Chapter 39
Alessandro
Alessandro,
I can’t say that I forgive you, but I understand you did what needed to be done.
After all that happened, I worry that you think of me as nothing but a cold snake.
I regret pointing a gun at you. Seeing Vincenzo on the ground like that so soon after he woke up shook me so much that I couldn’t think straight.
It’s true that I pitied you growing up, but you were my brother, and I loved you.
And I still love you, even after everything that happened.
But Marco confused me so much in childhood, and by the time I was old enough to realize that everything he said about you was a lie—I was already in love with Vincenzo. Which complicated things.
We were planning on running away together, then all of that changed on your wedding day. And everything shattered the day you shot him.
Despite all of that, I wanted to send this letter to you so that you can relax. I’m not looking for revenge. And I’m hoping that after time passes, we can reunite again. But that won’t be for a very, very, long time.
You don’t have to worry about me. I can take care of myself in ways you wouldn’t be able to imagine.
I wish you and Sofia the best.
—Elena
I stuff the note into my pocket after reading it for the hundredth time and lean against the balcony.
She left me no way of contacting her, so this is all I get until she’s ready to face me again.
I have so many questions that I can’t get the answers to, like, what does she mean by she can take care of herself in ways I couldn’t imagine?
But I believe what she said about her not seeking revenge and that she loves me.
So, I can relax knowing those two things.
The door to the balcony opens, and Sofia appears in front of me, beaming. “My mother no longer hates you. She simply distrusts you.”
“And that’s progress?”
“Yes.” She giggles as I take her in my arms. She immediately makes all of those bad feelings vanish.
“Having fun?”
She nods her head against my chest.
“Oh.” She looks up at me, her brown eyes shimmering. “Is it okay if Bianca stays for a while this summer?”
“As long as she isn’t as annoying as your brother and cousin, I see no problem with it.”
She smirks. “Those two are pretty annoying, aren’t they? Well, luckily for you, Max is too in love to visit for a long time, and Nick is depressed.”
“Depressed? Huh. I wouldn’t have guessed.”
“Recent breakup. He hides it well. Or at least, he hid it well when things were life-or-death.”
“As annoying as he is, I hope he gets things sorted out.”
“Me too.”
She steps back and sweeps her thick brown hair over her shoulder as the breeze hits us.
“You look so beautiful,” I say. She blushes, and I love that saying those words still has that effect on her. “I’m serious. Do you know how happy you made me a few moments ago just by stepping out on this balcony?”
She plants a quick kiss on my lips. “You’re turning into such a sap.
” Her tone is teasing, but I can tell she feels the same way from the look on her face.
“Sometimes I wonder if you became possessed by a friendly demon during this whole kidnapping scheme, because who you are now is nothing like how you were in the days surrounding our wedding.”
“You’re upgrading me from ghost to demon? That’s good. Puts more fear into our enemies.”
My arms are around her too tight for her to get away, but she arches her back so she can look up into my eyes. “Friendly demon.”
I laugh and pull her back in, wanting to keep her out here all to myself rather than sending her back in to her party. I don’t even care if that’s selfish of me. The words Sofia said a moment ago make me reflect on how I’ve been acting—how I’ve been feeling. And she’s right. I’m not myself.
And that’s undeniably for the best.
I don’t think I ever understood what it’s like to feel at home before.
I thought I felt that when I was safely sheltering myself from the world in isolation.
But that wasn’t home. It was a temporary hiding place.
With Sofia, it doesn’t matter where I physically am.
Knowing that she’s in the same room with me gives me a comforting, homey feeling.
She’s my family now.
And that will only expand in the coming years.
I can only hope that I provide the same happiness to her as she does to me.
I look to my left towards the party, at the great number of people that all love Sofia.
It’s not jealousy that hits me; I’m happy she has these people in her life.
It’s fear. Knowing that she’s literally all that I have.
While I have close relations with some of my capos and soldiers, it’s not the same.
“What is it?” she asks.
I return my attention to her and force a smile. “It’s nothing.”
Her eyes narrow. “Nope. You’re going to tell me what’s going on with that look on your face. I told you how I felt about being in the dark all the time with my family’s business.”
She thinks I’m nervous about our enemies or money or something more mundane than what I’m actually feeling. “You’re all that I have.”
Her eyes grow misty, and she buries her head in my chest. “I’m sorry about Elena.”
“It’s not even Elena necessarily. I feel better after receiving that letter.”
“Then what is it?”
“Are you happy with me? Truly?” I angle the two of us so that my face can’t be seen by anyone inside because I know how desperate I must look right now.
She pulls away from me, her arms crossed at her chest. “Yes.”
“Why did that anger you?”
“Because after all that we’ve been through? You still feel the need to ask that question?”
