Chapter 26
Twenty-Six
Erin cried the next morning when it came time for him to leave. She wasn’t proud of the waterworks, but she couldn’t seem to help it.
“You’re killing me,” he whispered as he held her close to him. He was fully dressed and smelled delicious after a shower and a shave. She was still naked in bed, disheveled and distressed after a night she wouldn’t ever forget.
“I’m worried about you flying. You didn’t get much sleep.”
“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.”
“That’s like asking me not to breathe.”
Cupping her face, he kissed her. “I’ll see you soon.”
He said what she needed to hear, but they both knew it would be a while before they saw each other again. His schedule would be hectic when he went back to work, and there’d be no more sweet, sexy stolen nights for quite some time.
“Let me know when you get home?”
“You’ll be the first to know.” He wrapped her up in his strong arms and held her for a long moment.
Erin clung to him, breathing in the subtle scent of his cologne, committing it to memory.
“We’re going to figure this out. I promise you that.”
“I’m not usually such a crybaby.”
“It’s okay,” he said, kissing away a tear. “It makes me feel hopeful that you might like me as much as I like you.”
“I do.”
Smiling, he kissed her again before he released her, leaving her bereft without the heat of his body pressed up against hers. He was headed for the door when he turned back to kiss her one more time, lingering long enough to draw more tears. “This time, I’ve really got to go.”
“This time, I’ve really got to let you.”
“Something this great? It has to work out. Don’t worry, okay?”
“I’ll try not to.”
When the door clicked shut behind him, Erin fell back against the pillows and gave in to a good cry. This was crazy! She was a mature woman crying over a man! But he wasn’t just any man, and he’d swung into town unexpectedly and rocked her world in more ways than one.
“I seem to have fallen completely and absolutely in love with you at some point in the last four months.”
Why didn’t I tell him that I’ve fallen, too? I should’ve told him. Erin covered her face with her hands, desperately trying to regain her equilibrium. After a long pity party, she got up, showered and left the room where they’d created so many precious memories.
Her heart ached that day and every day that followed as she went through the motions of supporting her parents and writing her column whenever she could steal a quiet moment.
Despite frequent texts, calls and FaceTime chats with Slim, she couldn’t seem to shake the malaise that began that morning in the hotel room and stayed with her over the next week, prompting her mom to ask more than once what was wrong.
She couldn’t say, exactly. But for some reason, she felt like she was fighting against a rip current, trying to figure out where she belonged now that her life had been irreparably altered by a handsome, sexy, wonderful man who wanted everything from her.
Could she do it? Could she hand over her heart to him and hope that nothing would ever happen to crush her again the way she’d been crushed once before?
In a middle-of-the-night moment of clarity more than a week after she’d last seen him, Erin finally understood why she couldn’t shake the disquiet.
It was because she was on the verge of possibly taking the biggest risk she’d taken since losing her brother, and the fear of the many ways it could go wrong had her paralyzed with indecision.
She didn’t have the slightest doubt that Slim was sincere in his feelings and his intentions.
He was a good and honorable man who would treat her like a queen. He wasn’t the problem. She was.
Could she turn over control of her heart, her life, her love to someone who had the power to devastate her?
What if something happened to him, too? How would she ever endure that kind of loss a second time?
Wouldn’t it be easier—and safer—to stay single and unencumbered, to never risk more than she could afford to lose?
These were the questions that kept her awake at night as she tried to find the courage she would need to take the enormous step he was asking her to make.
The woman she’d once been, before life and tragedy changed her, would’ve been all in.
She would’ve run to Slim with her arms and heart wide open to the possibilities.
She would’ve embraced the joy and given no thought whatsoever to the fear of what might happen.
Post-9/11 Erin had learned to be wary, cautious and obsessive about the safety of those she loved. Would her obsessiveness smother a man like Slim, who was used to doing his own thing without anyone to answer to?
She went through her days and nights exhausted and overwhelmed by the debate that raged within her as she supported her parents, talked to Slim and texted with her Gansett friends, who checked in regularly as she tried to figure out her next move.
Her dad had been released from the hospital three days after Slim’s visit and was receiving at-home physical and occupational therapy as he continued to recover quickly.
