Chapter 5
CHAPTER 5
A SPY, A SANDWICH, AND SOME SECRETS
Abraham
A s long as there isn’t an active mission that Charlie’s needed for, we get together for lunch once a week. Today , it’s at my desk in Sub -level One , and we’re eating deli sandwiches and chips. Usually , Charlie tells me about her life. Things I imagine she’d tell her dad if he was alive. And then I tell her something about my life.
Today , though, she cuts straight to asking about mine. “ So …” she says, dragging out the word as she picks up a potato chip, “ I get the sense that you really like Reese’s mom.”
I knew the subject would arise. She’s roommates with Reese , after all. I don’t mind that she’s asking— Annette hasn’t left my mind since I met her. It’s nice to actually talk about her.
“ I do. I can tell she’s worried I’m hiding something, though—which I am—and that it’ll start causing problems between us.”
“ So are you going to tell her?”
“ I think so.” I’m actually pretty nervous about it.
“ Which part? Working for a secret intelligence agency or the part where you don’t actually look like she thinks you do?”
I run my hands through my hair. “ She needs to know both.”
“ Okay , so turn in the paperwork to get her approved to know the CSA stuff, and then tell her both.”
I nod slowly and take a bite of my sandwich. Charlie’s studying me. She can tell there’s more to it than submitting a form and then telling Annette .
“ What is it?” she asks.
“ I want to be authentic with Annette . I just…don’t know if I can.”
Charlie is silent for a long moment as we each take another bite. Then she pushes her food aside and says, “ For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve worn a disguise outside of work.”
I nod.
“ I don’t know of a single other intelligence operative—ex or current—who wears a disguise for normal, everyday things. Do you feel like you have to, or are you doing it because you enjoy it?”
I think for a bit, trying to decide how to explain, then I shove my food aside, too. “ My dad worked for the CIA as an operative.”
Surprise crosses Charlie’s face. It’s not that I hide that fact. The topic just rarely comes up. “ He loved that I was adventurous, and he wanted me to have an adventurous job when I grew up. Not that I needed to be an intelligence operative—he would’ve been just as thrilled if I became a helicopter pilot or a stunt coordinator. Maybe a racecar driver or a storm chaser.
“ My mom, though, wanted me to nurture my artistic side. She was always worried about my dad and didn’t want to worry about me, too.”
“ I bet she’d be so happy to know you’re using your artistic side in your job now.”
I smile. “ I like to think she would.” I take a deep breath. “ When I was fourteen, there was an information breach. Some covert operatives were burned, including my dad, and a guy he’d tried to capture got that intel. My dad died because of it.” I don’t bring up that my best friend— Charlie’s dad—also died because he’d been an operative, but I can tell that Charlie’s thinking about it.
“ So , maybe I’ve always worn it because I don’t want someone I went after to come for me.”
“ You’ve been out of the field for a long time,” Charlie says.
“ I know. Many of the people who would’ve held a grudge probably aren’t even alive anymore.”
Charlie is silent for a moment. She can probably sense the “but” behind my words. I should tell her, except before I figure out if I can even find the words, she beats me to it. “ But you still wear a disguise because you’re afraid of people knowing the real you.”
I chuckle and shake my head. “ You’ve always been much too perceptive. Which is what makes you so good at your job.”
Charlie grins.
“ You know, maybe it isn’t that I’m afraid of people knowing the real me, but I’m afraid I don’t know who the real me is anymore. I’ve been playing roles for too long. Maybe the real me got lost along the way.”
Charlie tilts her head. “ Is Abraham not your real name?”
I chuckle. “ It’s my real name.” She knows it is.
“ I’ve known you my entire life. It feels to me like you’re the genuine Abraham .”
“ Well , I am here . I’m just not outside of these walls.”
“ So , you’re not out of practice being you. You’re just used to becoming Hammy when you leave.”
True .
“ I’ve also known you as Hammy for at least a year. I’ve seen how you are at Outside the Bubble and around town, and I’d say that Hammy and Abraham are practically identical. It’s only the disguise that’s different. If you drop that, you can live as the real, genuine, authentic you.”
“ You really think so?”
“ I know so. Now go, get that form submitted so the Personnel Security Division can get Annette vetted before they leave for Christmas break, and then tell her already! It can be your Christmas gift to her. It can be your Christmas gift to you , too.”
I’m smiling and feeling lighter already. And very much ready to not be alone anymore.
“ You’ve got this,” Charlie says, then grabs our mostly empty food cartons and heads toward the hall leading to the elevators. Then she turns and adds, “ Oh , and Abe ? Good luck, have fun, and don’t die.”
I chuckle and shake my head. She’s right. I’ve got this.