Chapter 40
Chapter forty
Helen
Jamie trudges over to me, his head down like a kid caught stealing cookies.
After a beat, he looks up with a solemn expression.
“Helen,” he intones, like he’s addressing the United Nations.
“I made a grave error in judgment, and I want to humbly apologize to you, and, if necessary, I’ll send flowers, write a sonnet, maybe even shave my head in penance. ”
I arch an eyebrow. Lindsey snorts and shakes her head.
He glances at me, then at her, and drops the theatrics with a sigh. “Okay, seriously, I screwed up. I shouldn’t have touched Teddy’s phone. I thought I was protecting him, but it wasn’t my choice to make. I’m sorry.”
Jamie’s a good bullshitter, but there’s regret there. Real regret. I see it in how his mouth twists, in how his eyes drop to the floor when he’s done talking.
“It’s not just your fault.” I look over his shoulder at Teddy, who stands a few feet away.
“We could have communicated about it like adults, instead of dragging it out. I think we were both so insecure, not certain where we stood with each other and scared of getting hurt, that we let it stop us, but if we had talked this would have been cleared up months ago.”
Teddy nods in agreement.
A wave of regret hits me for all this wasted time nursing wounds that didn’t exist.
“Okay,” Teddy says, clapping his hands. “This has been fun, but it’s time for you both to go. Helen and I need to talk.”
“But we still need to study,” protests Jamie, although he’s already gathering his things.
“No more studying tonight,” Teddy declares. “Jamie, out now. Lindsey, it’s been a pleasure to meet you—kinda—but, respectfully, please leave.”
Lindsey huffs, flicking her hair over her shoulder, but turns to go. She and Jamie exit together after saying good-bye.
“Let’s do lunch,” Lindsey tells me just before the door shuts and I lock it.
“Lunch?” Teddy arches a brow when I turn back to him.
“Yeah.” I don’t fight the smile that tugs at my lips. “I think I made a friend. I told her about my suspension, and she’s going to help me prepare for my review by the hospital. Her dad’s a lawyer so she’s going to get him to help too.”
“That’s great, Helen.” He walks toward me, cast and all, but the way he moves makes it feel like nothing could slow him down. I look at him, so confident and handsome.
Nervous butterflies take flight in my belly, wild and rioting. “You said you wanted to talk?” I address the question to my hands, which are clasped before me.
Fingers are under my chin, tipping my head back until I’m staring into his beautiful sky-blue eyes.
“You texted me,” he whispers with something close to reverence, to awe. “You reached out. Didn’t give up on me.”
I nod into his hand. “I did. Twice.”
“What were you going to say?” His voice breaks, rough-edged with vulnerability. “When I called back?”
I answer honestly. “That I made a mistake. That I missed you. That I…wanted you. Wanted to get to know you better. To see where things went between us.”
“Do you know me now?”
Overwhelmed by emotion, by the intensity in how he looks at me, tears gather in the corners of my eyes.
I take in a shuddering breath. “I do, and I—I like it, being here with you. This should be the worst time, with all the stress in my life, with how so many things have gone wrong, but somehow you made it okay. Just by being here, you make everything better.”
Gently, his thumb strokes my cheek, wiping away my tears.
Even with the tenderness I see in his expression, it takes courage to ask my question. “Wh—what would you have said? When you called me back?”
He smiles, small and a little wobbly. “This is what I would’ve said.”
He kisses me.
Soft lips press to mine, gentle, questioning. I open my mouth with a sigh, let his tongue sweep in to meet mine, thrilling from the rightness of it. Rising on my toes, I wind my arms around his neck, thread my fingers into his hair, and deepen the kiss.
He pulls back just enough to look at me, his breath warm against my lips. “I’m sorry you thought I didn’t call. I swear, Helen, if I’d seen those texts, I would’ve run to you.”
My chest tightens, breath catching in my throat. I reach up, thumb brushing the stubble along his cheek. “I know that now,” I whisper, before leaning in again to claim his mouth.
At first, Teddy lets me lead. Allows me to set the pace, to adjust to this new, but old, dynamic between us, but soon he loses control.
