Chapter 13 #2
He stares at the water, grinding his molars, then picks up my hand, rubbing his thumb over it. He declares, "Jax said he's moving me to the Tennessee team."
My pulse shoots up so fast that I get dizzy. "What? He can't do that!"
Sounding despondent, he says, "If I don't go, I have no spot on any team."
"Then we'll find you one!" I insist.
Wyatt takes off his hat and puts it on the log next to him. He pats his thigh. "Come here."
I rise and move to his lap.
He strokes my hair.
"Don't worry. We'll find you another team."
"It doesn't exactly work like that, Willow," he claims.
"Why not? This is Texas," I remind him.
He tugs me closer to him. "I can go to Tennessee and still compete. If I find another team, I'll start at the bottom."
My anxiety eases a bit. I knew there had to be another option. I reassure him, "You'll move quickly up to where you are now. You're too good!"
He grunts. "I lost the other day."
"It's okay. You can't win every rodeo. You'll win the next one," I insist.
He sighs, shaking his head. "I don't think you understand, Willow."
"Then fill me in," I state.
He studies me, running his thumb over my jaw, then gives me several chaste kisses. He retreats and says, "If I go to Tennessee, I keep my ranking. I can win back all the money I lost, and earn my spot back on the Texas team."
The hairs on my arms rise. I angrily mutter, "I'm going to kill Jagger."
Wyatt insists, "It's not his fault."
"There's no way on God's dusty earth that isn't true, and you know it!" I declare.
In a stern tone, Wyatt claims, "I'm my own man, Willow."
"Jagger's always making you bet!"
"He doesn't make me do anything! Like I said, I'm my own man, and I make my own decisions."
My insides quiver. I glance at the water, blinking hard.
He can't go to Tennessee. Wyatt belongs on our ranch.
I'm going to kill Jagger.
I shake my head, asserting, "You can't go to Tennessee."
"I don't have much of a choice," he reminds me.
I blurt out, "I think I'm pregnant!"
Wyatt stiffens, his face going pale.
Tension builds between us. Birds chirp, the gentle breeze blows across the water, and my heart feels like it's dying. The longer we sit in silence, the more freaked out Wyatt looks.
"Say something," I whisper.
He opens his mouth, then shuts it and swallows hard.
"Wyatt?"
In a low, guttural tone, he says, "I thought you were on birth control."
"I am."
"Then how are you pregnant?" he questions.
Anger, irritation, and fear of him leaving assail me. I retort, "It's not one hundred percent effective, and you know that, Wyatt Houston!"
"Don't get nasty with me, Willow Cartwright," he says in the same tone.
I blink hard. "You don't get to do this."
"Do what?"
"Blame me."
"I'm not blaming you!"
"Are you sure about that? Feels like you are," I claim. I try to get off of him, but he tightens his arm around me.
He tugs me into his chest and holds my head against him. "I'm sorry. I'm not blaming you for anything. You know I love you."
My heart calms slightly. I sniffle. "I know you do."
"So give me a minute to process this, okay?" he says, hugging me tighter.
I don't say anything.
He finally speaks. "We need to get a test."
"I got one at the store."
"Where is it?"
I retreat from the safety of his chest and meet his gaze. He's trying to look calm, but his worry is obvious, and it freaks me out. My insides quiver, and I reply, "In my car."
"Okay. As soon as we're back, you need to take it," he asserts.
"I will."
"Good."
A moment of silence builds between us.
I blurt out, "If you go to Tennessee, I'll come with you."
His face falls. "How?"
"What do you mean?"
He chuckles sarcastically. "What would I say? 'Hey, Jacob. I knocked up your daughter. And I'm moving her to Tennessee to live in a bunkhouse with a bunch of other cowboys even though there's a no-women-allowed rule'?"
The earthquake in my stomach intensifies. "We'll get another place."
"With what money?" he asks.
"You've won a lot," I point out.
His expression shutters, and he looks away.
Dread claws at me. My voice trembles as I ask, "How much did you lose gambling?"
He takes a minute, then finally meets my eyes. "Almost everything."
I gape at him.
He closes his eyes. "I'm sorry. We just got carried away. I didn't realize how much I'd lost until the following day."
My anger flares. I accuse, "How could you not have known?"
His voice drops into the low octave he saves when he's mad. He admits, "We were drinking a lot."
My eyes turn to slits. I hiss, "I told you Jagger shouldn't go with you!"
"It's not his fault."
"Stop defending him!" I cry out.
Wyatt's face darkens. He insists, "I'm my own man, Willow."
I stay quiet, glaring at him.
"Don't look at me like that," he says.
I look away, taking deep breaths.
He takes his finger and turns my chin so I can't avoid him. "I'll win it all back, Willow. I promise."
I don't say anything.
