Chapter 23 Allie
TWENTY-THREE
ALLIE
MORNING HAS brOKEN
I awoke to a sprained liver and the most handsome man in the world by my side.
He was sleeping and next to me was a water and bottle of pain reliever tablets.
I took two and lay facing him. My phone read it was six thirteen.
I scooted as close to him as I could, and watched him sleep for nearly an hour.
My heart whimpered at the thought of closure ending.
My mind wanted to relive every minute with him; the way he made love to me was nothing short of poetry and just left me wanting more.
While I knew it was just a temporary state of being, in his arms I felt wanted and desired like with no other.
I felt alive. Even the sound of his voice had a grounding effect; it took away the noise of my brain.
His eyes cracked open, and I smiled at his crooked grin and messy hair.
“Morning.”
“Good morning.”
I kissed his cheek and relished in the heat of his warm skin against mine, like a perfectly body blanket. “How’s your head feeling?”
He let out a long sigh. “I don’t remember all of last night, but considering I need sunglasses to look at the nightlight says something.” He peeked under the covers and looked at me. “The best way to wake up.”
His finger ran lightly under my collar bone. “I like it.”
“What?”
He popped a brow. “You don’t remember?”
“What?”
A boyish laugh bounced around the room. “Oh no. You don’t remember dragging us into the tattoo parlor?”
“Oh my gosh.”
“You promised you’d remember. Now don’t be pissed, I tried to talk you out of it.”
“I remember.” I got out of bed and to the mirror on the wall. “Wow.
“So you’re okay with it?”
I looked over. “I absolutely love it.”
He let out a breath. “You wanted something to symbolize strength and a new beginning, you got it.”
My eyes traveled the delicate infinity loop, etched in black ink just under my collar bone. As it curved around the tiny word dream in a beautiful font was on the second loop.
He held up the covers and I crawled back into bed. I looked at the new addition on his arm; identical to mine but larger.
He nodded. “I like it.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “I guess we both needed something new.”
We lay facing one another, my bare chest against his, while his fingers lightly tickled my arm. My phone pinged and he grabbed it from the nightstand and handed it to me.
“Looks like their plane will be here around noon.” I set it back on the nightstand.
“Lexi and Rachel.” His head shook lightly. “They are going to have a hot dip shit fit when they see me.”
“You spit the truth.” I scooted closer and our faces were inches apart. “But they won’t kill you. Well, I’m pretty sure.”
“The scary part is there are so many places they could hide a body in Colorado.”
“Oh, they wouldn’t have to. They’d make it an accident for sure.”
“So steer clear of mountain hiking with your girls?”
“Oh yeah, don’t even give them a cliff to consider.”
We lay perfectly still while I knew our minds were doing no such thing.
He pushed a curl from my face. “They were scared. All of them. Your parents.”
My voice cracked. “I love them, and things are good now, but I don’t know. Maybe a part of me doesn’t forgive them.”
“Or me.”
I shrugged. “It was all done by the time I woke up. I had no say.”
“That day—”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I pulled the blanket up to my chin.
“I do.”
I didn’t want to go back there. I shook my head, and he held me firmly; like he knew I was on my way out.
“I was responsible for you almost dying, Me.”
“No, you weren’t. The truck swerved into us.”
“I was responsible for you.”
“Things happen that are out of our control sometimes.”
“I was out of control. You and me back then was raw energy that we didn’t know what to do with. An all-consuming fire we couldn’t control.”
My chest tightened. “It was love.”
“Hell, yeah it was. You were the moon and stars to me. And the lengths I went to have you—”
“Stop making it sound like that.”
His eyes narrowed. “I stole my uncle’s car, picked you up on your eighteenth birthday, and drove to Vegas to marry you. That doesn’t sound a little bit unhinged?”
I traced my initials scrolled into his tattoo. “That day. Wow.”
“We were like Bonnie and Clyde. Burning everything behind us so we could get where we wanted to go.” He drug his thumb across my lower lip. “I’ve never seen anything more beautiful than you in that dress.”
I giggled. “Never underestimate the treasures of Goodwill. Am I right or am I right?”
“You could’ve worn a trash bag, and I would’ve clawed my way through walls to get to you.”
“I’ve never understood what happened. I mean, I know what happened, but I was stunned. All my parents would ever tell me is that you realized we were better apart.”
His demeanor changed, and I felt his muscles tighten. “I was passing the truck on the interstate when he switched lanes. I saw him shoot over but it was too late. It was almost in slow motion. He swerved, my eyes shot to you sleeping in the passenger seat, and then it all went black.”
He swallowed hard as his eyes became glassy.
“I woke up in the hospital. Your parents were there, and when I saw you on life support, because of me, it tore me apart.”
