Chapter 31 #2
“Well, I don’t think he knows that yet himself,” Crew says, and I watch as his face falls, as if he’s worried about this as well.
This is going to end badly, and I know more than I’m letting on. Whoever kills the Grim in the end and touches the scythe will be the one to step into this role.
“We need your help, Mara.” Crew faces me, and his stare bores into mine. “You are a weapon that we need.”
“We even had a plan to break you out of prison if Riggs wouldn’t let you free,” Damien says. “A full-on prison break.”
I turn, creating distance. “Is that all you needed me for? Was this all a part of your plan? To bind me to you so I had no choice but to listen?”
Crew’s face hardens as he pales. “No. And don’t say that again. You getting shot and nearly dying was not part of that plan. Those men and others close to them have been handled.”
I watch his body tense, and I can feel he is telling the truth through the bond.
“After I watched those Voids hurt you, I went to that warehouse to murder everyone close to them. Messing with those I care for isn’t an option.”
“So, you are running this new Order through punishment as well,” I whisper.
He walks forward, closing the space between us, and places his hand on my shoulder. “No. After years of the Voids being practically feral, they need guidance. They need someone. A leader who can help us teach and protect them. I’d like that to be you.”
I step backward. “You what?”
“I want you to help run this. You are strong, and you’ll do what needs to be done to make sure this city—this world—is a better place. You have enough blood on your hands, and we can stop this.”
I weigh my options, and honestly, this is something I’ve prayed for.
Maybe not these exact circumstances, but I’ve wanted nothing but freedom.
Since I was a child, I knew I would have to choose an Order and align with the other angels.
It feels as if my entire life has been planned for me, with not a single day to enjoy for myself.
What does a world look like where angels and demon hybrids can choose what they do?
Would it be chaos? Or would we enjoy the independence?
“Why don’t you?” I ask Crew.
“Because I’m not as strong as you.”
My thoughts become a violent swarm of doubts. I’m not strong. I’m angry, feared by so many, and in no position to be a leader.
But have I been brainwashed to think that?
“I don’t trust Sam,” I say to Crew.
He nods. “I know you don’t, but I’m not going to let anything happen to us.”
“What if this doesn’t work?” Fear starts to overwhelm my senses. “And Lowell finds out I’m behind this? He won’t kill me, Crew. That would be too simple for him. I can’t imagine the torture he would put me through."
Out of habit, I wrap my arms around myself, as if to hide the scars that line me, both inside and out. Crew steps forward and lowers my hands. The connection between us seems to hum with our proximity, and I rest my face against his chest.
“I won’t let him touch you again.” He places his chin on my head. “He will never fucking hurt you again.”
“I like you, Mara,” Damien says from behind us. “We’re going to wipe these dickheads off this Earth, then I’m moving.”
I can’t help but chuckle as I pull back from Crew to see his intense gaze on me. He’s worried I’ll back out, and what will happen then? I know he’s trying to block that thought from his mind.
“What about my friends?” I ask.
“We can warn them if you trust them,” Crew responds with a nod.
And that sentence alone makes me think.
Do I?
Since returning, nothing has been easy for me at the Order. Two people have influenced my thoughts on everything, and for some reason, the word “trust” no longer comes to mind when I think about Shaw.
“I can’t go back to the Lyre Order.”
“No, you can’t,” Crew says. “It’s not safe.”
“I’ll need to get a few things,” I reply. “And I need to tell Bronwyn something is going on.”
“When we leave here and head back to the city, we’ll ensure we play it cool long enough to gather everything we need. Luckily, not many people know this apartment exists.”
I glance around the room and cringe. I have some major cleaning to do if I’m about to move in with Crew and Damien.
“Wait.” I stop them. “What about Locke?”
Crew laughs. “He knows. Although he’s amazing at playing dumb.”
“He’s not playing, Crew.” Damien chimes in.
“He will remain at the Jade Order to relay information to us, as will Damien, on and off.”
I raise my brows. “Is that safe?”
Damien shakes his head. “No. But he’s fucking tough.”
I laugh and take the last sips of my beer. I set the bottle down and find myself picking up a few things. Crew notices the note on the table and grabs it before I can throw it away. He quickly reads it and places it in his pocket.
“Stop cleaning,” Crew says, “Why don’t you get some sleep?”
“Don’t tell me what to do, Bannermin,” I snap.
Crew smiles and raises his hands in defeat.
“But I will go take a bath.”
“Perfect.” He laughs. “We will hang out here. Let me know if you need anything.”
Oh, there are a few things I need.
I disappear around the corner and slip into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me.
I place my back against the door and feel the panic rise in my throat, but I ignore it, slipping out of my clothes.
My own mind starts to betray me as thoughts cloud my ability to remain calm.
My chest begins to rise and fall rapidly.
I pretended to stay cool out there when, on the inside, I was seconds away from crumbling.
What the hell.
This is such a bad idea.
I let the years of manipulation, deceit, torment, and terror flood into me, because if Lowell finds out, I’ll beg for death. My chest heaves as I crash to my knees. I cover my mouth with my hand and begin to silently sob.
Lowell will kill Crew. He will kill everyone I’ve ever cared for, and with everything I am, I experience a new fear. My hands tremble, and I remember that the guys are just in the other room.
I quickly stand and turn on the bath, letting the sound of the water drown out my cries.
The warm steam fills the room, and tears fall from my face as I make my way to the sink, holding on tightly.
Lowell’s taunting voice snakes through my mind, and another wave of terror pulls me back down.
My heart pounds in my chest, and I grip my hair, tugging on it to keep from losing control.
I may be an angel, but I have demons within me—terrifying ones.
Calm down.
I send a surge of calm through my body, easing my panic before Crew can feel the chaos through the bond, which is another insane thought I now have.
A numbness tingles in my fingers, and I slowly stand.
Tears stain my cheeks, but my eyes are blank—nearly soulless—as I relish the silence of the calm.
I unhook the jewel from around my neck and place it on the vanity.
I step into the bath, and the warm water pools around me.
My thoughts quiet, and the room remains silent as I tip my head back onto the cold porcelain tub and begin to scrub away the blood and dirt.
I slowly slip under the water, and even as the calmness settles into me, it doesn’t stop the scream that erupts from my mouth, bubbling the liquid as if it’s boiling.
I remain under the surface, letting the lack of oxygen burn my lungs, but it’s truly silent under here—everything is muffled—and the light of the bathroom even fades.
This is going to work.
I notice a dark shadow panning across the light over the vanity, and I emerge from the water, the splash echoing as I break through the surface tension.