Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Coulter stood in the armory doorway, silently watching Neve break down her Beretta only to pause, check her time, then start again, reassembling it just as fast. She’d been timing herself for nearly an hour, each result mirrored in the next attempt.
They’d arrived at the bunker several hours ago, bloody, exhausted, reeking of smoke and regrets. Wynn had whisked them all into the med bay where she and Darwin had spent forever going over every cut and bruise before finally releasing them on the orders to get some rest.
Gus had belayed that with an hour-long debrief, his left eye twitching with each new detail.
He’d sat in silence for a moment before shaking his head, pushing to his feet.
He’d simply nodded, then marched out with orders to give him a SIT REP once Zadie had decrypted the GPS.
Hopefully found a last stand to take to Ramsey.
Shepherd had made breakfast, but Neve had mostly just pushed the food around her plate, finally excusing herself with a hushed, “Thanks.”
Coulter had suspected she’d head off to the armory. Maybe clean every weapon a couple times, or wade through some kind of detailed inventory of their supplies. Anything to keep her from dealing with the preverbal elephant in the room.
Fraser.
He sighed.
She’d been edgy since they’d jumped into the backseat and raced out of the lot, the clinic fully engulfed in flames behind them. She’d tried hard to shove it down, but he’d noticed the signs.
The fidgeting. The sensitivity to light and sound. How she’d jumped every time Darwin had checked a bruise or bandaged a cut. Her nervous system had shifted into overdrive, and if she didn’t deal with the root cause, he’d lose her.
Neve barely looked up when he stepped into the room, going through the motions again until the weapon sat on the table, fully assembled, her hands shaking slightly as they rested on either side. She swallowed, looking as if she might puke.
Coulter didn’t reach for her. Didn’t add to the stimulation coursing through her veins, making the muscle in her temple jump. Instead, he dimmed the lights, placed his hand on the back of her chair. “Come with me.”
Neve blinked, staring up at him all doe-eyed, her chin quivering a bit. “Coulter, I—”
“That’s an order, Master Warrant.”
Neve’s eyes narrowed, a hint of blush creeping into her otherwise pale cheeks.
She holstered her weapon, scraped the chair back, then slipped in front of him, avoiding any chance at even a suggestion of contact.
Her boots tapped the concrete floor as she walked into the hallway, waiting for him to take the lead.
He kept the pace easy but steady, avoiding any chance of someone interrupting them before he’d gotten her sequestered in their room.
She shifted to his right, jaw tight, hands fisted at her side.
She faltered for a moment when she realized he’d turned down the hallway to the bedrooms, glancing at the living area before following after him.
The air grew heavy, the weight of her gaze practically boring into his shoulder blades. He kept her in his peripheral vision, stopping outside their door. Neve crossed her arms over her chest as he swung it open, waving her inside.
She paused, looking as if she wanted to dump him on his ass, then walked across the threshold, immediately going to the opposite side of the room, putting as much space as possible between her and the bed.
Good.
He wasn’t looking for a quick tumble between the sheets. For anything other than to help her decompress. What he should have insisted on as soon as Darwin had cleared them.
He dimmed the lights, careful not to make any sudden movements as he closed the distance, stopping a foot away.
She stared up at him, her gaze darting to the bed then back, her muscles primed for a fight.
She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, though, he wasn’t even sure if she realized it.
He blew out a slow breath, reminding himself to keep his voice low. “We need to talk.”
She frowned, still shifting back and forth. “We could have done that in the armory.”
“I thought you’d want to be someplace more comfortable.”
“I was comfortable there.”
“Oh, sweetheart. You’re so far away from that you can’t even stand still. Look at you. Your jaw’s tensed, your hands fisted. You’re staring at me as if you expect me to launch an attack. Tackle you to the floor. Or maybe the bed.”
He inched closer, still keeping his hands to himself. “You killed Fraser.” He stopped her from interrupting. “To save me.”
Her jaw tensed, though, he wasn’t sure how she clenched it any tighter when he already suspected she was cracking her molars. “It’s not the first time I’ve taken a life.”
“No, but it’s the first time you’ve had to kill someone you considered a teammate. Hell, family.”
Her bravado dropped, her chin quivering as she pushed past him, stopped next to the bed. “He lost that right when he betrayed us. Shot Kane. If we hadn’t gotten insanely lucky…”
“It wasn’t luck that saved you that day, and it doesn’t matter that it was justified.
That I wouldn’t have walked out of that clinic in one piece if you’d hesitated for even a second.
You killed someone you’d cared about — had sworn to protect.
Unless you make peace with that, it’s gonna eat away at everything good inside you.
Turn you into a shell of yourself. I should know.
I’ve spent twenty years pretending each shot didn’t take a piece of my soul with it.
If I hadn’t found you…” He shook his head.
“I would have lost anything worth saving three years ago.”
She blinked, her eyes filling with tears before she closed them as a few slipped free. She balled her hands, clasping them together as if she could wring away the guilt and pain.
He moved over to her, traced her cheek with his thumb. “Talk to me.”
She swallowed, gagged as if it hadn’t gone down right as she shook her head. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“That you’re hurting. That you’re angry. That as much as you wanted him to pay, having it end like this, even to save my life, is tearing you apart.”
“Why? None of that’s going to change anything.”
“It’s not about changing the past, it’s about allowing yourself to feel.” He inched closer. “It’s about forgiveness so you can have a future, even if a part of you doesn’t think you deserve it.”
She speared her fingers through her hair, spiking it in every direction. “He would have killed you.”
Coulter nodded. “Probably.”
“So how can I regret taking the shot without saying I would have been okay with the alternative? That I could have stood there and watched you…”
“The two feelings don’t have to be exclusive.
