11. Chapter Ten
I’m a bad man.
I’ve always considered myself a decent, kind, and thoughtful person. I always put everyone else above me. Their happiness, their health, even their anger. I chose to pick up and head out of town with my sister when she was sixteen and pregnant because of how our dad treated her.
I’m curious what would have happened to me if she didn’t get pregnant. We probably would have stayed there with our parents. I can’t go down that road. I would hate the man I would have become working with my dad.
I’ve never considered myself a selfish man.
Until I knocked on Holly’s door.
Now, this woman is standing in front of me. Her eyes are shining like beacons, shooting me with light that could reach the fucking stars. I know she is interested in me.
I’m interested in her too but that’s only because when I look at her, all I see is the monster from my dreams. There’s something wrong with me. This monster is sheer, kind of transparent like a shadow but I’m able to see everything. Before, I would see horns and then I wouldn’t.
Now though, not only do I see horns, I see wings, a tail, fangs, and even fins at the bottom of her ankles. My mind has created the perfect monster. The one I crave. The one I want in my bed, in my arms, in my home, filling all the empty rooms with children.
Dreams aren’t enough and now I’m hallucinating my dream woman with a human woman I have no interest in.
This is where I’m selfish. Why? Because I’m not going to stop spending time with Holly if it means I get to see my monster. Human Holly is very pretty, and any man would be lucky to have her.
I want what seems to be her unlikely shadow. I’m not ready to give that up. So when or if Holly decides to move away, I’ll be done. I’ll never see my monster again.
For now, especially after today, I want to live in my delusions.
“Um.” Heat creeps up my neck and spreads across my cheeks. I step away, wanting to put space between us. This monster that I can see, I only see with her, and the closer the monster is to me, the more I want to take this connection a step further.
And no matter what, I can’t do that to human Holly. That would make me a sick, fucked up man. I have to be better than that.
I hand her a pair of black sweatpants, then point to the door behind her. “That leads to the bathroom. You can change there. I’ll change out here.”
Her blue eyes can’t hide the bright burning coals of my monster.
“Thank you, Fitz. I appreciate this,” she says with a smile.
“I don’t mind at all.” I point my chin in the direction of the bathroom. “Go on. I promise I won’t peek.”
“Too bad.” She strolls away from me, turning her head to her shoulder before opening the bathroom door. “I can’t promise I won’t.” Holly steps into the bathroom and shuts the door, but she doesn’t realize that she has to hear it click or it will crack open.
And that is exactly what it does.
I grab the back of my damp shirt, tug it over my head, then toss it into the laundry hamper.
Be good. Be good. Be good.
Knowing I could see her body is too much on my pathetic self-control that I don’t seem to have when I’m around her. I unzip my wet jeans and then bend down to tug the bottoms from my feet, when the sleek curve of her back peeking through the cracked door captures my attention.
I fall onto the bed with a grunt, smacking my leg on the bedpost. Burying my face in the sheets, I scream, “Mother fucker!” while holding onto my shin.
“You okay?” she calls from the bathroom.
“Fine. I’m fine. Just hit my leg. I’m fine.” I lean forward, peeking through the crack just in time to see her slide my sweatpants on.
Fuck.
Her ass is round and plump. Tiny lace black panties hug her cheeks. I’m overwhelmed with jealousy of that skimpy material having that much contact.
Her tail wraps around her leg so it doesn’t get in the way. Well, I suppose I’m making the monster do that since she is a figment of my imagination. I continue to lean over the edge of the bed to see more, watching as she slips my shirt on over her light purple skin.
I mean, her human skin? Fuck, I don’t know.
I need to get her out of my house. This isn’t okay. I’m sick in the head using her like this. This sweet, innocent girl is being held hostage because I want to see my dreams come to life.
That isn’t fair.
I managed to lean too far over the edge of the bed from my wandering eyes and face plant right onto the floor.
“Oh my God, Fitz. Are you okay?”
I groan, opening my eyes to see Holly hovering over me with a concerned expression.
“I’m fine. I just—”
“—Fell trying to catch a peek? Doe Eyes, if you want a peek, all you need to do is ask.”
The nickname flutters through my mind, ruffling a memory. “Doe Eyes?” I repeat, trying to think of when I heard it. “Who told you to call me that?”
She turns her head to the side, giving me the perfect view of her horns. They are more like a mirage. If I reach for them, I know my hands would go right through them. They aren’t real. No matter how much I want them to be.
“No one. I was looking into your eyes, and they remind me of a doe, that’s all. They are big, brown, and full of innocence.”
I get to my feet, shaking the static from my head. Holly’s gaze roams down my body.
That’s when I remember I’m only in my briefs.