His hands press into the small of my back as he pulls my body to him.
He takes my mouth in deep, passionate kisses, growing more urgent with each one.
I’m so lost in the sensation that I barely notice him walking me backward, down the hall and into his bedroom.
A flash of insecurity hits when we reach it. I pull away, just enough so I can see his face. I hate it, that in this moment I think of Gina and the things she said, but I can’t help it. “I’m not fun enough.”
Teddy’s expression shifts, the haze clearing instantly. “What?”
“You should be with someone fun. Funny. Good with other people. That’s not me.” I place my hands on his chest, ready to shove away from him.
For a heartbeat, there’s silence. Then Teddy’s hands tighten on my shoulders. “What are you talking about?” His voice is low, incredulous. “You’re all those things and more. Jesus, Helen, you—you’re everything. Can’t you see that? How amazing you are?”
The way he says it, with that pure, open intensity, makes my heart hurt in the best possible way. Like something inside me is breaking and healing at the same time. Like it’s expanding to make room for what he’s giving me.
I wish I didn’t need the reassurance. Wish I could believe it on my own, but I can’t help the quiet, breathless, “Really?” that escapes me.
“Let me show you,” he says, his voice low, his eyes searching mine. “If you can’t hear my words, let me show how I feel about you.”
It’s dark in his room. The only light comes from the half-moon glowing just outside the window.
Without letting go of me, Teddy reaches over and flicks on the small lamp beside his bed.
The light casts a golden circle, leaving just enough shadow that I don’t feel self-conscious when Teddy undresses me.
He doesn’t rush. Slowly, he peels my leotard and sports bra away, as if he’s unwrapping something delicate.
Then his own shirt comes off, and my breath catches at the sight of him, all smooth skin and lean muscle and that silver ring glinting at his nipple.
I let go of everything. My doubts. My worries. Gina’s voice. All of it. I let it be swept away like broken seashells, carried off in the high tide. Let those jagged shards drift away until they’re too far gone to hurt me anymore.
I focus only on Teddy. On how warm his skin feels beneath my palms. On the way his chest rises and falls under my touch. I drag my fingers over his skin, circle his nipple ring, and give it a gentle tug.
He groans, deep and low, like I’ve pulled the sound straight from his chest. “Hellcat,” he says, kissing my throat while I tip my head back, my heart racing. “You have no idea how good that feels.”
“You like this?” I ask, repeating the motion.
“Mmm,” he hums in response, “so much.”
He cups my breast, thumb rubbing back and forth across my sensitive nipple, which peaks with each touch. I get a full body shiver when he growls in my ear, “The things I’m going to do to you once this cast comes off.”
He steps back and shoves down his pants and underwear, letting his erection spring free. He’s hard, swollen with desire. A primal satisfaction comes to me that I made him that way, that I’m the object of his need, his want.
Teddy glances at the bed, then at his cast, and frowns. His gaze moves over my shoulder, and he smirks, something dark and wicked flashing in his eyes. “Perfect.”
“What?” I turn to see what has him so entranced.
He’s looking at the large mirror that lines the wall, with my ballet bar attached to it. “I’m going to watch you from every angle.”
I whimper. He’s not even touching me, but already I ache for him.
“My pretty Helen. I want you to see how beautiful you are when you come for me.”
My stomach hollows at these words, so erotic, spoken so casually.
“Turn around,” he commands, completely in charge as he guides me over. “Hands on the bar. You’ll need to hold on for this.”
Body and face on fire, I follow his instructions and place each hand on the bar, which is cool to the touch.
I let my hair hang in my face, closing my eyes as he hooks his thumbs into the sides of my panties and pushes them down with excruciating slowness.
I help him pull them off. His fingers find my core.
His body presses against mine as he stands. Chest to my back, his nipple ring a small hard circle between us, Teddy leans in. “No hiding from me or from yourself. Look in the mirror, Helen.”
I’m already in a vulnerable position, with his hand between my legs, but that’s nothing compared to how exposed I feel when I slowly lift my gaze to watch not Teddy in the mirror, but myself.
There she is…a me I’ve never met before.
Wide brown eyes dilated with lust, red lips swollen from kissing.
