, lanterns lining walks, inflatable snowmen and Santas lit with solar spotlights. Lights twinkle, glitter-wrapped wire reindeer sparkle, and elaborate nativity scenes.
And then there’s my house.
The only dark spot on the street.
I prepare myself for Nora to say something about it, but she remains blessedly silent on the matter while I slide the key into the lock and let us inside, flicking on lights that don’t quite seem to reach the spot where the tree should be.
Nash chatters and giggles and laughs, filling the place with the enthusiasm of childhood—every tradition feeling new and special and magical.
“Okay, wild man,” Nora says, ruffling his hair. “It’s time to get you in bed.”
“Wild man? I thought I was Monster Man!” Nash hooks his hands into claws and launches himself at his mother, giggling wildly.
“How many candy canes did this Monster Man have?” Robbie asks, hoisting his son and swinging him over his shoulder. “I’m thinking more than a few. How about we brush those fangs and tuck this monster into bed.”
They disappear up the stairs, a litany of words still flowing from Nash’s mouth while he bounces with each of Robbie’s steps.
“I don’t think bedtime is happening anytime soon,” I say to my sister as I shrug out of my coat and hang it on the hook near the door.
“You’d be surprised. He can go from that much energy to sound asleep in the space of the opening line of a bedtime story.
Kid’s a lot like his dad—goes and goes and goes until he wears himself out, then crashes hard.
” Nora wanders into the living room and drops onto the couch, patting the cushion beside her. “You doing okay?”
I lower myself beside my sister, pausing with my hands on my knees to sigh. “I’m…”
What am I supposed to say?
Opening day was great—until it got weird with Simon.
The tree-lighting was great—until it got weird with Simon.
It’s wonderful having my sister and her family here, but they’re leaving in the morning and I’ll go back to quietly existing, missing Mom and Dad.
Do I say any of that? All of that? None of it?
“I’m just really thankful you were here today,” I finally say, curling onto my side, lowering my head into my sister’s lap.
She runs her hand through my hair like we’ve always done for each other since we were little.
“Me too, Vi,” she whispers. “Me too.”
My alarm blares to life in my darkened room, a cruel reminder that baker’s hours aren’t for the faint of heart. I sit up, scrubbing both hands over my face, hoping to wipe off the slight headache the rum-soaked cider left in its wake.
“It seemed like such a good idea at the time,” I murmur as I swing my legs off the side of the bed.
Nora’s flight doesn’t leave for several hours, but she wanders out of her bedroom about the same time I do.
She groans sleepily and wraps me in a hug, her body still cozy and sleep-warmed.
We wander downstairs together, silently moving through the kitchen.
She makes coffee while I do breakfast. Very few words are needed between us; they never have been. It’s a twin thing, I guess.
I’ve never experienced that kind of closeness with anyone else. Maybe Simon when we were younger—but that’s probably the patina of memory making everything seem better than it was.
Nora and I sit at the kitchen table, clutching our coffee mugs in our hands, and I suddenly find myself close to tears. She places her hand on mine and gives it a squeeze. “You gonna be okay here without us? Because I can send Robbie and Nash back by themselves and stay here with you.”
Yes! my heart cries. Don’t leave me alone again!
“I’ll be fine. Robbie works so much, I can’t really see him doing the single dad thing. I mean, just the stories of getting Nash ready for school… can you imagine the chaos of that happening without you? I’m good, Nora. Promise.”
“It’s okay if you’re not okay, Violet,” Nora says. “It’s been a lot, with Mom and Dad passing.”
She doesn’t say it, but I see her think it. And you’re not exactly handling it well.
“I’m fine. Really. I mean, sure, it’s hard.
It’s gonna be weird and quiet here after you guys leave.
It doesn’t exactly feel like Christmas, but this is my life now and I have to figure out what that means.
I have the bakery to focus on and who knows, maybe I’ll meet some rugged stranger who sweeps me off my feet.
” I squeeze her hand and smile as honestly as I can. “I’m gonna be okay.”
Nora nods but doesn’t look convinced. “We’ll be back the day before Christmas.”
“Exactly. I only have to do this a couple weeks by myself, and honestly? That’s probably good for me. It’ll let me find my new rhythm, you know? And if business is anything like yesterday, that bakery is gonna be everything I need. I can feel it.”
Silence descends between us, each of us lost in her thoughts.
Nora blows on her coffee and takes a sip, her eyes widening as a thought strikes her.
