Chapter 32
My head doesn’t feel screwed on right. These past three weeks have slipped by in a blur, and the same guilt I carried for my mom and Grant has clawed its way back to the front of my mind.
Every what if plays on repeat.
Pushing Ayden away was never my intention, but how could anyone forgive me?
It’s this fucked-up part of my brain; one side fighting to give up, the other clinging to survival. The war is constant, and exhausting. I’d rather charge into a burning building than face the broken battlefield of my own head.
However, now I have to, because I have him. Exactly what I’ve wanted since the first day I saw him on the football field in high school. The world keeps hurling every obstacle it can at us, and I wonder if we’d have gotten through any of them without each other.
A heavy weight presses down onto my chest, dragging me out of the haze. I blink a few times before realizing it isn’t inside my head, but a real touch.
Ayden is leaning across the truck’s bench seat toward me. His hand rests between my pecs, like he’s trying to steady the heartbeat pounding beneath it.
I honestly don’t even remember walking over here… holy shit.
His voice is soft as he says, “Let me drive.”
My brows pull together, my head giving a weak, uncertain shake.
“You can’t.”
“I can. I’ll get us home.”
I glance over at him. There’s a small, gentle smile tugging at his lips.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, trust me.”
The pounding rain outside doesn’t give me much confidence, but I know I’m in no state to be behind the wheel either. If I drive, I could take us off the road. If he drives, he could let fear get the best of him—which I’d totally understand.
Taking a deep breath, I nod. He scoots back to his side of the bench seat, hand reaching for the door handle.
“Just climb over.” I catch his forearm, gently shifting it aside before tugging him to me. “Don’t get re-drenched.”
His soft nod accompanies him scooting across the seat, every movement deliberate yet clumsy in the narrow space. When he’s finally close, he hesitates, shifting awkwardly.
The corner of my mouth betrays me, tugging upward. Smiling feels wrong here, but god—it’s impossible not to when watching him wrestle with how to make this simple climb over me.
He decides on facing me, bracing his hands against the back of the seat. As I shift to make room, he slips between my knees. He suddenly pauses mere inches away, his breath ghosting mine.
I’ve never felt an urge this raw. It hurts not to reach for him, not to close the distance and finally claim the kiss I’ve been aching for.
My nails dig into the leather bench, desperate to ground myself. One more second, and I know my restraint will snap.
But then he scrambles the rest of the way across, breaking the moment like glass shattering.
“Sorry,” he mutters, stumbling onto my left leg before rushing off me.
I don’t say anything as his hands reach up to the wheel, gripping it like it might vanish if he lets go. “I haven’t been in the driver’s seat in what feels like forever.”
I slide to the passenger side, buckle up, and lean against the door, watching him. He looks good there.
Then again, he looks good any day, any time.
In the mornings, when sleep still lingers in his eyes.
After three days without showering in the hospital, too afraid to leave my side.
When he’s smiling.
When he isn’t.
He’s perfect for me. Always has been.
I don’t even know why I’m still fighting this—fighting us. My heart stopped using the excuse of him being my stepbrother a long time ago. It’s just my stubborn brain, still slow to catch up.
The engine hums to life, pulling me out of my stupor and back to reality.
The way he drives—cautious, almost too much so—has me settling further into my seat, oddly relaxed.
When I catch him checking the mirrors three times over before even turning onto the main road, I feel the corner of my mouth twitch.
He drives like a grandma, and it warms my soul in ways I can’t explain.
Burying Corey so close to our parents wasn’t anything I could ever be prepared for. But, somehow having Ayden stepping up to such a simple task, eases something in me I didn’t realize was coiled tight.
The grief, the guilt, the ache, those things will keep coming in waves. But maybe I can let him pull me to shore when they hit, and I don’t have to drown myself in the perpetual pain it brings me.
At least, not alone.
The fifteen-minute drive stretches to thirty, but I don’t mind. By the time we roll into Sapphire Valley, it feels like I can finally breathe again. Three weeks in a hospital bed made me forget how perfect this place is—no matter what circumstances dragged me back here permanently.
He throws the truck into park right beside the cabin and lets out a long breath of relief.
“I’ve done my chauffeur duties for the year.”
