Chapter 19 I’m not chasing you.
I’m not chasing you.
Sean
“IT’S LATE,” JOSIE says. “I should go home.”
Why is it no at every turn with this woman? “Come on. Just a short drive up the coast, so we can talk about the gender reveal,” I cajole. “Don’t worry. The paparazzi are all in bed by midnight.”
She gives me a wary look before agreeing. Talk about pulling teeth.
The night air is fresh with a bite of chill. In the car, I crank up the seat warmers. How anyone survived in this cruel world before heated seats, I have no clue, but luckily, we don’t have to. The electric engine whines as I head west to State Route 1.
“Have you ever done a gender reveal?” she asks.
“Can’t say that I have.”
“Me, either.” She taps around on her phone. “There are a lot of ways to do it. Pink or blue cake. Balloons. Smoke bomb on a drone. Incorporate the siblings.”
“Let’s do them all.”
“Do them all?”
I shrug. “Yeah. It’s a big deal. Let’s do it right.”
“Agreed.”
We make a plan for when the ultrasound results come in. Josie will take charge of the cake and T-shirts for Peyton and Mattie. I’ll handle the smoke bomb with the drone and secure a bunch of balloons. She sends a text to my phone so we can communicate. Now I have her number.
“You cold?” I ask when she shivers. She’s just in her pajamas—must have forgotten her robe at the house.
I reach into the back seat and drop a black hoodie in her lap before she can reply.
She lifts it up to study the golden star and the silhouette of a man with fist raised.
“Hamilton,” she muses before slipping it on and pulling the hood up over her head.
“You a fan?” I ask.
“Of course.”
I knew I liked her.
My phone rings. It’s Siobhan again. I swipe it away because I can’t deal with that right now and launch my music app instead.
The heart-wrenching notes of Ray LaMontagne cut through the night.
I expected our gender reveal planning to take longer, but now that we’ve found ourselves with a chunk of time and a fantastic playlist, my ulterior motive gets to come out and play.
“So, Josie, what’s your deal, if you don’t mind my asking?”
“My deal?”
“Why are you so hot and cold with me?”
She hesitates but only for a beat. “Maybe because you keep chasing me.”
I cough-chuckle. What a ridiculous thing to say. “I’m not chasing you.”
She deepens her voice. “I’m Sean O’Sullivan! Come on a date with me! Drive to Ojai with me. Don’t leave! We need to talk about the gender reveal!”
“Uh-uh.” I hold up a ringed forefinger. “You kissed me, remember? I gave you an out, and you showed up at the restaurant anyway. And you’re the one who crashed game night.”
“You only came to game night because you knew I’d be there!”
She’s right, but she doesn’t need to know that.
I’m controlling this narrative. “Listen, Josie, we’re too old for games.
There’s chemistry between us. I know you feel it, too.
” She doesn’t answer, which is as good as a yes.
“Don’t you think I deserve to know why you made me look like a schmuck to Hugo Valencia?
What is the big deal with telling the truth?
That, yeah, we’re spending time together. That we enjoy each other’s company.”
I glance over to where she looks so small and forlorn peering out from the nest of my hoodie, and suddenly I’m acutely aware of the power differential between us.
I’m a star on a show where she does the makeup.
I’m part-owner of the studio that employs her.
I might even be her celebrity crush. It feels almost predatory, pressing her like this.
God, that’s a horrible thought. My stomach sloshes. My hands tighten on the wheel. “You know what? Forget I asked. You don’t owe me any explanations. I’ll take you home.”
I pull off at a bluff and start to make a three-point turn to head back down the coast. As I shift into reverse, she gives a sharp “No.”
I freeze with the car facing the black ocean and wait. She lowers her hood and brushes her hair away from her face.
“Hugo and I had a deal. He said he’d leave me alone if I went on the Celebrity Crush date with you and gave him the exclusive.”
I bristle. “What do you mean by ‘leave you alone’? Was he hitting on you?”
“It’s not like that. I’ve got a skeleton in my closet, and I don’t want anyone dredging it up.
Hugo promised not to dig into my past, and for the most part, he’s held up his end of the bargain.
I told him I was dating someone else so people would stop taking an interest in me, but it didn’t work.
” A sigh billows out of her. “Every day, there’s more talk about Josie Days and Sean O’Sullivan. ”
“So, you only went out with me because you were blackmailed?” My phone rings. It’s Siobhan again. I swipe the call away.
