Chapter 8
He actually hates me, which is almost impossible to digest. This isn’t the same Keoni I knew. Just like his body, his personality has changed.
Yesterday, he walked away from me again. He didn’t sit for coffee, not even in silence. No talking, no catching up. Just him completely ignoring me.
I guess I’m fine staying here—I mean, of course I am. It’s half my place. No matter how he feels, he can’t legally kick me out.
Speaking of…
“Hey, wait.” It’s noon the next day. My plan was to let him go do whatever he’s doing, but then I remember something. “You need to sign the documentation for the will.”
His shoulders rise and fall with his heavy breath. He has his back to me, and when he glances over his shoulder, his eyes look tired.
I don’t want to explain why I couldn’t come during the holidays. Truthfully, I’m a little worried about what he’ll do or say. It’s embarrassing, and his look of disdain might sting, but his judgment? That might hurt even more.
“Do you have the contact information?”
I fight the urge to smile—it’s ridiculous that I’m excited he actually responded.
“Yeah. I can text it to you.”
He groans, drops his duffle bag, and turns to me. Fishing through his jeans pocket, he pulls out his phone, unlocks it, and hands it to me. I take a moment to study his wallpaper; it’s a firepit, and judging by the backdrop, it’s the one outside by the lake.
Without hesitation, I enter my contact information. I’m tempted to put something silly next to my name, but I think better of it and just type it out plainly.
Handing it back, I give him a small smile.
A look of agitation crosses his face before he rolls his eyes and turns away. “I’ll see you Wednesday.”
I suck a sharp breath in. “What? But, it’s Monday.”
Without responding, he bends over and grabs the bag he put down before walking out the wooden front door.
I’ll admit, him leaving like this spikes my anxiety. After so many years of it from Michael, I was used to it—but with Keo? It hits a nerve that felt numb before now.
A soft purr draws my attention downward. Fluffy gray fur winds between my legs as Clover presses against me. Strangely, it’s very calming.
“Alright, so what’re we doing today?”
The day ended up consisting of absolutely nothing. There isn’t much food, so I had to order groceries to the house—again, quite the pretty penny.
I’m currently on administrative leave, which I’m grateful for, since I’m still getting paid as if I were working my normal hours.
It does make me feel guilty, but Dr. Yadav assured me it’s for the best, and I trust him. He’s probably one of the only people, aside from my sister, I trust without question.
And, of course, Keoni.
Yes, even him—I trust him, even if he clearly detests me right now.
After taking a strangely cold shower in the upstairs bathroom and crawling into bed, which is horribly uncomfortable, my phone buzzes. I’ve been avoiding it, afraid it’ll be Michael.
I debate leaving it alone until morning because I want to sleep, but the fear of ignoring him is stronger than the dread of responding.
I grab the cell from the side table, place it on the bed, and tap the screen. I’m surprised that the message is from an unknown number.
Though, not entirely upset about it.
Unknown number
It’s me
Me? Ominous
Unknown number
Keoni.
Ah, thanks for clarifying
Can’t be talking with strangers out here
Keo
May as well be
Send me the information, I’m going to call the lawyer tomorrow
Maybe I’m overthinking this, but he definitely could have texted me in the morning. I’m analyzing it, turning it over in my mind, but the thought that he might be thinking about me at a completely random time does something it shouldn’t to my chest.
I quickly shoot him over Travis’s information.
Keo
Thanks.
What’re you doing?
There are no bubbles that pop up, and while I hope for a response, none comes. I stare at my phone for a little longer before placing it back on the charger, switching on Do Not Disturb, and rolling onto my side.
Clover is already fast asleep on this twin-size bed.
I opted to take the upstairs room because the one next to Keoni’s is our parents’.
If he’s not in there, I know I shouldn’t be.
One glance tells me he hasn’t touched or moved anything.
Inevitably, one of us will have to clean it at some point—maybe I’ll take that burden off him.
He’s taken care of the rest of the cabin. It’s the least I can do.
I can’t be fucking useless like I have been lately…
Closing my eyes, I try to clear my mind. I miss real sleep more than I’ll ever admit to anyone. It’s been years since I’ve had a full night’s rest, even if I’m perpetually tired.
I miss them so much. Dad. Leilani. This wouldn’t be any different from the past eight years. I’d have gone another holiday without them, but yet it feels like they’re unreachable—like there’s nowhere I could go to find them.
Which is my reality. I can’t call my dad or my stepmom for support.
Heat stings behind my eyes.
I even miss Keo, because although he’s here with me… it’s like he isn’t. It honestly hurts worse.
Ugh. Fuck me.
Keoni
What am I doing?
Working. You?
Delete.
I hope you’re in bed, you looked tired when I left.
Delete.
Give Clover warm milk before bed, you’ll be her best friend.
Delete.
If you want, you can sleep in my bed while I’m not there. It’s far more comfortable.
Delete.