” He cupped her jaw, gauging if the simple touch was still too much.
“I know you’ll always have my back. Your team’s back.
But shouldering that much responsibility comes at a cost. And if you don’t want the price to be your soul, your sanity, you need to find a way to work it out. ”
She toed the floor, shoulders stiff, her body looking as if it might break from the tension. “Is this where we go find a dive bar? Maybe start a brawl? Or are you suggesting we just jump straight to sex because if I remember correctly, most of the other guys on your team screwed their pain away.”
He snorted. “Trust me, if I thought sex was the answer, I’d already be grinding you into the bed. But that’s not what you need.”
She frowned, slapped him on the arm. “How do you…” She hiccupped, the last of her walls starting to crumble. “How do you know what…”
He stepped into her, one hand threading through her hair, holding the back of her neck as the other cinched around her waist, held her tight against his chest. She fisted his hoodie, twisting the fabric as she took a few shuddering breaths before the dam cracked, all that pain and guilt breaking free.
Coulter closed his eyes, holding her close, breathing in the scent of her hair, suddenly aware of how small she felt next to him.
Which was odd. Despite him being six two, she was above average at five seven, had more strength than half the guys double her size, but here, now, she wasn’t the army sniper who’d battled her way through special forces selection — made a mark few women would ever achieve.
She was Neve Monroe. The woman he’d fallen hopelessly in love with.
He wasn’t sure how long they stood there before the shuddering ended, her head resting quietly on his chest. He didn’t move, didn’t talk, just held her, enjoying the simple pleasure of having her in his arms. Knowing how lucky he was to have another chance.
To finally show her how much he loved her.
It took a few more minutes before she seemed willing to move. Just a tilt of her head at first, then a shift of her weight as she eased back, eyes closed, looking so damn beautiful his heart stopped. Nothing but a dead weight in his chest.
He smoothed his palm along her neck to her jaw, thumbing away some of her tears, trying not to grunt when his heart kicked back up — beat so fast he could barely breathe. “God, you’re stunning.”
That earned him a tentative smile. “If you’re into red-rimmed eyes and a runny nose.”
He leaned down. “Hey. It’s just us. If you can’t let go in front of me, that says more about me, than you, sweetheart.” He dipped down, placed a soft kiss on her forehead. “And I happen to love red-rimmed eyes and a runny nose.”
She tightened her grip, holding him against her as their breathing mixed, the energy morphing into something deeper — something more dangerous than bullets and madmen.
Coulter squeezed her shoulder, stepped back and yanked his hoodie over his head followed by his tee. He shook out the tee, then handed it to her. “I only just put this on, so… We should get some rest.”
She stared at him, gaze raking over him, a small frown shaping her mouth when she paused on the bruising still coloring his skin. She palmed his chest, shuddering as his heart pounded wildly beneath her hand. “Coulter…”
“Ignoring the fact you’re not ready for anything remotely intense, not with your senses still dialed up to eleven, you’re also exhausted. We both are. Sleep. Then, we’ll see.”
A few more tears slipped free before she sniffled, nodded, quickly removing her clothes before dragging his tee over her head. Inhaling, she smiled, following him onto the bed.
He offered her his chest, laying his arm along her back. “Is this too much?”
She shook her head, her body trembling until she leaned into him. “It’s perfect.”
“Close your eyes. We’re safe.”
She burrowed into him, her hand resting over his heart. She started to fade, then pulled herself back. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Now, sleep.”
She pressed a kiss to his chest, drifting off a second later, as if someone had flicked a switch. He drew her closer, listening to her hushed breath, how any tremors stopped the moment he rubbed her arm, or kissed her forehead.
The room fell silent, the soft weight of her body on his drawing him under.
He drifted, distant sounds from beyond the door rousing him enough that he assessed the risk, then went back to sleep.
Images flashed in his mind — Fraser looming over him, his knife glowing red in the flickering flames.
Neve appearing over his shoulder. The echoed reverberation of the shot as Fraser’s head snapped back.
The look of utter devastation on her face as Fraser collapsed on top of Coulter, the man’s dead weight crushing his chest. He called out, shoving at the corpse, when Neve shook him, snapping him out of the dream.
He reared up, taking her with him in a tangle of blankets and limbs. He panted through a few breaths, Neve’s hand landing on his chest. He snapped his gaze to her, everything fading into the curve of her mouth, the soft press of her skin as she cupped his face.
She leaned in. “You were shouting in your sleep.”
He gripped her wrist, held her hand against his cheek. “Just a dream.”
“More like a nightmare but… Are you okay?”
He nodded. A bit too fast, but she didn’t call him on it. “Got everything I need, right here.”
Her features softened. “Were you always this charming?”
“Not even a little. But then… I lost you, and everything changed.”
Her bottom lip trembled as she leaned closer. “I’m sorry I put you through that. That I didn’t tell Gus to shove his opinions up his ass. That one decision will haunt me until I die.”
He pressed into her touch. “Give me the next fifty years, and we can let it slide.”
She shuffled closer, her face a breath away from his.
“Make it sixty, and you’ve got yourself a deal, soldier.
” She stared at his mouth, looking as if she wanted to devour him whole before she brushed her lips across his.
“It’s later, Coulter. And my senses are right where they belong. Focused on you, so...”
She trailed a finger down his chest, then back. “If your ribs aren’t killing you, I believe it’s your turn.”
His pulse kicked up, the warm, sweet scent of her crushing any doubts. “Are you sure? Because once I get a taste…”
He’d be lost.
Neve smiled. “You promised to pound me into the bed. About time you kept it.”