“There’s really no need for you to stick around here if you’ve got better things to do,” Tom said to her over breakfast on a Friday morning, ten days after Slim went home to Florida.
“I don’t mind staying awhile longer to keep you guys company.”
“Or you could get on a plane tonight and go see the guy you’re thinking about constantly.”
Erin stared at her dad, her mouth agape from his unusually blunt statement.
“Are you denying that you’re thinking constantly about him?”
She tried not to squirm under his intense stare. “No.”
Tom struggled to butter his own toast, but Erin knew he wanted to do it himself, so she refrained from helping him. “You ought to do something about that.”
“I agree, honey,” Mary Beth said. “You haven’t been yourself since he left, and we just want you to be happy. He makes you happy.”
Yes, he certainly did. He made her happier than she’d ever dreamed of being, and she wanted nothing more than to grab on to that feeling with both hands and never let it go.
But what if… No. No. No. She simply couldn’t bear the merry-go-round of thoughts her brain was torturing her with any longer.
She was about to snap from the unending debate.
The doorbell rang, giving her a temporary reprieve. “I’ll get it.” She opened the front door to a FedEx delivery guy who handed over a letter-size package and asked her to sign for it.
“Have a good day,” he said.
“Thanks, you, too.” Her heart took a happy leap when she saw Slim’s name on the return address portion of the label and his address in West Palm Beach.
It was the first time she’d seen his masculine handwriting.
She tore into the envelope that had a big lump in the middle of it that turned out to be a CD case.
The envelope also contained a white sheet of paper and a second sealed envelope.
The note said: Dear Erin, listen to the song on the CD and then open the other envelope. Love, Slim.
“Who was at the door, honey?” Mary Beth called from the kitchen.
“FedEx for me. I’ll be right back.” She ran into her dad’s study and fumbled her way through putting the CD into the drive on his computer.
Erin recognized the song immediately—it was the hit single “Please” by the young winner of The Voice, Sawyer Fredericks.
She’d loved watching him perform on the show and adored the song that had all new meaning to her in light of the man who’d asked her to listen to it, especially because he knew she loved it.
She wept as she listened to the song that perfectly summed up their current situation and her yearning for him. And then she opened the second envelope.
You did it once; you can do it again; and no one is ever afraid to fly in first class; it’s a rule. There's nothing I'd love more; than to have you in Anguilla with me; for my buddy’s wedding; PLEASE come; and make me the happiest guy; who ever lived.
Erin laughed and cried as she read his sweet note and found a first-class ticket from Philadelphia to Anguilla for next Thursday in the envelope.
The words, the song, the semicolons, the ticket, the plea…
All of it added up to make the decision she’d been wrestling with seem rather foolish in light of what she felt for him.
When her phone chimed with a text, she pulled it from her pocket, not surprised to see it was from him. Of course he’d been tracking the package and knew exactly when it had been delivered.
Well...
You ruined it with the semicolons. ;-)
The semicolon is for unfinished thoughts; we are unfinished; I thought it fitting in this one instance; I promise to never insult you with a ; again if you come finish what we started…
You’re amazing. Thank you for this.
You know the part where Sawyer says he’s down on his knees? That’s me right now. Oh, and where he says he was born to kiss your mouth? That’s me, too.
You’ve got me in tears. Was that your goal?
Is that a yes?!?!!!! Note enthusiastic use of exclamation marks!!!
Laughing, she held her phone in her hand, staring down at the screen, hovering on the verge of putting her fears behind her and grabbing on to what she wanted more than she’d wanted anything in fifteen long, torturous years.
She texted one word: Yes. And just that simply, the cloud of disquiet lifted, and the giddy, breathless anticipation came rushing back. How would she survive until Thursday?
Owen invited his mom, Charlie, Katie and Shane to their place for a dinner he and Laura prepared together. He’d taken a couple of days to process what his father had told him, and was ready now to share it with his mom and Katie to begin with and then his other siblings.
While Laura changed Holden into pajamas, he stirred the marinara they’d made from scratch. The activity had helped to keep him busy and focused on the meal rather than what he had to tell his guests.