Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
KIT
Y oga is good.
Well, as good as yoga can be when you’re taking a class with the woman whose throat you almost slit. Jasmine doesn’t give it away, though. She does her poses with poise and grace, Warrior Two and Three seamlessly melding into Mountain with practiced ease. By the time we’re lying on the teak wood floor of the yoga studio, I’m the one that’s in danger of giving the whole ‘I threatened to kill her and ruin her career’ secret away, with all the sweating that I’m doing. Luckily, if anyone notices, they don’t let on. I wouldn’t think anyone would point out how badly I’m sweating or my beet red face because the only people at Elysium Sol Sanctuary are people associated with filming.
We have the entire run of the place for the next two months. Holly seemed pleased by that and I took Jane’s soft encouragement to “try the amenities out” as the nudge I needed to try and relax. I thought about getting Rafe to join me for the sound bath again after class but turns out I’m the one that’s not up for it. The yoga class wore me out more than I realized. I nearly fall asleep but the teacher's gentle voice instructing us to roll onto our sides and open our eyes pulls me back to the land of the living.
I rub my eyes and stretch. Jasmine turns and looks my way for a split second before she shoulders on her bag and hurries from the yoga studio. I don’t regret threatening her, but my stomach still pinches with worry. Just because I’m not regretful over what I’d done to Jasmine doesn’t mean that I’m not still coming to terms with what that means about me and how I’m changing.
“We’re yours forever.”
The bracelet on my wrist weighs heavy, despite how delicate it is and my hand goes to it automatically. I haven't taken it off since my men gave it to me. It’s a steady and constant reminder of exactly how Rafe and Grant feel about me.
Would they still want me if I’m not their good girl? Yes, they’ve taught me how to defend myself but not to go on the attack. I chew on my bottom lip and wave goodbye to the yoga teacher on my way past. The night air is cool and refreshing on my skin and I take in a deep breath of the forest air. Pine and moisture carry on the wind and when I turn my head I see the telltale clouds of a thunderstorm rolling in. I hope the rain doesn’t delay the construction of Delilah Falls.
“Kit, hey!” a voice calls out and I practically jump a foot in the air.
My hands are at my throat when I turn to see who it is. “Alexia, hi,” I gasp out, forcing a smile to my lips. Alexia is a makeup artist on set and we’re friendly enough that she gives me mini makeovers when she has time between takes. She’s one of the best makeup artists on set and a constant presence during filming. I’ve watched the other makeup artists and stylists rotate out, but not Alexia. She’s been there every single day and it’s nice seeing her familiar face now.
“Oh shit, I scared you. I am so fucking sorry.” Alexia smacks her forehead with her hand. “I didn’t even think about, you know,” Alexia lowers her voice and takes a step closer to me, “why we’re even here and then I scare you. I am such a-”
I raise my hands and interrupt her, because I don’t want to think about why we’re here. “It’s okay, really, I promise. How are you?”
She looks like she isn’t so sure that it’s okay but after a half second she smiles and nods. “I’m good. I’m loving the change in location. This place is a dream, right?”
“Yeah, it’s great.”
“They have horseback riding and a mudroom. There’s even, like, a rock climbing wall too and I think I might actually try it out. Would you want to do that with me one day?”
I tilt my head to the side and think about it. “That could be fun,” I say, even though I’m terrified of heights. I’m scared of a lot, always have been, probably always will be. But trying new things feels like a way to put more distance between myself and that night. It seems silly, it might even be silly, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try it.
“Really? You’ll go?!” I nod and Alexia bounces on her toes in excitement. “This is ah-mah-zing. Do you know how many people I asked to go with me? I even tried to get Jane and she said no way was that gonna happen in a million years, which I guess I should have seen coming. But going with you is going to be way more fun. Are you going up that way to the cabins?” she asks and I nod, content to let Alexia chatter on when she offers to walk me to my cabin. I’m in cabin 4 with Rafe and Grant and Alexia is further down in cabin ten. There’s about a dozen cabins in total on the property.
“They’ve got a few of us in the cabins to help with space but a lot of folks are up at the lodge. It helps that we’re rotating through the crews,” Alexia tells me.
