Chapter Seven
Seven
Tally had dreamed of a Christmas outing like this, the joy of sharing the simplicity of holiday shopping with someone. And the fact that the someone happened to be hot as hell in his Stetson and boots, the thick suede jacket calling to her fingers to touch, only added to the fun.
She inhaled deeply, and the scents of pine and snow filled her lungs.
A sharp breath braced her, seemed to enliven her senses and anchor her to this moment.
This surreal experience unfolded in the bustle of shopping.
The market square hummed with holiday mayhem, couples and families milling about.
An outdoor ice-skating rink was packed with people enjoying the clear weather.
Under an awning, carolers in medieval costumes sang “Greensleeves.”
She and Marshall had made a dent in their list in an indoor shopping mall, and now were finishing up with specialty shops. She enjoyed being outside, especially with her job calling for so much time indoors. The clean, fresh air sang through her senses.
In her gloved hand, she played with the shopping agenda—and that list of his relatives was long, so long. He’d given her some general notes for each person, helpful in choosing gifts but also in getting to know his huge family.
His sister Delaney was an ecological activist who appreciated earth-friendly “green” gifts.
Many of his family had dogs as well, so pet gifts were a hit.
Broderick and Glenna had a husky. His stepbrother’s wife had a service dog to alert to her issues with diabetes.
And his sister Naomi and her husband, Royce, had a Saint Bernard named Tessie in honor of Royce’s favorite scientist, Tesla.
Buying for his father and stepmother would be a challenge, as Marshall was reticent on the subject of his father’s remarriage.
He opened the door to the Little Caribou, a children’s boutique store.
Warm air flooded her cheeks, contrasting with the brisk December chill.
She glanced down at her list. They needed to pick up a few items for Naomi’s twin baby girls and Broderick’s daughter.
Tally wandered around the store while Marshall shopped.
An old ache in her chest, in her heart, flooded her. A life of what could have been with her baby, now nearly ten years old, enjoying Christmas. Tears pushed at the corners of her eyes, making her vision blurred. She pushed her lips together, trying to keep her emotions in check and at bay.
And Marshall’s family didn’t even have the comfort of knowing their lost loved ones were alive. What had she been thinking in coming here? Would learning about her father hurt them more or give them some kind of peace through answers?
She didn’t know what to do.
He paused just inside the doorway, which was decorated with a wreath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you think of the sick babies in the hospital.”
She felt guilty for not thinking of little Stella Rae, clinging to life in the NICU.
She reached for a Baby’s First Christmas ornament to hang by Stella Rae’s bassinet.
Tally cradled the little polar bear decoration in her palm, wishing she could somehow do more. “I know the odds when I give my heart.”
“And yet you do it anyway. You’re an amazing woman.” He added her purchase to his growing pile. “Let me buy this.”
She didn’t want to take advantage. She paid her own way in the world. “But then it won’t be from me.”
“Wash an extra dish or dust my books again if it’ll make you feel less obligated.” He passed his credit card to the cashier.
She searched his face, the handsome lines, strong jaw peppered with a midday stubble. “You don’t want to admit to being a good guy.”
“It’s a simple thing for me to do. Think what you want about me.” He passed her the red bag, white tissue paper poking out.
“I’ll graciously say thank you on little Stella Rae’s behalf. And on behalf of her mother, too.” Her fingers tightened on the bag, the paper crackling in her grip.
“Are you okay?”
She should be asking him that question. Surely the holidays made him think of his sister. “I’m fine. Please don’t worry about me.”
“Are you sure? It seems like something else is on your mind.”
A knot of panic started in her stomach. She wasn’t sure how to broach the subject of her father, or if it was even the right thing to do.
She slipped a hand through the crook of his arm without thinking.
Needing the comfort of his muscular touch.
She hadn’t counted on the distracting sizzle.
“Let’s just enjoy the day. Where should we have dinner that’ll make you forget about your broken bone for a bit and get in the Christmas spirit? ”
He squeezed her hand. “Kit’s Kodiak Café just outside Anchorage. It’s a family favorite. They serve breakfast all day.”
