Chapter 15
Chapter fifteen
For the second morning in a row, Molly woke to find Caleb gone. Sometime in the early hours of the morning, tired and sore and hazy from their orgasms, they’d climbed back into bed, falling asleep curled together as though they’d done it a thousand times before.
It had been a perfect night.
But when she rolled over in the morning and was greeted by the cold sheets on his side of the bed, something seemed off. A tiny ripple of nerves across the back of her neck, the most miniscule curl of doubt in her stomach.
That whisper at the back of her mind that something had shifted while she was sleeping followed her as she dressed in days old clothing, dogged her heels as she trotted down the stairs, seemed to echo through the empty cabin when her foot landed on the creaky bottom step.
“Caleb?” she called.
He wasn’t in the living room or the kitchen, but a freshly brewed pot of coffee sat in the coffee maker, a clean mug set beside it waiting for her, his dirty one rinsed and resting in the drainer tray by the sink.
She told herself she was being silly as she poured cream into her coffee and stirred in the sugar.
He’d probably just gone to dig out the car, or to settle their bill at the motel.
Taking her coffee to sit on the couch in the living room, she let the heavy ceramic warm her hands as she replayed the day before, the way he’d kissed her against the wall by the tree, how he’d laid her out and licked her to orgasm in front of the fire, the little touches and kisses and flirtations.
The hunger in his eyes when she’d climbed on the desk the night before, the confusing mix of tenderness and possessiveness with which he’d fucked her.
The front door flew open and Caleb came in, stamping his feet to clear them of the snow clinging to his shoes.
He blew on his hands to warm them and her foolish heart kickstarted.
She knew the moment he caught sight of her, his eyes twinkling behind his glasses and a slow grin spreading over his face.
He scrubbed a hand through his hair, dislodging snowflakes. “Good morning.”
Why his simple greeting made her blush, she’d never know. The man had been inside of her the night before, for Christ’s sake.
“Good morning,” she said, finally taking a sip of her coffee to try to hide the dirty thoughts flooding her brain.
“What’s that look for?” he asked as he shrugged out of his jacket.
His clerical collar gleamed bright white against the black of his shirt.
She’d almost forgotten how stark the contrast was in the hours since he’d removed it.
The sight of that stupid piece of plastic made the curl of doubt in her stomach stretch and spread, slinging itself lazily over her organs and twining itself with her ribs as it crawled up towards her throat.
Of course he’s wearing his collar. We’re headed back to Aster Bay, and he is a priest.
For now.
The reminder of his plan to quit only partially quelled the anxiety spiraling out of control within her.
But Caleb didn’t seem to notice. Ever practical, he called from the kitchen as he got himself a glass of water, “The car’s plowed out and cleaned off, and we’re paid up with the front desk.
We should get on the road soon. If we leave now, we’ll be back in Aster Bay with a few hours to spare before the Christmas Eve Mass.
I need to go over some things with Father Murphy before parishioners start arriving, and you know how Mrs. Greene and the Grandma Gang love to show up twenty minutes early to everything.
” He reappeared at the entry to the living room.
She must have been making a face because confusion clouded his expression, and he leaned against the doorway.
“Unless you wanted to shower before we go?”
She shook away the anxious thoughts and got to her feet, downing the last of her coffee as she headed for the kitchen. “No, you’re right. I’m ready.”
As she passed him, he caught her around the waist, slowing her progress. He scanned her face as he drew light circles on her lower back with his fingertips. “Hey, are you alright?”
“Yeah, of course. Just tired. Someone kept me up all night,” she teased before dropping a quick peck on his cheek and moving out of his hold to rinse her coffee cup.
He didn’t ask again as they gathered their few belongings and navigated the narrow cleared through the snow from The Stable’s door to the parking lot.
The roads were empty and quiet as Caleb steered his little car towards the highway, the backseat loaded with trash bags full of costumes.
It would be the perfect time to tell him about her job offer.
If he was really going to leave the Church, she could turn it down.
She’d leave St. Anthony’s High, but she could find another teaching position somewhere closer to Aster Bay. They could start over together.
You cannot plan your life around his.
“Do you think Bruce will be happy with the costumes?” Caleb asked.