“Are you going to be going back to Seattle, then?” I ask and I hope not. I don’t have a lot of friends on set to begin with and thinking about losing a friendly face right now makes that familiar pinch in my stomach come back. I just wish things would slow down and go back to normal for once. Trouble is, I can’t remember what normal is anymore. Would I even recognize it if it happened?
Probably not, if I’m honest.
“No, they’re going to keep me on so I get to kick back and enjoy this paradise for two whole months!” Alexia throws her arms wide and I think she’s about to go skipping around and singing like they do in musicals before they meet their true loves but she goes still and gives me an apologetic look. “God, I’m such a dick. I keep acting like we’re on vacation and we’re here because some freak took pictures of you.”
I open my mouth to tell her it’s okay, that I understand why she’s excited, that Elysium Sol is definitely a slice of paradise, but I don’t. Instead, I roll my shoulders forward and wrap my arms around my waist as we walk on.
“I can’t believe I didn’t know they were there,” I tell her. It’s the most I’ve talked about the photos to anyone that’s not Rafe or Grant. Even then, I didn’t dare tell them how I felt. If I did, they would have gone on a rampage and that’s not something the three of us need right now.
“That’s terrifying, Kit. I-well, I’m sorry that happened to you. I can’t imagine what it felt like seeing those photos. I’m so so sorry.” Alexia’s empathy and sorrowful eyes catch me off guard. I realize I’m not used to hearing someone tell me they’re sorry. Rafe and Grant don’t tell me they’re sorry when shit goes sideways. They fix it–which means they get even.
“Thank you,” I say and give her hand a squeeze. She’s giving me a little slice of normal and I’m grateful. We walk on in silence to my cabin and part with a quick hug and a promise to text me about rock climbing later. I wave to her on the porch of the cabin and watch as she walks on down the path. I don’t move until she’s out of sight and then I let myself inside. When I do, the cabin is quiet. I know Rafe and Grant are home though and a minute later they enter the living room together.
“Hey,” I greet them and Rafe gives me a smile while Grant comes right to me.
“Hey, how was yoga?” he asks, kissing me on the cheek.
“It was good,” I say and head into the kitchen for a glass of water. “Well, I mean it was good but it was weird.”
“Why was it weird?” Rafe asks the second I say the words. I wish I’d chosen different words when I see the way Grant is watching me. He’s got that look again that tells me he knows something is wrong. It’s easier this time to get around it because there really is nothing out of the ordinary.
“Jasmine was there.” Both men instantly relax and I slide into the stool at the counter and keep my eyes on them. “She pretended everything was…fine.”
Rafe tilts his head to the side. “There a reason things wouldn’t be fine?” he asks and I look at Grant in surprise. I thought he would have told him already, that my little secret about Jasmine would be common knowledge, but I guess he didn’t. It's unexpected but I roll with it.
“I kind of beat up Jasmine a little bit,” I tell Rafe quietly and Grant snorts.
“That’s what you’re calling what you did to her?” he asks, crossing his arms over his chest. The movement makes his biceps bulge and I get distracted for a split second before I force myself to focus on the here and now.
“Okay, fine, I–you know,” I make a jabbing motion that has Rafe’s lips pursing.
“You shook your fist at her like an old man?” he guesses and I laugh, even though I know I shouldn’t. I drop my eyes and fiddle with the hem of my shirt. I shouldn’t laugh right now, I never would before.
Before.
That’s the recurring theme in my life. Before. There’s always a before but I’ve never had much to lose in the after. Now, with Rafe and Grant, I do.
“No,” I say and swat at him when he comes close. “I told her if she kept coming on to you both I was going to make her pay and that you would both end her career if I told you to.”
Grant leans against the counter and gives me an appraising look. “You didn’t tell me about the career thing,” he says and then adds, “I like it, sweetheart.”
“Very cutthroat of you,” Rafe tells me as he puts his hands on my sides. I shiver under his touch and lick my lips. His dark eyes track the movement and I know he’s thinking about kissing me. I want him to do it.
“I almost cut her throat,” I confess and I flush at the dark look that comes alive in Rafe’s eyes. I know the look. It’s the one he gets when he wants me. My heart skips a beat and desire pools in my belly quick and hot.
Rafe shifts closer. “Shy girl…”
“I didn’t mean to,” I tell him in a rush. “I don’t know what came over me. I just-I just got so angry seeing her with you and decided I had to do something.”