I fought the lump in my throat as I pulled him closer. “But it wasn’t because of you.”
“Because of my actions you were fighting for your life, and it didn’t look like you were going to make it. You were this beautiful genius who’d fallen for someone who was a reckless thrill seeker. If it wasn’t for me, none of it would’ve happened.”
My vision blurred.
“I wanted to tell them to fuck off, but it was all true. You were weaved into my soul, a part of me, and there was no line I wouldn’t have crossed to get to you. It was crazy, and I couldn’t control it.”
“What happened then? I want to know what really happened. Not my brother’s version. Nobody was completely honest with me. I know it.”
“It’s probably better—”
“You started this, tell me.”
His eyes bore into mine.
“It was a good four days you were on life support, and I was dying inside. Your parents let me have it on day one but held their tongues when I told them I wouldn’t live without you. Would not. I was with you every minute.”
His low voice was quiet. “The day they were able to take you off of the ventilator, my father brought in the annulment papers. He said it was time to let you go. To realize that while I hadn’t killed you this time, it would be a matter of time before I’d kill your dreams and take you off track.
” He laced his fingers through mine. “That I was the dynamite and you were the match.”
The apparatus in my chest caved and every part of me hurt. Ached for the past, ached for what could have been, and what should have been.
“I refused and told him to go to hell. I went back in your room and your mother was with you. She was holding your hand and her tears gutted me. You were the stars in her world too. It was the first time I thought I’d been all wrong.
Wrong for letting you love me, wrong for taking you off of the path you were on.
Everything they thought about me was true. I’d hurt you.”
I rested my hand on his cheek.
“I told her how much I loved you, and said I’d do whatever she wanted me to do.”
My eyes burned.
“She said she felt you’d be able to live out your dreams without me.
That together we tested everything, but alone you would be safe.
” He wiped his eye with the back of his hand.
“Once you were on your way to being stable, they asked me to leave. Forever. I signed the papers, went home, packed, and left to go live with my aunt in Wisconsin. Evan’s mother.
They’d been right about me all along, and I wasn’t going to hurt you further.
I asked my dad not to tell you or anyone where I went because I knew you’d be there, and as much as it killed me, you were better off without me. ”
All the air left my body and as hard as I tried, he held me while I cried. The trajectory of my life had been changed entirely that day, and I had no say in it. Time wasted, dreams twisted into different dreams, and my busted heart that eventually stitched itself back together.
He took my face in his hands. “I never wanted you to get hurt.” His deep voice had a velvet rumble. “I’m sorry for all of it.”
My mind was a whirlwind of angst and desire. The sting of the reality of us, but his touch and skin on mine now were all I needed even if it was just for a day.
I did follow my dream. I had a good life. I was happy. Now closure was coming to an end, and maybe it was a good thing. I knew what happened, and now it was finally over.
We dozed off wrapped up together, and I awoke at nine forty-five to find myself alone.
As I reached for the robe at the bottom of the bed Levi entered and my tummy did a flip.
He wore jeans that hung low on his hips with no shirt.
Yeah, there should be a law against Levi ever wearing shirts indoors. His body was a freaking piece of art.
“Whatcha got there?”
“Hangover help.” He set a tray on my lap. “Chocolate chip pancakes still your favorite?”
“Bet your ass they are. A nice dose of chocolate will cure just about anything.”
He plopped down next to me. “Yeah, if chocolate is the answer, who the hell cares what the question is.”
“Amen. Chocolate is clearly God’s way of saying he likes us a little bit chubby.”
After a quick shower Levi dabbed ointment on my stitches and each of us swallowed two more pain reliever tablets which were working pretty well on my tequila brain. While a hangover lasts maybe half a day, the blurry drunken memories of my time with the hot one would last a lifetime.
Once downstairs we sat on the sofa next to the roaring fire and most beautiful Christmas tree in the history of time.
Levi went to the kitchen, and his phone pinged. It sat on the glass coffee table. I casually grabbed a Skittle from the candy dish and tossed it under the coffee table. Yes, I’m a loser.
I bent down, basically crawling under the coffee table, and looked up through the glass at his lit-up screen. While I couldn’t see all the words, I saw birthday party next Friday. In his life across the world, some woman named Martina would be attending a party with the hot one.
Yes, a reality check.
He entered the room as I flashed a smile. Well, whatever he had in his life wasn’t happening today; nope, he was in Colorado with me.
He plopped down on the couch beside me before laying his head in my lap as I ran my fingers through his hair, I decided this was fine. It was all okay.
I grabbed my phone and read through messages. “Well, they’re on their way here.” I kissed his lips. “You were right. I feel like we finally had our ending and can now move forward with peace. I guess this is goodbye to closure.”