Chapter 61
Remy
Any further attempts I made at contacting anyone in the Cold Shore outpost were essentially just repeats of my conversation with Stensrud, no matter which of the apathetic young men they had in the watchtower.
Jordy offered to stay with me, and at first, I tried to decline. His argument for it was that there were even more people in Glacier Valley than back in Xwechtáal, so his services were still necessary, and he could help me and Ripley cover our food and board.
Deep down, the real reason I relented when he proposed spending the summer with me here was far simpler. Not because his knowledge about Cold Shore and Glacier Valley were helpful, or because I was going to be bored out of my mind for two months.
The truth was that I liked Jordy. Even after I’d discovered the disturbing way he made grinleaf.
I had been a total mess when he found me, and he quite literally brought me back to life.
And I liked the way his eyes glinted when he looked at me, and the way he was always finding a reason to touch me.
I wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet, but I would be by the end of summer. No matter what.
While the view from our room was majestic, I found my time in Glacier Valley to be largely frustrating.
It wasn’t just Stensrud, either. This was one of the largest communities I’d lived in since before the virus broke out, and all the noise and congestion was overwhelming.
I was used to quiet solitude, not waiting in line on a crowded street.
That was one of the reasons I volunteered to go on hunting trips as my contribution towards mine, Jordy, and Ripley’s food and board. Both the lion and I needed a way to be off leash away from people, and stalking prey out in the woods far beyond the town limits was the best way to do it.
Within a few days of us deciding to extend our stay at Anoona’s Frozen Grave, Jordy worked out a deal to get back to work as a chemist. Our room in the inn was nice, but there was neither the space nor the proper equipment.
Fortunately, there was a pub two doors down called Glacier’s Edge. Jordy was friendly with the owner, so he was able to use the restaurant kitchen in the mornings, when they were closed.
All in all, there were worse ways to spend the summer. Even by the end of June, the weather here was crisp bordering on warm at times, but the afternoons hiking with Ripley or fishing in the canal with Jordy were pleasant.
We’d been here for a little over two weeks when I realized that I felt at peace for the first time in a very long time.
Ripley and I had spent the night camping in the foothills to the east of the town, hoping for an elk or even a mountain goat.
We had settled for a few ptarmigans – more than enough for me, barely adequate for the lion – and a fire under the stars.
In the morning, as I sat with her and watched the sun slowly rise, bathing the entire valley in a warm amber glow, that’s when I had the thought: This is what peace feels like.
I wasn’t necessarily happy or content, although I wouldn’t say that I was despairing or depressed anymore. And I was still incredibly frustrated about the situation with Cold Shore refusing to see me. But there was a calmness inside my chest instead of that restless panic.
My impatience had always told me that anything other than moving forward was a failure. But what I had needed the most was time and rest and space.
Despite the disappointing game, I headed back to town with Ripley right after the sunrise. I wanted to get back and share my good mood with Jordy.
The busy streets strangely didn’t feel as grating to me as they had last night, but people also usually gave me a wide berth when I had Ripley on a leash at my side.
I slipped through the side door of Glacier’s Edge, which Jordy always left unlocked when he was working, and I was immediately hit with the scent of potent vinegar and acrid burning. I dropped Ripley’s leash, allowing her to peruse the kitchen for any errant rats or other pests.
Sunlight filtered through the frosted windows and cast long shadows across battered counters and shelves lined with mismatched pots. There, hunched over a cluttered countertop, Jordy was alone.
“Morning, Jordy,” I said as I came up behind him.
He whirled around, his eyes wide. “Remy! I didn’t know you’d be coming back so early!”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to surprise you,” I said, but then I realize it wasn’t surprise in his eyes. It was fear, and it was lingering long after he saw that it was only me.
“No, I just, like I said. I wasn’t expecting you so early,” he replied, stretching his arms out along the counter.
“It’s not that early, is it?” I asked, and then I craned my neck to look over his shoulder.
He tried to move and block me, but it was too late. I had already seen the green brain oozing liquid all over the cheesecloth.
“Remy – ”
“You lying asshole!”
He let out a frustrated groan. “Dammit, Remy, it’s not like I was lying when I told you that I wouldn’t make more to trade around here. I meant that then, but the situation changed. You’re why the situation changed!”
“Don’t blame this on me! If you had to go digging around in zombies’ brains to stay here with me, then you should’ve fucking left!”
“That’s absurd. You’re being absurd!” he yelled. “This helps people, Remy! It helps us! Why do you have to keep acting like it’s some evil thing?”
“The virus that creates those euphoric highs is also the same virus that nearly destroyed everything! It killed nearly every man, woman, and child on this planet! Forgive me if I don’t want to get my jollies playing around in that apocalyptic sandbox.”
“Remy, you know how good can come out of something bad,” Jordy persisted, trying a gentler, more imploring tactic. “Like what’s happened with me and you.”
“I honestly don’t care how you justify it, Jordy,” I said. “I told you my line in the sand, and you promised that you wouldn’t cross it. And now that you have, you can’t walk it back.”
“Fucking hell.” He muttered under his breath and put his back to me. “Don’t do this, Remy.”
“It’s already done.”
He slammed his fist down on the counter, hard enough that it made everything on it clatter, and I heard Ripley’s claws skitter on the flooring in surprise.
“No,” he said in a firm voice. “You can’t do that.” He turned back to face me with tears swimming in his eyes, and I swear the hazel irises looked more green than normal.
I took a step back from him, until I bumped into the counter behind me. “I’ll go back to the inn first, and I’ll get my stuff and talk to Anoona. I’m sure I’ll be able to figure something out. And you can stay, or you can go.”
“Remy, please. I love you.” He moved closer to me and put his hands on my arms, hands I had once trusted almost as much as my own. “We’re good for each other. Please don’t throw this away.”
“It was never going to last, Jordy. You know that.” I searched his eyes, begging him to understand, but his grip tightened on my arms. “Let go of me. You’re hurting me.”
“I’d never hurt you,” he insisted, oblivious to how painful his grip had gotten.
“Let go of me!” I tried to pull my arms free of him, and when one managed to slip out, Jordy suddenly slapped me, hard across the face.
“Oh, fuck, I’m so sorry!” Jordy said, realizing too late what he’d done, but I slumped over the counter for a moment.
I’d been hit and kicked and bit and all kinds of shit happened to me in fights with zombies, with marauders, with the butchers back at the Blaine County Quarantine Zone. But this was the first time that somebody I cared about, somebody I truly trusted put their hands on me like that.
It short-circuited something in my brain, and I didn’t know how to react.
Fortunately, though, Ripley knew exactly what to do. When Jordy tried to touch me again, this time apologetically and comforting on my back, the lion let out a deep growl.
“Ripley, easy girl, you know me,” Jordy cooed at her.
“I don’t think either of us ever really knew you at all,” I said wearily and I straightened up.
I went over and grabbed her leash, mostly because I knew it would be bad for her if Ripley were caught attacking somebody.
“I’ll leave your stuff at the desk with Anoona,” I said, but I couldn’t bring myself to look back at Jordy. “If you come near me again, I’ll let my lion eat your fucking heart out. Do you understand me?”
In a thick voice, he replied quietly, “Yeah. I understand.”