Chapter 11 Slice of Life
SLICE OF LIFE
The cold punched like a physical blow when Bayard stepped outside. Wind whipped snow across the deck, and the temperature had to be well below freezing. But Zephyr was already there, leaning against the railing, his face turned up to the storm.
“Bit bracing, being out here in the storm, isn’t it?” Zephyr said as Bayard joined him.
“Bracing is one word for it,” Bayard agreed, his breath forming clouds. He had to shout to be heard. “Foolhardy might be another.”
“Ah, but sometimes you need the cold to think clearly.” Zephyr pulled out a silver flask and offered it to Bayard. “Medicinal. Against the chill.”
Bayard took a grateful sip of the brandy, smooth and warming. He handed it back, and they stood in companionable silence for a moment, watching the snow swirl around them.
“You wanted to talk,” Zephyr said. It wasn’t a question.
Bayard sighed, his shoulders sagging. “Was I that obvious?”
“Only to someone who’s known you for the better part of a century.” Zephyr took another sip from the flask. “I presume this is about Exandra?”
“When isn’t it about Exandra?” Bayard’s laugh was bitter. “I thought... when you retired, when you found Minerva again and told her how you felt, I thought perhaps I might find that courage, too. That I might tell her...”
“Tell her what?” Zephyr’s eyes were a clear, true blue.
He was going to make Bayard say it.
“That I love her. That I’ve always loved her. That every day without her feels incomplete.” The words tumbled out of Bayard, raw and desperate. “But I can’t seem to make myself do it, Zeph. Agent Thorne deserves so much better than a broken-down old academic with a limp and a duck.”
“Broken-down?” Zephyr’s eyebrows rose. “Bay, you’re one of the most accomplished people I know. Your work in cultural preservation has saved hundreds of traditions from extinction. You speak six languages fluently, and I’m pretty sure you could outpace me in a footrace. With or without the cane.”
“But she doesn’t want that version of me,” Bayard interrupted. “She wants the man I was supposed to be. The young, promising, agile field agent. The partner who could keep up with her. The wizard who wasn’t... damaged.”
Zephyr was quiet for a long moment. When he did speak, his voice took on a gentler tone.
“You know,” he said, “you’ve never told me exactly what happened that day. All I know is that one moment we were the three musketeers tearing up the field together, and the next you were manning a desk in the home office.”
“I messed everything up.” Bayard’s hands tightened on his cane.
“You had an accident. We were still a team. Just a different kind of team. And I’d really love to hear the real story of what happened in the gorge that night.” Zephyr put a hand on Bayard’s shoulder. “If you want to tell it to me, that is.”
Bayard sighed. It was so long ago. Nobody who might have cared was even around anymore. What did he have to lose? He gripped the railing tight with both hands. The air was metallic in his nostrils, and he didn’t want to drag it out. So he launched right into it.
“We were so young. So stupid, Agent Thorne and I. We snuck off together—we weren’t supposed to, of course, but Exandra wanted to practice boulder rolling in the river, and I relished any chance to impress her with my water wielding skills.
” He laughed humorlessly. “Neither of us anticipated the landslide.”
“Wait… Agent Thorne was there with you that day?” Zephyr’s eyes grew wide. “I thought you’d gone AWOL alone.”
“That was the story we settled on, Exandra and I. There was no point in both of us getting kicked out of the program.” Bayard shook his head sadly.
“But the truth is that we went down to the gorge together. Even though we’d been explicitly told to avoid it.
” Bayard rubbed his hands together and Zephyr held out the flask for his old friend to take another swig.
Bayard took it and resumed the story a moment later.
“She was rolling boulders and I was dodging them, showing off, manipulating the water to carry me up and over the stones. I made it freeze into ridiculous shapes, lifting me up and out of the way—a chariot, a rocket, an ice dragon—anything to make her laugh. I was so distracted by her laughter, I didn’t notice the current shifting as the river rose.
I didn’t even sense the danger until it was too late.
” His voice dropped. “It all happened so fast. The shockwave, and the hillside crumbling. I slipped and fell at the worst moment. Exandra’s boulder took me down like a bowling pin and then the river of mud came rushing through.
It pulled me deep under the rushing river and smashed me against the rocks.
Thankfully, I was unconscious by then. I don’t remember it.
But I know I would have drowned if Exandra hadn’t dove in after me. She saved my life, Zeph. “
“My gods!” Zephyr held a hand to his cheek, eyes wide with disbelief. “What were the two of you thinking?”
“We thought we were invincible.” Bayard shrugged.