“I expect he’ll burn the Santa suits and elf hats in some sort of ritual sacrifice.”
He laughed, the sound sweeping away some of the strange tension clinging to her.
She wasn’t sure why she was so out of sorts this morning.
After the night they’d had, she should have been ecstatic, dreaming of the future that lay before them, the one she had never dared to hope for.
But she couldn’t quite shake this sense of foreboding, like something wasn’t quite right and she just couldn’t see it yet.
“Will you come to Mass tonight?” he asked.
The nerves in his tone pulled her up short.
She angled her body towards him as she answered carefully.
“I haven’t been to a Mass outside of school hours in a long time.
” He nodded, breathing deeply, and kept his eyes on the road, almost as if he was afraid to look at her. “But if you want me there—”
“I do.” He glanced at her, something like relief flashing in the gold flecks of his eyes. “I mean, I’d like you to hear the homily I wrote. If you want to.”
“Then I’ll be there.”
He smiled, reaching over to take her hand. Their clasped hands rested on her knee, fingers intertwined. He wanted her to hear him preach his last homily, and so she would. He wanted to hold her hand, and so he did. Simple. This can be simple. Stop overthinking it.
“Will you go to Lemon and Thyme after Mass?” she asked. Their friends Jamie and Tessa hosted a big family dinner at their restaurant every Christmas Eve. It was her favorite part of the holiday. This year, since Caleb had to preach, they’d decided to move the dinner to after Mass.
“I think Gavin might kill me if I don’t.” For a moment, he looked like he had more to say, but stopped himself.
The entire drive was like that—conversation in fits and starts.
She wanted to go back to bed and start the day over, to slough off whatever this unease was that had taken up residence between them, to go back to cuddling and kissing and talking about the future.
But his mind was on the upcoming service and she couldn’t help but worry about what that meant.
What if he got back to St. Anthony’s and realized he wasn’t ready to leave the priesthood after all?
What if he slipped back into the role of Father West and left behind the man he’d been for the last two days?
Was two days really enough to change a life?
“Are you nervous for tonight?” she asked.
“A little. I don’t think I’ve been nervous about giving a homily in a decade at least. But this one is different.” He squeezed her hand and shot her a grin, the curve of his lip beating back the tendrils of doubt.
“You love what you do,” she said softly, unsure whether it was a question or a statement.
“I—” He hesitated, the furrow between his brows making a brief appearance. “I have loved many things about what I do.”
“Like preaching?”
“Like helping people feel close to God. Like being there for the biggest moments of their lives—the weddings and baptisms and deaths. It’s a privilege to walk with them in those moments.
” The furrow in her brown deepened. “That reminds me. I need to make sure Father Murphy knows to bring his blue rosary beads with him when he visits the assisted living facility. Mrs. Johnson thinks red rosary beads are a bad omen. Oh! And I’ll have to warn him not to eat the cookies in Mrs. Faria’s room.
I almost chipped a tooth the last time she offered me one. ” He pointed at one his front teeth.
“Will you miss it?”
He blew out a breath, his lips pursing out with his exhalation. She knew what those lips tasted like now, the warm glide of them on the inside of her thighs...
“I’m sure there are things I will miss, but I’m also sure I can find a hundred new ways to be a safe place for people without sacrificing such large parts of myself to do it.”
It was a perfect answer. Textbook perfect. Still...
When, at last, Caleb pulled into the little parking lot behind St. Anthony’s Church four hours later, hers was the only other car in the lot.
They wrestled the garbage bags of costumes out of the car and dragged them down the stone steps to the small office area in the basement of the church.
The bags safely stowed in the corner of the office for when school reopened, Molly clapped her hands together and glanced around the overstuffed office. “Well, I guess I’ll see you tonight.”
“Hey.” Caleb leaned against his desk, piles of papers and sticky notes covering every surface, and rested his hands on her hips, drawing her closer. “What’s going on? You’ve been off all morning.”
She blew out a frustrated breath and shook her head. “I’m sorry. I’m just in my head.”
He tilted his face down until they were eye level, looking up at her through his thick eyelashes. “You can talk to me. You know that, right?”