Chapter 33
Crew stands, averting his gaze from mine, and vanishes into the bedroom.
A wave of annoyance washes over me, but two can play this game.
If he's going to drag this out, then I can too. I swallow down my desire as I rise and approach the window, pulling back the curtains. I survey the space, wondering whether the Voids are watching us, just as Sam instructed. However, I don’t see anything in the sky that indicates we're being watched.
Crew emerges from the bedroom, and I turn to face him. I notice he’s holding something—a piece of paper. He extends his hand, and I take the note, unfolding it to see it’s the one I left for him on the table. He huffs to himself, and I tilt my head, returning it to his hands.
“You know, that’s the first time you’ve ever said, ‘I’m sorry,’” he says.
I look at the note. “No, I’ve said it before now.”
“Nope,” he says, staring at me. “You haven’t.”
I sit back on the loveseat. “Well, surely last night proved I am. You lied to me, and I still healed you.”
He grins. “Not good enough, grumpy.”
I roll my eyes and look at my hands, feeling an awkward wave wash over me. “Well, I mean it. I’m sorry for everything, Crew.”
He hums.
“I am.”
He rereads the note and places it down on the table. “You also aren’t my friend.”
My body tenses. He’s right. I haven’t earned the right to call myself his friend.
“I know,” I respond. “I’m not.”
“No. You aren’t in the slightest.”
I lower my head, and he moves, suddenly standing in front of me. He lifts my chin with his finger. His silver eyes gaze into mine, igniting something within me as he traces my jaw.
“You aren’t my friend, baby,” he repeats. “But you are my blood slinger, my beautiful torturer, my fucking murderous counterpart, my favorite grumpy angel.”
I let his words sink in and lower my gaze for a second. My heart slams against my ribs, and I watch Crew. He seems so calm, and I hate myself for how flustered he makes me.
“That’s the bond speaking,” I say. “This is all the bond making us feel this way.”
“It’s me speaking, and these are my feelings. My own entirely.”
I don’t look at him, and he leans closer, demanding my attention.
“Well, what about me and my feelings?” I ask. “About all of this?”
“Well?” Crew presses. “What are they?”
“I don’t even know,” I say, fidgeting. “This bond is insane, and yeah, I hated you less as time went on, but now…”
“Now what?” He tilts his head.
“Now, I feel differently about you.”
“Please,” Crew says, with a slight curl of his lips. “Continue speaking.”
“You are… hilarious, and surprisingly gentle. You are protective and possessive, and the more I’m around you, the more I love that.”
Crew laughs to himself. “Yeah, I think I was that way when you hated me, too. You just didn’t listen.”
His finger gently moves across my jaw, never breaking eye contact, and the bond screams at me to move closer.
“Now, I want to be around you,” I admit.
“That’s a good thing, Mara,” Crew says. “So, stop forcing yourself to think it’s wrong.”
“I’m trying.”
“I’m not the bad guy,” he says.
“No,” I allow myself to relax against his touch, “you are far from that.”
“Want to know how I feel about you?” he asks.
I bore my gaze into his and nod. “Tell me.”
His eyes narrow, and he takes a breath, as if hesitant to speak the words that are desperate to leave his perfect mouth.
“You are my downfall, my fucked-up addiction, the one person who drives me crazy, all while keeping me sane.” His rough fingers squeeze into my jaw, forcing me to hold his gaze.
“And even after everything you’ve done, you’re the one I keep coming back to—no matter the pain.
Even if you hurt me so badly I have to crawl through my own blood, I’ll come back to you. ”
I look at him, unable to speak, and tears well in my eyes.
“I will always crawl to you,” his voice rasps.
A calm hums through the bond as I feel Crew’s need increasing every second, but he doesn’t say a word. He watches me, as if waiting for me to either run toward him or away from him. Given everything that’s happened, I sense he doesn’t fully trust me yet, but why would he?
“Say something,” he begs.
I lower my gaze, unable to look into his metallic eyes. Why am I thinking this way? Why can’t I open up, even after everything we've been through? Crew is right, and I really believe he would crawl to me if I asked.
“I don’t deserve those words,” I finally respond. “I don’t deserve you.”
I feel the words slip out, and regret swiftly follows. I lift my gaze to find his eyes burning into me.
“Why do you feel you aren’t worthy?” he asks, clearly distressed by my statement.
“Because I’ve done nothing that’s warranted love.” A tear rolls down my cheek. “I don’t deserve to be happy.”
“You do.”
“I don’t,” I clap back.
