Chapter 28
Sofia
I can’t put into words how cathartic it is to stare out into the sea in the middle of the night as the boat gently rocks beneath my feet after spending weeks in one building.
Elio’s wife, Aurora, stands next to me with her dainty fingers wrapped around the railing.
She’s quiet and I’ve barely cracked her shy exterior, but she’s around my age and looked like she could use someone to talk to—it’s not that the other wives were mean, but I can tell they’ve been friends for years and years and Aurora and I are new.
And I get the fun background of being a hostage until… that’s suddenly no longer true.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I ask to break the silence.
She shrugs. “Honestly, the vastness of it scares me. Especially at night.”
“Oh… you didn’t have to follow me out here. I just needed some air.”
Someone’s perfume inside of the main salon was making me nauseous, and the thought of why that could be makes me want to be sick even more.
I haven’t had the opportunity to tell Alessandro that I think I’m pregnant.
Well, I definitely could have… I’ve just chosen to exist in denial until it’s impossible.
I clutch the railing tighter as the impending reality of becoming a mother within the year crashes down on me. Holy shit, I’m not ready.
“You okay?” Aurora says so quietly I can barely hear her.
“I’m good. Seasick, I think.”
“Hmm, Giorgia has some pills for that. You should ask her.”
“Thanks.”
I can smell the cigar smoke before hearing the men approach, their feet stomping against the deck. Alessandro is leading the group, his eyes fixed on me and nothing else. My heart flutters when he simply looks at me.
“Go on.” He nods at his capos, instructing them to go inside to their wives. Aurora says goodbye and hurries over to Elio, who smiles down at her endearingly. They’re really cute together. It’s a shame he and Alessandro don’t get along.
He leans against the railing next to me. His right hand nursing his whiskey. He smells of cigar smoke, something that didn’t bother me early on, but now that I assume that I’m pregnant, I’m going to ask him to stop.
“You look beautiful.” I can tell by the look in his eyes that he means it with every bone in his body. And he looks handsome too. He always does, especially when he wears a suit like today.
I feel myself blush as he puts his arm around me.
“Getting along with Aurora?”
“Yeah. She’s really nice. Shy, but that’s fine with me.”
He chuckles. “I think she’s only said a handful of words to me since I’ve known her. But it’s not like I’m that talkative either. I was worried about you having a bad time when Elena pulled out of the trip at the last minute, so I’m glad you have Aurora to talk to.”
“Did she ever tell you why she didn’t come?”
“Not directly, but I’m assuming the fact that I killed her father is still a sore spot.”
“Right.”
He’s trying to hide it, but I can tell this is really bothering him.
Even though I’ve been living with Elena for a bit, I can’t get a read on that woman if my life depended on it.
Marco was so awful, and I thought they were estranged, but…
family dynamics are complicated. Everyone has trouble seeing faults in their parents.
She’s probably working through so much right now.
Alessandro takes a step back, extending his arm to me and shooting a glance towards the rowdy group in the main salon. “Come, it’s okay if we disappear for a bit. Let them have their fun, and we’ll make a final appearance at the end of the night.”
I take his arm with one hand and slide my dress to the side with the other so I can walk easier.
He gave this to me as a gift for the trip; it’s white with mirrored mosaic embroidery.
It was so beautiful that it took my breath away when he showed it to me.
But I can’t help feeling a tad self-conscious in it.
I’m over-dressed compared to other wives, and I’m still getting used to wearing more formal dresses in general.
Alessandro chuckles to himself as we get farther away from the sound of his men and their wives laughing and having a good time. “Did you ever think you’d end up in this position? A queen?”
“I’m still getting used to not being a prisoner.” I joke, but those days feel long gone by now, and I’ve settled into being comfortable around him.
His eyes trail down my body. “It suits you though, no? You look the part tonight.” A wolfish smile forms on his face. “I hope you weren’t planning on sleeping a lot on this trip.”
I bite my lip, anticipation fluttering in my core.
He plays with my hair, but I can tell that something is bothering him.
“What are you thinking?” I ask.
“About how much I wish we were on this trip alone. It’s what I would have preferred, obviously. But it would have been too risky leaving everyone like that to openly plot against me behind my back.”
I stroke my thumb against the stubble on his cheek. “Are you a better leader than Marco?”
“I’m so offended by that question that it makes me want to jump off the side of this boat.”
“Exactly,” I laugh. “Being underneath you is an improvement for everyone. Why would they want to change anything?”
“Everyone is hungry for power, Sofia.”
“Right.” I bite the inside of my cheek and wonder if this fear is going to be with us for the rest of our lives.
“I shouldn’t be whining to you about this.” He strokes my face. “You should be able to relax and have a good time on this trip.”
“I like it when you open up to me like this. You know how secretive my family was with me. Everyone was set on keeping me and Bianca under the delusion that everything was normal with my family. It stressed me out not knowing… anything. I always fought against the role they wanted me to be: a cute, benign girl meant to cheer everyone up and stay out of the way. Destined to be a wife and a mother. That’s it.
” I snort. “My grandfather always complained that he wished I were a boy.
About how much of a waste my intelligence was since I couldn't use it to help out the family.”
I wince, wondering if I ranted for too long. Alessandro considers my words for a beat, but before he can open his mouth, the chief stewardess, Anna, approaches us from behind. “Sorry to interrupt, but do you two need anything? Your usuals? Sparkling grape juice? Whiskey neat?”
We both politely decline, and she walks away.
I can tell that question sparked a thought in Alessandro as his eyes narrow and scan my body.
I’m not much of a drinker, but I had plenty of wine at the wedding reception, so he knows I don’t abstain entirely.
And this boat—the vacationy vibe, having to socialize with new people—I’m sure it seems strange to him I’d have non-alcoholic beverages.
“Sparkling grape juice? Is there something you’re hiding from me?”
“Maybe.” I swallow. “I’ve been too afraid to check, but I’m late and…”
He takes a few steps back, then turns away from me with his hand covering his mouth. My heart sinks. I mean, I’m unsure about this situation, but if he isn’t happy about this, I don’t know how I’ll cope.
But when he turns around, I realize I was projecting my own anxieties onto him. He’s not upset. He’s… glowing.
“I thought you were on birth control.”
“You never asked.”
He pauses, looking at the horizon. “Fuck. I didn’t.”
“I figured we’d have a discussion about this after the wedding, but we had sex before we could have civilized conversations together.”
“Right,” he murmurs. “But why not bring it up later? We’ve been having sex almost every day for the past week or so.”
“I was afraid.”
I look down when I see my words hurt him and wish I could have changed how I phrased that.
“You’re still afraid of me?”
I shake my head. “Not literally. I’m afraid of being pregnant. Afraid of how you’d feel about it. And… I’m afraid of what’s going to happen if you decide you don’t have feelings for me anymore. Will I go back to being a prisoner? Or would you let me go home?”
“I don’t know,” he says quietly, looking out towards the water. “All I know is that I can’t stand the thought of sending you home. Especially now.”
“That’s not good enough. I need things to feel more normal between us. The phone with only two contacts on it? The fact that there’s always someone subtly trailing me in the castle whenever I explore? That all needs to change.”
“I can’t lose you.” He rubs his face out of frustration and takes a moment to think.
“But I promise I’ll fix these things. I’ll smooth things over with your family and give them their money back.
I’ll give you a new phone, straight out of the box with no tampering, and you can visit the States whenever you like. Deal?”
“Deal.” He still looks upset, so I pull him in for a kiss. “Now. That’s enough heavy conversation for this trip. Let’s have some fun.”