Chapter Fifteen
“I don’t understand,” I said, making an effort to keep my voice a whisper. Inside, I was screaming. “One of my people?”
“He escaped across the border and—”
“Escaped? We are not a prison.”
“Is that why Gaz tries to keep you from leaving?”
“That’s different.” The words were out of my mouth before I could even think about what I was saying. Defending Earsleh was a reflex that would be hard to break.
He sighed. “Mara, it is time you learned the truth, whether you are ready or not.”
The truth. Was there a truth? I’d grown up with contradictory truths and illogical truths and learned not to question them. Now Taio offered me the truth. His pale gaze met mine, and I saw no deception in his eyes. I’d never once seen deception when I looked at him.
I took a breath and swallowed my fears. “Go on,” I whispered.
“The Earslehen man did not want to be part of your warrior patrol. He’d been sent to the Barrier time and again.”
I shook my head. “No one is sent to the Barrier—”
Taio raised his brows, and I pressed my lips together. I supposed I should not be surprised that the rule about limiting how many times a cadet was sent to the Barrier was bent to serve my father’s purposes. “Go on,” I said.
“Your countryman traveled to Zleyval before I was born. After the revolt, my parents asked him to train me and the others.”
I let out a breath and sank back. Taio had been trained by one of my countrymen. This revelation explained so much—how he knew our language, how he’d learned to fight amongst a peaceful people, how he’d learned about the Claiming Rite.
“His name is Leed, and he taught us how to defend ourselves.” He touched his hammer-like weapon at his side. “He even taught us to fight the Twilight Men.”
“But I had to show you—”
“Our practice with them was...different.”
“How?”
He lowered his lashes, and when he met my eyes again, I saw something in his face I could only classify as shame. I squeezed his hand tighter. “What is it?
“I am disgusted by what I did.” He looked away from me, the muscles of his jaw clenching and unclenching.
“You don’t have to tell me,” I said, reaching over to pat his forearm.
“You need to know. If we reach Zulen—”
“When we reach Zulen.” During our patrol training, we learned never to think in hypotheticals. We would return to Highcastle alive. We would destroy any Hollows we encountered. We would survive.
Taio met my gaze. “When we reach Zulen, you need to know why I chose you.”
I inhaled sharply, my heart tripping with anticipation. This was the question I’d struggled with since Taio arrived in Highcastle. Why had he come and what was he seeking?
“Leed captured five Twilight Men,” Taio told me.
“He captured them?” I had never heard of capturing Hollows. We killed them and destroyed the bodies if possible.
“He laid a trap, baited with a dead animal,” Taio said, his face a mask of disgust. “He caught the Twilight Men and put them in cages he had rolled into our arena. He left them there for days, in the cages, while we studied what methods would and would not kill them.”
“But if he was from Earsleh, he knew the methods to kill them. Why not just show you and have you practice?”
“He enjoyed hurting them. He would cut off a finger or stab one on the belly to watch them suffer.”
“They don’t suffer,” I said. “They are not alive, not conscious.”
“I saw with my own eyes the way they reacted when a foot was sliced or a limb cut off. It did not stop their thirst for our flesh, but they felt something. I do not know what to call it except pain.”
I shook my head. I did not believe Hollows felt pain. I could not believe that. “But I have seen them suffer horrible injuries, injuries that would stop a human, and the Hollows keep coming. They will crawl on bellies with their innards spilling out to get to one of us.”
“I do not claim to understand them, Mara. I have only seen a few, but I believe their hunger is so intense they are ruled by it. They cannot stop the hunger, even for...pain.” He looked at me.
“After the arena, I was ashamed. I told Leed I knew enough and would no longer train with him. The others followed me.”
Of course they had. Taio was a natural leader.
“We continued training with our weapons but did not kill Twilight Men again. Until now.”
I leaned back and looked up at the ceiling where the lamp light made strange shapes out of the mix of shadows. I did not know another man or woman who possessed the compassion Taio seemed to possess. He mourned Hollows. He refused to kill them unless it was self-defense. Except...
“Oh, Taio.” I leaned forward and rose to my knees, facing him. “I am sorry you had to kill Finnrey. I should never have allowed you to do it.”
He caught my arms with his hands. “She wanted death, and she did not want you to have the memory of killing her. I comprehended that well, as I carry the memory of murdering my friend.”
