Chapter 43
Remy
At least I was warm, and Vince was likely warm, too. No matter what happened to me here, he was a good sturdy mule, so I assumed they would treat him well.
I didn’t let myself think on Ripley or anyone back at the Barbarabelle too much. Ripley was strong, independent, and resourceful, so she’d figure out some way to hunker down and stay warm. Boden, Stella, and Fae were safe back on the boat, probably even safer now that I was gone.
Sometimes, I wondered dimly if they hated me for leaving them the way I had. I wouldn’t blame them if they did, especially if it made it easier for them. And it wasn’t like I didn’t deserve their rage, either.
I understood that what I’d done was unforgivable. But I didn’t see any way to avoid them getting hurt. I brought too much darkness on myself, and it was only a matter of time before they’d be consumed by it, too.
The only thing I had to distract myself from my own thoughts was the battered leatherbound copy of The Book of Mercy.
It had been tucked away in the lining of my jacket, because I sometimes read it on breaks, so I liked it keep it on me.
Flipping through the pages of a mad woman’s delusions was only slightly better than focusing on the throbbing pain in my foot or the anxious beating of my heart.
Eventually, the door to my cell opened. Benedict – the tall guard – entered first. He’d traded in his snow white ghillie suit for a vibrant tunic and trousers. His rifle was shouldered, and he had a sharp spear in one hand.
Behind him was Alphie, the Empath who had cleaned my foot, once again carrying her wicker basket of medical treatments. That had been yesterday, I think, or maybe earlier today. It was hard to tell when left alone in a windowless room without a clock.
Then yet a third person came in. A petite woman draped in vibrant robes and glittering jewelry. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but she looked strangely familiar.
She was shorter than me, and maybe a decade or two older.
Her hair was long, light brown with graying streaks near the top, and her pale eyes were large but weary, like an exhausted mother about to scold her misbehaving children.
Her layers of colorful robes accentuated the aggressive sinewiness of her collarbones and her narrow arms.
“Rise when Allmother comes in a room,” Benedict barked at me, like I would’ve somehow known any of that shit.
I sat up and faced them, tucking my book behind my back so they’d be less likely to take it. My legs hung over the edge of the cot, but I didn’t go further. “I’m not really standing so great on my foot these days.”
All of their eyes bounced down to my partially bandaged foot, and they wore a trio of grimaces at the sight of my two black toes poking out from beyond the wrapping.
“You were correct, Alphonsine,” the woman said. “Those toes must come off.”
“Thank you,” Alphie said, turning humbled by such minor praise. “Shall I do it now?”
“Yes, I don’t see why not.” The woman motioned for Alphie to tend to me, and the Empath hurried over and kneeled at my feet.
“What exactly is going on right now?” I asked, growing confused and concerned.
“I’ve come to introduce myself and perform an assessment,” the woman explained with her slender fingers laced together in front of her. “The Empath is here to amputate your toes before illness ravages you, and the Sentry is here to ensure that everyone is safe.”
“Okay, sure,” I said, as Alphie began to carefully unwrap and wash my injured foot.
“My name is Cornelia Mahler, the Allmother of the Reverent and the Revenant, but most of my community simply call me Nell.” The woman introduced herself serenely, but I barely heard anything after she said her name, because it’s when it all clicked in place for me.
“Holy shit!” I pointed my finger at her as I gave a snap of recognition. “You’re Wellness with Nell-ness! You were all over social media up until… well, right up until we didn’t have social media or civilization anymore. My mom used to watch your Pilates videos.”
Her smile deepened, turning into something proud, and her pale eyes brimmed with faux humility. “I helped people in the way I could before the world fell.”
“You’ve really embraced color now, haven’t you?” I gestured vaguely to the bright costumes of everyone else in the room. “Way back when, I remember, you were all very… beige. A lot of blank white rooms and neutral colors. Like dry oatmeal.”
Her smile faltered slightly at that, but she replied coolly with, “Color is needed now more than ever. Beauty is the rarest commodity there is in life.”
“Well, I always thought life was the rarest commodity in life,” I countered, but then I snapped my fingers again as I remembered something else.
“When the virus first broke out, weren’t you claiming that you could cure it with apple cider vinegar?
Or maybe it was those overpriced sugary drinks you’d sell that were meant to ward off the zombie apocalypse? How did that work out for you?”
Nell’s smile instantly fell away, and her eyes narrowed at me. “The Revenant need no cure, and the world is as it’s meant to be right now.”
“You think this is the ideal version of the world?” I asked with a suspicious eyebrow raised.
At the same time, Alphie had finished cleaning my foot with cold alcohol, and she had moved onto tying a tourniquet around it, just above my toes. I winced slightly, but I did my best to hide my reactions.
“This will hurt a bit but it will be over soon,” Alphie said softly, and from the corner of my eyes, I saw her reach into her little wicker basket and pull out a pair of bone shears.
“Where we are now in time is setting the stage for what is to come,” Nell explained, her self-satisfied serenity returning with her pontification. “Someday soon, the One Who Commands Two Hearts will unite the Revenant and the Reverent as we are truly intended to be, and then all will be well.”
“The One Who Commands what?” I asked in confusion.
“We are –” Nell began, but I honestly couldn’t process the rest because the cold blades of the bone shear suddenly chomped down on the swollen skin just above my blackened toes.
“Oh, fucking hell!” I shouted, because I couldn’t help it. I gripped the edge of the cot with my hands, squeezing until my knuckles turned white.
“Sentry, help the Empath hold her down,” Nell commanded.
But it wasn’t like I was trying to get away. It wasn’t even the pain – although it felt like blunt severing, fiery burning, and incredible agony – it was when the cold blade touched my hot skin, it was like the butchers had gotten to me again.
My body was thrown back in time, even though my mind was still here. My insides were ice cold, and my skin was burning hot. Sweat prickled out all over my trembling flesh. Tears blurred my vision so I could hardly see anything, and air struggled to escape from my lungs, as if my throat was closing.
I could hear Nell talking, telling Alphie she had to do something, and hands were on me. Too strong to be Alphie, so they must’ve been Benedict slamming me onto the cot while I gasped for air.
“Give her space to breathe!” Alphie snapped at Benedict, and the hands clamped painfully on my arms and then more soothingly, she told me, “You’re doing great, Remy. Take a deep breath, and exhale slowly.”
With her guiding me, I took several, slow deep breaths, and eventually, my body felt more like it was under my control and not trying to claw its way out of my skin to escape from myself.
“Finish tending to her,” Nell said, when I had calmed down somewhat.
“What should I be readying her for?” Alphie asked.
“Expiation,” Nell replied. “As soon as she is well enough.”
“As you decide,” Alphie replied. “Thank you, Nell.”
Nell gave me one last disparaging look as she went to the door. “I’ll leave the Sentry with you in case she gives you anymore trouble.”
“Thank you, Nell,” Alphie repeated, but then her attention was back on me. “I need to irrigate the wound and clean it before I dress it, and unfortunately, that is going to hurt quite a bit. But it’s the only way to truly prevent infection.”
“Do what you need to do. I can handle it,” I said.
It was going to happen anyway, so I might as well grin and bear it.
At least, that’s what I thought until I felt the strange freezing burn of an astringent cleansing the freshly exposed meat and bone of my foot.
I had a vague sensation of screaming, of pain, and then I disappeared into the black oblivion of unconsciousness.