Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
KIT
Y our boyfriend telling you he’s a monster shouldn’t be something that makes you trust him and relax but for me it is, because it’s the truth. The movie’s fate is also kind of riding on Grant and Rafe’s ability to bend people to their will, so monsters are good right now.
God. The movie. What if they do cancel it?
What would I do?
I bite my lip and look down at the bag I’m packing. There is so much wrapped up in By The Way that it’s hard to see myself without it. The movie has felt like the culmination of the years that went into the book, the pain and loneliness that forced me to not only write it but to resurrect it from the torn pages my mother left me with.
Publishing it felt like a triumph and it gave me strength to breathe after bearing the weight of my mother’s hatred for so long. She forced me to be small. I swallow hard at the memory of her angry eyes and the way her voice sounded when she ripped the pages from my spiral journals. She tore my book to shreds just like she had done to me my entire life, but she hadn’t won.
The book had made its way into the world and become a bestseller. There is a small part of me that relished knowing she’d seen my book on the shelves of bookstores and seen it on the news. No doubt a tough pill to swallow for a narcissistic monster like my mother. Now, it’s going to be a movie and she’ll have to choke that down too. And the movie…god, the movie feels like it will be the ultimate way to prove to myself that I am not my mother’s daughter. That she has no hold on me. Not anymore.
If the movie succeeds, then so do I.
I know it doesn’t make sense but it does to me. I shove another pair of pants and a hoodie into my bag before I close it and survey the room. It’s midnight. Definitely not much time between now and when we’re meant to be back at the production lot to leave for whatever mystery destination we’re headed to.
The itineraries hadn’t revealed much to us other than details about leaving and flights we would be taking. The rest of the crew are flying commercial but we are going private. The city lights of Seattle draw me closer to the window and I frown when I look out at the city. It’s such a beautiful place, the Pacific Northwest is gorgeous as a whole–but Seattle?
It’s a lovely place that I wish I’d been able to see more of before all of this went off the rails with filming.
“Fuck off. I’m packing it.”
“You don’t need another fucking knife.”
I smile when I hear Rafe and Grant bickering in the next room. The second we left the lot and came home they went into overdrive. Dinner was ordered and my clothes were dumped out and gone through meticulously. The only thing I was really left in charge of was the carry on bag I just finished packing with the essentials. Skincare, makeup, shoes, clothes, all of it was already taken care of by my men.
Now they are packing their own things–at least they had been.
“Fine, then I’m bringing a gun,” Rafe says and I hear Grant groan.
“A gun? Really? Who brings a gun when we can buy one cash when we land.”
“If I don’t get the gun, I get the knife.”
“For fuck’s sake, fine. You want the knife? Here you go.” There’s a clatter and a crash and I know Grant chucked the knife at Rafe. Normally I’d be worried and rush to break them apart but I don’t now. They won’t hurt each other, not at a time like this. They seemed to work together just fine when it came to making sure I was going with them. I narrow my eyes and glare at the open door leading into the living room where my boyfriends are still arguing with one another.
I know I wanted them to get along but at what cost?
My phone goes off before I think anymore about the ramifications of getting my boyfriends to work together might have on my life. I don’t hesitate to pick it up. At this hour it’s only going to be one person.
“Hey,” I answer, already knowing Alana is on the other end of the line.
“Hey, sweetie, you okay? I just heard the news. Which, not cool, Kit. I shouldn’t have gotten a call from Jane about it.”
“Jane called you?” I ask, surprised.
“Yeah, she looped me in just now, which I gotta say they’re working her hard for an intern.”
“She’s the assistant director’s assistant,” I say and Alana hums.
“Tomato, potato,” she sighs.
“That’s not how the saying goes.”
Alana ignores me. “Are you packed?”
“Yeah, I’m packed.”
There’s a muffled thud from the next room and then a thump against the wall. “Fucker!”
“Are they fighting again?” Alana asks.
“Yeah.”
“I swear to god, I knew they were crazy. Men cannot be that hot and not be crazy.”
“They’re not crazy,” I lie.
“Yeah, not to you because they’re making you crazy, too.”
I chuckle at that. “You might have a point with that,” I admit, because it’s true. I know I’m not the same as I was before I fell in love with Grant and Rafe. I don’t think I mind it, though. Not when I really look at it.
We’re silent for a second before Alana speaks. “I want you to know the movie is not in danger. There’s no fucking way I’m letting anything stop it.”
My chest goes tight and I feel warmth spread through my body. I know she won’t.
“I know.”
“I mean it, Kit. Just because some homophobes or whatever don’t like the idea of two dicks touching doesn’t mean shit. They don’t get a say in shit.”
I smile. “I think it’s more that I’m with them that's the problem. Not the two dicks touching.”
“Fine, people who hate women being happy can fuck off. They are not stopping this movie. It’s going to be a hit. Everyone knows it.”