Hair wild. I push back against Teddy’s hand, my hips rolling instinctively, just as he slips a finger into me.
I moan, my chest heaving, but keep my eyes open.
The reflection catches the way I press into him, the way his eyes stay locked on me in the mirror, watching me watching him.
“That feels good, right there,” I murmur.
“I know,” Teddy chuckles, like it’s his own private joke. He moves his finger in and out, adding a second while I push against him, panting and moaning, losing myself in the moment.
“Look at you, Hellcat.” He kisses along my neck, watching in the mirror and whispering as he goes. “This is how I see you, alive, vibrant, lit up like you swallowed the stars, my Helen.”
He takes his tip and rubs it against my entrance, coating it with my desire. I want him so badly I might actually go crazy, so when he pauses to put on a condom I plead, “Don’t stop, don’t stop touching me.”
A dark chuckle. “I like you needy for me.” He does as I ask, one hand on me while he rips the wrapper with his teeth and rolls the condom on. He strokes himself, meeting my eyes in the mirror. I can see how they glaze with lust.
“You ready?” he asks, stepping behind me and widening my legs with his foot. I nod, robbed of speech by the sight of him, so strong and steady.
Teddy holds my hips tight as he pushes into me slowly, grounding. I keep my eyes locked on his in the mirror, letting him see that I’m okay. That I like it, the feeling of his body inside of mine. Once he’s fully seated inside me, he slumps with his forehead on my back.
“Perfect. Just like I remembered,” he says, more to himself than to me.
He straightens and slams into me so hard I cry out, not in pain but in pleasure.
Teddy pushes into me, moving fast over and over.
Squeezing the bar so hard my knuckles turn white, I meet his every movement with my own.
The rhythm builds, every movement a give and take between us.
Teddy’s mouth is on my shoulder, his breath hot and uneven.
His hands wrap around me, one at my breast, squeezing gently, and the other at my hip, holding me in place.
It’s sensory overload, feeling him inside of me while simultaneously witnessing the expressions of ecstasy that cross our faces in the mirror.
How sweat gathers on our brows, how Teddy bites his lips as he gets closer, how my hands tremble.
Pleasure builds between us in thick, heavy waves.
I’m lifted onto my toes, pressed close to the glass, everything magnified as my body spirals, moving at a desperate pace.
We reach the peak together and cry out as one, unraveling at the same time.
Sparks of pleasure rocket through my body.
Warmth, hotter than the sun, spreads through every limb as they go tense, then slack.
Teddy holds on through it, riding the wave with me, breathing ragged against my skin.
I rest my head against the cool glass as the aftershocks hit.
Teddy’s gasping behind me. Both of his hands have dropped to my waist like I’m the only thing holding him upright.
“You see it now?” he whispers, voice strained.
I meet his eyes in the mirror and nod, unable to speak.
“You see how gorgeous you are when you’re mine?”
Mine.
We stay like that for a minute, both of us fighting for breath.
Then he kisses my shoulder and eases out.
I can’t move. I’m immobilized, wrung out from that orgasm.
Teddy disposes of the condom, then he’s back.
He hooks me around the waist and draws me toward the bed until my legs hit the mattress.
With tender care, he lays me down on my back and crawls in after me, drawing the blankets up to cover our nakedness.
“You okay?” he asks, concern softening his voice.
All this time, I haven’t said anything, and I realize it’s starting to worry him, which isn’t what I want. It’s just I’m lost in my head right now, overwhelmed by the fact that after all this time I’m here. With him.
I roll onto my side, facing him, and reach up to brush his hair back from where it lays tangled over his forehead. “Better than okay.”
That makes him smile, bright and wide. He lets out a satisfied sigh. “Good.”
I expect him to want to talk, to do a debriefing of all the events of the night, which is fine, but part of me doesn’t know what to say.
I have to process it, everything that’s happened, which takes time.
Like he understands without my explaining, Teddy snuggles closer, pulling me into his arms. He whispers into my hair, “As long as you’re happy. That’s all I need.”
There are no more words after that, just dreams and his arms wrapped around me, tight like he has no intention of letting go.