“So you nearly slit her throat?” He tips my head back with a finger. I can feel Grant’s bulk beside me as Rafe smiles down at me. I’m caged in by my men and the heat in my belly turns from desire to annoyance. I feel like I did when I got hauled into the principal’s office because I dared to mouth off against the girls bullying me in gym. I look between both men and lift my chin in defiance. Jasmine is a bully, just like those girls that picked on me because they didn’t have anything better to do. I was quiet then, just like I am now. The only thing I wanted was to escape high school and never go back to that godforsaken town again. I’d managed it then and kept my head down, but I’m not going to do that anymore.
I meet Rafe’s eyes and then look at Grant. My fingers twist in the hem of my shirt while the words that I want to say bubble up in my throat. The air feels heavy in the cozy cabin and when Rafe leans closer, I lean right back into him.
“She deserved it,” I whisper, surprising myself.
I surprise Rafe too, from the sharp intake of his breath. “She does,” he agrees.
“Without a doubt,” Grant murmurs as he trails his fingers through my hair.
Rafe lowers his head to look me in the eyes. “Can’t say that I haven’t thought about doing it when she acts like a bitch to you. No one would miss her if something did happen.” I can hear the promise there. If I told him to do it, the i f something would become a when something happens .
“That’s not true,” I tell him. As much as I want to, someone would know Jasmine was missing, someone would miss her. Besides, it would fuck with the movie. “We need her.”
Rafe’s lips lift in a smirk. “For now.”
“But-” I start to protest, to try and tell them that I handled Jasmine and he doesn’t have to think about what happens to her after the for now. I want to be the one taking care of Grant and Rafe, they’re always there looking after me. Even now, even when I was annoyed with them, they're still mine.
I’ve never had anyone or anything be entirely mine. Nothing. Not even my stories–-those were always for someone else. Even By The Way doesn’t feel like mine anymore. I wrote it so long ago that the girl who wrote it doesn’t feel like me. That story belongs to her. But these men and what’s happening now is one hundred percent mine.
I don’t get the chance to say any of that, though. Rafe catches my mouth before I can get a word out and when he wraps his arm around my waist and lifts me from the stool I wrap my legs around him. I moan and open my mouth to Rafe eagerly. His tongue and lips are hungry and I know he’s about to ruin me. Anticipation floods my system and I whimper into his mouth under his bruising kiss.
The cabin isn’t big, so it takes no time at all for Rafe to make it to the bedroom door. He gives it a kick and it swings open with a slam. Yes, I’m going to be wrecked after tonight.
“Fuck yes,” Grant’s voice is a whisper behind us as he falls in step, following Rafe and I into the bedroom.
Rafe grips my hips and rocks them into him. When I move with him and grind my aching pussy against him, his hand goes to my breast. He cups the underside and plucks at my nipple until it beads.
“Rafe,” I thread my fingers through his hair with a gasp. “Rafe, please.” I pull on his hair and arch into his touch. My body feels like the Fourth of July, every nerve in it is lit up and screaming for my men. Grant crowds close and shoves my shirt up over my head before he ends up at my back. He must have pulled his own shirt off too, because when I get pressed into his chest, the only thing I feel is his warm muscled bulk.
“Hold her,” Rafe orders and Grant hooks his hands beneath my thighs to keep me where I am. I whimper at losing Rafe’s mouth on mine but he’s not gone, not by a long shot. Rafe grabs the straps of the bralette I wore to yoga, yanking them down my arms. He twists the fabric and my arms are trapped at my sides.
“Oh god,” I whimper and Rafe chuckles against my collarbone. His head is bowed and his beautiful dark hair falls over his forehead. He’s so beautiful, so achingly perfect in the fading light that shines down on us from the glass ceiling overhead. My head falls back and I see twilight fading to night above us. Soon, stars will spill out like diamonds across the sky and light up the night. Grant kisses my neck and whispers my name.
“I love you, Kit.”
I shiver, toes curling in delight as I relax against Grant’s chest while he whispers against my cheek.
“You belong to us, sweetheart. You’re going to feel so good. I’m going to fuck your pretty pussy until you pass out. Isn’t that right?” My heart rate spikes and when Grant digs his fingers into my thighs and gives me a shake I feel like I’m going to pass out.