“Ah, shit.” I pluck the clean shirt off the bed, covering my torso with it. My cheeks become brighter. The fever of embarrassment has me sweating. “I—uh—you—I’m—” I can’t figure out what I want to say. I’m nervous. My cock is half hard, my lust is in a frenzy with being so close to Holly while the more time I spend time with her, the more confused I become.
“Do you need me to turn around?” She eyes me again, biting her lip, sending me very strong signals. “That’s adorable. You have nothing to be shy about, Fitz. You are a very good-looking man.” She turns around, giving me a little privacy.
I’m conflicted. I’m not usually bashful but I feel like I’m cheating on my monster—who isn’t even real—and I can’t enjoy a nice night with a new friend because of it.
I slip on my grey sweatpants, then tug my black Snapdragons Garage shirt over my head. “That was wild. Completely, wild.” My words are muffled under the material of the shirt before I pull it down my torso. “I’m good. You can turn around. You didn’t have to, by the way. The nickname really threw me for a loop. I thought I had heard it before. Sorry, it’s been a really weird day.”
“We can talk about it over that glass of wine,” she says. “I’ve had those days too. I’m sorry, Fitz.” The amber eyes my mind has conjured swirl behind her blues. “I’ll be good. I promise. You can tell me about your day.”
My cheeks expand with the massive breath I release. “I’d like that, Holly. Thank you.”
“I’ll always have your best interests at heart, Fitz. I hope you know that.” She looks around the room, pointing to the broken bulb. “What happened?”
I love the change of subject. I’m relieved. “I don’t know. I think I might have broken it. It’s been a wild few days, if I’m being honest. I think I’m just tired. Come on, let’s go downstairs so I don’t make a bigger fool out of myself.” I give her my back, walking out of the bedroom.
“I don’t know. The night is young,” she teases.
Smirking, I turn to reply when I see her at my nightstand. I open my mouth to say something, but her tail swishes from the sweatpants. It flicks, stretching out to me as if it wants me.
I rub my eyes with the palms of my hand so hard, I begin to see spots. When I look at Holly again, the tail is gone but I can see everything else still. My imagination won’t quit.
“What are you doing?” I hate how the question sounds so accusatory. “I’m sorry for the tone. I shouldn’t have snapped like that.”
She spins, her blonde hair spraying over her shoulders. Teal paints a few strands, they fade in and out as if trying to mesh with Holly’s human features. To me, the human skin almost appears to be armor as if it’s trying to cover or hide something. That something—the monster my mind has created.
I’m not sure why my brain picked Holly, but this is as close to the real thing as I’ll ever get. I’m not sure if I can let her go. I like being around her too much.
“It’s okay. I shouldn’t have snooped. I saw the pen and paper on your nightstand. I was writing my number down for you. You know, just in case you need some friendly neighborhood sugar.” Holly strolls up to me, a piece of paper in hand, and slips it in my pocket.
I gasp when her finger skims the tip of my cock.
“Let’s go see about that wine.”
I’m dumbfounded and hard as fucking stone when she walks away. I need a second to calm down. Seeing the monster in my clothes has me ready to strip Holly bare. I wonder if I imagined it hard enough if she’d look like the creature I desire as I fucked her.
“No, fuck. Come on, Fitz. That’s too wild of a thought. Even for you. What the fuck, man?” I hiss to myself, gripping the edge of the dresser.
I hang my head, taking a slow deep breath. My arousal fades enough but I’m one fucking lash flutter away from coming in my damn sweatpants.
“You got this. You’re completely fine. You’re fine.” I leave the bedroom when something floats in the air out of my peripheral. Holding out my hand, a small fluffy white feather lands in my palm.
Her wings.
“You have got to be kidding me. I’m imagining feathers shedding now? I need to sleep for a week. This is getting out of hand.” I drop the dream feather onto the dresser and head downstairs to see Holly sitting on the couch.
She has one of my favorite blankets tossed over her and a glass of red wine is in her hand. My glass is on the coffee table waiting for me.
“Sorry about that. I needed a minute.”
She takes a sip from her glass. “We all need a minute every now and then, don’t we?”
Holly looks too damn good on my couch. She’s made herself at home. Something about this picture feels so fucking good, so right. Seeing her gaze upon me as if I’ve plucked the moon from the sky to slide it upon her left ring finger is a gaze I’m suddenly in love with.
I’m so confused about that. One moment I’m all about Holly, the next, I want to only be her friend.
Then, an epiphany hits me.
When my mind isn’t playing tricks on me visualizing her as a monster—I only want to be her friend. Yet, when I see the creature of my dreams? I want to marry her at this very moment.
I’m one wild twister. Goddamn.
“Hey, you okay?” Holly crawls over to be closer to me, then wraps her arm around my leg. “Talk to me.”