“Like I said, young and stupid. I knew as soon as I came to that something was seriously wrong with my leg. I didn’t want Exxie getting in trouble.
I made her swear not to tell them the truth about where we’d been, that we’d both snuck off together.
We concocted a whole story. She told them she’d been out for a run and found me on the riverbank.
She actually won a service award for carrying me to the infirmary so promptly.
You know the rest. The Society promoted the two of you to field work shortly after that.
Rightly so. You were both brilliant, brave, exactly what they needed.
And I...” He gestured to his cane. “Even after months of healing, physical therapy, and learning to walk again, I was deemed unfit for field duty. Fortunately, they offered me a supporting role, doing research and running scenarios from the home office instead.”
“Which you excelled at.” Zephyr’s voice was gruff. “You always said you didn’t mind.”
“I didn’t mind it, actually.” Bayard took another sip from the offered flask.
“That’s the irony. I’ve always been a bit of a bookworm at heart.
Doing research and solving puzzles was always my favorite part of our training.
But do you know what Exandra said to me, the day they told us?
She said, ‘I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.You must want to die.
’ And that she wouldn’t blame me for hating her. ”
“It wasn’t her fault,” Zephyr said firmly.
“Not at all. I didn’t hate her. And I certainly didn’t want to die,” Bayard said.
“I was actually pretty glad to still be of service. I fancied myself the brains of the operation. There to watch over and keep the two of you safe. But that’s not how Exxie saw it.
She could barely look at me and when she did, all she saw was a failure.
A failure of a broken man that was all her fault. She still sees me that way.”
The wind howled around them, snow stinging their faces. Neither man moved.
“Come on, Bay, you don’t actually think that’s how she sees you?” Zephyr asked.
“Don’t you?”
“We couldn’t have done half of what we did in the field without you being back in the home office to support us,” Zephyr said slowly. “I’ve never thought less of you because of that cane and I don’t think for one minute that Exandra sees you as damaged goods, either.”
“What makes you say that?” Bayard leaned against the rail and rested his head in his hands.
“Well, for starters, she’s here. Right now. On this cruise. Investigating a case that, if we’re being honest, seems like an oddly timed excuse to keep her near you.”
“She came because she has some misguided notion that she’s got to protect me.”
“Or…” Zephyr was beginning to get exasperated with his friend. “Hear me out. Maybe she’s here because she still wants to be a part of your life?”
Bayard’s heart lurched. For a moment, he struggled to catch his breath. It was like having the wind knocked out of him. He held up a hand. “Don’t, Zeph.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t give me hope.” His voice cracked. “I can’t... I can’t bear it, Zeph.”
Zephyr turned to face him fully, his expression serious.
“Bayard. I’ve watched you and Agent Thorne dance around your feelings for each other for decades.
And I’ve watched Exandra these past few days.
The way she looks at you when you’re not watching?
The way her face matched her hair every time Blythe Meadowsweet flattered you?
” Zephyr chuckled. “I honestly thought she was going to bulldoze the barn with her fists if that overly affectionate witch touched you one more time.”
“My money was on the jealous dwarves throwing the first punch.” Bayard’s blush only warmed his cheeks a little in the driving wind.
“That’s only because you didn’t see Exandra’s face.” Zephyr shook his head. “Merlin’s beard, Bayard! Even the way she coddles Fred.”
“She loves Fred—”
“She loves you, you daft old fool.” Zephyr gripped his shoulder. “And after hearing that story, it all makes sense. I have a feeling she’s just as convinced as you are that she doesn’t deserve happiness. You’re both so busy punishing yourselves that you can’t see what everyone else sees.”
Bayard stared at him, wanting desperately to believe it. “You really think...?”
“I think you should talk to her. Tell her what you just told me.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“Then why invite me and her on this cruise, Bay? Why’d you include us on this trip if not to find the courage to talk about the past and say the things that need to be said? You can’t start this new chapter until you close out the past one.”
“She’s only here because of the Culture Vulture,” Bayard argued. He looked away, staring out at the swirling snow.
There were icicles forming on Bayard’s eyebrows. Zephyr’s lips were turning blue.
“We should get back inside before we freeze solid,” Bayard said. “Fred will be wondering where I am.”
Zephyr looked like he wanted to say more, but he just nodded. “Think about what I said?”
“I will.” Bayard turned to go, then paused. “Zeph? Thank you. For listening. For... everything.”
“That’s what friends are for, old man.”
As Bayard opened the door back into the warmth, Zephyr called after him: “She has feelings for you, Bay. I’d stake my life on it.”
Bayard didn’t respond. He couldn’t. The hope was almost too painful to hang onto.