Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
JAKE
Squeezing into the driver’s seat of his car, Jake drummed his thumbs against the fake leather of the steering wheel.
Unfortunately, the action did nothing to banish his nervous trepidation.
He hadn’t heard from Doren for three days.
It was now Christmas morning. Jake had spent the last few hours on high alert, standing at the bay window and hoping he’d catch the welcome sight of Doren sliding out of the water in their human form.
So far, though, there’d been no sign of them. He had to leave. If he didn’t get on the road right away, he wouldn’t arrive in time for dinner, and Gram would be sad. That mostly manifested as crankiness for her.
Hopping on the Maine Turnpike, Jake headed south toward Massachusetts. Unlike the drive up to Linwood Falls, there were no picturesque views of the ocean on this route. Instead, there was pavement and forest, miles and miles of evergreens lining the highway.
The trees stirred a sense of unease in Jake’s gut. There was something about the density of them, especially early in the morning before the sun rose higher in the sky, that darkened the road and covered everything in a blanket of melancholy shadow.
Which was silly. Jake was going to Christmas dinner with his grandmother! It was the best day of the year.
Except, was it? Not that he was obsessed with material things, but Jake had always loved the energy of Christmas morning. The presents under the tree, eating cookies for breakfast instead of proper food, all that.
And Jake adored giving presents, but hadn’t gotten to give anyone a gift yet. There’d been no one at the beach house. Doren’s present was still sitting underneath the tree they’d put up together. At least Gram’s was wrapped and in the back seat of his car.
Jake popped on a holiday playlist and let the miles fly by in a blur of jazz-inflected Christmas tunes, trying to forget his worry and uncertainty.
He didn’t blame Doren. They were a shapeshifting alien.
Of course, there would be trepidation about their family exposing themselves, even if having them there was important to Jake.
But that begged a bigger question. Would Jake be okay with dating someone who was leading a secret life? Was he willing to build a future with Doren, knowing the fear of exposure would always be lurking, just out of sight?
He didn’t know. Tired of spinning his wheels to the accompaniment of Nat King Cole and Burl Ives, Jake switched to the classical lilt of Handel’s Messiah. He needed some majestic underscoring as he flew through the narrow patch of New Hampshire and passed into Massachusetts.
The Hallelujah Chorus was blaring as Jake pulled into his grandmother’s driveway.
Nostalgia overcame him at the sight of the large white vinyl-sided apartment building, each of the four separate front entrances featuring a pine wreath.
He’d grown up here, moved in when his mom died, and being back was both comforting and a little sad.
Jake headed up to the second entrance from the left.
It was his grandmother’s door, and he smiled at the wreath that hung there, larger and brighter than the other three.
From the moment he’d established his love of Christmas, Gram had been all in.
Each year, she’d thrown herself into making the holiday the absolute best, and not just the day itself, but the entire season.
After all, Christmas itself was a twelve-day event, and that’s not even taking into account the five weeks of glorious celebration before the day arrived.
Watching thirty different versions of the Scrooge story, singing drunken carols at a gay bar, finding the perfect presents… it was all part of it, all essential.
“Jakey!” The door opened to reveal Jake’s grandmother, dressed in a red and green sequined cocktail dress. Anyone else might consider it revealing for someone her age, but Jake knew better. The frock was exactly her personality, and he wouldn’t begrudge her that.
He went in for the hug before saying anything else, bending down to squeeze the life out of the woman. Jake wasn’t particularly tall himself, but his grandmother was lucky if she reached five feet on a good day.
Gram’s hugs were the best things in the whole world.
She gave as good as she got, wrapping her arms around him and engaging every muscle in her tiny body.
Her embrace imparted the solidity, the safety, the peace that he was desperate for.
Jake could always count on his grandmother, a sense of gratitude filling him at her touch.
She kissed him on the cheek and pushed him up to his full height, her gaze traveling from head to toe and back again.
“So handsome! And have you lost weight?” Gram pursed her bright red-stained lips as she gave him a once-over.
“I definitely have not, but thank you.” Jake stepped into his childhood home, swinging his backpack, which carried a single change of clothes, onto the nearest kitchen chair.
The entire house smelled of Christmas: sweet and savory, cinnamon and sage and rosemary and clove.
