Chapter Eleven #2
The punch to his gut that she’d delivered threatened to pull him under for good.
And he could not let it, no matter how much losing her was going to hurt.
He needed to be stronger than that now. He needed to draw in tight and hold on to his self control.
He owed it to his family, to his mother’s memory and to his sister.
Whatever had driven Brea away, she would need her family stronger than ever when they found her. He couldn’t afford a lapse now.
His whole family would need to be stronger than ever for whatever they would find.
And even as he reasoned through everything that had crashed in on his life in a short twenty-four hours, he couldn’t avoid the deep-seated truth.
No matter how much Tally had come to mean to him, someone like him, fighting such dark demons on a daily basis, couldn’t be the right man to bring the light into her world that she deserved.
Tally found the Christmas spirit tough to salvage, going through the motions.
Even when things with her father were at their worst, Christmas week held the potential for magic. The dark years after his suicide were lonely, sure, but she had always managed to find some small cheer in service to others.
Touching her sterling silver necklace, she attempted a smile, some pretense of enjoying herself for the benefit of the fund-raiser.
The event was in full swing. The main house was being used for food and socializing.
Later, everyone would ride in horse-drawn sleighs to the barn for the bachelor auction.
It had been a crunch getting the old barn repaired in time to house the horses so the main barn could be used for the event, but they’d pulled it off.
Marshall and his family had worked tirelessly.
Everything was dazzling. And her heart was in tatters.
She didn’t know how she’d made it through the past three weeks getting ready for the fund-raiser, a cold silence between her and Marshall. He’d moved into the bunkhouse, which felt so surreal. She was the hired help living in his mansion and he’d retreated to the barn.
He’d also hired more help during the day, which had put a buffer between them as they’d each gone about their jobs. And now, even their stilted time together was coming to an end. There would be no happy ending for them.
Lump still in her throat, Tally did her best to present a professional face. She wore a smile as another accessory, a complement to the simple black dress.
Across the room, the Mikkelson and Steele clans mingled, giving all appearances of a blended, tight family for the benefit of the business.
Snippets of conversation punctuated the room.
The gathering was modest in size, but not in terms of the guest list. Key figures from Alaska and the Pacific Northwest chatted with the Alaska Oil Barons.
This event attracted old, big money to commemorate the newly formed Steele/Mikkelson Charity Foundation.
Felicity squeezed her hand, her glimmering eyes reflecting the twinkling white lights. “You’ve done an amazing job pulling this off. If you decide not to be a social worker, you could definitely be one helluva party planner.”
“I’m just focused on the present for now.”
Tally shivered, her dress rippling against her skin.
She smoothed the front of her floor-length black gown to be the picture of elegance and class, to give this final gift to Marshall in making the party a success.
If she could appear the part of a cool, collected hostess, maybe he wouldn’t notice the way sadness settled in her soul.
Felicity shot her a sidelong glance, those knowing brows arching. She crossed her arms over her chest, drawing tight the shimmery emerald fabric of her gown. “Are you okay?”
No. The opposite of okay. Not that Tally would admit as much. Even talking about it could well make her fall to pieces. “I’m fine. I’m finishing my job here, then I’ll be moving on to the next.”
“And you and Marshall?”
The question hurt so much more than it should have. “There is no me and Marshall.”
“But there was,” Felicity prodded gently.
“Not anymore.” If Tally had been honest with him from the start, maybe. But there was no going back. She wanted peace and went about it in all the wrong ways.
Felicity hooked an arm through hers and squeezed. “Ah, hon, I’m so sorry.”
“Me, too. I have no one to blame but myself.”
Tally’s eyes followed Marshall as he stood with his family. The Steeles and Mikkelsons had on their best social faces, but she could see the strain in their expressions. No further news had come through about his missing sister, and she couldn’t imagine the torture they were enduring.
She hated that she’d brought any more pain to them. What had she been thinking coming here in the first place, intruding on their grief? The guilt was crushing, so much so she had an inkling of what her father must have felt.
Ever the compassionate soul, Felicity’s voice lowered. She fixed her eyes softly on Tally. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really. Just enjoy the party.”
A symphony of laughter erupted from across the room. An Alaskan senator wiped tears of laughter from his eyes, clutching his glass of champagne. Tally just wanted to lose herself in work, finish this evening, then curl up in her room and unleash the flood of tears.
“For what my opinion’s worth, that man is crazy about you.
I’m not a success story by a long shot—my marriage was a disaster.
” Pain pinched at Felicity’s face for a moment before she continued, “But from where I’m standing, Marshall hasn’t taken his eyes off you all evening.
Someone who works that hard to stay away usually does so because of strong feelings. ”
Could he really still care for Tally? Or was that just wishful thinking? Felicity was a professional at reading people, the skill integral to her job. Tally wanted to trust her.
If only she knew how to bridge the gap. She’d been on her own for so long, and she’d risked her heart on Marshall. Before she’d even known what was happening, she’d fallen for him hard, and now she was so empty inside she echoed.
Was there something she was missing? A tactic she hadn’t tried to heal the rift between them? Even if it meant losing him forever as her lover, she’d trade anything to at least part as...friends seemed too tame a word.
But she couldn’t bear to think of Marshall Steele as her enemy, either. She needed help. Because she still needed peace and couldn’t leave until she found it somehow.
A Christmas sign would be more than welcome, even if she’d given up hope in miracles.