Chapter 27
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
A fter doing some late afternoon maintenance at the primary school playground on Monday, Nathan arrived home and tried to relax, but couldn’t, knowing that Ellie was going through so much, and that Lacie would be arriving back in Tarrin’s Bay. He didn’t know when, he’d left her to it so she wouldn’t feel overwhelmed, but assumed it would be sometime tomorrow.
He got up from the couch and went to his bedroom, eyeing the bookcase. He scanned the titles and pulled out the one he was looking for, The Wisdom of Nature . He read a few passages and nodded in agreement at the insights. It was amazing how a few carefully chosen words strung together in a certain way could bring immediate understanding and convey a message that made you believe someone understood how you felt. The book used nature analogies in relation to human life, providing both education and inspiration. He had only mentioned it to Ellie casually, but maybe it could help her right now. Whether she would be up for reading anytime soon he didn’t know, but the book also talked about intuition and trusting nature’s perfect timing. His intuition was guiding him to give the book to her. It might not help much, or it might help a lot, but hopefully the act of showing his care and concern would help regardless. He wished he could do more. He didn’t want another Cooper on his conscience… he wished he’d talked to him more, made him feel less alone, or happier in life, but he’d been young and na?ve and didn’t have much emotional awareness back then. Now, if he could support another struggling person, even a little, he would.
He grabbed his phone and sent Martha a message. He’d only sent a short thinking of you all, let me know if there’s anything I can do message on Sunday, to which Martha had replied with a heart.
Martha, I have a book I’d like to give Ellie. I spoke to her about it a few weeks ago hoping it might help in some small way. Can I drop it on your doorstep?
He placed the book on the kitchen table and started to prepare dinner; Nigella’s slow-roasted garlic and lemon chicken, which he was planning on making extra of and taking to South Haven for Martha and anyone else who may be there.
After putting it in the oven, his phone beeped and he opened the text.
That would be lovely, I’m sure she’d appreciate it. Actually, if you’d like to give it to her in person, I think that may help too. She always speaks highly of your conversations and says that you ‘get her’. If that works, feel free to come between 10am and 12pm tomorrow or the next day. Otherwise, the doorstep is fine.
He didn’t want to intrude, but it would be nice to visit her and show his support. He replied:
I’d love to visit, if you’re sure she’d be ok with it. I also have a home-cooked meal for you, I can leave that on the doorstep later tonight if you’re coming home?
Oh, Nathan, you’re such a kind soul. I’ll be home around 9pm or so. Thanks x
Satisfied he was doing something useful at least, he ran himself a shower and enjoyed the warm pressure of the water washing away the day, while the dinner cooked and the aroma soothed his senses. Surprisingly, heat developed behind his eyes as they moistened with a slight film of tears. He didn’t know why, maybe it was the traumatic memory of Cooper’s death resurfacing again, plus Ellie’s emergency, Lacie’s impending arrival, and the feeling of isolation accompanying him throughout his life being replaced with a sense of belonging. Maybe his life was finally starting to fall into place.
‘Knock, knock,’ Nathan said softly, tapping on the door to Ellie’s hospital room the next day. He stepped in cautiously, the book in his hand. ‘Hey, stranger.’ He stopped by her bed, trying not to show his shock at how depleted and frail she looked: attached to a drip, oxygen prongs in her nose, skin pale. Martha took the opportunity to sit down and drink her coffee, checking her phone.
‘Hey,’ Ellie whispered in a scratchy voice.
‘I’ve brought you a book. I know you might not feel like reading yet, but it’ll be here when you do.’
‘Thanks.’ She glanced at the front cover as he held it up. ‘Oh yeah, I remember you mentioned it.’
‘Hope you like it.’ He offered a small smile.
Her eyes became glossy and she sniffed. ‘Sorry you have to… see me like this.’
‘Hey,’ he said, stepping closer and gently touching her forearm. ‘No apologies. I’m here for you. I’ll get your mum to put my number in your phone too. Call or text anytime.’
She nodded a thank you. ‘My insides hurt.’ She shifted her position as though she couldn’t get comfortable. ‘My throat, my stomach.’ She winced.
‘Are you able to eat, can I get you anything?’ Nathan asked.
‘Big Mac and fries, thanks.’ She managed a slight smile.
‘I don’t think her stomach’s quite up for that yet,’ Martha said, ‘but maybe once we’re home.’
‘I’d be happy to do a home delivery, just let me know when and I’ll make a trip to Welston and hope they keep warm by the time I get back to Tarrin’s Bay.’ He winked.
‘Deal,’ she said.
