Chapter 42 Levi
FORTY-TWO
LEVI
GREMLINS?
Allie grabbed her arm. “What did you do?”
Lexi’s head whipped to Allie. “Royce?”
“Uh, no, it’s me. Allie.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Well, sure as shit you’re right.” She pointed to the slopes. “Welcome to Disney World.”
Allie’s eyes shot to me. “Lexi, did you fall and hit your head when you were skiing?”
She roared with laughter. “How in the hell would I be skiing with my damn ski in the tree?”
“That was my next question. Why is your ski up there?”
She leaned in close. “Before I got to Disney World, there was a demon cowboy after me.”
Levi stepped closer. “Langley, is she drunk?”
Lexi let out an annoyed huff. “I’m not drunk ya asshat!”
Allie touched my arm. “Lexi, please continue. About the cowboy?”
She nodded. “Sugar pie, it wasn’t a cowboy.
It was a demon cowboy. That fucker came up behind me out of nowhere.
I was shakin’ like a leaf as terror I’ve never known filled my veins.
” Her eyes were bulging. “I had no choice but to kill him.” She leaned over to me.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a man take his last breath. ”
Was she confirming what I always suspected to be true?
Allie let out a long breath. “You killed a demon cowboy?”
She pointed to her ski. “I’m afraid so. He climbed the tree planning to jump on me, so I threw my ski up there, hit him square in the heart, and he died.”
Allie threw her arm up. “What in the hell is happening?”
I couldn’t resist and leaned in. “Lexi, what did you do with the body?”
“Well, asshat, I planned to burn it but just when I was fixin’ to find some wood, a gremlin shot out of the fucking forest and drug his body away! Can you even believe that?”
“Wow.”
“I know. That’s when I knew I needed to get my tushy to Disney World.” She pointed down the hill. “I was just about to look for that flyin’ Dumbo ride I love so much. Ya know, to keep my head off the demon cowboy and all.”
Allie’s mouth dropped open as she looked at me. “What do I do?”
“Steer clear of gremlins, that’s for damn sure.”
“Come on, Lex. We’re almost to the ski lodge, we can walk.”
Lexi patted Allie on the head. “Don’t you worry. I’ll be cool as a cucumber. Nobody will ever guess I offed a demon cowboy today.”
I grabbed everybody’s skis, and we walked down the slope just next to the trees so no fellow skiers nailed us.
About twenty feet down, I looked over as Rachel skied past us and Allie gasped. Yes, Rach gave us a wave as she zipped by wearing her ski pants and purple bra.
Allie screamed, which made Lexi laugh. “Rachel is skiing in a bra? What the hell is going on?”
We finally reached the bottom of the hill where the normal people were hanging out. Rachel was stepping out of her skis as onlookers gasped.
“Levi!” I looked at Allie who had shock written across her forehead.
“I got it.” I left the skis on a table, pulled off my jacket, and jogged over to Rachel. “Let’s get this coat on you.”
She looked up at me while her hand went to my cheek. “But it’s just so warm out. I don’t think I need it.”
“You do, trust me.”
She patted my face. “You’re still a hottie like you were back then. Don’t tell Lexi I said so.”
“Uh, thanks.”
“But I still hate ya, just to be clear.”
“Got it.”
I grabbed her arm and led her to Allie who had Lexi seated on a chair next to the Christmas tree. Rach sat on Lexi’s lap.
“Hello my beauty.”
Allie clapped her hands. “Okay, what is going on? Did everybody do shots or what?”
Lexi shrugged her shoulders. “No. But I think you could use a shot.” She kissed Lexi on the cheek. “Allison has a stick wedged up her ass, I think. She’s a party pooper and didn’t even let me ride the Dumbo ride.”
Rachel waved her arm in the air. “Boo!”
Suddenly Evan shot out the ski lodge. “Thank God. Please tell me you both aren’t stoned?”
I glanced at Allie. “Nope. But after the last ten minutes I sorta wish I was.”
He was out of breath. “Turns out Kristina bought some—air quotes—fundraiser baked goods from some fraternity in the parking lot. By the time I figured out what was happening our crew had inhaled every last one and vanished.”
Allie shook her head. “So they’re all high?”
Evan laughed. “Sky high in Colorado.” He pointed to the ski slope. “Clint disappeared up the mountain so not sure where the hell he ended up.”
My heart did a cheerleader jump for the first time ever as the thought of clusternut Clint never returning. “I’m sure he’s fine.”
Allie held her arm up. “And Kristina?”
That’s when Kristina’s cackle shot through the air. I followed it and ended up in front of the hot chocolate stand and there she was. Behind the counter. I cautiously approached.
“Kristina?”
She looked up. “What can I get you, dear?”
I leaned down. “Uh, you don’t work here.”
“Well, I have an apron.” She pointed. “So I’m pretty sure I do.”
We finally had everyone together but Clint and Royce. While my idea was to just leave them, and like dogs, I was certain they’d find their way home, Evan and Allie did not agree. After a bit more discussion, our crew seemed to be coming down from whatever kind of high they were on.
