Chapter 12
CHAPTER 12
Felix
I’ve never been more thankful to be interrupted by my manager in my life. Because I know, if Lou hadn’t banged his fist on my dressing room door, I might’ve just fucking kissed Duncan McKay.
I know it was probably not a good idea to even let myself think about my current drummer in that way, and God only knows why I wanted to, least of all because my relationship with my last drummer didn’t end well.
That’s an understatement. The man saw you as a fucktoy and nothing else. Which was fine until it wasn’t.
I usually preferred built, pretty boys with a little edginess to them, like Sully, but I can’t deny that Duncan dressed up in purple velvet, his beard neatly trimmed, and his gaze all smoldering mixed with his solid, stocky figure is fucking hot as hell.
Not to mention the fact that he seems to be one of the only people on the planet who cuts through the bullshit and is fucking real with me.
From the moment I met him, he’s never treated me like Felix Hart, the rockstar.
He’s treated me like I’m a just a regular person .
A person who probably annoys the shit out of him, and who will end up with a fist in his face if you make a wrong move.
But then, for the glimmer of a moment, something in his gaze shifts.
And something in his pants.
Fuck!
How am I supposed to get that image out of my fucking mind now?
“Okay, boys, look alive out there,” Lou orders with a grin, smacking us both on the back, and there’s barely any time for either of us to dwell on what happened between us.
What exactly did happen between us?
Joe introduces us, and I take the lead, Duncan hanging behind me.
Time to play the part.
I shove all thoughts, all personal feelings and worries aside as I stretch my lips into a wide grin.
“Joe! It’s so good to be back, man.” I pull him into a half hug, slapping him on the back.
Duncan half smiles, extending his hand, and I have to give him credit for looking Joe in the eye.
“Have a seat, have a seat.” Joe gestures for us to take our spot on the couch.
I take my seat first, crossing my ankle over my knee as Duncan sits down gingerly, taking up more than half of the couch. His thigh brushes mine, and I have to fight the impulse to set my hand on it as images flash from my weird dream.
The crowd quiets, and there is a moment of awkward silence as Joe sits behind his desk, straightening his tie as he looks at the camera, then at us.
“So, Felix, it’s been awhile since we had you on the show, and I see you brought a new friend with you.”
I keep my gaze cool and aloof as I stretch my arm back along the top of the couch. I shift my body strategically to give a sliver of space between us, and keep my hand flat on the cushion. I can feel the slight tremor of Duncan’s thigh, almost as if he is nervous.
I’m not sure if it’s because of what happened before coming out here, or if it’s the heavy, bright lights and the hoopla of being on television after being out of the spotlight for nearly thirty years.
“Yes, I did!” I flash a smile as I turn my grin to Duncan, imploring him with my gaze.
“Duncan is performing with the band for the Pillars of Rock tour, which is how we met.” I nod at Duncan, hoping he picks up on my body language.
Thankfully, he does, and he smiles a bit more
“Yes, that’s correct,” he says stiffly.
Joe chuckles a bit as he says, “Man, I gotta say this is a dream come true. I was always a huge fan of Hollow Pointe growing up. I think I actually went as Issax one year for Halloween, as a kid.”
I chuckle to myself, even though it’s not genuine, but the audience plays right along, like they always do.
“Although, I can imagine it’s got to be somewhat difficult for you, Felix, playing with someone so talented. I mean, Duncan, you are a literal legend!”
Duncan looks uncomfortable as hell with the compliment, like instead of being called a pillar of rock himself, Joe just insulted him or something, but he brushes it off.
“Oh, for sure. Duncan definitely keeps me on my toes, don’t you Duncan?” I smirk, and his eyebrows narrow at me.
“That’s right. There’s definitely a thing or two I can teach you.”
I half laugh, half gasp at his playful tone. The audience and Joe both laugh along with him. He grins, but it isn’t genuine.
In fact, it’s deadly, and it makes my heart beat a little faster.
Joe ooohs as the audience coos along with him, at Duncan’s sizzling comeback.
I shift my stance, regaling him with my own gaze.
“Yes, well, if I need to learn how to operate a VCR, I’ll be sure to give you a call,” I return with a smirk. “I hear those are starting to become all the rage nowadays. Sometimes I feel like there’s a poetry to watching those poor pixels, and the fuzziness, you know, in a world of digitization and streaming. I swear there’s something magical about the phrase, ‘please be kind rewind.’”
Joe doesn’t miss a beat, and I can hear the slight shift in his tone, like he’s not sure if Duncan and I won’t get into a damn brawl right here.
And I guess, I sort of understand. I don’t exactly have the best track record. I did get into a fight once with Jared Leto backstage.
And you were just seen publicly beefing with Sully.
Duncan shifts his stance, which pushes my right asscheek off the couch altogether.
Touche, Duncan.
“Everything comes back around, if you’re around long enough.” Duncan shrugs.
“True that,” Joe replies as he focus his gaze on me.
“There have been a ton of rumors flying about lately about the state of your band, Felix. It was reported a week ago that you and Sullivan Reign have disbanded your... partnership?”
My blood chills at his words, because even for him, it’s a low blow.
We both know what he’s asking, what can’t be said on air, or in the public at all.