Those are all the things my heart wants me to say, but my brain knows better.
Instead of starting a conversation that will never end, I toss my phone into my locker and head to the secured patio of Station 151. It’s located furthest east in Maple Falls, about a fifteen-minute drive from the cabin.
Being a firefighter wasn’t always the plan—I’d dreamed of one day playing in the NFL—but my gut told me to pursue a more meaningful career.
No offense to the players, but helping people over entertaining them felt more like my calling.
I’ve been in this line of work since graduating from Arizona State University with a degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice.
I’d initially thought about becoming a police officer, but firefighting fit me better.
Fire has always held a special place in my heart. Sure, my job is to put it out, but to me, it’s still beautiful—warm and inviting when controlled, and I’ve always been that: Control.
Slipping through the sliding glass door, I see my company, one man and two women, sitting around, chatting.
“Pierce, glad you decided to join us,” Corey says with a cheeky grin, leaning back in his chair.
“Robertson.”
“Come on, guys,” the redhead, Taylor, says while leaning back in her chair. “Leave the last names to the other companies to call us.” She’s got her hair air-drying, hanging over the metal railing and swaying in the light breeze.
Kali crosses her arms over her chest. “Tell us, Arizona, how was lugging all that gear in over a hundred-and-ten-degree weather?”
“A nightmare.” I move to sit in the empty chair, right between her and Corey.
“I bet,” he says while taking a long swig of his drink. “Why’d you move here? I hear Scottsdale’s filled with rich, hot women.”
“And men,” Taylor says with a giggle.
“Guys, come the fuck on.” Kali quite literally rolls her eyes back, her thick brows raised so high I’m surprised they don’t jump from her forehead. “Let’s use our brains.”
“It’s fine.”
“No,” she continues. “The last name Pierce. Ring any bells? There is only one family here by that name… and what just recently happened.”
“Ah, shit.” Corey leans forward and slaps my arm. “I’m sorry, man.”
“Oh, I swear I’m not that slow. I’m a true redhead, this isn’t dye. I’m not a blonde.”
“Wait, didn’t your name start with an ‘A’ or something?” he hums in thought.
I swallow roughly. Fucking small towns. Do they know of Ayden? How?
“No, no,” Kali hums. “You’re thinking of Alysa. That was their daughter. You must be her stepbrother.”
Maybe they don’t know of Ayden…
“I remember Mrs. Grant talking about you. You look like her, now that I think about it. The nose and hair.”
“Don’t check out your co-worker, Taylor.”
We all fall into a small fit of laughter, and I cross my leg over one knee, and release a sigh.
“I’d put in the transfer before the accident.
” I move us on, but the same burning wave of guilt claws at my chest, sharp and insistent.
It feels like acid eating at the edges of my composure, and I clear my throat, forcing it under control for the time being.
“Maricopa County was nice, but I’ll take the cooler climate. ”
“I’m glad you didn’t say less work. The wildfires these past couple of years have been insane. Thankfully, all manageable,” Corey hums. “My parents knew your dad. My mom has health issues, and spends a lot of time in the hospital. Grant was amazing.”
“So was Leilani,” Kali says somberly. “They were always volunteering for our food drives.” She smiles and it’s genuine. I give her one back while nodding.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” Taylor adds.
“Thanks,” is all I offer. I’d figured anyone who knew me, or even just my last name, would shower me with sympathy, but I don’t want it. I don’t deserve it. Not from them, not from anyone.
Corey clears his throat. “Anyway… We should go to sleep, can’t be up too late.”
There’s a light pause just before the girls burst out laughing.
“Alright, guy who showers at two in the morning—for what?!”
This is exactly why I love the job. It’s about keeping people safe, yes, but it’s also this camaraderie you don’t get in a corporate setting—or really in most other careers. I’ll be putting my life on the line with these three, and with our fire chief, Dom.
As the conversation drifts, I try to concentrate, but when it shifts away from my last station, my mind wanders. Not toward the dark parts, thankfully, but toward Ayden.
I glance over my shoulder through the glass doors at the lockers. He has to be asleep by now.
Sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if Mom hadn’t met Grant. Although I know there’s no point in imagining an alternate story, it’s possible things would’ve been different. Both Ayden and I were already in the same high school, and I was already drawn to him
To be fair, I don’t even know what I saw in him back then. I’m not the “instantly attracted” type. I wasn’t interested in anyone, in any capacity beyond friendship.
Not with him, though. I remember how my heart felt when I saw him on that field.
Ayden was the complete opposite of me. Loud, chaotic—a pocket of sunshine and a pure conundrum. Straight-A student, yet constantly in trouble for silly things. I swore he did it all for attention, and at one point, I thought maybe it was mine he was seeking.
Alysa wasn’t shy about her attraction to me, but she backed off once our parents married. I found it endearing, and honestly, a compliment.
However, with Ayden, it was different. It was impossible not to feel anything but need for him… even when it was too late for me.