There was a yell, and I looked up just in time to see Clint fall from a ski lift and into a pile of snow as a little bit of glee registered in my brain. Bad Levi. The good news was the fall was only about ten feet. The bad news was he was still alive. I just could not catch a break.
Evan tore over and helped Clint up. His hair was sticking out in all directions as he was pulled to his feet.
“Did you see that?” He let out a laugh. “I fell off the damn ski lift!”
Allie reached him, and I hated the concern in her eyes. “Are you okay?”
“I fell off the ski lift! Did you see me?” He put his arms around Allie and lifted her so she was level with his face, and I suddenly wished I had a level to beat him with. “Look at you.”
My hand balled into a fist as he gave her a quick kiss, and I could hear Lexi clapping in the background. Evan put his hand on my shoulder. “Uh, we’d better get everybody back to the house.”
Lexi yelled. “Where’s Royce?”
As fuckity fucker Clint still had his hands on Allie, and I knew I needed to disappear. “I’ll look for him.”
I roamed through the enormous ski lodge that seemed to be throwing up Christmas. Every place my eyes landed there were wreaths, candy canes, and twinkling lights. I’m a full-blown Christmas lover, but it was too much.
He wasn’t in the bar, but beer was, so I ordered one to assist with my search.
I checked out the men’s bathroom and gift shop but nada.
I then roamed through the restaurant and didn’t see him anywhere.
As I was leaving, I tripped over feet sticking out from under a table covered in a red tablecloth.
I sighed as I couldn’t think of another visitor in the lodge who might be under a fucking table.
Dear Life,
When I said, “Can this day get more fucked up”, it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
I peeked down to see a sleeping Royce. Or a dead Royce. Please be dead, please be dead.
I pushed his leg with my foot. “Royce, wake up.” I pushed harder and he rolled onto his side appearing to want to continue his slumber.
Clinking silverware was in the distance as I assessed how to get this guy out of there. I flipped the tablecloth up, leaned down, and shook his shoulder. “Royce, we have to get you out of here.”
His eyes popped opened, and he jumped at the sight of me. “Where am I?”
“Well, you’re sleeping under the table in a fine dining establishment.”
“Huh.” He looked around. “Maybe I just wanna stay here for a while.”
What in the hell was in those baked goods? Clearly our group was standing on my last freaking nerve. “Get up, we’re leaving.”
“Why?”
“Dude, I don’t have the time or crayons to explain this to you. You’re stupid, Royce.”
He rubbed his eyes. “Don’t call me stupid.”
“Okay, let me put it another way. Wisdom has been chasing you but you’re running too fucking fast to catch at the moment.”
“I—”
“That’s it, I’m billing you for this conversation. Get your ass out here.”
I stood, grabbed him by the ankles while the table next to us seemed fascinated with our effed-up situation. I pulled him out as a waiter stopped dead in his tracks.
“It’s a boy!” My laughter was solo. Royce looked up at the faces peering down at him and quickly scooted back under the table. I took a deep breath reminding myself he was not worth the prison time.
I leaned down and whispered. “Royce, get out here right now.”
“I just need a minute.”
“You’re being a jackass. I’ll stab you with a fork if you don’t cooperate. Got me?”
He spoke through gritted teeth. “Don’t you fucking insult me.”
“I’m not insulting you I’m just describing you.
” My patience is like a gift card, you never know how much is left.
At this time, I found out I had a zero balance.
I grabbed his ankles, yet again, and pulled him out from under the table, and kept going right out of the restaurant to gasps and pointing.
He was squirming as I pulled him through the hall. I didn’t even try to control my laughter as I dragged him down three stairs.
“Ouch!” He held the back of his head. “Let me go!”
“No, you’ve proven yourself as a runner, and I don’t have time for this shit.”
“I’m fine. I’m just a little loopy. I’m not going anywhere.”
I let go and he got his feet. “Where is everybody?”
“Well, we found Lexi talking to a tree and killing demon cowboys.”
“Shit. She’s okay?”
I nodded.
“I don’t know what was in those snacks.”
“Everybody has been found.”
We stood for a second. “You called Clint, didn’t you?”
He nodded. “He and Allie had a good thing—”
“To cut a long story short, you’re a dick.”
“Allie is a good friend.”
“And you wanted to make sure I—”
“Yeah. I was around for the last episode of Levi and Allie, and it was a disaster. I won’t let that happen.”
“So you called someone to—”
“They’re good together. She left for a job opportunity, and it was just a matter of time before they got back together.”
“So you took it upon yourself to decide things? Who do you think you are?”
“I’m one of the people who put her back together after you. The one who stood at the end of the hall every day when she relearned to walk.”
“I didn’t want it to be like that! A truck ran into us, and I had no control.”
“Yes, you had no control of yourself. When you were with her all hell broke loose and she almost didn’t make it out alive. I’ll call in the fuckin’ cavalry to make sure that doesn’t happen again.”
With that he walked away, and I suddenly came to realize I was at the point in life where I needed a stronger word than fuck.
Allie had gone against them all back in the day for me, and here I was again. Wanting to push her for more than closure in Colorado and I’d be asking her to do it all again.