“Fucking answer me. I said, isn’t that right ?”
“Yes,” I choke out, my head swimming. I feel like I just got pushed off the Empire State Building and I’m falling head first down to Earth. Nothing makes sense. The world spins and flies around me, every second faster than the last and yet still it’s not fast enough. I rock my hips forward and try to press myself into Rafe but he keeps me where I am with a jerk of the fist that’s still holding me hostage by my bra straps.
Rafe grabs the front of my bralette and jerks the front of it down. My breasts spill out from the material and I squirm but there’s nowhere for me to go, not when Rafe has my arms pinned to my sides and Grant’s hands under my thighs have me suspended between him and Rafe. My men’s big bodies are at my back and front. There’s nowhere to go, not even if I wanted to go anywhere else.
I know exactly who my men are. What kind of monsters they are. If I ran, they’d chase me down and bring me right back. I get wetter thinking about it. My pussy throbs at the thought of them chasing me down and forcing me back.
Rafe nips the swell of my breast and I whimper, but I bite my bottom lip to hold the sound in. If I’m not careful, my monsters will worry about hurting me when that’s what I want from them. I want them to take what they want from me. I need their punishing hands to leave the bloom of bruises on my skin. But they worry. I can never tell what might make them treat me like I’m made of glass.
Sometimes I love being touched softly, their fingers and lips reverently tracing my body until I feel like I’m on fire and I sob when I’m finally allowed to come with a mouth on my aching clit, while I’m split into two by a hard and thick cock.
They make love to me on those nights. I love those nights.
Tonight is not one of those nights.
I want them to be rough. I want them to take from me until I’m limp with exhaustion and my men are sated. I arch my back like a cat and hook my heel around Rafe to urge him forward but he takes his time and the only thing I get for my trouble is another nip to the swell of my breast.
“Please,” I moan, turning my head to look at Grant. He’s watching Rafe, but the longer I watch I see his gaze flit between Rafe’s face and the still stinging bite that's turned my skin pink from the second bite Rafe gives me. It feels like heaven. The promise of what’s coming dances in the little zips of heat that race out from skin Rafe has sunk his teeth in.
“What is it?” Grant asks and my eyes focus on him again.
“More,” I whisper.
Rafe bites down, this time on the underside of my breast and I gasp. My breasts ache and feel heavy. The more they touch me, the heavier they feel. I need his mouth. Not his teeth. I’d kill to have his mouth, his wicked fucking tongue, on me.
The only thing I’m given is his unforgiving teeth and the sting of his bite.
Rafe doesn’t kiss as he moves over my chest, he bites. The hand that isn’t holding my bralette straps tugs on my nipples until my breath comes on a sharp hiss. And still, I don’t want to go anywhere else. The only place I want to be is exactly where I am. Yet, I squirm and buck my hips, trying to push Rafe back.
He smiles while he catches my nipple in his mouth and laves the bud with this tongue, slowly circling it while he brings his other hand to the front of my thighs and trails his fingers from one hip to the other.
I could scream in frustration when I feel his fingers ghost over my skin but there’s no bringing him closer. My thighs are spread wide in Grant’s hands and it’s impossible to bring Rafe closer. My feet dangle uselessly on either side of Rafe as he repeats the same back and forth gesture, fingers moving from hip to hip while he sucks on my aching nipple. He turns his head and captures my other nipple in his mouth and I almost sob when he groans against the sensitive bud.
“Rafe, please.”
I rock forward and thank god he finally cups my pussy. I still, because I know this part. I know I have to be patient or he’ll draw things out and I don’t want that. I need his cock. Rafe’s fingers slip inside the waistband of my leggings and he slides a finger inside of me.
“Yes,” I say and lift my head to look at him. “Please give me more. I need you.”
Rafe stills all over except that single finger inside of me strokes before he slides his hand lower into my leggings until his palm covers my aching clit and he presses down. The pressure of his palm to my clit is the kind of friction I need. It’s so good that I forget how to breathe for a second but then I’m back and urging him on.
“Fuck me. Fuck me, please.”
“What do you say when you want me to fuck you, shy girl?”
