Chapter 16 #2
"I mean, if he told your family… I don't know. It just seems silly that we hid all those years," I state.
She reminds me, "I said we could come clean numerous times."
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, my insides shaking.
"Yeah, I remember. I was too big of a coward, though," I confess.
She puts the pen down and pushes for answers I'm sure have been plaguing her for years. "Why is that? What were you so scared of?"
"Well, that's a loaded question, sugar," I tease.
Her expression doesn't break, demanding answers from me.
Another lump forms in my throat. I clear it and sit taller. I reveal, "I didn't have anything to offer you."
"What are you talking about?" she asks.
"What was I going to do? Go up to your dad and say, 'I want to marry your daughter, but I have no money. I've spent it all on stupid stuff'?"
Her eyes widen. She inhales sharply.
"Why do you look shocked?" I question.
"Marry me?" she whispers.
Anxiety and nerves overpower my stomach.
I put my hand over hers. "Did you not think that's what I always wanted?
How could you not? You were my life. The only other thing I had was bull riding.
I wanted to marry you back then, and you're still the only woman I can ever envision committing my life to. "
Her lip trembles, and she blinks hard. She manages to get out, "It's in the past. If you wanted that, you would've done it."
I insist, "Willow, it wasn't that easy."
"Why? Why wasn't it easy?" she demands.
"For one, you were in high school still," I point out.
Her eyes turn to slits, and she angrily says, "I was graduating. You were twenty-one. I was eighteen. We could have done anything. I could have gone with you. But you didn't want me there. Did you?"
"I told you I had to live in the bunkhouse," I remind her.
"It doesn't matter, Wyatt. I could have gone with you. If you had stayed for more than a second, we could have figured it out. But instead, the minute I told you I might be pregnant, you ran as far away from me as possible." A tear drips down her cheek, and she swipes at it.
Guilt bombards me. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.
She looks away and shakes her head. Voice cracking, she quietly states, "I don't want to keep going through this, Wyatt. The past is the past."
I assert, "The hardest thing I ever did was leave you. Even though we got into that big fight, I could barely get in the truck and leave."
"Yet you did! You left and didn't call for over a month!" she accuses, her eyes red with rage and hurt.
A storm brews inside my chest. I confess, "I didn't know what to say. I thought it would be best to focus on work and let you cool down."
My statement angers her further. "Let me cool down?"
I try to stay calm and focus on keeping my tone steady. "Yes. But you didn't call me either. And you didn't take my calls."
"You mean the calls where you left me voice messages where I could barely hear you slurring over the sound of music and girls around you?" she hurls back.
My pulse bangs between my ears. My heart pounds so hard, I think it'll rip out of my chest.
She shakes her head, asserting, "The only way this is going to work is if we keep it professional, so promise me you're going to keep it professional between us."
The last thing I want to do is be professional with Willow.
She adds, "I owe Jax a debt, and as stated, you don't have a lot of other options. Now, I need to finalize this contract with you to fulfill my debt to him. So, can we please focus on business?"
Everything sinks in. How badly I hurt her. Why she's never going to forgive me. And how my sins aren't redeemable.
When I can't handle looking at her broken gaze any longer, I cave. "Okay."
She looks more than relieved at my agreement. Squaring her shoulders, she puts her finger back on the contract in the payment section, and says, "This is the only thing that's not normal. Are you going to sign?"
There's no debate. I've burned too many bridges and sunk too many ships. This is a final gift, if anything, even though Jax wants to rip me off.
I sigh. "Yes. I'll sign."
She gives me an approving nod, then turns to the page with the "sign here" flags.
I take the pen she offers me and then scribble my signature.
As soon as I'm done, she puts the stack of papers aside and pulls out another contract. "This is your contract with me."
"Am I paying you double?" I tease.
Her face turns serious. "You're paying me triple until I get my sixty grand back. I don't care if it comes from you or my other two riders. However, once it's paid, my fee will revert to normal terms. And it's the only way I'm taking you on, Wyatt."
I don't even glance at the paperwork, saying, "Sounds fair to me."
She turns the page and taps it. "Sign here."
I sign it and ask, "Is there anything else?"
She reveals, "Expect meetings next week with sponsors."
"Okay. Anyone I need to be aware of?"
"No, but I'll make sure they're lined up. I need you clean, presentable, and sober. And for the love of God, do not show up with bruises or cuts on your face. Do you think you can stay out of bar fights between now and then?"
My ego tanks. She shouldn't have to ask me that question and not know the answer. I sit taller in my chair. "Yeah, don't worry."
"Okay. I'll let you know when the meetings are set up." She rises.
I do too, nervous energy filling me.
She steps past the desk, and I grab her wrist.
She stops and swallows hard, glancing up at me.
"Thank you, Willow."
She doesn't say anything, just nods.
I open my mouth again, but nothing comes out.
She tilts her head. "Are you going out with Jagger tonight?"
I confess, "I don't want to."
"But you are?" She arches her eyebrows.
"If you tell me to stay here with you, I will," I state, and mean it.
The Willow I knew shines through for a moment, and I almost see a smile, but then her face hardens again. "Make sure you and Jagger don't do anything stupid tonight. We can't risk any negative press with sponsorships on the line."
"I'll be on my best behavior," I tell her, a little bummed that she didn't ask me to stay.
She studies me another minute.
I hold my hand up. "Cowboy's promise."
She glances at it, then a soft laugh escapes her. "That doesn't make me feel any better."
I grin. "I promise you I'll be good. You don't have anything to worry about."
"Good." She takes another step.
I step in front of her again. "Hey."
She glances up. "What?"
I shouldn't ask it. I have no right to ask anything about her life, but I can't help it. "Are you seeing anybody?"
She opens her mouth but then shuts it. Her eyes turn to slits. "It's not your business if I am."
"Willow—"
"No. You lost the right to know anything about my personal life when you left."
"I know. But if you give me another chance—"
"There is no other chance regarding us on a personal level.
I will put my effort and energy into making sure your career gets back on track.
You do your part. I promise you I'll do mine, but that's where it ends, Wyatt.
I'm not going down this road with you again.
Do you understand?" she declares with a finality that breaks me.
I stare at her, unable to answer.
"Wyatt, I need you to tell me that you understand," she implores hoarsely.
I shake my head and release her. "I'm sorry, sugar, but I'm never going to be able to agree to that."
I walk out of the office, needing air, trying to contain my emotions that feel more chaotic than ever.