Chapter 4
Love is our true destiny.
We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone
—we find it with another.
—Thomas Merton
They left Lincoln and Molly’s a short time later and headed for Grayson’s mother’s home to dig her out. When he pulled up to his mother’s house, he saw that Noah had used the plow on his truck to do the driveway.
“Noah was here with the plow,” Grayson said, parking behind his mother’s sedan. “That makes things easier.”
“I’ve never seen this much snow except during a blizzard.”
“Wait till you see a blizzard in Vermont. That’s some real snow.”
“What’s this? Fake snow?”
“This is a whimper. That’s a roar.”
“It’s kind of exciting,” she said.
“What is?”
“The snow.”
Rolling his eyes, he said, “There’s nothing exciting about snow when you have to deal with it as much as we did growing up.”
“I like the way it interferes with plans and forces us to slow down. Life is so busy and rushed, but when it snows, everything stops for a little while.”
“I guess that’s true.” He ushered her into his mother’s mudroom ahead of him.
They removed their boots and coats before proceeding into the kitchen, where his mom was drinking coffee and watching the news on the small TV Grayson had given her for Christmas.
“I would’ve set that up for you,” he said of the TV.
“I’m perfectly capable of doing it myself,” she said. “Hi there, Emma. There’s more coffee if you’re interested.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Coleman. I had my daily quota at Molly’s.”
“Call me Hannah, please. I’m the old Hannah in this family. My niece is the young pretty one.” She tipped her face up to receive a kiss from Grayson. “You sleep okay at your aunt’s house?”
“Like a rock,” he said, echoing what Emma had said earlier. “I need to go change my clothes. Somehow I managed to get wet shoveling snow this morning. Be right back.”
Emma giggled, and he rushed upstairs to take a quick shower and change. He didn’t want to waste a minute of this day with her.
Emma took a seat at the table with Hannah.
Though she and Molly were sisters, they were quite different.
While Molly wore her gray hair in a pretty braid, Hannah’s was cut short, and while Molly smiled all the time, Hannah was less animated and more serious.
Now that Emma knew more about the Coleman family, she also understood the tinge of bitterness she’d seen in Hannah.
“How cold is it out there?” Hannah asked.
“Not too bad.”
“Is your daughter enjoying her visit to Vermont?”
“She is. She spent last night with Lucy and Colton, and today they’re teaching her to ski. I’m afraid she won’t want to go home.”
“Surely the city is more exciting than what goes on here.”
“Simone would disagree. She loves it here.”
Hannah eyed her with obvious curiosity. “You’re cozy with my son.”
Whoa… “I like him.”
“He’s a good man. Maybe the best man I know.”
Emma wasn’t sure where this was leading, so she took the cautious route. “I agree.”
They watched TV in uncomfortable silence for long enough that Emma was relieved to hear Grayson’s heavy footsteps on the stairs.
“Ready?” he asked.
“Whenever you are.” Emma stood and pushed in the chair. “It was nice to see you, Hannah.”
“You, too.”
“See you later, Mom.” Grayson guided Emma from the kitchen with a hand on her lower back. He held her coat for her and then put on his own.
His hair was damp, he’d shaved and he smelled delicious. “What’d she say to you?” he asked the second they were out the door.
“Nothing.”
“At all?”
“No,” she said, laughing, “nothing to be concerned about. She told me you’re a good man, maybe the best man she knows.”
“Hmm, is that right?”
“Yep. I told her I agreed.”
“Did you now?”
“I did.”
He held the car door for her. “And you already know that?”
“I knew that the first time we talked.”
Grayson smiled at her and closed her door.
After he got in the car, she said, “Was she warning me off you?”
“I’m not sure why she would.”
“Maybe because I live in New York and you live here?”
“Possibly.”
“Where’re we going?”
“I want to show you my new place.”
Emma wondered if that was code for “pick up where we left off last night,” which would be fine with her.
He made her feel young again, and with Simone off having fun with Lucy, Emma was free to do something for herself for a change—and she felt a sense of urgency with their time in Vermont limited to only a few more days. “I’d like to see it.”
Grayson held her hand as they drove through town, a small thing that was exciting to her after being alone for so long.