“Daddy,” I gasp. It’s what he wants to hear, it’s what I want to say. It’s what makes him treat me the way I like best. Behind me, Grant groans in approval and his fingers dig into my thighs. He moves me, raises me up and offers my weeping pussy to Rafe like a piece of ripe fruit for him to enjoy. Rafe releases my nipple with an audible pop, a line of spit clings to the raised peak as he slides down my chest. My eyes fix on it and I follow it lower to where Rafe’s dark head is bent. The heat of my touch has released the natural curl in his hair that I only see when he’s fresh from the shower or just returned from a run. He buries his nose in the crease of my thigh and inhales.
“Smell so fucking good, baby girl.”
My toes curl at the name. Baby girl. It’s new to me, just like calling him Daddy is. But it feels right. Like a little game we play just between the three of us, even though we’ve never laid the rules out to what it is that we’re doing. Rafe adds another finger inside of me and crooks his fingers in the way he knows is going to make me lose my mind. When he thrusts his fingers inside of me, Grant rocks me forward to add an extra punch to Rafe’s movements. When he strokes my clit with his thumb, it doesn’t take long for me to start to come undone. The pressure starts low, like it always does.
“That’s my dirty fucking girl. You love this, don’t you?”
“Yes,” I say automatically. I don’t even bother to hide that Rafe is right. My hands curl into fists, nails biting into my palms because I can’t move to touch him the way I want. If I could, I’d force him closer. I’d move his lips right where I want them. In the end, Rafe does it on his own and takes my clit between his lips. The first drag of his tongue makes me gasp and then I moan when he does it again. He takes his time, fingers still stroking in and out of me at just the right pace. He sucks harder, tongue working me and I shatter so fast that I feel dizzy.
Rafe winds the straps of my bralette tighter around his hand and gives the fabric a hard pull that forces me to be still despite my bucking body. “Fuck yeah,” he groans when I cum on his tongue and thrash in his hold. My bra straps cut into my skin and it’s almost painful but straddles the line, just like everything does with Rafe and Grant.
Pleasure and pain, exhilaration and release, all of it so mixed up together that I can’t see my way out. I don’t want it to be any other way. My legs feel like jelly and I can’t stand when Rafe steps back and finally lets my bra straps free. The loose material falls down my arms, the bralette bunched up under my breasts and pinching my skin. Rafe grabs ahold of my yoga leggings and tears them off entirely with a violent rip of his hands before my feet hit the floor and I’m left shaking in Grant’s arms. He holds me up as I grab onto the forearm he curls around my chest to steady myself. Rafe’s dark eyes stay on me while he pulls his pants off and tosses them to the side.
The moon is high in the sky above us now, the purples and grays of twilight replaced by the night. My breath catches when I take in the hard lines and planes of his body. I’m reminded of that night all those weeks ago beneath the pier when I thought he looked like an angel. Now I know he’s not. My man is a dark god, not an angel.
“I love you.”
Those three words are from Rafe.
My heart nearly leaps out of my chest at his words and a silly dopey smile spreads across my lips. I raise a shaking hand to touch him like I wanted to do before and he steps willingly into my touch.
“My good fucking girl,” he murmurs when I cup his cheek. I can feel the scratch of his stubble against my fingers and I focus on that and not the fact that when he calls me his good girl a knot settles into my stomach. I thought telling Grant and now him about Jasmine would fix that, but it hasn’t. It’s still there. Gnawing away at me by the second.
“Rafe,” I whisper. The truth of everything is on the tip of my tongue because I know the woman he wants is a good girl. Someone that isn’t capable of what I’ve done. That’s the truth of it. Even if they said they were proud of me for putting Jasmine in her place. It has to be, because how else can they want me?
“Rafe, I-” I start but there’s no space for words when he puts a hand over Grant’s and jerks me to him. I cry out and close my eyes when he thrusts into me and it feels so much better than when he had his fingers inside of me. There’s nothing like having my men inside of me. It makes me blind to everything else in the world and I’m powerless to stop it. Rafe holds me with Grant and kisses me.
“I love you,” he says again and when I open my eyes I see he isn’t looking at me. His eyes are on Grant and my heart soars. And when he kisses Grant over my shoulder, my heart crashes and breaks through the glass above us until everything looks like stars.