“You should take it,” Josie says. “It must be important if she keeps calling this late.”
“It’s important all right. It’s just…” I trail off, unsure how to finish the thought. I could just tell her. Why the hell not? She’s being honest with me. “My brother, Seamus, you know about him, right? That big scandal with one of the Lost Star stuntwomen?”
She shakes her head.
“He got obsessed with her, followed her home, built this weirdo shrine to her and everything. Yeah, well, my da, he… Aw, never mind. You don’t want to hear all this.” I probably sound like a blathering idiot.
“Your dad did what?” she prompts me.
I study her quiet expression and find myself wanting to tell her, wanting to talk about this with someone. Besides, I’ve already started. In for a penny, right? I take a deep breath.
“After the scandal, Da sent Seamus to Ireland to help my uncle with this dinner theater he runs in County Cork. My uncle, hoping to retire, turned the operations over to my brother, and what does he do but bankrupt the place. Turns out, he was using the profits from the theater to feed a gambling addiction. He fudged all the books so my uncle didn’t realize what was going on until it was too late.
Of course, we’re going to make it right financially, but now Seamus is getting shipped back to us.
I don’t know what’s going to happen with him.
My da almost blew a gasket at our last family meeting.
Mam tried to keep a stiff upper lip, but I caught her crying afterward.
Siobhan’s all but written him off. I’m the only one…
” I’m not sure how to finish the sentence.
I’ve never had to say it out loud before.
“I’m the only one he can really turn to. ”
There are hardly any lights on this slice of highway, and the stars are like confetti strewn across the night.
With the electric car at rest, there’s almost no sound either, except for the ocean and the howl of a single coyote.
The moon glares at me, full and bright, like a warning signal saying, What are you doing, sharing all your dirty laundry with this woman?
“What’ll happen when he gets here?” she asks.
I rub the faux gearshift with my thumb. It’s so silly putting these things in electric cars, but it does make driving them more fun. “I’ll have to take him in. I mean, he’s my brother.”
Josie’s hand surprises mine on the gearshift, fingers tracing over my knuckles and the rings between them. We both look at my hand as she caresses it.
“You two are close?” she asks.
“We were, yeah.” I open my fingers, and she lets them trap hers, a little game of touch.
“Seamus was always a little strange, even when we were young. I didn’t realize it at the time, of course.
I looked up to him. We did everything together—” I cut myself off here.
I don’t want to give Josie the wrong impression of me—that I’m anything like Seamus.
“He was the first Captain Footwork, you know. After Da broke into Hollywood, it paved the way for the rest of us O’Sullivan entertainers.
Seamus was the golden boy and got all the big roles… ”
I clear my throat. The words feel stuck there.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
A warmth spreads inside my solar plexus like a spilled cup of coffee.
It makes me want to keep going. “When Lost Star fired him, I was offered a chance to audition for the part, and I took it. I don’t think my brother’s ever forgiven me for it.
Although I suppose I’ll find out when he comes to live with me.
Fun times, eh?” I squeeze her fingers with mine and give a weak smile.
The night is so still, it’s like the world has stopped turning.
She’s looking at me in a strange way that suggests anything might happen.
She might kiss me. She might cuss me out.
She might gift me all her secrets. She might close up even tighter.
I have no idea. She’s a hard oyster to crack, so why do I keep trying?
Is it because I know there’s a pearl inside?
Or is it because, like my brother, I don’t know how to take no for an answer?
I open my fingers to release hers and clear my throat again. “Thanks for listening.” My lips twitch in an apologetic smile. “Ready to go?”
“I did live in Mexico, but I was born in Florida.”
I freeze. Her eyes are luminous and shadowed in the moonlight—a ghost girl’s eyes.
“My dad wasn’t the most reliable guy, so that marriage ended early on.
Eventually, my mom met my stepfather, Juan Ernesto.
We moved to Mexico with him; I was eleven at the time.
My stepdad was this big shot in the entertainment industry down in Mexico City.
He had his own studio and produced a lot of children’s entertainment—kid shows, telenovelas for teens, that sort of thing.
He thought I had an aptitude for acting, so he encouraged me to audition for parts, and I ended up getting them. ”
“You were a child actress?” I muse. “Wow.”
“Not just an actress. A star.”
Holy hell. How many layers does this woman have? Or is she just punking me again?