“Sounds wonderful.” She couldn’t help but be entranced by the multi-millionaire with down-to-earth tastes. “I have to warn you, though, I can plow through a stack of pancakes.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said, watching her through assessing eyes as they made their way back to the SUV.
She could see in his expression he wasn’t buying her “I’m fine” answer.
Once in the passenger seat, she played with her seat belt, a plan forming.
An urgency overtaking her as he drove his SUV to the café.
Tally swallowed once, determination settling inside her.
She would tell him about her child. If he judged her for it, then she was better off knowing now.
It would make keeping her distance all the easier.
Well, not easier, but simpler, at least. And then he would stop asking her what was on her mind.
She stared out the window, the sun already setting in the short Alaskan day, Christmas lights winking to life through the town. “You asked me why I rock the babies.”
“Your charitable spirit. Yes, I remember.”
“My reasons really are more about me...” She picked at the hem of her puffy parka. “About my past.”
He shot her a quick glance, his grip firm on the wheel. “What do you mean?”
She drew in a shaky breath. “When I was nineteen, I had a baby that I gave up for adoption.”
He stayed silent for a moment, a slight lift of his eyebrows the only sign he’d registered her words. Then he slipped his arm from the sling and rested his hand on her knee. “That had to be a difficult decision to make.”
“I knew it was the right thing.” She welcomed the comfort of his touch. There’d been so little to carry her through those first days. And while she was at peace with her choice, it still hurt. “Actually, following through on the decision? That was the rough part. More than I can put into words.”
“I’m so sorry.” He squeezed her knee, his hand warm through her denim.
Even knowing she owed no one an explanation, she couldn’t stem the impulse to explain to him.
“I was alone, no money, the baby’s father wanted nothing to do with me or our child.
” That betrayal cut so deep even now. She knew now she’d only chosen to be with him to fill a void after her father’s suicide, but still, being let down so horribly by someone she’d thought she loved cut to the core.
She drew in a bracing breath and plowed forward. “I got to meet the couple before the adoption. They’d gone through multiple fertility treatments, and even carried one baby to the seventh month only to have their premature newborn pass away three weeks later.”
He stayed silent, listening. She liked that about him, the way he didn’t feel the need to fill the air with platitudes.
This was so much more complicated. “The mom told me about how she and her husband had taken turns staying at the NICU with their child. And then one afternoon they both left for the cafeteria to have lunch together. Their baby died while they were away. Intellectually, she knew they weren’t responsible.
But she said she just wished someone had been holding her little one. ..”
“So that’s why you rock premature babies,” he said with unerring insight.
“It’s my way of giving back to the couple who are loving parents to my son.” She pressed her hand to his. “Don’t say anything.”
He lifted her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm, then clasped it, giving her more of that comfort and beautiful silent acceptance.
This man was so much more than a rodeo hunk or wealthy rancher. He was a caring man. And that posed a greater risk than any physical temptation.
She needed to get her focus back on the job and off her boss.
Leather steering wheel gliding between his palms, Marshall maneuvered the SUV in the dark streets.
He hung a left, the vehicle smooth as a hot knife through butter as he guided it toward home.
On the edge of the horizon, a touch of northern lights painted the sky with greens and yellows in growing brilliance.
He looked forward to watching them with Tally.
Their dinner together had passed in a flash of easy conversation.
She hadn’t been kidding. She’d put down a stack of pancakes along with reindeer sausage.
She’d been social and charming, but there was a definite distance between them.
Maybe she regretted sharing about the baby she’d given up for adoption.
He wasn’t sure, and he could sense this wasn’t the time to push her about being together.
She reminded him of a skittish horse: one wrong move and she would bolt.
Right now, she was all business, her phone out as she typed in her to-do list for the fund-raiser, focusing on the menu. She’d been quizzing him on family food preferences and allergies—as if he knew that.
She tapped on the screen, the glow reflecting up to highlight hints of gold in her auburn hair. “I’ll be making a spreadsheet of all the items needed for the menu—”
“We have caterers,” he reminded her.
“For some things, sure. Like for the gala. But for Christmas... I’m here for a reason. I want to make sure there are no wasted ingredients.”
“You could donate unused items.”