“On the topic of rugged strangers, I am really sorry about Simon showing up out of the blue last night.” She looks so stricken that I wave my hands like I can erase the entire episode.
And honestly, part of me wants to.
“It’s fine, it really is. What happened between us was years ago.”
Though the way it felt to sit next to him?
To feel his arm around my shoulder as I leaned into his strength?
It was as if no time had passed at all.
I wanted to stay there. To linger. To drink it all in.
Which probably speaks to how hard the last couple months have been because, hello? Self-respect, please? Simon Holiday proved who he is. If there’s anything about him to linger on, it’s that.
“Anyway,” Nora says as if she’s fully aware of my train of thought, “I’m sorry I dropped him on you like that.”
“All good.” I sit back, holding my mug close to my face. “If anything, it highlighted a grudge I didn’t know I was holding onto. Right? Mom would have been quick to point out that Christmas is about Jesus and Jesus is about love and forgiveness in equal measure.”
Nora smiles softly into her mug. “That she would have.”
How many times did the four of us sit at this very table, Nora and me listening to Mom and Dad talk about their faith and how valuable it would be for us as we made our ways through a sometimes dark world.
Nora took to those lessons more than I ever did, happily following in their footsteps while I sat back, watching, questioning, unsure.
“Regardless, it’s a good thing, seeing Simon again after all this time. Right? Now I know I can survive it. It’s crazy it took this long for it to happen.”
I trail off. It’s actually incredibly strange we haven’t seen each other until now, seeing as his parents live here. Has he been avoiding me all this time?
That’s awfully presumptive of me. Chances are, he’s just been busy living his rich and famous big city life and doesn’t come home all that often.
He’s probably been avoiding all of us this whole time.
But the question still stands… what changed?
Is he done avoiding Stillwater Bay now?
If so, I will run into Simon again.
Immediately my brain offers a highlight reel of worst-possible scenarios: him and his wife holding hands with two point-five kids and a dog skipping merrily behind them.
Me with a herd of cats, slowly growing old in this house while stories of his happy exploits fill the town.
He’ll be Santa at the tree-lighting ceremony.
One of his kids will play baby Jesus in the nativity.
His wife will be part of every charity, the epitome of goodness and light, while my life descends into a daily struggle of keeping cat hair out of pastries.
“The ruminating is getting worse, isn’t it?” Nora asks quietly.
“What?” I shake my head and take a drink of coffee. Maybe, if I stall, she’ll let it drop.
“Your anxiety was always…” She purses her lips, carefully choosing her words. “You were always more anxious than me. But it seems like maybe it’s gotten bigger since Mom and Dad.”
“I mean, yeah, I worry a little more, but that’s to be expected, right?
” I lean both elbows on the table and force a smile to prove just how fine I am.
“It’s not out of control or anything. With the business opening and trying to get the estate settled and everything else, there’s just a lot on my mind all the sudden.
I’m sure it’ll settle down once my life finds a rhythm. ”
But what if it doesn’t? What if everything I do is followed by a thousand possible scenarios of impending doom? What if it gets worse and I slowly drive myself crazy?
Nora watches me, and I can tell she doesn’t quite buy what I’m saying, but she doesn’t press.
“You know you’re not alone in this, right?
I’m here for you. Robbie’s here for you.
We’re just one phone call and a quick flight away.
If things get too hard, one or both of us will be here in a heartbeat. ”
I place a hand to my heart, then squeeze my fingers into a fist, a symbol she and I came up with when we were tiny. It’s our way of saying I love you always and you’re safe with me.
“I know, Nora. I know. And I can’t thank you enough for how supported you make me feel.”
A slow, rhythmic thumping interrupts, Robbie and Nash coming downstairs, both bleary-eyed, Nash’s hair wild and untamed after a night of sleep.
The family tie is unmistakable and—don’t tell Robbie—utterly adorable.
Nash sits at the table, staring blankly forward, awake but nowhere near conscious, while his dad sucks down coffee.
“Morning,” I say and Robbie holds up a hand while Nash simply groans.
“I sure do love my grumpy guys,” Nora croons.
“Shhhh…” Robbie puts a finger to his wife’s lips. “I love you but not ‘til after coffee.”
Nash just crawls into Nora’s lap and lays his heavy head on her shoulder.
Laughing, I hug them all, thank them profusely for being here, get myself ready for the day, and head out the door—overly aware that whatever happens at the bakery, however wonderful the day might be, this quiet, dark, empty house will be waiting for me when I get home.