Chapter 6 – Stella #2
It’s been a fun few months, but we have seen a lot less of each other due to our different schedules.
And if I’m totally honest, I need a distraction.
I can’t sit at home knowing Beau is an hour away and not want to do something reckless like see him.
He’s insistent that Felix will freak out, which has me freaking out.
Holly is quiet as she considers my proposal. “By ourselves? We’ve never gone just the two of us.”
“Exactly. I think it’ll be fun. I miss you.”
She laughs softly. “You see me every day.”
“I know, but we’re both busy. It’s not the same.”
“Yeah,” she agrees. “Okay.”
I squeal and clap my hands.
“But only if we can still do all our usual holiday traditions. I’m so bummed Mom and Dad are going to be gone until next week. We’re going to miss out on baking cookies, decorating gingerbread houses, putting up a tree . . .” she trails off.
“Of course. We can do all that. Or as much as we can fit in a weekend.”
“All right, yeah. I’m in.” Her smile is filled with the same excitement I feel. “How’s Beau? Any plans to see each other over break?”
I can’t be sure, but I think my face turns red. Holly still doesn’t know that Beau plays football, but she knows we’ve been talking nonstop these past few weeks and that he is from Arizona, not far from where we grew up.
“No. I don’t think so. He has a bunch of family stuff going on.” I wave off her question and stuff another bite of bagel in my mouth.
“Too bad,” she says, “I’d like to meet this mystery guy you’re talking to all day, every day.”
“We’re just friends and it’s not all day,” I say at the same time my phone pings in my backpack. I reach for it, smiling when I see the text, a photo of Beau in ski goggles. His hair is sticking out everywhere, one brow is cocked, and he has a flirty smirk.
Holly laughs. “I think you just made my point for me.”
Beau has a big, final group project due tomorrow before he’s done for the semester, so we can’t talk on the phone. Instead, I’m packing and cleaning up my side of the room while Holly is across the hall, helping our neighbor with an English paper.
Beau
I hate group projects.
Me
You’ve mentioned that once or twice before.
He’s said it about a hundred times today alone.
Beau
Three of the five people in our group totally flaked.
Me
So not cool.
I snap a picture of me in a pair of old sunglasses I find in the bottom of my closet and send it to him. He sends back a photo of him, staring blankly at the camera, scratching the side of his face with his middle finger. Even not trying, he’s ridiculously handsome.
I stare at the picture longer than a friend should.
He’s in the library. I know because he told me that’s where they were meeting, and because I can see the shelves of books in the background.
I can just make out the arm and leg of the person sitting next to him.
A girl. And irrational jealousy flares inside me.
Me
Is the girl next to you one of the flakes?
Beau
Nah, Paige is cool. We sent everyone else away and we’re just going to stay here all night until we bang it out.
Me
Fuuuun.
Bang it out? My face is on fire. I know he probably doesn’t mean they’re literally going to bang it out, but he could be hooking up with other girls. No, it can’t be other girls because I’m not his girl. We’re friends. He could be hooking up with girls. Because that’s what hot college guys do.
I bring the sleeve of a sweatshirt hanging in my closet to my face and scream into it.
“Everything okay?” Holly’s voice makes me jump.
“Yep.” I step back. “Just trying to organize this disaster of a closet. Are you done?”
“No, I just came back for a book.” She grabs a paperback from a stack next to her desk. “I’m lending it to Alexis over break.”
“Did you write your name in it?” I tease. Holly is very protective of her books.
“No,” she says defensively and then lowers her voice, “I didn’t love this one.”
With a smile, she disappears back into the hallway.
I resist the overwhelming urge to text Beau and instead pull every single item out of my closet.
I refold and carefully hang items all facing the same direction.
I even line up my shoes at the bottom. In other words, I’m going out of my mind thinking about Beau hooking up with his hot study partner.
When my phone finally pings again, two hours later, I scramble up off the floor and snatch it from under a pile of clean towels.
Beau
DONE!
Me
All banged out?
Beau
Yeah, freaking exhausted.
Me
I’ll bet. Banging is tiring.
The three little dots start and stop, there’s a pause, and then they start again. My heart races.
Beau
Especially when it’s several hours long.
He’s being cute and flirty, but I can’t concentrate until I know if he banged Paige or not. Maybe I’ve been imagining this thing between us as something more than it is. I decide to go with direct.
Me
She must have been amazing.
Okay, so not exactly direct. My phone rings a minute later with a FaceTime request. I run my hand over my ponytail and then smile. “Hey.”
“Hey.” His voice is low and gravelly. He sounds tired. It’s dark outside as he walks through campus toward his dorm. I’ve never been to the Colorado campus, but I feel like I have the path to his dorm memorized from the buildings and trees in the background.
“Heading back to your dorm?”
“Yeah. We just finished.”
“Cool.” It’s the first time I’ve felt like I don’t know what to say to Beau. Even in the beginning, we were never at a loss for words.
“You know I didn’t really bang a girl in the library, right? Even I’m not that smooth.”
I laugh, but it comes out stiff and brittle.
“Hey, it could be worse. It could have been the dining hall or the computer lab. I swear I walked in on two guys seconds from tearing each other’s clothes off one time.
I can’t bring myself to use public computers anymore without sanitizing the keyboard and mouse first. And don’t even get me started on people who make out in the—”
“Stella?”
“Yeah.” I take a big breath and let it out slowly.
“You’re acting weird. I didn’t have sex with her.”
“Oh. Okay.”
He stops walking, a light from somewhere shining across his face. His brows tug together and his mouth is in a flat, serious line. “Wait. Are you jealous?”
“What?” The single word comes out high-pitched. “No, of course not.”
He chuckles. “I think you are and it’s sexy as hell.”
“It is?”
“Yeah. Hot girls not wanting other girls to touch me is suuuper sexy.”
“But you don’t date.”
“Even still, it’s sexy.”
“Fine. I was jealous,” I admit.
“Wanna know a secret?”
“Always.”
“Every time you mention that prick ex-boyfriend, I want to pummel his face.”
“You’re jealous of Eric?”
He shrugs.
“You’re right. It is sexy.”
“I like you. I thought that was obvious.”
“I know you like me as a friend,” I say.
“You think I talk to my friends this much?”
“I don’t know,” I say, and then. “No.”
“I like you, Stella. I’m not hooking up or even talking to other girls right now.”
“You’re not?”
“No.” He pauses. “I guess we’ve been talking so much I haven’t thought about it.”
“Yeah.” My pulse races. “We have been talking a lot.”
His mouth pulls into a playful smile and he starts walking again. “This is when you say, ‘I’m not hooking up with other guys either.’ Unless you are and then forget everything I just said.”
“I’m not,” I say through a giggle. “I like you too.”
Saying the words has a new kind of anxiety hitting me. “Now what?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never been in this position before.”
“You’ve never dated someone at another college?”
“Or at any college, but that isn’t what I meant. I meant I’ve never liked a girl whose family hates me.”
“I’ll talk to Felix over break. He’s always been supportive of my relationships.”
“This is different.”
“He just needs a chance to get to know you. Who could possibly hate you? You’re so sweet and handsome.”
“Felix is into girls, yeah?” He questions with a small smirk.
“Yeah. Why?”
“Then I don’t think the fact that I’m sweet and handsome is going to win me any favors with him.”
“It’ll be fine,” I say, a new sense of hope surging inside of me with the words. “You’ll see.”