Chapter 51
My jaw slackens.
“That means—” I pause.
Locke steps forward, glancing at Crew. Worry creases his brow, but he storms toward Theo. The sudden motion catches me off guard, and Damien stands ready to fight if necessary. Theo remains calm and unafraid of the hybrid charging at him.
He moves inches from his face. “Help him.”
An anger radiates from Locke that I’ve not seen before, and I feel a twinge of that fury seep into me from the bond.
Theo jerks back his head. “I can’t.”
“Bullshit,” Locke huffs with a sarcastic laugh. “You are the Elder of the Ren Order. You take pride in helping people and being above the rest of us. So, help him.”
Theo takes a step away and places his hands behind his back. “This is something that Mr. Bannermin must go through on his own, just as I did. Just as we all did. Interfering isn’t an option.”
Locke shoots a glance over his shoulder and watches Crew for a moment.
Sweat drenches him, and his eyes remain closed, flickering occasionally.
Locke glances at me kneeling next to Crew, and I know he can sense the worry and chaos swirling in my mind.
That explains why his body rejected my blood. We can’t help.
“There must be something,” Locke snaps again. “I refuse to sit here and do nothing.”
Theo shakes his head, “There is nothing we can do but wait for him to make the shift into power.”
I lower my head against Crew’s body. It feels as if flames dance on his skin, and I still faintly hear the chatter of ancient voices in my mind.
I close my eyes and send all the peace I can into his system.
Crew gasps, and I push again until I no longer feel like I have anything left to give.
But even though I feel empty from exhaustion, I’ll give him more.
Damien slumps in a nearby chair, placing his head in his hands, while Bronwyn remains standing, placing her hand on his shoulder.
“It’s up to him to make it out of this. It could be within the hour, or it could take all night,” Theo speaks again. “It depends on the person.”
“He could go through this for hours?” I ask.
Theo nods, and my stomach churns.
“How long did it take you?”
The Elder sighs, thinking back about his own shift, the pain, and that moment in his life. “Around twelve hours.”
“And Carver?” I continue.
Theo hesitates. “I heard it took him under an hour.”
“And if he can’t pull through?” Locke hisses. “What then?”
Theo walks to his desk and places both hands against the wood. His shoulders slouch forward, and he lowers his head for a moment before meeting Locke’s gaze again. “Then he will die.”
My eyes well up with tears. This has all gone terribly wrong, like our destinies were meant to intersect only to bring each other pain. Locke swings his fist, slamming it into the wall. The impact leaves a hole, and he swings again, further damaging the wall.
“I can’t sit here and watch him suffer,” Locke says. “I can’t watch her suffer.”
Theo sighs. “We don’t have a choice right now, Mr. Calloway. The new bond is consuming your emotions. You will learn how to control it.”
Locke swings his fist into the wall again. Blood coats his knuckles, but the pain doesn’t seem to register with him.
“You are absolutely missing the point,” he rasps. “This isn’t about the bond. This is about my friend dying, and Mara.”
“You can wait in the hall if you need to.”
Locke huffs. “You are out of your goddamn mind if you think I’m leaving them.”
Theo raises his gaze. “Need I remind you that you are speaking to an Elder?”
“I don’t give a shit,” he booms, and begins to ramble. “You are a joke.”
“Mr. Locke,” Theo’s face contorts. “Careful.”
“Fuck. You,” Locke spits. “Fuck you and this peacemaker bullshit.”
In an instant, Theo flies toward Locke, slamming him against the wall while his fist wraps tightly around Locke’s collar.
His eyes nearly glow, and a snarl leaves his lips.
“Do not be fooled by my calm demeanor, Locke. I didn’t get to this position by letting assholes walk all over me.
” His robust stance doesn’t waver. “And I refuse to let you speak to me that way in my own Order.”
Locke’s mouth falls open, but anger paints his eyes wild.
“Now shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down, demon. You’d better start praying to whoever you worship that your friend can do this instead of wasting time spitting insults at me.”
I watch as Locke’s face falls, but he remains still. Razor-sharp teeth gradually slide from his gums, and a fury spills from his darkness.
“Or,” the Elder speaks again, “you can keep this up, and I’ll kick you out myself, leaving you in worse shape than Mr. Bannermin.”
Locke remains face-to-face with Theo, not letting the challenge slip away.
“Enough, Locke,” I say, calmly.