“Now that I understand more about you and your people, I see how difficult that must have been for you.”
“Do you not think you are worth me taking on challenges, Mara? I did this for you. I would do anything for you.”
I stared at him. No one had ever said these words to me, not even my mother, who probably would do anything for me as long as it also served her own interests.
Was Taio trying to tell me he loved me? That he’d killed Finnrey, even though it went against his principles, because he loved me and did not want the task to fall to me?
Would I have done the same for him, given an equivalent situation? Yes, I think I would. In the past days, he had changed from my enemy to my friend and now...something more. “Why did you choose me, Taio?”
He touched my cheek with his rough palm, the skin of which smelled slightly of lemon.
“Three reasons. The least of which is that you are beautiful. That first time I saw you, up on the castle wall, I wanted you. I had never seen such a beautiful woman. Picture my joy when I learned you were a princess.”
“I imagine you saw the others and realized they are much more beautiful.”
“No. None of them could compare to you. If your people do not see that, then they are blind.”
Gaz had never wanted me. He wanted power and access to the throne. He had probably been biding his time and thinking of the best way to seduce me when my father charged him to assassinate Taio.
“I thought you were disgusted by me. That first night after the claiming rite when I took a bath, you seemed so annoyed.”
He let out a small laugh. “I was trying to control my urge to turn around, throw you over my shoulder, and take you to bed.”
“That would not have gone over well.”
“You made that clear. I kept my back to you, but then I looked straight ahead and realized I could see your reflection in the window. Pure torture.”
I couldn’t believe I had misinterpreted his feelings so completely. Now I would have understood him better. Now I would have gone to him and sat on his lap and...
“The second reason,” Taio said, moving his thumb against my cheek, “is you are a skilled warrior. I could see you were one of the best simply by the way you moved, and the deference others gave you. You had earned their respect. And then we spoke...” He smiled and gave a soft laugh.
“You were so fierce. I knew you could withstand the shock of a new people and a new culture.”
“Omira said she wanted you to choose Finnrey. She’s strong and beautiful and fierce.” I swallowed. “She was.”
“But your sister was like so many of your people. I do not know how to say it.” He frowned then made a square with his hands. “She was in a box.”
I shook my head. “That makes no sense.”
“The way she thought, Mara. She could not believe the world was not as she had been led to believe. But in you I saw the capacity to question and doubt.”
I nodded. “My questions and doubts have caused me quite a lot of trouble over the years.” They were causing me pain now, but I was coming to accept a new dark reality.
“They are your greatest strength. I must tell you something, Mara. Something you will question and doubt.”
I drew back slightly. “What is it?”
Taio pulled his shoulders back and met my gaze directly. “Your brother Jolen told the truth. We have seen evidence that the Twilight Men may coordinate.”
My first impulse was to argue, to deny. I tamped that down and tried to open my mind to the possibility that Taio was not confused or mistaken. “Tell me more,” I said.
“The reason I was adamant we not travel through the mountains, besides the extra days it would add to our trip, was because there is a gathering of Twilight Men in the valley. Your countryman Leed has traveled there and seen with his own eyes the way the creatures behave. I told you Zleyval is protected by rivers.”
I nodded. “Hollows hate water.”
“Yes, but Leed has seen them systematically attempt to cross the river. When that fails, they seemed to be working together to build a means to cross.”
“Like a boat?”
He shook his head. “Nothing that”—he moved his hand, searching for the word—“clever?”
“Sophisticated,” I offered.
He inclined his head. “But they are working together. What your Jolen called coordination.”
“Oh, gods.” I thought of the hundreds of thousands of Hollows reported to be at the Barrier. If those Hollows ever learned to work together, we were doomed.
“When Leed saw this, he told the leaders of Zulen about a rumor of a cure for the Twilight disease.”
I sat straighter. “A cure? That would change everything.”
Taio watched me closely. “Yes. It would. In fact, Leed has this cure written down. He stole it when he escaped Earsleh.”
I stared at Taio, his words making no sense. I shook my head. “I don’t understand.”
“You do, Mara.”
I shook my head harder. “No, I don’t. How could he have stolen the cure from Earsleh? We don’t have the cure. If we did, we would have cured the disease. Every year, our people are in danger and some are killed. If my father knew a way to cure the Hollows, he would do it.”
“Mara—”