Chapter 42
FORTY-TWO
I let my pencil glide over the paper as I flick my eyes towards the emerging plant pushing through the dirt, then back to my paper to get the angle just right.
I didn’t know what I was going to draw today, but something pulled me out here, through the clearing by my cabin and towards the field.
And right on time after the first round of irrigation, the plants are starting to break through in the hollow heart field, with their first leaves unfolding as they reach for the light.
Even though these same plants would still emerge in a season that ends in hollow heart, something about this growth has me feeling… excited.
“There you are.”
I look over my shoulder from where I sit at the edge of the field and see Dad step through the gap in the trees.
“Hey,” I say, my gaze dropping to his hands where he holds two to-go coffee cups from the café in town.
He holds one out as he stops beside me, and I take it. Then he lowers himself onto the grass as he looks over the field.
“Figured I’d head into town this morning instead of making coffee,” he says, lifting the cup to his lips. “Since, you know, it’s Sunday. And we’re not working today.” His eyes shift to me as he gives me a look that says I better not argue that fact.
I give him a small smile and take a drink of my coffee, then set it in the grass beside me. “I’m not.”
“Good.”
Dad lowers his gaze to the sketchbook on my lap, where I’ve started sketching the plant. “I wanted to check in with you.”
My heart thumps as my mind immediately takes off.
Levi said no one would notice anything between us… but my dad notices everything. It’s one of the reasons he’s such a good dad.
But… I don’t want him to notice this yet.
Oh my god. What if Levi was here this morning when he came over? He’s spent a few nights here over the past week…
Oh my god.
“About what I told you about everything… before you came to me,” he says gently.
My heart continues to thump, but now for a different reason.
I haven’t thought of it much lately. Or, really, at all.
It all comes rushing back as our conversation plays out in my head. When he told me about the first two years of my life, before Dad adopted me.
When I was left in the dark, ignored, and on my own. When no one responded to me when I needed them, and I never felt safe.
“Are you ok?” Dad asks.
My gaze shifts across the field, following the rows.
The bright, fresh green leaves emerge from the dark soil, catching the sunlight as shadows pool beneath them.
Even in this wide-open space that seems endless, they dominate.
They continue to push through the darkness and reach for the light as they grow bigger and stronger every day they choose to keep going.
And underneath it all, we hope their heart grows whole.
But I know it does.
Because they’re safe here.
I nod, looking down at the plant before me that’s mirrored on my page. “Yeah.” Then I turn to look into my dad’s bright blue eyes that look nothing like my own, but feel the same in every way that matters. “It really helped me to know that.”
His head tilts slightly as he observes me, and I give him a soft smile.
“I know what safety is now,” I say. “I have it with you, the farm, everyone here… and with Levi. And I was able to choose him.”
Dad smiles as well, and the morning sun makes his eyes sparkle. “You seem like you’re doing really well, Silas. You look happy.” He pauses with a gentle nod. “That’s all I ever wanted for you.”
I nod, shifting my gaze across the field again as warmth settles in my chest, and that happiness spreads through my entire body. “I am.”
My phone buzzes next to me, and I look down at it as a text lights up my screen.
Levi
Fishing at the pier?
My smile widens, and I lift my eyes to meet Dad’s again.
“Do you remember where my fishing rod is?”
Dad chuckles. “At my house.” Then he pushes to his feet and holds out a hand to pull me up. “I’ll help you find it.”
I cast my line out into the water again, glancing at Levi as he reels his in.
We’ve been out here for almost two hours, and not even a bite.
But as I watch the flex of his biceps beneath the thin fabric of his T-shirt, I find I don’t really care. Catching fish isn’t the only reason I’m here.
“I’m trying a different lure,” Levi grumbles, shooting a look at my rod before turning towards the tackle box. “This is bullshit.”
A quiet laugh slips out of me as I watch him crouch down and assess the lures with so much intensity, it’s like he thinks one of them will come to life and give him the answer to catching fish.