She sucks in a sharp breath. “Listen, nobody can know any of this.” Her gaze flicks around the car’s interior. “That’s why I made all that crap up.”
I don’t get it. “What’s so bad about the fact that you were a child star in Mexico?”
“Because I screwed up, Sean.”
“Hasn’t everyone?”
“Look, you’re just gonna have to take my word for it. In my family, I’m the Seamus.”
“You stalked a stuntperson?”
“No! Never mind. It’s late, and I’m tired.” She flops abruptly to face the dash. “I’m ready to head back.”
“I think I missed something.”
“Right now, please!”
I snap into action, shoving the stick into gear and whipping the car the rest of the way around to head south. The ocean is on her side now, the moon chasing rather than leading us.
In my family, I’m the Seamus? What could she have done?
It’s a silent drive except for the music until we turn off State Route 1 toward Jason and Emmy’s place.
“You won’t say anything, will you, about what I told you?” she asks as we wind through the quiet streets lined with mansions.
“No, of course not.”
“Nothing about my stepdad. Nothing about my time as an actress.”
“No, nothing.”
“As far as you know, I was a nun. Or a student. I don’t care. Either one of those will work. I think Hugo went with the nun story.”
“You were a nun,” I confirm as we pull into Jason and Emmy’s driveway. The car sighs and goes quiet.
“This is important, Sean,” she says, eyes wild. “People can’t find out who I am.”
I feel all squirrelly and unhinged. I wish she’d just tell me what the heck is going on. “What did you do, Josie?”
“Don’t ask me that. I’ll just lie to you.”
“I promise I won’t judge you—”
“I joined a cult.”
I didn’t think it was possible for me to be more shaken. “You did what?”
“Robbed a bank, too.”
Seriously?
“I ran naked through a grocery store, knocking all the cereal to the floor yelling, ‘Down with sugar!’”
I knew she was messing with me. I groan in disgust. “Josie, what the hell?”
“I told you if you kept asking me, I’d lie to you.” She tugs my sweatshirt off and tosses it into the backseat before I can tell her to keep it. Her hand goes to the car door handle. “Promise me you won’t tell anyone.”
“I already promised.”
But she makes me do it twice more until she seems convinced that I’m not going to run around LA spilling the deep dark secret that once, a long time ago, she did some acting in Mexico.
What is she so afraid of? Whatever it is, it’s what’s driving a wedge between us.
If she doesn’t want to tell me, that’s fine.
It’s none of my business, and I’m not gonna badger her, but I hate how it’s eating away at her.
She shouldn’t have to feel that way. And I don’t like the way this night ended. Again.
As she trudges up the driveway, arms crossed against the chill, I lower the passenger side window.
“Hey!” I call.
She turns around, eyebrows raised.
“I had fun misbehaving with you tonight.”
Her head bobs. “I did, too.” She pivots away.
“You want some advice on how to handle Hugo and the rest of them?”
She pivots back. “I’m listening.”
“Control the narrative.”
“How?”
“Instead of reacting to what everyone says about you, seed the field. Give them stuff to talk about so they don’t have to go looking.
For example, if you come with me to my da’s sixty-fifth birthday party, they’ll be talking about that instead of where you’re from and what skeletons you might have in your closet. ”
Josie twists up her features, feigning deep thought, and now I’m seeing the actress in her. I don’t know how I missed it before. “Nice try,” she says.
Right. I’m not going to chase her. I’m not. “Well, good night.”
I expect her to turn abruptly and disappear around the corner to where her trailer is, but she doesn’t move. “How about we make a deal?”
My heart flutters against my will. “I’m listening.”
“If, by next week, the masses have lost interest in me, I’ll go with you to your dad’s party.”
“Deal!” I say before she can change her mind. I plunge my hand toward the open window, and she meanders forward at a reluctant pace to shake on it. I lower my voice. “Shall we seal it with a kiss?”
She lets go. “Another nice try.”
It was worth a shot. But I don’t want to end on that, either.
“You know,” I say, “if you ever want to talk, you have my number. Kissing optional.” I place my handshake hand on my heart. “Truly.”
She turns to go with a whisper of a smile. “See you Monday, Sean.”
“Bye, Josie.”
I watch her walk away until I can’t see her anymore. I can’t believe I’m waiting in the wings for this woman to come around, but I kind of like the ache. Like Mam always told us kids when we complained about supper being late: It’s good to be hungry.