The sense of connection she felt to him after such a short time both frightened and exhilarated her.
With her better judgment warning caution, her hormones had a whole other agenda. Her very own civil war.
“You’re quiet,” he said. “What’re you thinking about?”
“Civil war.”
When he shifted his gaze to her, she could see his confusion. “My brain is telling me one thing about what’s happening here. The rest of me has a whole other opinion.”
“Talk to me about the rest of you. I think I’ll like that opinion better than what your reasonable brain is telling you.”
“You’re right about that. If I were to listen to reason, I’d get out of this car at the next intersection and walk away.”
“But…”
“I don’t want to do that.”
“Which is good, because I’d follow you.”
She looked over at him, taking in the handsome face and smooth jaw. He took her breath away. “Even if I asked you not to?”
“If you asked me not to, I’d let you walk away, but I’d always be sorry I didn’t try harder to convince you to stay.”
“I have to go home on Friday.” Three more days.
That’s all they had. Simone had a birthday party to go to on Saturday that she’d been looking forward to for weeks.
As much as Emma might want to extend their time in Vermont by a few days, she couldn’t and wouldn’t disappoint her daughter.
Not to mention she had to work on Saturday.
“I know.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t…” Her throat tightened, and tears filled her eyes. The idea of missing out on something she wanted so badly devastated her. But the thought of being flattened in the aftermath was worse.
Grayson pulled into the driveway at a three-story Victorian.
He left the engine running so they’d have heat but turned in his seat to face her, keeping his grip on her hand.
“I want you to know I’m as surprised by this as you are, and I understand the many reasons why it’s a seriously bad idea to allow this to become even more complicated than it already is. ”
Emma waited breathlessly to hear what else he would say.
“But, even knowing all the reasons why it’s a bad idea, I want you.
” He brought her hand to his lips and set her on fire by brushing his lips over her skin.
“I want to hold you and kiss you and make love to you and talk to you and laugh with you and tell you things I’ve never told anyone else and spend time with you and your sweet daughter.
And I can honestly tell you that I’ve never said anything even remotely close to that to any other woman. Ever.”
She tried to breathe, as if that could possibly slow the wild beat of her heart.
“It’s entirely up to you, Emma. I’ll totally understand if you ask me to take you back to Molly and Lincoln’s.”
“You would?”
He nodded, but his eyes gave away his sadness.
“I don’t want that. I want you, as much as you want me. I want to take this time with you and to feel the way I do when I’m with you, even if there’s no chance of it being more than what it is right now.”
“How do you feel when you’re with me?”
“Happy, safe, adored, edgy, nervous, exhilarated, hopeful.”
“That’s a whole lot of feeling going on.”
She nodded.
“I feel the same way. All of it, even the concern about what next week will bring and how I’ll ever stand to let you go when it’s time for you to leave.”
It helped, somewhat, to know he shared her concerns.
“So what now?” she asked.
“Do you want to come in, or do you want to go back to Molly’s? I’ll respect whatever you decide.”
“I’d like to see your new home,” she said, feeling shy and excited at the same time. If they went inside, she knew exactly what would happen, and was going into it with her eyes—and her heart—wide open.
“Come on, then.” He killed the engine and got out of the car.
Emma met him and followed him into the house and up the two flights of stairs to his third-floor apartment.
He unlocked the door and guided her in ahead of him.
Her heart beat so hard and so fast that she feared she’d hyperventilate. Ten years was a long time to go without. What if she’d forgotten how? Maybe it would turn out to be a disaster, and that would make it easier to put it—and him—behind her after this week.
Now there’s a cheery thought.
Annoyed with herself, Emma tried to shake off the worries and focus on the apartment and the man who’d so totally captivated her.
“So I told you my cousin Ella is moving in with her fiancé, Gavin,” he said. “She’s leaving the sofa and the bed because she doesn’t need either of them at his place.”
“That makes it easier for you,” Emma said, taking in the small but cozy space.
“She said it took six guys to get the sofa up the stairs, so I’m glad not to have to deal with that.” He took her coat and hung it next to his on a rack by the door. “She’s going to turn over her landline number to me, too.”