I’m irritated at his question, but I know it’s what he does. All these talk show hosts are the same. They say their job is the news, but it’s not. It’s gossip.
The Joe’s, the Karen’s, the Channel 5 reporter, and the paparazzi... they are all the same. In the business of gossip.
After all, late night news covers the dirt, and where Sullivan Reign and I are concerned, there is quite a bit of it.
That’s the thing about these damn media circuses. They don’t dispel rumors, they create them, then offer you a platform to make your public statement or apology on the mountain of lies they created.
Any celebrity worth their salt knows that.
But as usual, I need to keep to my script, keep to the narrative that works for me and the record label.
“Sully is a talented man,” I start, looking at Duncan, for what I’m not sure.
Back up?
Understanding?
I shouldn’t really give two shits about Duncan’s feelings regarding my former drummer, but for some reason I do.
Which makes me care a little more about what I say next, to Joe and the world, even though it doesn’t make any fucking sense.
“His desire to explore those... talents...” I shoot Joe a death glare, enunciating the last word vibrantly so he understands that I know what game he’s playing and I’m not giving in.
“Who am I to deny my good friend a chance to explore a... different side of himself? Besides,”
I shift my stance, cocking my head to the side as I hone in my sights on a rather placid looking Joe while Lou and the producers off stage are bathed in light, practically chewing their fingernails.
“I’m a one man show. The name of the band is Felix Hart. Not Felix Hart and the Jackasses.” I shrug.
Take that, Sully!
Joe chuckles, shaking his head.
“And the rumors that it was Jinger Holloway that came between you two is just a rumor, right?” Joe says with his signature snark.
I can’t help but roll my eyes.
“I can assure you, there is nothing going on between Jinger and I.”
There never has been, but the public doesn’t seem to get that.
“We’re just friends,” I say, folding my hands in my lap.
Joe grins. “Right. Just friends. Never any romantic entanglements for you.”
I glare at him. My relationships are not what we came here to discuss.
“That’s right.” I reply, plastering a “lets move the fuck on” glare on my face, hoping he’ll get the memo.
To my relief, he switches gears, aiming for Duncan.
“Speaking of romantic entanglements, Duncan, we were all so very sorry to hear about your wife, Marci,” Joe says with practiced empathy.
Duncan’s shoulders tense, his spine straightening at Joe’s words, because he knows what’s coming.
And I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, but somehow, I still am.
“It’s been, what ten years, now?” Joe asks.
Duncan grunts out an uneven, “Yes.”
The words hit me just a moment too late, as I realize that Duncan was not prepared for this.
I’ve seen the articles, but even I felt like it wasn’t my place to dive into someone’s personal life.
It was more than apparent that Duncan had left all of the fame and fortune to build a family, and up until recently, had more than relished his privacy.
I turn to look at Duncan, his face pale.
I’m sure he wasn’t expecting the question, and quite frankly, neither was I. That is a low blow, even for Joe, and no doubt he did it on account that it would get everyone talking at the watercoolers tomorrow.
Anger swells within me as my fingertips graze the edge of his back.
How dare these assholes throw salt in Duncan’s wounds just for fucking ratings!
“That must have been difficult,” Joe says.
Without thinking, I trace my fingers up and down the back of his velvet blazer, trying to soothe his nerves.
It’s okay. I got this.
I jump in. “Of course. Losing someone you love is always difficult. It’s also extremely personal, and not everyone’s fucking business.”
I catch Lou’s eyes widen off stage, but the way Duncan’s spine relaxes is worth whatever bellowing I will endure from Lou or the company for being an asshole on the air.
A small price to pay to put someone in their place
Joe holds his hands up in mock surrender.
“Of course it is. I only wanted to express my condolences on the matter.”
I bet you did.
Duncan gives a half smile as he leans forward, his elbows on his knees. He nods at Joe, grunting out a thank you.
“To answer your question, yes, it was difficult. There are still days where it’s difficult, and that will never change. You don’t ever get over something like that, you just learn how to live with it. You can’t let pain define you. You have to learn how to co-exist with it, how to use it.”
His words are profound, heavy.
The tension that befalls the room is thick and I can’t help but look at this man, his deep eyes as vast as the depths in which his grief still runs.
I want to fucking tear Joe and the producers of this show a new asshole for putting Duncan on the spot like this, for hurting him.
I speak without thinking.
“Music has always been a channel for my pain,” I declare, as I look him in his eyes.
Duncan’s gaze meets mine, and I continue, steering the discussion back to the reason we’re both here.
The tour.
If there’s anything I’ve learned in these past few years, it’s damage control. Lord knows, I’ve needed enough of it myself.
“Which is another reason why I think this tour is more than just a tour. It’s a homecoming of sorts, not just for myself and Duncan, but for the other acts as well. Dare, Geo, Matty... all of us are just fucking misfits, man. We all wear our hearts on our sleeves, and that’s why this tour is so important. It’s not just about the music, it’s about what music does. It heals.”
Duncan’s lips turn up slightly in the corner, his gaze glittering with warmth.
“Absolutely.”
Joe grins, and I see the producer flashing his hand signs, a digital screen counting down until we are off the air.