He pulls his gaze away from Theo’s and looks at me. His ice blue eyes are bloodshot with sorrow and worry, and I know he's struggling with a whirlwind of emotions right now. He seems like he’ll resist what I say, but he rips his body from Theo’s hold.
“Please,” I beg. “Crew needs you.”
He nods, and I notice a tear form in the corner of his eye. He moves to the chair opposite Damien. As soon as he reaches the seat, his body collapses, his head hanging heavy. His wounds begin to heal, the bright red blood no longer staining his shirt.
Crew gasps again, and I jolt, wrapping my hand around his and squeezing.
“You can handle this,” I whisper. “You can handle anything.”
His hand remains limp in mine, and a single tear rolls down my cheek as I watch pain constrict his beautiful features.
“Mara,” Theo’s voice sounds. “Can I speak to you?”
I glance at Locke, who snaps his head up at Theo’s words. I offer him a reassuring glance and begin to stand, placing Crew’s hand gently beside him. Locke rushes over and assists me.
“Sit with him,” I instruct Locke.
“You don’t have to talk to Theo,” he says. “You owe him nothing.”
“That isn’t true, Locke.” I shake my head. “He spoke to Crew before we arrived, he offered us shelter, and he helped me save you.”
His eyes fall.
“I do owe him. And so do you.”
Locke nods, and I walk around the couch, watching as he falls to the ground beside Crew.
Theo heads to the window, opening the large glass panels to allow a cool night breeze to circulate through the stifling room.
He looks out over the gardens, and I can just make out faint figures of angels standing guard in the shadows.
“I typically keep out of others’ business,” Theo says softly. “I’ve learned after many years that it’s easier to be alone than to crowd yourself around others.”
I angle my head.
“But that was before I met Emalyn.” He pauses, letting her memory cause him pain for a moment, as if he’s thankful to feel something.
“We were sealed—I know you know this—but all I mean to say is I understand what you are feeling right now for Mr. Bannermin. The pain, worry, and sadness. It’s overwhelming at times—a blessing and a miserable curse to feel so deeply for someone. ”
The bond screams from the distance, but I fight the urge to look at Crew and keep my eyes fixed on the night before me, even though an ache settles into my body.
“Crew came to me tonight, asking ways to break the bond.” Theo finally looks at me. “Did you know this?”
I nod. “Yes.”
“Why on earth would he want that?”
The flashes of the argument enter my mind, and I close my eyes, trying to block out the hours prior. “I reacted poorly to something, and I pushed him away.”
Theo gazes back out of the window. “His mortality.”
I snap my eyes toward him. “You knew?”
“You all seem to question the abilities of the Elders.” He smiles softly, and I can see his age lines. “We see things differently—feel things differently—and know more about you than you can imagine.”
“That is comforting,” I huff, sarcastically.
“I know you are smart, Mara. You are kind, and I know that Lowell has forced you to do many things that you may not have agreed with.”
I sigh. “That’s not entirely true, if we are being honest.”
“Meaning?” He tilts his head.
I replay my life in my mind since joining the Lyre Order.
The death, the sorrow, and the pain. The choices I’ve made have brought me to where I stand right now, and I can either face them, accepting what I’ve done, or keep running.
I push down the memories that threaten to swallow me whole.
I won’t run any longer, because Crew can’t come after me right now.
“I didn’t mind killing those people. It gave me a thrill knowing I was getting rid of someone who reminded me of Lowell.
I’d do it again if I had to, and I know I will in the future.
” I pause, letting my past pain me. “Violence comes naturally to me, Theo, so no, I’m not a kind person, and I fear that makes me more like Lowell than I’d like to admit. ”
He remains silent for a moment, allowing my confession to sink in. The night breeze swirls around us, soothing my racing heart, and I regret my own words as a tear forms.
“Death is a constant presence in my life, like a dark shadow that blocks out all the light in my soul, and it pulls me down every day. I know one day that weight will bring me to my knees for good.”
Theo takes a moment to process my words.
“That doesn’t make you like Lowell, Mara.
That makes you loyal, fearsome, and powerful.
That makes you passionate and truehearted.
And I know every time you took someone’s life, you had someone in mind that you were protecting.
Lowell is none of those things. Bad situations sometimes make us ruthless people, but remember those bad situations aren’t forever. ”
“They feel like they are forever, like our destinies are bound to cause us pain from the moment we open our eyes.”
Theo touches my shoulder. “Fates can be changed, and sometimes the most complex feelings of doubt, fear, and regret can turn into something so blissfully sweet and simple. Don’t give up just yet.”