“You think so?” I ask and there’s no hiding how nervous I sound. By The Way was my first book, the most raw story I’ve ever written and the movie is going to be more of the same. It’ll be like looking at a piece of myself. As scary as it is letting other people see it on screen, there’s no version of the world that I don’t want to see the movie completed and successful.
“I know it. You do too and you’ll remember that once you stop being scared.”
“I’m not scared,” I lie.
“Honey…” her voice trails off and I know my best friend sees right through me.
“It’s just,” I swallow hard and hold my cell tighter, “it’s unnerving how the person who took those photos got so close,” I say, because that’s all I can say. I can’t tell her about the photos that have been peppered in from my past. She knows those photos are old but she doesn't know what or where they’re from. As far as Alana knows, my life didn’t really start until I met her at Harvard. The years before that are grayed out, lost to the time before. That’s exactly how I want them to stay.
“I know, honey,” Alana murmurs and then goes silent. “I-I, well, it’s like you have a…” her voice trails off and I know she wants to say something.
“I have a what?”
“I don’t want to say. You know how I am. Dramatic.”
“What were you going to say?”
“Kit, it’s nothing.”
“Alana, please.”
“A stalker, Kit. It’s like you have a stalker. It doesn’t feel like it’s just the paparazzi taking pictures. I-this feels like someone is after you, Kit. Have you told the police?”
My stomach goes tight and it feels like I’ve swallowed a stone. A stalker means someone watching my every move. Being with Grant and Rafe means every move I make is watched by the public but that’s different, or at least it feels that way. If I’m being watched by everyone it feels more normal, but one person?
That feels sinister.
There’s only one thing I’ve ever done in my life that I didn’t want people to see and if I have a stalker they know what it is. They have to, with the photos they’re using to scare me. Because as scary as it is knowing someone took photos of me while I slept, that’s not what scares me.
It’s what a stalker might know about my past.
How long have they been watching me? Has it been all these years?
Why would they be doing this to me now?
“Kit, did you hear me?” Alana’s voice sounds small and tinny in my ear but it pulls me out of my spiral enough and I nod, even though she can’t see it.
“I-I, yeah, I’m good,” I whisper and sink down onto the bed. It’s big and plush, soft and comforting and the sheets smell like my men. I close my eyes and inhale deeply as my fingers twist in the blankets beneath me and I feel my shoulders drop slightly.
“I’m good,” I whisper to Alana with a tight smile she can’t see. “I, um, we don’t need to involve the police. I’m fine, really. There’s going to be added security at the next site.”
She wants to help, I know that. But Alana’s suggestion of telling the police can never happen. If I did that I’d run the risk of them looking too close at Grant and Rafe and what they’ve done…what they do. Even if I do have a stalker, there’s no way the authorities are going to be invited into it when I have so much more to lose than my life.
I’ll never give up Rafe and Grant.
I grip the blankets tighter and squeeze my eyes shut. The sound of Rafe and Grant arguing in the next room comforts me and grounds me as much as the bed beneath me.
“Are you sure? I could go with you to the station. I’ll be there every step of the way with you, I promise.”
“I’m okay, Alana. I promise. I know things are weird right now but I’ll be with Grant and Rafe and you’ll be coming to the location, too, right?”
“I mean, I think so? They’re acting like they’re sending you to Area 51 with how secretive they’re being but I did get assurance from Jane that I’d be able to come see you once you’re settled. I think she said maybe a week.”
“That’s not long at all. Where do you think they’re sending us? I hope it has a pool.”
Alana hums in delight. “Oh, what if it’s overseas? Oh god, I’d kill for a week in Spain.”
I smile because the location has to mimic the Pacific Northwest and I don’t think Spain is going to quite fit the bill, but I’ve gotten her off the trail of wanting me to go to the cops, at least for now. Alana is a wonderful friend. I know she’ll bring it right back up at the next sign of trouble but that’s a problem for future me so I let her chatter on about the different locations the movie might be heading to with a smile on my face. It’s easy to pretend nothing’s wrong when we’re debating if it’s going to be a beach location for a poolside bar where I can sip mojitos and get the chance to ogle Rafe and Grant in wet swim shorts.
Not for the first time I wish my life had begun when Alana met me or when Grant and Rafe walked into my life. If it were that way then everything would be so much simpler. There would be no wondering about stalkers or how much I’ll lose because of the darkness of my past. Whatever I do lose, it won’t be my men. I refuse it. What would the point of life even be without them?
“I’m here for you, always. You know that, right?” she asks.
“I do, yeah. Thank you. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
The pressure in my chest lifts a little more and I don’t feel as heavy anymore. I lay back on the bed and laugh with my friend while she launches into a story of her last date and how terrible the pool of single men are on dating apps.
“I swear, he catfished me with twenty-five year old photos, Kit! I didn’t even recognize my date because he looked like my date’s father in person. His father! And this wasn’t the hot kind of ‘I can fuck you or your dad’ vibe! The audacity of this man was unparalleled, do you get me, Kit?”
I laugh and snuggle into the blankets more. “I get you, Alana.”