Always the overachiever.
Winston lies stretched out, sound asleep in the sun beside the tackle box, completely unaware and unbothered with Levi’s frustration, or anything else going on around him.
Eventually, Levi chooses a lure, replaces it on his line, and casts it back out into the water. And I keep my eyes on the muscles flexing in his back with the movement.
Comfortable silence stretches between us as we wait for the mackerel to bite, while I feel the warm sun on my skin and listen to water lapping softly against the pier posts, and the seagulls calling in the sky.
It’s completely quiet out here, with just rocky shore on either side of the pier, creating a peaceful escape for quiet fishing.
It’s a perfect day. Even if the fish aren’t biting.
I glance at Levi again as he slowly reels his line in with a furrowed brow, looking so locked in I can’t help but let out a laugh.
He looks over at me and rolls his eyes. “Fuck off.”
With a smile, I reel my line in and set my rod aside.
Levi watches me with a small smile playing at the corner of his lips. “Giving up already?”
I just shrug. “No. But what do we usually do when the fish won’t bite?”
His eyes widen, and he looks out at the water, then back at me.
And I just smile.
“It’s going to be fucking cold, dude. It’s still June,” he says.
I tilt my head as I observe him. “Scared?”
Fire ignites in his eyes at that accusation, and he immediately starts reeling his line in.
I chuckle and grab the hem of my shirt, pulling it over my head while he does the same with his. We kick off our pants, shoes, and socks until we’re in nothing but our boxers in the middle of the empty pier.
Winston stirs to life as he notices something going on, and trots over to us with his tail wagging and tongue hanging out, ready to join the fun.
My heart thumps with anticipation as we turn towards the water, and memories flood my mind of us doing this as kids, bringing a smile to my lips.
And when Levi holds out his hand, I take it and meet his eyes, letting the familiar comfort of him wrap around me and pull me into the past when everything felt simpler, even when it wasn’t.
But right now, it is.
His eyes spark with the same joy I’m feeling, and we both take off, our bare feet pounding against the wooden boards of the pier as we run hand in hand towards the edge. We jump, and our hands break apart as we hit the water and go under.
Fuck.
It’s cold.
“Fuck!” Levi shouts as we break the surface of the water, and all I can do is laugh.
“Terrible fucking idea,” he says, turning and immediately swimming for the shore. “Oh my god.”
Winston barks at us from the pier, pacing along the edge as his tail wags furiously. Apparently, he thought the jump was a bad idea, too.
The cold spreads through me as my skin prickles and my muscles tighten, but I can’t stop laughing as I follow Levi out of the water.
“Oh my god, oh my god,” Levi continues to mutter as he runs onto shore, shaking the water out of his hair. He turns and glares at me as I walk out after him and shakes his head. “How the fuck did we not freeze to death doing this as kids?”
I shrug, looking back at the water as a sharp chill spreads over my skin from the breeze in the air. “Because we were young and dumb?”
He huffs out a laugh, his shoulders lifting as he shivers, and when our eyes meet, his expression softens.
Water clings to his dark hair, catching the sunlight as it drips down over his forehead, and droplets trace slow paths along the curve of his cheek.
I watch one fall down the line of his jaw, and I lift my hand to catch it with my fingertip, letting my touch linger as I drag it lightly along his skin.
Levi steps into me, sliding his hands around my waist to pull me close, then presses his lips to mine.
I breathe him in, wrapping my arms around him as his warmth cuts through the cold, and I hold him against me.
For the first time in a long time, my world feels whole.
And even though we’re out in the open where anyone could find us, I can’t let him go.
Because every time I touch him, kiss him, and just look at him, I feel my love for him growing and shifting into something both familiar and new. The love that was always there… but was maybe something I didn’t fully understand.
As our lips part, I look into his eyes and smile.
“You and me, Vi.”
His eyes shine bright as he presses a soft kiss to my nose.
“You and me, Si.”