He adds, "But you understand why I have to go to Tennessee, right?"
Reality hits me. If he stays in Texas and has to start over, it'll take forever for him to earn what he could in Tennessee.
So I say, "I have my savings. I'm sure it'll be enough for a down payment and maybe six months' worth of rent.
You'll have some money to cover us after you win a few times, and I can get a job. "
He scoffs. "You have college in the fall."
My pulse pounds between my ears. "I'll try to transfer somewhere out there."
He scrubs his hands over his face. "You had to apply last year. I'm sure the universities already have their freshman solidified for the fall."
"Then I'll take a year off. I can start next year," I suggest.
"No way."
"Why not?"
He groans. "Willow. You can't take off for a year. Besides, the only way I'm allowed on the team is if I live in the bunkhouse. Jax already told me the stipulations," he announces.
I cry out, "What if I'm pregnant?"
A fresh wave of tension detonates between us, sharp and undeniable.
"Wyatt!" I cry, my voice cracking.
He tugs me into him, murmuring into my hair, "Let's find out the situation before we freak out."
I pull back so he can't avoid me. "But what if I am? You'll still go?"
"I-I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know?"
He shakes his head. "Willow, babies cost money."
"Really? I didn't know that," I bite out sarcastically.
"Well, I'm going to need to make money quickly," he points out.
Scared, I take several breaths, and ask, "So when would you be back?"
He stares at me, jaw ticking.
I barely get out, "You'd never come back?"
"No! Of course not! Don't say crazy things that aren't true!"
I relax a little, but it's short-lived.
Anger darkens his features. "You think I wouldn't take care of our baby?"
"I didn't say that."
"Sounded like it."
"I didn't mean it that way," I say.
The wind picks up, and a gust blows between us.
He rises and holds out his hand. "Let's go find out."
Nausea hits me again. I swallow down bile as I take his hand, and he leads me to the horses.
We ride back in silence, and every step toward the house increases my anxiety. When we're at the end of the trail, he directs, "You go first. I'll take care of Sassy. Tie him to the post and then go take the test. I'll meet you upstairs."
I silently follow his orders, and soon find myself peeing on the stick. I put the cap on it, take it to my bedroom, and wait.
Wyatt finally comes inside. He sits on the bed and asks, "Well?"
I pick up the stick off my desk and hand it to him. "I can't look."
He takes it, stares at it, and says, "It's just a dash. What does that mean?"
I grab it from him, glance at it, and relief fills me. "Oh thank God!"
"No baby?" he questions.
I shake my head. "No!"
He grins. "Phew. That was scary."
"Right?"
"Yeah."
"Okay. So you don't have to go, then, right?" I ask.
He gives me stricken look.
"Wyatt, you don't have to go. You can work your way back up and everything will be fine," I insist.
"You don't understand."
"I do. It's just money!"
He grunts. "Easy for you to say."
"What does that mean?"
"Look around, Willow. You've got it all. I've got nothing," he claims.
I shriek, "You have me!"
"Shh!" he reprimands, and pulls me closer. "I wasn't referring to that."
I deflate.
"I have to go," he states.
"Wyatt—"
He puts his finger over my mouth. "I'll go and earn my spot back."
I move his finger. "You can do that here."
"No, I can't. If I don't go, I might never get it back," he declares.
"That's a lie!"
"It's not! You and I both know anything can happen at any time," he reminds me.
It's true, but I also know Wyatt. And why isn't he being his normal cocky, assured self right now like he always is when it comes to riding?
"I love you," he declares.
Tears fill my eyes. "Then don't go."
He sighs and pulls me into him. "I have to."
I grasp at straws. "Then take me with you."
"I already told you the rules," he replies.
I jerk out of his hold. "Why don't you want me with you?"
A bored expression crosses his face. "Don't be crazy. Of course I want you with me, but you can't go."
"You aren't trying very hard for a man who says he wants me with him," I accuse.
His eyes turn to slits. "You're acting like a child."
I huff. "Me? You're the one who gambled all his money away and now wants to leave me."
He jerks his head backward. "Is that what you think?"
I shut my mouth, my heart racing faster.
For several moments, we stare at each other. He finally breaks, asserting, "I have no choice. I have to go."
"You do have a choice. If you go, I'm not waiting around for you," I warn.
He stands and looks down on me. "Is that the way it's going to be?"
"If you choose money over me? Yeah. It is," I say, tears spilling down my cheeks.
He studies me another moment with a challenging look, but I don't flinch. He finally replies, "I don't want to leave you, but I can't stay here. I'm sorry you can't understand the position I'm in, sugar."
A knife slices my heart, and I snap, "Don't call me sugar ever again."
He takes heavy breaths for what feels like forever, then ends up saying nothing. He turns, and walks out of my life, taking my heart and soul with him.