Chapter 5 #2
“I feel like I need to have my head examined bringing a dog into my already too-busy life,” he said when Lexi joined him in the yard.
“You won’t regret this. She’ll be a wonderful companion for Caden, and you can take her with you to work, right?”
“Yes, I suppose I can when she gets a little older. She can play with Colton’s dogs on the mountain and run around the tree farm when I’m there.”
“She’ll have a wonderful life with you guys.”
Every minute or two, Daisy ran back over to make sure Max was still there, before resuming her exploration of the yard.
“She’s already decided that you’re hers,” Lexi said, smiling when Daisy came back yet again to make sure Max was there.
“Caden will freak out over this.”
“I’m so excited to meet him.”
Max glanced at her, noting her cheeks had taken on a rosy hue in the cold air. “I told him about you, and he asked if you could come to his party.”
“I’m looking forward to it. That reminds me, I need to go to the mountain to get that day pass.”
“I can run you over there if you’d like.”
“Do you have time?”
“Seems like I’m free all day, as my son has ditched me for his grandparents and cousins.”
“Does that make you sad?”
“Sorta, but I know that’s weird. He’s in the best possible place if he can’t be with me, but I look forward to the time with him on the weekends.”
“I can see why. You’re so busy during the week.”
“We are. It’s nonstop. The weekends are buddy time, but it’s good for him to be with his cousins.”
Daisy darted toward the porch, ready to check out the rest of her new digs.
As he carried the crate while Lexi took the bed and bag Dude had packed, Max stopped short at the sight of a huge box on the front porch. “Wonder what that is?”
“Did you order birthday gifts?”
“No, I got him things he wanted from the store and some new skis.” He approached the box and bent to look at the shipping label. “No way.”
“What?”
“It’s from his mother.”
“Oh.”
Max stared at the box, unblinking, his mind racing with scenarios he couldn’t bear to consider, until he recalled Lexi was there and forced himself to snap out of it. After he put the crate inside, he went back for the box.
Daisy ran ahead of him, running through the house and checking things out.
Max put the box on the counter.
“I take it she doesn’t usually send something for his birthday?”
“She never has. Not once. No birthday or Christmas presents.”
Lexi’s hand landed on his back. “You don’t have to give him whatever is in that box. You can pretend it never came and go on with your lives like it didn’t happen.”
He glanced at her. “Can I, though? Would it be fair to him not to tell him his mother sent him a present?”
“If it’ll do more harm than good for him to receive something from her, then yes, it’s fair. Your only concern is for his well-being. She chose not to be in his life. It’s your choice whether to let her back in.”
“I don’t know what to do.” He continued to stare at the box as if it contained dynamite, for that’s what her reappearance would be in his well-ordered life.
“Why don’t you open it and see what it is before you decide anything?” While he considered her suggestion, she pulled one of the bowls Dude had given them out of the bag and filled it with water that she put down for Daisy.
The dog took a long drink of water.
“Thanks,” he said.
“No problem.”
“I guess I’ll open it.” Why did this have to have happened today, when he had the chance to spend time alone with Lexi for the first time in so long?
His stomach hurt the way it had when Chloe first left him alone with Caden.
He deeply resented her for taking him back to those dark days, especially when things were going so well for him and his son.
Lexi found a knife in the block on his counter and handed it to him, handle first.
Max appreciated that she seemed to anticipate his every need and quietly tended to it before the need had even registered with him. He used the knife to slice the tape holding the box closed and pulled a wrapped gift out of the box. There were two envelopes—one addressed to Caden and one to Max.
“I can take care of this later.” He tried to rally for Lexi. “What do you feel like doing?”
“Please don’t feel like you can’t deal with this now because I’m here. You won’t think of anything else until you know what that note says or what’s in that package.”
Max couldn’t deny the truth of that. “I’m sorry. I hate that she picked today to reappear after years of silence.”
“Don’t be sorry. Let’s figure out what you should do.”
“I’m glad you’re here to help me do that.”
“I am, too.”
He opened the envelope and encountered Chloe’s familiar handwriting, bringing back a flood of memories from when they used to pass notes in class while in college. In the classes they’d had together, cell phone use was prohibited, so they’d done it old-school.
Dear Max,
I hope this finds you and Caden doing well. I can’t believe he’s SEVEN. Where have the years gone? I’m sure you’re thinking ‘I know where they’ve gone, Chloe. They’ve been spent raising our child.’
Max had to laugh to himself because that was exactly what he’d thought when she asked where the years have gone.
Before I say anything else, I want to say this: Thank you for raising Caden, for all the sacrifices you’ve made for him, for all the things you couldn’t do because you were a single father, for all the days, nights and years you’ve given to Caden.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you, Max.
I’m sure you don’t want my thanks or anything else from me, but I want you to know that what you’ve done for Caden is appreciated by his mother.
The other thing I want to say is how sorry I am that I left the way I did, that I dumped everything on you, that I wasn’t strong enough to handle parenthood or anything else, for that matter.
I treated you badly at the end of our relationship, and for that, I’m also sorry.
You did everything you could to support me during the pregnancy, during the birth and after, and what happened between us was in no way your fault.
It was my fault. All of it.
For what it’s worth, I didn’t walk away and never look back.
My heart was broken to leave Caden—and you—and I struggled for a long time after the night I last saw you both at your parents’ home.
Five years ago, I was diagnosed with severe depression.
I spent more than a month in-patient, during which time I worked through a lot of things that dated back to my childhood.
I was prescribed medication that’s helped tremendously.
In many ways, I feel like I’ve been reborn.
Light has replaced the darkness, and while I still have difficult days, I’m so much better than I was.
I’ve come a million miles from the place I was in when we last saw each other. The only thing that stands between me and truly moving forward is the little boy who’s growing up without a mother, possibly thinking she doesn’t love him, when that couldn’t be further from the truth.
The last thing in the world I want to do is disrupt his—or your—happy life.
I just want him to know I love him, and I think of him all the time.
I always have, and I always will. The gift is a remote-controlled truck that does all kinds of cool things.
I have no idea if he will like it, and it’s completely up to you as to whether you give it to him or tell him who it’s from.
I have no right to ask you for anything, but if there’s a chance you might let me see him at some point, I’d be eternally grateful.
That, too, is entirely up to you. I’ve included my address, phone number and email below.
I hope to hear from you, but if not, I understand that some things are unforgivable.
If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading this and for taking such good care of Caden.
I have no doubt that you’re a wonderful father to him, and he’s lucky to have you.
Chloe
Max had no idea that tears were running down his face until he lifted his head from reading the letter and blinked Lexi back into focus.
Using his sleeve, he brushed away the tears.
“She wants to see him.” Before reading her letter, that would’ve been his greatest nightmare, but now…
Now he didn’t know what to think. She sounded nothing like the Chloe he’d known.
“May I?” Lexi asked, gesturing to the letter.
Max handed it over to her.
After she read it, she folded it and returned it to the envelope. Then she put her arms around him.
It took him a few seconds to respond, but then he held on tightly to her and the support she offered so freely.
“I’m sorry you’re so upset.”
“I feel like I’m going to be sick.”
Lexi took his hand and led him to the sofa, sitting right next to him and keeping a tight grip on his hand. “I can only imagine.”
“It’s just been me and him for so long,” Max said. “My family is always around, but at the end of the day—and the beginning—it’s me and him. We’re a team.”
“You must know that won’t change if you let her see him.”
“Everything will change if I let her back in.”