Jake’s eyes went to the nearby hutch, where several pies were laid out next to an enormous tray of chocolate chip cookies.
What had she been up to?
“You made four pies?” Jake turned to his grandmother, who’d rushed back to the kitchen counter. She must have been cooking something when he got there. Well, cooking was maybe not quite the right word, since at this moment she was sliding cranberry jelly out of a can.
It was another way Jake’s grandmother showed her love for him.
She hated canned cranberry sauce, but Jake’s mom had loved it, and by extension so had Jake.
The too-smooth exterior, the strange artificial ridges—all of it made him think of his mother.
Gram would always make sure they had some at Thanksgiving and at Christmas.
“I didn’t know how many people we’d have. I told you that everyone in your beau’s family was welcome to come.” Gram finished rinsing out the empty can and tossed it into the recycling bin with a startling clank.
“I’m not…I don’t think any of them will be here.
Doren’s family is complicated, and Doren has…
a job situation that came up.” Jake reached out to grab a cookie, but at the last minute snatched his hand back and sat at the kitchen table.
“All of it is too complex, and I just don’t know if it will work out. ”
Gram pulled out the turkey and basted it, soaking the skin in the nearly clear drippings. It struck Jake how many times he’d witnessed her perform this very act throughout his lifetime. She was the constant, and he was incredibly grateful for that.
She was the reason they had turkey for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. Jake had tried to get her to switch to roast beef or ham, but she loved having the big bird, and he didn’t push the issue. He adored her too much to take away anything from her, not after all she’d done for him.
Plus, he always snuck away to the adjacent apartment the next day for leftovers. The Dobrowskis had lived there when he was a kid, and the dad was a professional chef, so they had incredible food.
“Now, you know I hated Phil,” Gram said, slamming the oven door closed and breaking Jake out of his nostalgic thoughts.
“You what?!” Jake frowned. She’d never said a word against him the whole time they’d dated.
“Oh, sweetheart, he was an absolute fucking asshole. Judgemental and not nearly as smart as he thought he was. And he was mean to you.”
“No, he—”
“He was, Jakey.” Washing her hands, Jake’s grandmother shot him a severe look. He was having trouble taking her admonishment seriously—she was cooking an entire Christmas dinner in a sequined cocktail dress, and it was quite the sight.
After a moment, Jake shrugged. He didn’t remember it like that.
“He was mean to you, and you deserve better, even if you don’t think you do. Now, I don’t know this Doren, but never once have you mentioned them with the fear in your voice that you had talking about Phil.”
As she wiped her hands on a kitchen towel with an image of a smiling Santa on it, she sat down across from him, making Jake shudder. She always saw him precisely as he was, which was often wonderful but sometimes terrible.
“I guess maybe I was afraid, in a way. Toward the end, everything set him off. And I know how hard it is to live with a depressed person.”
“Jakey, I lived with you for seventeen years, and not once did I find it hard!” Gram pounded her tiny fist against the wooden table, sending the plastic reindeer salt shaker flying.
“Did it worry me when you were having trouble? Sure. But someone who loves you knows it’s a privilege to be by your side. ”
Jake shook his head and opened his mouth to respond, but Gram held up her hand to stop him.
“Jacob Goodman, you listen to me. You are my grandson. But more than that, you are an excellent human being. You are not a burden. You are not a problem to be fixed. I thank God every day that I get to be your grandmother.”
Jake’s throat went dry and tears welled up in his eyes. “I should be the one thanking—”
“I told you, it’s a damn privilege to be here with you, Jakey. You hear me? You should be with someone who thinks the same. Does Doren feel that way?”
Unable to force words from his lips, Jake just nodded.
Doren did feel that way. They’d made it clear every moment the two had spent together.
Gram was right. Doren was worth figuring out the complications.
For the sake of how they felt about each other.
How they treated each other. With respect. And love.
Dammit. Jake loved Doren. He had no idea what to do with that.
“That’s all that matters, then.” Gram smiled wide, her false teeth sparkling white to match her hair. “Now, will you help me—”
A loud knock shook the door behind her, and Gram jumped in her seat.
“Jesus fucking Christ!” She sprang to her feet and tossed the kitchen towel onto the counter next to the sink as she opened the door.
Standing there, a half-worried, half-hopeful expression on their sun-kissed face, was Doren.