I don’t even know where to begin. I’ll go with what does make sense. “My sister is on her way here because of my father. She and my nephew, actually. I’m probably not in a great situation for a relationship.” I take a big swig of the red wine she poured for me, the liquid smooth with a hint of sweetness to coat my throat.
How did she know where my wine glasses were?
“If it makes you feel any better, I can’t remember anything except for the last few days. Well, okay, that’s not true. I can remember little things, but they are blurry, and muscle memory is there.”
I sit up, blinking at her in shock. “Okay, you win. What the fuck? What do you mean you don’t remember anything?”
Her posture changes to a slouch. Holly’s confidence vanishes in the defeat of her own nightmares. Her eyes gloss over, a sadness overwhelming them. Lightning cracks outside. The crash is loud, proving how close it is. Holly closes her eyes, wincing with every bolt the storm brings.
Fucking Caden.
I take her hand in mine, loving how soft her skin is. I’ve never felt like this in my entire life. The purple flesh I love so much peeks through and a fin on the back of her wrist to her elbow captures my attention.
I wonder what creatures my mind is creating for this monster?
“It’s okay. This storm won’t hurt you,” I reassure her, giving her hand a tight squeeze. “You’re safe here.”
Holly turns her head away, wiping a tear off her cheek. I slip a finger across her jaw, forcing her to turn her head.
“Come here.” I reposition myself, making a spot for her next to me.
She eyes the empty space for a minute, unsure if she wants to be so close. Thunder vibrates the ground and the light above us shakes, the glass clinking together. Holly scurries to my side. I wrap my arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to my side.
“You’re alright, Wildflower. I’m not going to let anything happen to you. You’re safe here. Whenever you’re ready to talk about it, I’ll listen.”
She places her head on my chest, reaching for the coffee table to set down her empty wine glass. “Thank you, Fitz. I appreciate that. I’m not ready to talk about it. I can’t go down that dark road right now.”
Whatever happened, it must be bad. The thought of anyone hurting her makes me want to go on a rampage. I feel very protective over her in ways I can’t explain because I hardly understand these emotions. Do I like her? Or do I like what my mind is creating around her?
Regardless, anything horrible that happened to her has a weight of anger bearing down on my chest.
She lifts up onto one arm, staring down at me with a glint in her eyes I can’t place. “If you really knew me, you’d run away from me as fast as you could.”
I sit up, taking one last sip of wine before setting my glass next to hers. I drift my hand up her arm, right beside the fin. I wish it were real. I’d want to know if they are sensitive. Could I lick, kiss, and rub them? Could I make her orgasm?
Drifting my fingers up, nerves flutter in my stomach like dragonflies flapping their wings nonstop.
“I’m bad for you, Fitz. I’m warning you now. I’m bad for you.”
I cup her face, tilting my head to lean in for a kiss. “Prove it,” I dare her, my gaze dropping to her lips. A boiling heat invades my body, the kind that has me wanting to bend her over this couch and show her who she belongs to.
I fucking want that.
“If anything, I’m the one who is bad for you,” I admit, the all too familiar guilt eating away at me.
She’s the closest thing I’ll ever have to what I want. I don’t want to let this go.
“I’ve experienced things that are horrendous, even torturous, but you, Fitz, are anything but bad.”
I lean in closer, our noses grazing one another. “You’d be surprised. The worst of the worst lives inside everybody. Hiding the villain to prove how good you are is an art form most have mastered.” I rub my thumb across her cheek, the slight scratch of the calloused pad over smooth skin is whispering to me how different she and I are.
I don’t care.
Just as our lips touch, my new cellphone blares from the counter. The ringtone belongs to my sister.
I move my mouth to the side, kissing the corner of her mouth where it creases. “I need to answer that. It’s my sister.”
“I understand. I can go—”
“—No, stay here. I don’t want you alone in your house during a storm.” I stand, adjusting my cock as I turn so Holly doesn’t see how much I want her. I’m ready to burn this house to the ground and fuck her in the warmth of the ashes if it means I get to feel her cunt spasm around me.
Holly wraps the blankets around her shoulders. “Thank you.”
I unplug my replacement phone from the charger, swipe the screen, and answer, “Hey, Heather. Are you almost here?” I check the time glowing on the microwave. “You shouldn’t be too far out.”
“I can’t get there for another few days, Fitz.”
My heart drops to the fucking floor when I hear those words. I give my back to Holly and try to keep my voice quiet. “What do you mean you won’t be here for a few days? You and Eli need to get here now. Dad isn’t fucking around, Heather.”
“You don’t think I know that? Elijah is sick with a fever, Fitz. He can barely walk. He had to come home from class at SCU. He is vomiting. He can’t keep anything down. I’m worried about him.”