“I haven’t had a landline in years.”
“Me either, but you’ve got to have one in the cell phone dead zone known as Butler.” He held out his hand. “Come see the bedroom.”
Here it was. The moment of truth. She could still say no.
She could still walk away with her heart intact.
She stared at his outstretched hand, feeling as if her entire life had come down to this man and this moment.
Did she dare take the leap and say to hell with the painful consequences? How could she not?
She took his hand and saw as much as felt his relief.
Knowing he wanted this as badly as she did made it easier to take the first step and then the second.
He stopped next to the big bed Ella had left behind and drew Emma into his arms, looking down at her with affection and desire. “I’m glad you decided to stay.”
“So am I. For now, anyway.”
His lips curved into a small smile. “If this is meant to be, we’ll find a way to make it happen. And if it’s not, we’ll enjoy it while it lasts.”
It was the exact perfect thing for him to say, and it gave her the courage to curl her hand around the back of his neck and bring him down to her for a kiss in which all the usual preliminaries were skipped.
Her mouth opened to accept his tongue and her body arched into his, wanting to be as close as she could possibly get to him.
The time for questions and hesitation was over.
This was the time for pleasure, for taking what she wanted for a change and not denying herself.
She tucked her hands under his sweater and flattened them on his back, loving the way he shuddered with desire that she could feel in the hard press of his erection against her belly.
She pushed the sweater up and broke the kiss to remove it.
Then she reached for the hem of her own sweater and pulled it up and over her head.
Underneath, she wore a formfitting tank with a built-in bra.
“You’re so beautiful, Emma,” he said gruffly, running his hands over her arms and then up to frame her face.
“I thought so the first time I ever saw you. Who, I wondered, is that? She’s stunning.
” He kissed her neck, making her knees go weak.
“And then I got to talk to you and discovered you’re as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside. ”
She wanted to touch him everywhere, beginning with the muscular hills and valleys of his chest and well-defined abdomen. “You’re rather beautifully put together yourself.”
“I got nothing on you.”
“We can agree to disagree on that.”
“I want to ask you something, and if you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to.”
The statement cut through her buzz of arousal, bringing her back to reality. “Okay…”
“Have you done this since Simone was conceived?”
Mortified to have to admit that she hadn’t been with a man in so long, she tried to pull free of his embrace.
Grayson held her close. “There’s no shame in it, Emma. I only asked because I want to be careful with you.”
She trembled from the strength of her desire for him. “I haven’t.”
“If you want to stop, all you have to do is say so, okay?”
Nodding, she forced herself to look up at him, to meet the gaze that was looking at her with only care and concern, and not judgment.
He lifted the tank, watching her as he skimmed his fingertips over the skin he revealed.
Emma held her breath until the shirt cleared her head and her naked breasts were crushed against his chest.
“Ah, God,” he whispered. “Feels so good.”
“Mmm.” She couldn’t talk or think or do anything other than feel—everything.
He unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans and dropped to his knees to help her out of them, his hands gliding over bare legs that quivered in response to his touch. Then he cupped her bottom and drew her even closer to him so he could press his mouth against her silk-covered core.
Emma cried out from the shock and the heat that zipped through her body.
He turned her so she could back up to the bed, but before she sat on the edge where he wanted her, he removed her panties, leaving her bared to him in every possible way.
She wanted to memorize the hungry way he looked at her, but then he demanded her full attention when he dropped to his knees and made himself at home between her legs. Emma didn’t have a chance to tell him she’d never… Not like this…
He used his fingers to open her to his tongue.
Oh my God. This must be what it was like to have a heart attack, she thought in the seconds after his tongue stroked her clit for the first time. Dear God…
He rested one arm on her lower abdomen to keep her still and used the fingers of his other hand to drive her crazy.
No other word could possibly describe the way he made her feel as he stroked her with his tongue while pressing his fingers inside her.
Then he sucked on her clit as he drove his fingers into her, and she exploded, coming so hard, she saw stars.
Still in the throes of the most epic release of her life, Emma had the sense to realize she’d probably made a huge mistake letting this happen.
If only she could find the wherewithal to care.