Chapter 8
THE SPY WHO CAME IN FROM THE COLD… WITH COOKIES
Annette
“ So ,” I say, “instead of hiding things from me, you’re hiding things from everyone else and revealing them only to me.”
He grimaces. “ It’s bad. I’m so sorry.”
“ No , oddly, it feels very different from the other way around.”
All of this has completely blown my mind. When I’d been guessing what Hammy might tell me, I’d guessed utterly outlandish things. But this is every bit as big as my guesses were.
I know I’m in a bit of shock. But also, there’s a happiness coursing through me now. I love knowing this about Hammy . I love that I’m important enough to him that he’s willing to share this when he’s kept it secret for so many years.
“ So ,” I ask, needing to know, “you aren’t going to retire anytime soon, are you?”
“ Heavens , no! I love my job way too much. They’d have to kick me out and revoke my security clearance to get me to stop coming.” He lifts one shoulder in a shrug. “ Plus , I started working at the CSA when it first became an agency. There are two other guys—one in logistics and one in cover and legend development who still work there. I need to outlast them both. Wait . Were you hoping I would?”
I shake my head. “ I really wasn’t.” His answer makes my soul sing. Finding out that we’re on the same page is a glorious feeling.
“ I don’t have to keep wearing the disguise.”
I try to hold back a smile. “ So you’re suddenly going to start looking a decade younger?”
Hammy laughs.
“ Do you want to stop?” I ask him. “ Because I’ll love you whether you look like you or like my mailman who just retired.”
“ You love me?” The look on Hammy’s face is both hopeful and measured.
I smile. “ I think maybe I do.”
“ And you really don’t care how old I look?”
“ I really don’t.”
He nods slowly. “ Okay . I think I’m ready to be myself. I want to be the genuine article.”
“ You know, you could slowly use less and less of your disguise.”
He smiles. “ I could tell people that being around you makes me younger.”
I laugh. “ I know being around you makes me feel younger.”
“ We’ve had a lot of fun together.”
“ Mmm ,” I agree. “ You told me that you aren’t always out having fun, though. Sometimes you stay in for cocoa cookie nights. That sounds pretty wonderful tonight.”
Hammy pulls a plastic container from his bag. “ I just happen to have baked hot cocoa cookies tonight. I gave you the store-bought kind before, but I figured the real thing might help ease the shock of all I’ve told you. Plus , making them gave me time to figure out how I would tell you.”
“ You , Hammy , are a gem.”
I stand, which of course makes Spark hop off the couch and follow me as I lower the lights and turn on some soft music. Then I switch on the Christmas tree lights. Snow is silently falling in big, chunky flakes, shining brightly in the moonlight through the windows. I go over to the fireplace, flip the switch to light it, and when I turn back, Hammy is standing, and we move in close together.
He reaches up to pull an errant ribbon scrap from my messy bun, and the touch sends a thrill through me. Then his eyes meet mine. “ You are an incredible woman, Annette . Did you know that? I laid a lot on you tonight. It’d be reasonable for you to tell me to go away and then bury yourself under a pile of blankets.”
I place my hands on his chest and then slide them up to interlock my fingers behind his neck. “ If it was anyone other than you, maybe I would. But you are pretty incredible yourself.”
He’s gazing at me like I’m the most wondrous thing he’s ever seen. Like I’m the magic of Christmas from every year of his life wrapped up in one package. Music is playing, Spark is at my feet, the fire is crackling, the snow is falling, the lights are twinkling, and I can’t imagine a more perfect moment.
“ I love you, Annette .”
And , it just became more perfect. His words send a thrill through my entire body. He tips his head down as I tip mine up and he kisses me. His lips are soft against mine, and I moan at their touch. He kisses me like I am cherished. Like I am someone to protect at all costs. Like I am special. Vitally important. Loved . Like I am everything.
I pull him as close to me as I can and he wraps his arms around me, holding me as much as I’m holding him. He’s made me feel happy, hopeful, alive, excited, safe, and loved when I wasn’t sure I could ever feel loved again. I want to hold onto this man forever.
Eventually , we move to the couch where I snuggle into him and Spark snuggles into my other side. I lean against Hammy’s chest, soaking in the sound of his heart and the feel of his arm around me as we watch the snow fall and the fire burn.
Then I ask, “ So is that why you never married? Because you were a spy and it was too dangerous?”
“ That ,” he says, “and because my schedule was never predictable. I sometimes spent weeks out of town. I didn’t think it was possible to have the life of a spy and a real relationship.” He pauses a moment, then adds, “ That’s a lie, because my best friend, Rick , met a woman who was also a spy, got married, had six kids, and that worked out great. But they had an epic kind of love—not the kind normal people have.”
I tilt my head to look at him. “ You don’t think you can have an epic kind of love? Because from what I know of you…”
He smiles. “ Well , I never thought I could until I met you.”
“ Wow . That’s a really great answer. You get bonus points for that one.” I feel his rumbling chuckle as much as I hear it.
Then I sit up. “ Oh ! This is all top secret! Reese was here when I got your text—she knows you came to tell me something and she’ll ask about it. What do I tell her?”
“ If it’s okay with you, I’d rather you not mention the CSA , since she hasn’t been cleared. As far as everyone knows, I work at Lancaster Business Solutions . That’s what it says on our building. It’s what my business cards say.”
I nod. “ Okay , that’s easy.” I pause. “ But then what do I tell her you told me? Oh ! We could say that you testified against a mob boss. He was convicted, but you knew he could still send someone after you, so you had to have a disguise. But the mob boss died, so you no longer have to hide.”
Now Hammy is the one trying to suppress a smile. “ Is that what you guessed I was going to tell you?”
“ Well , it’s one of the things I kind of guessed. You don’t want to know the other ones.”
He chuckles.
“ I need to call Reese tonight and tell her the story before she gets crazy ideas.” We each take one of Hammy’s hot cocoa cookies from the container and take a bite. I moan as I chew. “ I thought the ones you got from the bakery were delicious, but these .” I take another bite and moan again. “ These are to die for.”
Hammy’s smile widens.
When I finish my first cookie— I plan to eat several— I say, “ I noticed the name on your CSA badge is Abraham . Would you like me to call you Abraham or Hammy ?”
He shrugs. “ I have a fondness for both. Which do you prefer?”
“ Well , you see, I developed a huge fondness for the name Hammy around the time I got tangled in Christmas lights with a stranger.” I smile. “ And I think I always will.”