Elijah lives at home with his mom while going to school. He didn’t want to leave her alone. He has grown into a good man. He works part-time while going to school and dealing with his duties of being captain of the SCU’s swim team. He contributes to the household. I remember him telling me, “I won’t ever feel comfortable leaving mom alone. She protected me. It’s my turn to protect her.”
I’m so fucking proud of him.
“What do you mean he is sick? I would rather him travel sick than have his piece of shit grandfather kick your door down.”
“His fever is one hundred and two. The doctors told me if it got any higher, I’d have to take him to the hospital. I can’t risk traveling with him. He is in a fog right now. He needs help just to go to the bathroom. I have to wait, Fitz. I won’t apologize for keeping his best interest—”
“—His best interest is getting out of that house!” I roar, yelling at my sister for the first time in her life.
I pull the phone away from my ear when I hear her take a sharp breath. “Fitz,” her whispered voice wobbles.
Arms wrap around my waist. Holly hugs me from behind and the simple gesture has me relaxing. I place my hand on top of hers to calm myself down. Holly is magic.
“I’m sorry, Heather. I’m so sorry,” I say with profound regret. “I’m worried. I’m scared. I can’t let anything happen to either of you. You’re all I have. Is Eli okay? Can I help him in any way? I love him, Heather. You know that and you know how Dad is. I just want you both protected. I shouldn’t have moved away and left you two there. I should have brought you with me. That was selfish of me.” Tears burn my eyes as regret slithers its way inside me, replacing my blood with terror.
“You did the right thing, Fitz. Rhett was kidnapped and he needed you when you found him. Dad doesn’t know where we are, remember? If he is trying to find me, he will have a hard time. We will get to you, but Elijah’s health comes first. I have packed our bags. They are in the car. I’ll keep you updated, okay? I promise.”
“Every few hours, Heather. Please.”
“I can’t check in when I’m sleeping,” my sister teases, trying to lighten the mood.
I roll my eyes, wishing she could see me. “You know what I mean.”
“I’ll call you in the morning. The security system is on. Gary is on standby.”
“I know you did not just say your damn chihuahua is on guard watch. What is he going to do, Heather? Bite their ankles?”
“Have you had your ankle bitten? It hurts, you know.”
“You should have gotten a bigger dog.”
“Nothing is bigger than Gary’s spirit. You should know that, Fitz.”
Holly snickers behind me. I peek over to try to look at her, but she buries her face in my back. By the sound of it, she’s inhaling. Is she smelling me?
“Who is that? Do you have a girl over there?”
Oh. No.
“Where did you meet? What’s her name? What does she do? Do you like her? What’s she look like? How long have you been seeing each other? I can’t believe you didn’t tell me—”
“—Okay. Love you, byeeeee,” I singsong, hanging up the phone before she can say another word.
This time, I’m careful when I set my phone down, so I don’t break it.
“Sorry about that,” I mutter, twisting around in her arms.
I place my hands on her hips. My thoughts are running a million miles an hour. Could we make this work? Could I? Could I love her even though she is human? Is it fair to her if I try?
“You love your sister and your nephew very much. It’s okay. I understand. I know what it is like to care for someone so much that you would kill to protect them.”
“Do you?” I slip my hand to her neck, wrapping my fingers around her slim throat with delicate ease. I’m careful. I don’t want to hurt her. I crowd her against the counter, caging her with my weight so she can’t get free. “I know I don’t seem like the killing type, but I would. I love fiercely, Wildflower. I’m picky with who I give my heart to. I don’t let just anyone in.”
“I think you’re wrong. I think you let everyone in, but you pick and choose between who to love and who to be kind to. There is a difference. Not everyone is deserving of your love. Not everyone is deserving of your kindness and yet, you give your kindness away to everyone.”
“I don’t like that you know me so well and we barely know each other.”
“I know you better than you think, Fitz.” Her gaze switches from me to the clock. “It’s getting late. Want to put on a movie until we fall asleep?”
I yawn just as she says that. “I’m not sure if I’ll make it through the entire movie. I’m beat. It’s been a wild day.”
“Let’s tame it then.” She tugs me to the couch from the kitchen, the corner of the counter grazing my hip.
I swallow the bite of pain as it scratches me.
“Lead the way, Wildflower.”
When she turns to me, her human face is gone, and all I see is what I’ve been dreaming about.
A gorgeous beautiful monster with glowing orange eyes, horns, lavender skin, and fangs.
I’m completely in love with my delusions. All I want to do is dream so I can experience her again.
I’ll fall asleep which will cause Holly to leave, and I’ll be left alone to be in love with a woman who only exists in my mind.
Finally.