“I know that you’re in love with me. But I’m asking if you’re happy. That’s different.”
“Oh.” She relaxes a bit and ponders that. “I’m tired all the time because of the pregnancy. And sometimes I still have the feeling that I’m going to crawl out of my skin because of the lack of responsibilities and goals. But overall, I’m happy.”
“What do you need from me to take away the boredom and emptiness you’re feeling?”
“Okay, those are your words, not mine.”
“Sofia…”
She bites her lip and shrugs, kicking a pebble on the ground. “I’ll be busy soon enough, anyway.”
“Do you want a job? Do you need to travel more? An activity to get out of the house?”
“A job?” Her eyes widen.
“A role in the family, yes.”
She continues to look at me stunned.
“Within reason, of course. You will not be on the front lines, but I assumed with your phobia that wasn’t your first choice, anyway. But if you want to learn computers, the financial aspects, be involved in the politics of it all—especially help with navigating our American allies.”
“Yes. To all of it.” She bites her lip and gets a faraway look in her eyes. What monster have I unleashed?
“Okay. Pick one to start, and then if that isn’t enough, we’ll expand from there.”
She jumps up, wrapping her legs around me and plants her lips on mine for a passionate kiss. I grab the back of her head, her hair tangling around my fingers. I don’t care if anyone catches us out here. In fact, I hope that’s the case. Most of them don’t believe she’s in love with me.
At that thought, I hear the balcony door open behind me and someone clears their throat.
It’s her grandfather.
“Sorry.” I set her down.
“I can’t see shit anymore in the dark, and besides, it’s your house.” He shrugs, adjusting his glasses.
“You’re still up, Grandpa? I thought you went to bed already,” Sofia says, still looking sheepish from getting caught.
“It’s not every day that my granddaughter grows a new set of fingers; that’s enough reason to stay up late and celebrate.
” He winks at her. He takes a few steps forward and gestures towards the party.
“Everyone is talking about how your marriage is a sham in there. Maybe I’m senile.
Maybe I’m blind. But I have never seen Sofia smile like this. So, you’re alright in my book, kid.”
“Thanks,” I chuckle, feeling like an idiot. This is the fourth time someone has ever complimented me, so I didn’t know what to say. But I’m realizing that maybe I like this old man.
“Sofia, dear. Do you mind giving us some space to talk business?”
“Sure.” She starts walking away without hesitation.
“She’ll stay,” I say. She stops dead in her tracks, and I switch to Italian. “Sofia will be involved in certain aspects of our business. Also, I’ve exhausted my English for the day, so she will translate.”
She smiles and repeats what I said to her grandfather.
The old man looks shocked momentarily. As much as I like his personality, he’s eighty-something years old with eighty-something world-views. Then he nods and gives her a smile.
I can tell Sofia is hiding her excitement and trying to look as serious as possible as she moves to stand next to me again.
“A lot has shifted in your family,” he says.
I snort. “Are you talking about my sister’s affair with my stepbrother, killing Marco, or that Sofia is with child?”
“Killing Marco. Then the coup that followed soon after worries me.”
“As it should.” I shrug. “But I trust the surviving captains. We’re promoting a few of the most loyal soldiers. And, the most unfortunate part, we’re backing off of certain territories to not antagonize anyone while our numbers are low and we’re perceived as vulnerable.”
“Good.” He looks towards Sofia. “What about you? Do you feel that it’s safe and secure here?”
“Yes,” she answers. “We’re in a well-fortified castle on the top of a hill that usually has a small army stationed outside of it. When I hated him, I would mull over how to escape in my mind. And aside from one attempt, there was never any other opportunity.”
He laughs. “I bet this is a story. How did that attempt go?”
Sofia smiles uncomfortably, most likely because this escape attempt ended with her getting spanked over my desk.
“Yes, Sofia. How did that go?” I love seeing her flustered.
She kicks a loose rock at her feet. “I hopped over to the next balcony, stole some clothes to conceal my identity, then walked out that door. But I didn’t get far before being caught.”
“Hop?” I scoff. “Tell him how far you actually jumped.”
She playfully rolls her eyes at me and tells him how far she thinks she jumped.
Her grandfather laughs. “That sounds like Sofia.”
The conversation drifts to more boring topics like digging into various trade deals and whatnot.
Sofia is an active participant, and I’m so happy that her grandfather sees this.
Eventually, we lose track of time, and when we head inside, a good number of people are gone already.
The entire room turns towards us, and I realize the three of us are laughing at something her grandfather said as we enter.
And for the first time tonight, a few of those faces lighten up when they see me.
I leave Sofia with her family, and she promises that she’ll be up soon—but I doubt that. She’s going to be sucked into conversation after conversation. But that’s okay.
I have the rest of my life to spend with her.
To grow a family with her.
And nothing has made me happier.