I release a winded laugh. “I’ve got us from here on. Thanks for taking the wheel.”
“No problem…” He licks his lips and gives me a smile, pulling my focus straight to them. “This rain is relentless, Jesus.”
My eyes flick up to his as he slowly undoes his seatbelt. “Yeah… relentless.”
For a moment, I swear neither of us breathe. The rain pounds against the truck in heavy waves.
If I kissed him right now, would he think it was just a reaction to everything that’s happened? Would it drag him back to thoughts of Michael? To the way he used physical touch as a distraction from the world around him?
It’s anything but that. I wanted to kiss him at the cemetery we just left. At the hospital when he came looking for me. The night before I left for what could’ve been my last shift.
Every moment I’ve been in this cabin with him.
Back in high school.
Every goddamn day since meeting him.
I’m certain I’m about to crack when he leans away and goes for his door handle.
“It’s getting worse. We should get inside.”
As he opens the door, I clear my throat and mirror the action with mine. I’m immediately drenched, my white button-up clinging to my skin.
A warm shower sounds nice, but the thought of sharing it with Ayden sounds even better. But… he pulled away, and while I hadn’t advanced, I think he sensed I was about to.
I’m only a few feet away from the truck when Ayden’s voice cuts through the storm. “Was it a mistake?” He practically has to shout over the downpour.
I turn, looking back at him standing in front of the passenger-side door.
“Mistake?”
He takes a deep breath, lips parted as water runs down his face, his suit plastered to his body.
“Kissing me back that day.”
I angle my body fully toward him and shake my head. “No.”
“Then why did you say it was?”
I wonder if his heart is thrashing as hard as mine.
“Because, sunshine, you’re the smart one. I’m the fucking idiot.”
He shakes his head, then tilts it upward, eyes closing as he exhales a breath that makes his shoulders tremble. I can’t tell if it’s from the cold or because he’s wrestling with the words he wants to throw at me. Maybe that I’m an asshole for what I said. Which he’d be right, I really am one.
A second passes—an eternity—before he looks back at me with a small smile tugging at his lips.
“The rain really is relentless…”
I exhale, a cloud of mist drifting in front of me.
Fuck my brain. Fuck what anyone thinks. Fuck the world if it dares call this wrong. Fuck everyone else but Ayden Pierce.
My Ayden.
Just—“Fuck it.”
I’m on him before I second-guess the action, hands grabbing in his hair as I crash my mouth against his.
I push him against the truck, drinking in the sound he makes as he clutches me fiercely, arms locking around my body. Caging him here, I devour every inch he’ll give me. He parts for me, and the moment my tongue slides against his, I groan.
I’ve never forgotten this. His weight beneath me, his mouth on mine, the taste of him. It’s all etched into my memory, and I want to make more of them.
We break only long enough for him to breathe and for me to whisper, “The mistake wasn’t kissing you—it was not making you mine sooner.” My lips brush against his again. “The mistake was ever giving a fuck what anyone thought. Letting other’s happiness come before mine. Before ours.”
I claim him again, one hand sliding down to his throat, my thumb grazing the rise of his Adam’s apple.
“You were always meant to be mine, and I should’ve been selfish.”
“Keo…”
His arms move up and over my shoulders to encircle my neck, I think, but a fire burns across my back. I’m incapable of stopping the flinch and hiss of pain.
He jerks back instantly, hands flying off me. “Oh, fuck. Shit, I’m so sorry.”
Damn these burns.
“It’s fine.” I still have him pinned against the truck, leaving him nowhere to go. His palms press against my chest, sliding slowly upward until they rest at my neck.
“I need you to promise me something.”
I thread my fingers back through his soaked brown hair, gripping just enough to tilt his head back as I lean toward his throat.
“You need to. Because I can’t do this with you if you don’t.”
His words catch me off guard, halting me mid-movement.
“I promise,” I breathe. Whatever it is, I don’t care. He could tell me to shit with the door open, walk naked through a church, or kill a man, and I’d swear to it.
There is nothing I wouldn’t do for him.
“You’ll never put anyone’s life ahead of your own.”
That wasn’t what I was expecting. My brows knit as I lean back, searching his hazel eyes. They’re alive with everything—the deep green of the forest, the rich brown of the earth. The beauty of a world I’d almost left but stayed because of some hope I’d see him again.