“You saved me, Mara, in more ways than one,” Crew replies, forcing my gaze to his so hard it nearly hurts. “You did something that warrants mine.”
I shake my head and start to turn away, needing some space to think, and his hand falls only for a second. As my back faces him, I feel a firm hand grab the back of my neck. His strength spins me around, forcing me to meet his gaze.
“You are fucking worthy of love. You are deserving of happiness, and I refuse to let you push me away because you think you aren’t.”
“I don’t want to push you away.” Another tear falls. “Not anymore.”
“Then don’t. Stop running.”
“It’s all I’ve ever done,” I respond, throwing my arms. “I don’t know how to stop.”
"Fine," Crew bites. “Then keep running. Run until you can’t take another step—until you collapse from exhaustion,” he says, and I feel his hands tremble. “But know that I’ll be chasing you forever, and I’ll be there to catch you when you fall.”
I stare at him, unable to find the words to speak.
“You are worthy, blood slinger. Maybe broken, but so am I.”
“I’m not just broken, Crew.” I let another tear roll down my cheek. “I’m much more shattered than that."
Crew tucks a fallen piece of hair behind my ears. “Then let’s be fucking shattered together, baby.”
“I’m sick of feeling this way,” I whisper.
“Let me help.”
“You can’t.”
“Oh yes, I can,” he responds. “And I’ve been trying for a long time.”
I replay our interactions, and he’s right. Crew has always been there in some way to help me, even when I didn’t care to notice.
“Let me in,” Crew says.
“If I do, don’t hurt me,” I mutter.
He smiles. “Shouldn’t I be the one saying that?”
I faintly smile back.
“I’ve never wanted to hurt you,” Crew says. He steps closer, and I go rigid. “But you sure can hurt me, little angel. Torture me, ruin me, and I’d still love every minute of your company.”
“Crew.”
“Every. Fucking. Minute.”
Before I can respond, he closes the small distance between us, pulling my face to his.
“Shattered souls can mold together,” Crew whispers. “We can be broken together. Fucked up in more ways than one, but we don’t have to be alone.”
“Deal,” I whisper, exhausted from holding back.
Crew smiles, his lips against mine, and whispers. “Deal.”
Crew’s lips crash against mine, and doubt fades away.
The essence of Crew envelops me, and I taste the deadly nightshade and smoke as they course through my veins.
We stumble backward, but he catches me, placing his hand on the wall.
Crew presses his body against mine, and a desire flows through the bond that has me nearly begging already.
His hands travel up and down my body, touching every inch of my skin he can, as if he’s been desperate to do this. Crew’s hands wrap around my ass, and he picks me up, pressing me against the wall even harder.
I wrap my legs around his waist and move my hands into his hair, pulling on it slightly.
A delicious groan fills my mouth, and I swallow it down.
Crew removes his lips from mine and trails them down my neck, each lick sending a wave of pleasure through my body while every cell within me screams for more.
He turns, holding me, and walks toward the loveseat with ease, never breaking our connection.
Crew grips me tightly, and his mouth devours mine. I cling to his neck, digging my sharp nails into his warm skin. Before I can react, Crew drops me, and my surprised yelp echoes through the room. He laughs as I bounce on the loveseat, him standing over me.
He unfolds his wings, and the space fills with a thrilling darkness.
His wings cast a shadow around me like a feathered shield, and I inhale deeply.
I stare at him through my lashes as one of the straps of my top slips down my shoulder.
I smile as he leans forward, lowering the other.
The silk fabric slides down my torso, exposing my breasts as the top pools around my hips.
“Fuck, blood slinger,” Crew hums. “Look at you.”
I keep my gaze on him as I shift my hips, removing the top. I toss the fabric on the ground, leaving nothing but the shorts on my body. I glance back at him, and his eyes are drunk with lust.
“Fucking deadly to look at,” he whispers.
I slowly place my hands on my breasts, squeezing them, and trace my skin with my fingertips, traveling lower every second.
I reach the waistband of my lacey shorts and pause.
Crew’s eyes are wild, and a thrill runs through me.
With a quick shift of my hips, I slide the shorts down, baring my body completely before him.
“Mara,” Crew rasps as he falls to his knees before me, staring at my naked body. “God damnit.”
“Remember all those weeks ago?” I pause, teasing him with my touch. “When I told you not to touch me?”
He narrows his eyes. “That ship has sailed, don’t you think?”
I slowly lower my hand, my fingers teasing my own body, and smirk. “I’ve also learned that I deeply enjoy torturing you, Crew.”
“Assumed that much," he says, quietly.