A nurse came in and said hello, and Nathan took that as his cue to leave. He didn’t want to overwhelm her, just give her the book and show her he was there as a support person when she needed it.
‘Well, I’ll get going,’ he said. ‘So glad you’re okay, Ellie. See you when you get home.’
‘Thanks for coming, and for the book.’ She managed a weak wave until her hand flopped back on the bed.
He gave Martha a hug and whispered, ‘I’m here for you too, anytime, anything. Just let me know.’
‘Thanks, Nathan, and the roast chicken was delicious, I had it late last night.’ She smiled.
He said another goodbye and left the room, pausing for a moment and taking a breath. If only he’d been able to visit Cooper in hospital, instead of attending his funeral. He was beyond grateful that the outcome with Ellie had been different.
He walked down the corridor, went down the lift, and headed towards the entrance. A swish of strawberry-blonde hair caught his attention near the front door, as a woman wheeled a suitcase through and turned side to side as though wondering where to go.
Lacie! His heart somersaulted. He rushed towards her as she rummaged through her shoulder bag.
‘Lacie!’ This time he said it out loud as he neared the woman who’d captivated him over the past several months. Before she barely had a chance to register his approach, he held out his arms and wrapped them around her, and after a moment she did the same, but in a stiff kind of way. Her bag was between them and bumped into his body. He glanced down and realised it wasn’t a bag, it was her belly.
Nathan froze and his mouth fell open. He released his arms and took a step back. His eyes met the worried gaze of Lacie’s, and he stepped back again. ‘You’re pregnant? How far along?’
‘Five months. Almost twenty-one weeks, actually.’ She held out her hands feebly as though she was surprising him, which she most certainly was. ‘I was going to–’
‘You were already pregnant, when we first met?’ He recalled the puking incident on the patio.
She nodded. ‘But, I–’
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ He raised his hands in exasperation. ‘Are you in a relationship with the father?’
‘No, no.’ She shook her head. ‘He doesn’t want anything to do with it. I only just found out when I came here in July, it was… unexpected and, I…’ She glanced around as though trying to find the words.
‘You didn’t tell me, even though we were really hitting it off. I know it was online, but still, I was about to fly overseas for you!’
‘I know, I know, and I feel terrible, but it just got out of hand. I didn’t think “we” would go anywhere, so I didn’t think you needed to know, at least at first. I was still deciding what to do.’ Red rims framed her eyes. ‘I kept going to tell you and then something would get in the way.’
Realisation dawned on Nathan. ‘The other day, you were going to tell me? After I told you my travel hopes?’
‘Yes, and then Ellie needed me.’
He thought about this for a moment, softened a little, then stiffened again. ‘No, you should have told me much earlier before we got too close. Twenty-one weeks? You’re already over halfway. Lacie,’ he ran a hand over his head. ‘I opened up to you, told you about my past, and even how my pregnant ex deceived me. Now here I am, another pregnant woman deceiving me.’ His heart was pounding and he wondered if he really knew her at all. How could she have so many wonderful, fun and deep chats with him about their lives and not reveal such a significant thing?
‘I just wanted to enjoy what we had, while we had it. Before you… wouldn’t want it anymore.’
‘How do you know I wouldn’t want it? You didn’t give me a chance to find out and process it. I know it was long distance but I thought we had a true, authentic connection. Didn’t you think it was important enough to at least give me the heads-up?’
‘You told me a few weeks ago to enjoy the moment, not have any serious discussions. Remember?’
He did say that, yes. But still. ‘That doesn’t mean you needed to avoid telling me something so important about your life.’
‘Nathan, I’m sorry, but the right moment kept slipping away and before I knew it, it had got out of hand and I didn’t know how to tell you. I liked you so much, still do, and even if it wasn’t meant to last, I didn’t want to risk spoiling what we had.’ She glanced awkwardly at people walking past.
‘Well you did, by not telling me.’ He shook his head. ‘Geez, Lacie, I mean, I hope you and the baby are well and all, and I’m so glad Ellie is okay, but… trust and honesty is very important to me. I don’t…’ He tried to find the words, his body feeling drained now and worn out. He lowered his voice as a couple walked past them, out the door. ‘I feel exposed, like I bared my soul but you didn’t. I don’t feel like I can trust you.’
His heart sunk and he turned away from her.
‘Nathan, please, let’s talk properly in private after I’ve seen Ellie.’
He turned to face her again, his jaw tight. ‘No. We’ve talked enough. I think it’s best we keep our distance and don’t talk again.’
Her eyes welled with tears but he willed himself to turn around and walk out of the entrance instead of pulling her into his arms. It was time he took a stand against dishonesty in his life. No more.