“You said you sent Corey to the third and fourth floor because it was safer.” His voice softens, but it cuts like glass. “You matter. Your life matters. Promise me, because I can’t lose you again, and I can’t leave Alysa.”
My eyes go wide. “Ayden—”
“Just promise me, Keoni. It’s not that hard.”
“I promise.”
The only life that is worth more than mine, is Ayden’s. And with the way he said it, the way he all but admitted he’d follow me into death, I know now my life has to hold the same impossible value as his.
His hand moves to the back of my neck, where he drags his fingers through my hair. “If I have to stay here, and live in this world that sucks sometimes, so do you.”
I can’t help but smirk. “Okay.”
That handsome smile returns to his lips that I want to devour again and again. “Stay here with me.”
I nod. “Together.”
“Together.”
My mouth crashes back onto his, the kiss deepening instantly. His tongue tangles up with mine, causing me to groan and suck on it before dragging him away from the truck.
“Let’s go inside.” My arm hooks around his midsection, pulling him flush against me as we stumble across the soggy ground. I’ve made this walk a thousand times and even doing it backward feels natural with him in my arms.
The moment we hit the stairs, he yanks me down into another kiss. I oblige, fumbling blindly for the door handle. The rain has soaked us through, and when the knob refuses to cooperate, I abandon it altogether and go for his shirt instead.
Buttons pop free as I rip it open—patience be damned. He helps me shrug it off, never once breaking our mouths apart.
That makes me grin. Seems we’re both just as desperate for one another.
He works on my shirt next, but instead of tearing it open, he carefully undoes each button. Then his fingers brush my belt buckle, and for the first time, he hesitates.
“We can stop,” I murmur, cupping his chin and tipping his face up to mine. “No expectations. There’s no rush.”
He shakes his head. “I know, but I want you. I’m not hesitating because of that.” His smile tilts, sheepish and soft. “It’s more like… anticipation that I’m finally getting what I’ve wanted.”
A grin spreads across my face. “Good. Then everything comes off,” I breathe against his mouth. “Can’t trek water into the house.”
I shift us, pressing his back against the cabin wall, my hands already working at his pants. The rain hammers against the patio overhang, but it does nothing to mask the sound of his ragged breathing.
“You need to tell me your limits, though, sunshine.”
His face is already flushed, but I watch the red bleed everywhere, staining his neck.
The second I undo his button, he licks his bottom lip and shakes his head. “I don’t have any limits.”
I narrow my eyes, my fingers inching down to his zipper. “I don’t ever want to risk reminding you of—”
“You never will, Keo. Never.”
Leaning in, my hand creeps between his suit pants and boxers. “I don’t just have sex, sunshine, I fuck. I mark. I restrain. I’m going to take you, ruin you, and enjoy you. Enjoy what’s mine.”
I circle his waistband before sliding down, grabbing his bare ass, and pulling his hips flush against mine.
That’s when I feel him—hard and straining through the last barrier between us. My own cock jerks at the thought of nothing left in the way.
“Limits, Ayden.”
“Don’t… degrade me,” he mutters, his voice breaking into a moan as my hips roll, grinding into him. “I don’t like that.”
I drag my hands down, shoving at his pants. He kicks out his feet, stumbling in the process, fighting with the fabric.
“I’m not into that anyway.”
His hands find my belt, working it open with more urgency than finesse. Once my pants are undone, we strip everything else and toss it, all forgotten in a heap.
Then I’m back at his mouth, biting his lip, sucking his tongue. Devouring him like I’ve been starved for years.
“You deserve—” I nibble along his chin, tracing up to his ear and taking it gently between my teeth. “To be praised…”
My hand slides down his bare chest, fingertips brushing over his nipple, drawing a low, delectable moan from him.
“You’ll be my good boy. On your knees, back arched, face down in the pillow…
” I venture further, feeling goosebumps rise along his skin.
A sharp reminder: we’re completely naked, exposed on the patio.
The instant my fingers drift across his hipbone, thunder cracks above us, causing him to jump in surprise.
“Maybe we should go inside,” he whispers.
I nod once, leaning in to press a kiss to his neck. “Shower to warm up?”
“Fuck yes.”